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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 10, 2014 6:10:28 GMT
Saved By The Bell S3E5: ‘Operation: Zack'
Over at the MAX, Zack is busy doing homework. Wait, homework? Am I watching the right show?
In run Slater, Jessie and Kelly, who are also perplexed by Zack’s chosen activity – especially since he’s running late for the basketball rally. Zack is the team captain but he’s planning on sending someone else in his place until his take-home test is completed. Like clockwork, Screech walks in wearing a Bayside jersey and a blonde wig.
Jessie takes a look over Zack’s work and recognizes it as being the test that was due last Friday. Zack got an extension after telling Mr. Dewey that his house burned down. “No home, no takehome,” Zack says with a grin. Zack must be super glad that Dewey doesn’t read newspapers or talk with any other student about the logistics of his huge lie.
Lisa walks in next and similarly gets berated over her lack of basketball-rally-gear. Lisa explains that her jerk of a mother is forcing her to volunteer her time at the hospital where she’s working. Lisa’s a candy striper – Screech, despite being named school valedictorian later in the season, asks her if that means she paints stripes on candy canes.
“Lisa, helping other people is a beautiful, selfless act!” Jessie comments. “Now you just sound like my mother!” Lisa complains. Seriously – Mrs. Turtle is such a jerk. Doesn’t she realize that Lisa is a cheerleader?
Back in the boy’s locker room, the team – seemingly made up of adult professional football players – gets a pep talk from their vertically impaired coach (because, of course). His motivational words are “This is the championship game. Oh yeah. Win, too.” Belding wants to give his own speech. He wants to talk to the men about life.
According the Belding, the basketball is a representation of our hopes and dreams and the backboard resembles the ability to rebound back and try again. When Slater gets him to wrap it up since they have a game to play, Belding and the team all leave the locker room at once. Zack, right behind Belding, manages to –somehow?- trip on him and fall. Quite possibly the least dramatic injury in all of sitcom history. Honestly, you guys – I’m cracking up over here.
Within seconds, Zack is wheelchaired into the hospital. Belding tries to explain the injury to Lisa and you can tell he’s riddled with guilt. Zack twisted his knee and is heading for an X-ray. Belding nervously tells Screech to let Lisa take control, but Lisa claim she “doesn’t do wheelchairs” and goes to find her Mom. Probably because wheelchairs are super dangerous to handle.
While Belding and Screech wait patiently, Zack comes back from his X-ray with Mrs. Turtle. Her diagnosis is, “I’m afraid he’s really hurt his knee.” And here I was, thinking he had pneumonia like a fool.
Zack will be staying overnight for further tests, which doesn’t scare him once he sees some hot nurses walk by. Mrs. Turtle doesn’t give us any more information because she thinks it’s a good time to yell at Lisa and tell her to run up to the pediatric ward to change some diapers. It’s time for her to learn some responsibility!
Belding wishes there’s more he can do – after all, it was due to his “Life is a Basketball” speech that landed Zack in the emergency room. He decides to go meet up with Zack’s Mom in the parking lot, probably to try and convince her not to call a lawyer. Zack figures that Belding’s weak emotional state will help him get out of that math take-home test he still hasn’t finished, as well as a French test. Belding, unsure what to do, departs down the elevator wearing a frown.
Later in the day, Zack is being visited by the gang and looks as if he just woke up from a coma.
According to Slater, the team lost by a point – Slater got distracted by Belding shouting at him to “shoot your hopes and dreams!” So wait – did Belding wait till the end of the game to wheel Zack into the hospital? No wonder he’s in such bad shape.
Secretly sleeping in the bed next to Zack’s is Lisa – and she’s exhausted by all of her responsibilities. Pretty soon Nurse Monique comes in to take a look at Zack, who is “suddenly complaining” about a “neck cramp”. After she gets handsy, Slater uses this opportunity to also get a neck rub from the nurse, which leads Jessie to physically assault him by slapping him on his back. “Keep her around in case you choke on a bone!” Nurse Monique says in a valley girl voice. The audience “oohs”, not sure whether or not this was a joke or a catty insult.
Mrs. Turtle walks in with some more pressing medical news. Zack’s knee is going to be fine! But he tore some cartilage and the only way to fix it is with some surgery. “Surgery?” Zack asks in a panic. “You mean you’re going to cut me open?” Mrs. Turtle swears it’s a simple procedure but Zack is a bit more concerned. “How can I rest?” he asks the camera. “They’re going to hack Zack!” Yes, Zack – or they’re going to give you a simple, common surgery. One or the other.
Back at the MAX, Belding is freaking out over a mound of text books. I wonder if he knows that talking to the teachers one-on-one to excuse Zack from the assignments would be much easier and probably more legal than “taking the test for him” but Belding is too frazzled to think like an adult professional. “This is not my fault!” Belding panics, but the gang doesn’t agree. How dare Belding walk out that locker room door when he knew Zack might randomly fall behind him for no reason, right?
Zack’s friends are back at the hospital, where they try to assure our fallen hero that a surgery isn’t the end of the world. Screech tries to alleviate everyone’s pain by turning on the television but instead it makes Zack’s bed fold up and bounce around, which probably isn’t great for his knee. Jessie snags the remote from him and reprimands him for using the wrong button to control the TV – but Jessie messes up the bed too!
Jessie – a close second to valedictorian of Bayside – thinks that one remote controls both a bed and a television? I’m not the greatest with remotes either but come on, sister!
The gang decides to leave after the mishap and give their best to Zack, who is probably going to die tomorrow. Zack decides that maybe he just needs a good night’s sleep to ease him of the surgery and in Saved By The Bell, actual dream sequences include a hazy white border – I guess hot pink is just for cool fantasies.
In Zack’s dream, he’s at the hospital, being visited by Angel Screech. Screech’s angel name is “Skippy” and is ready to take Zack into heaven. Zack wants to see his friends one last time before he ventures onto his magical death journey. At Bayside, they’re holding a ceremony in Zack’s honor. The students are marching down the hall wearing black and don’t notice Zack’s haunting presence. Wearing black cheerleading uniforms, Lisa and Kelly do a sad cheer in Zack’s memory while Slater and some basketball hunks come by to retire his jersey. Belding decides it’s time to dedicate Zack’s locker to his memory but Screech interrupts the party. They won’t lock up his locker for good until he’s inside! Belding refuses this suicide mission and the group whines and cries.
Zack wakes up and realizes that he can’t go through with the surgery. He’s escaping! Wearing a doctor’s uniform and hobbling around on his bum leg, the nurses assume he’s a legitimate hospital worker. “What do I do,” says one nurse. “The patient in room 312 is having chills!” “Uh, put him next to a guy with a fever!” Doctor Zack claims.
Before he escapes, Zack gets hit on by an older nurse, who demands that Zack heals her with his kisses. After a short awkward pause, Zack emerges from the room with fake lip prints all over his hospital mask. “That is one sick lady!”
While he tries to escape via elevator, he is spotted by Mrs. Turtle. BUSTED!
Back in his room, Zack is fearing his own death while Lisa comes in to berate him. He finally admits that he’s afraid of the operation and Lisa reminds him that they were both in the hospital before – back when they were 9, and pretending to be Olympic ice skaters. It must have been the day before Zack and Jessie saw E.T. and biked home in the dark by themselves. They were scared then, too.
Lisa assures Zack that he has the best surgeon in LA working on him and decides Zack is ready to get some sleep. She gives him a kiss on the forehead and holds Zack’s hand while she prays to God that Zack gets taken care of. Turns out, Lisa has no faith in her mother’s capabilities whatsoever!
Post-surgery, Zack is alive! And people are signing his cast already! He invites Belding over to sign the cast and Belding admits he got a C- on that take home Math test. Belding gushes about how he’s missed around school. He loves Zack and his shenanigans! Zack gives a special thank you to Lisa, who lost a nail while wrapping up Zack’s cast. I’m sure that isn’t very hygienic, but Zack is alive. So nothing else matters.
Lessons Learned: Minor injuries can get you anything you want. Teachers can allow Principals to take tests on your behalf. Candy striping has nothing to do with candy or striping.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 10, 2014 9:08:42 GMT
Saved By The Bell S3E11: ‘Pipe Dreams'
This semester in biology, Zack and the gang will be discussing the ecology of a pond with Dr. Phelps. Phelps pulled a bunch of critters by the pond right next to the football field – to them, their brief move indoors is a “field trip”. Screech seems elated with the in-class frog but Lisa says that holding it would probably give him a wart. “That’s a misconception,” Phelps says, in his trendy white lab coat. “Frogs do not give warts!”
“Miss Turtle? How about holding THIS turtle?” he says while reaching into the pond water. I bet people make those jokes with Lisa on a daily basis. Similarly to how all bad-name-jokes occur with me around Christmas time. Lisa refuses but Kelly steps right up, calling the turtle cute. Great: Now Zack is going to have to compete against a turtle for the Biology Dance or whatever Bayside will concoct this time around.
Speaking of Zack, he walks in holding a hurt duck. He was playing baseball last period and the duck must have gotten hit by all of his home runs. How conveniently timed. If Zack brought a duck into Algebra class, I’m sure nobody would be as attentive.
Phelps declares the duck to be okay, right after Jessie starts to rant about humans taking over animal domain. Phelps decides to include the duck with the class observations. Zack comments about how it’s Friday and how nobody will be able to look after her for the weekend, so Phelps decides to let Zack take the duck home with him. (I wave my fist at all of my old Science teachers who never gave me weekend ducks. )
Carrying the duck around in a duck-crate (Phelps just had one laying around, I guess), Belding stops Zack in the hallway, immediately recognizing his feathered friend. It’s Becky! Belding quacks a hello or two. Belding feeds this duck by the football field every day and is on such good terms with her that he recognizes her over Lyle, Sammy and Manny. Man, Belding. I like animals too and shouldn’t be the one talking but get a life!
Belding makes sure Becky is in good hands and comments that he’s on his way to the football field. Bayside is getting a new goal post! Screech mentions that he should be heading in that direction too – as, he is the H20 Distribution Engineer. In other words, “Water Boy”.
Back at the MAX, Kelly is cooing over Becky. When Lisa tells her she’s being crazy, Kelly says that she knows ducks and knows what they eat – a box of Quackers! Kelly cracks up at her own joke while Becky stares blankly. In runs Slater, covered with black splotches and amped with good news – they struck oil coming out of a pipeline while putting up the goal post! Oh, I sense a Zack Rich-Fantasy sequence in our future, folks.
Do I know this show or what? In our pink-bordered fantasy, the gang is drinking tea like complete jerks. Zack is adjusting his glasses while reading a book while Lisa sits in what looks to be a skinned flamingo, donning all of the accessories from Pretty Pretty Princess.
“Good morning, rich students of Bayside!” a teacher named Mrs. Kearns announces. “Today is our history midterm!” Zack tells her that she’s forgetting the rules. The rules are that they’re rich and there are no rules. Zack rings a bell and in walks a butler Belding, who dismisses this “teacher” who “tries to make us learn!” How dare she. If they wanted to learn, they’d go to a cheap school! Slater gives Belding a thousand bucks for getting Kearns to scram.
Lisa decides she’s going to shop but seems annoyed when Rich Zack suggests she’s going to the mall. “When you’re rich, the mall comes to you!” Lisa rings the bell and two models come in, showcasing the worst dresses ever. While Rich Lisa takes both dresses, Zack takes both girls. Jessie also has some kind of rich fantasy story but it was boring.
Back to the real world! Screech comes running in with more oil splotches than Slater – they had struck oil! It wasn’t a pipeline after all! That means the kids can live out their fantasies and totally buy the school!
The school immediately holds an assembly and Belding announces that the school has contracted with an oil company to do some exploratory drilling and introduces Dan Greyson from CalStar. Dan is all for building a better Bayside which, unfortunately for Lisa, doesn’t include hairdressers in homeroom and manicures in study hall. They’re talking about a new pool, new gym, new library, new theater complex and new computers for all! Awesome, ’90s! Now they can have better seating for Snow White and the Seven Dorks and be able to play Oregon Trail at full capacity!
However, Jessie still has her reservations. Man. You can just tell she’s the kind of girl who plays Oregon Trail for the learning experience and not solely just to drown all of her enemies in a river by fording over 5 feet. What a buzzkill!
Back at Zack’s place, he and Screech – wearing mismatched patterns of every color – are playing with Becky in Zack’s room. “I’ve never had a pet before,” says Zack. “It’s been fun having Becky here the last couple of days.” “Yeah, probably because she’s the only girl your Mom would allow to sleep over!” Screech quips. Most likely because Zack is still in high school. In walks Jessie, who has a petition to help stop the oil drilling. Zack claims that the oil is the best thing that has happened to him in high school and Screech says it’s next to the time they put a periscope in the girls locker room.
“Jessie, you look great in a towel. Now drop it,” Zack says. Gross. Is that a line he’s trying to make popular?
Zack, stop making “Now Drop It” happen. It’s not going to happen!
Jessie only has one signature so far – her own – and Zack refuses to hear Jessie’s research on the issue. Finally, Zack budges and takes the literature but he throws it on his bed right as Jessie leaves. The boys decide it’s bedtime for Becky and Zack denies Screech’s offer to read her a bedtime story. Even if it’s The Ugly Duckling or Duck Tales, she won’t understand it, Screech. Seriously. Screech settles for some bad duck impressions, which sound like someone choking on spaghetti, before he gives his shtick a rest.
Having some alone time with Becky, Zack states that he wishes he didn’t have to take her back to the pond tomorrow and will miss her. When asked if she’d miss him, Becky makes some duck noises which are probably the equivalent to “Where am I right now?”
Back in biology class, Zack has Becky in his hands while Jessie asks him if he read over that oil information. Zack admits that he didn’t but will read it tonight. “Doesn’t anyone feel the way I feel?” Jessie hollers, hands over hips. In short, the answer is no. Kelly cares about the environment but also cares about material objects like pools and theaters and hot tubs in every classroom.
Slater tells Jessie that she needs to cool it. Oil heats homes, runs cars and helps make the plastic earrings that she’s wearing. Clinging to her ears in shame, Jessie announces that her earrings were borrowed and tries to put the blame on Lisa. You know, during that sleepover where Lisa forced plastic oil-earrings in Jessie’s ears and told her that if she took them off, her home would explode.
In walks Dr. Phelps, announcing that today the animals would return back to the wild. Lisa gets to say one last goodbye to her turtle, Jessie and Screech say farewell to their frogs, Slater is given his unmentioned salamander and Kelly is handed her crayfish. None of the other students in the class apparently were assigned animals.
With animals in hand, the students hear a noise – it’s the oil company, disturbing their environment! “It’s just a two-ton woodpecker!” Zack tries to reason. Kelly isn’t fond of the noise, so she changes her entire stance on the drilling.
Pretty soon, she joins Jessie and Franklin in a protest, where they chain themselves to a statue of an oil rig. “Stop the drilling, stop the oil!” they chant, as confused students wonder where the heck they found a statue of an oil rig and why the protest is in the middle of the hallway. Franklin is just happy to be chained to the head cheerleader and the school president. It’s everything he dreamed it would be! “Have you ever tried nerd love?” he asks the two. “Stop the shouting, give me a kiss!” Franklin says with a smile.
“Hey hey hey, WHAT is going ON here?” Oh ho ho, Belding’s in the house! He gives the three a direct order to stop the protest immediately. If they don’t go straight to his office, they’re getting suspended! Before the three can unchain themselves, Lisa runs into the scene – there’s been an oil spill and there’s oil everywhere! In the boy’s locker room, Zack angrily slams his locker. He’s waiting on Screech to get out on the field. Screech emerges in a skintight, multicolored, unforgiving body suit which even Zack seems offended by. “Why are you dressed like Cher?” “It’s my new look! I want to give the field hockey team a thrill!” Screech announces. Shut up Screech, the animals may be in danger!
Oh wait, they don’t know that yet. The two bump into oil-soaked Slater, who tells them the news of the spill. The three are unaware if the oil got into the pond and they run out on a mission to save their newly freed friends.
Zack brings a box into Dr. Phelps with an oil-stained, obviously rubberized version of Becky. He begs Phelps for information on how to clean her off, but Phelps gives him news he doesn’t want to hear: Becky’s dead.
While Zack cradles his departed friend, Jessie walks in and sees what happened. She offers an apology and Zack admits he should have listened to Jessie or at least skimmed that information she gave him. “It’s okay, Zack” Screech says with sadness. “She’s where the oil can’t hurt her now.” (Bell Writers: Really? This is the big emotional line and you give it to Screech?)
In Belding’s office, the gang tries to reason with Belding again. Even though Belding loved Becky, he said that sometimes “accidents happen”. People died in the space program – does it mean that people should stop exploring the Universe? Zack refuses to listen to Belding’s boring examples and says that the drilling needs to stop. Even though he wanted a better Bayside more than anyone, it killed a duck, so it has to end.
“Mr. Belding – Becky is dead! The pond is polluted! Who knows what’s going to happen next?” Zack says. In walk Slater, Kelly and Lisa carrying tiny black plastic bags. All of their animals are dead.
Dan from CalStar is back, hosting a second assembly. He presents a model of better Bayside, complete with an Olympic-size swimming pool. Also included in the upgrade is a new football field, which will extend right over the pond that the students have grown to cherish this episode. A random adult asks about taxes and Dan states that it’ll cost the residents nothing, which leads to a few weak claps.
Zack stands up. “That’s not true!” he exclaims. He asks Belding for the floor to make his own presentation.
“Ladies and gentleman, I may only be a high school kid but I’ve learned that you never get something for nothing. Everything has its price. Now Mr. Greyson, this is a very beautiful model. But where, uh, are the oak trees behind the library, where we used to have lunch?”
Greyson tries to tell Zack that nature is lame and they can eat lunch in their brand new cafeteria.
“AND WHERE ARE THE TREES?” Slater adds in. Greyson says they’ll “be replaced”.
Zack takes over Greyson’s model and adds a few mini oil-rig statues to it. Again, they must be super close to a store that sells all kinds of oil rig memorabilia since for the life of me, I doubt I can find such an item with such pressed time.
He hands the floor over to Jessie, who alerts the attendees of the oil spill, paying homage to their dead biology animals. While Greyson apologizes, he can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again.
But that’s not it – Zack goes far enough to spritz the model with fake oil! “Young man, this is OUTRAGEOUS!” Dan states. “I’m covered with oil!” “But at least you’ll be alive when you clean it off!” Kelly retorts. Zack summarizes that he doesn’t want to go to school in an oil field and everyone claps.
“I think we know how everyone should vote,” Belding says, before dismissing Greyson with no promise to pay for his dry cleaning bill. “We already had a better Bayside. We just didn’t know it, till now.”
To celebrate their ultimate win, the group participates in the best group-high-five ever! Go Bayside!
Lessons Learned: Some people only care about potentially hazardous situations when it directly affects them. If you give someone a handful of printouts to read, they totally won’t.
Additional Sidenote: Despite TiVo cutting off the credits for me, it’s painfully obvious that no animals were hurt in the making of this episode.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 10, 2014 9:09:24 GMT
I seriously cannot stop laughing at this!! “Even though he wanted a better Bayside more than anyone, it killed a duck, so it has to end.” I just found all these Saved by the Bell recaps and I’m eating ‘em up with a spork!
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 10, 2014 9:11:17 GMT
Did the producers of Saved by the Bell honestly believe that this is the way things would work in the real world? They couldn’t have. In the real world, CalStar would have obliterated any pretense of compromise with Bayside, purchased the land from the Palisades Public School System, bulldozed everything and collected the millions upon millions of dollars waiting underneath the football field. The idea that a paltry school board vote could stop an oil company from getting oil–it’s lunacy.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 12, 2014 6:47:52 GMT
Saved By The Bell: S3E21 ‘No Hope With Dope'
Coming straight out of the men’s room due to the fact that Zack’s “first narration enter points” have pretty much been repetitive due to three seasons worth of programming, Zack tells us that we’re in the midst of the mid-semester blues. With shrieky excitement enters Lisa, who claims something about Johnny’s limousine being right outside of the school. “Him, hunk, here! Oh boy!” Lisa continues.
“What the F are you talking about?” says Slater (well, he meant to say that, I’m sure.) It turns out Johnny Dakota is here! Wait, who? Oh, it’s Lisa’s favorite Hollywood hunk. Wait… who? She means Johnny Depp, right?
Johnny Dakota appears right behind Lisa, which causes her to faint. Wearing a puke orange blazer with black shoulder splotches and a yellow shirt, Johnny is standing with an old guy wearing sunglasses. Most likely his security. Zack shakes Johnny’s hand, telling him that he loved his work in Skateboard High.
Johnny asks Zack where he can find the principal’s office and Zack leads the way. After all, it’s like a second home to him. While walking, Johnny accidentally causes Screech to collide right into him. While Johnny apologizes, Screech seems less than amused. “I’m fine, no thanks to you and your wanton disregard for hallway courtesy!” Screech proclaims. Johnny introduces himself and Screech – with disbelief – states “Yeah right, and I’m Madonna.” Screech strikes a pose post-quip and the audience goes wild.
Belding seems hard at work playing with a paddleball when Zack and Johnny stride in. Zack, already proclaiming Johnny to be a close friend due to that truly special walk down the hall they had, introduces Belding to the star. “Johnny? Dick. Dick? Johnny. Guys, let’s rap!”
Johnny tells Belding that he’s looking for a high school to tape an anti-drug PSA for NBC television. Johnny introduces the random sunglasses fogey as Deany Blonsky, his director. At least, I think that’s what his name is. Johnny has a city accent and kind of tripped over the name. Maybe Johnny doesn’t even know it! Anyway, dude is Deany from now on.
Belding seems honored that they chose Bayside and Johnny admits that it was actually the first school they saw when they got off the freeway. When Johnny says they’ll be looking at other schools too, Zack addresses the audience – he can’t let Johnny leave! Johnny is a big star and where there’s a star, there’s lots of beautiful girls. Zack has to act fast!
Belding’s tour is nearly over when he tells Johnny that the Salisbury steak he ate from the cafeteria was actually tapioca pudding. Way to win him over, Belding! When Johnny claims that he’s still undecided, Zack sneaks up and joins the conversation. Looks like he has a presentation prepared!
“Hey Bayside,” Zack says to the staircase. “Tell them who you are!” A hip hop beat plays on the stereo as Jessie, Screech, Slater, Lisa and a bunch of unknown background characters start doing a dance down the stairs.
They butcher some anti-drug song they created in the span of 3 minutes and Johnny seems impressed. But wait – Jessie “just doesn’t use”? That’s news to me!
Jessie walks up to Johnny and lists her credentials. As the princess of academics, she whisks him away to show him “a little more about Bayside”. The audience oohs. Wait, I thought she was just going to show him their trophy collection – maybe they’re going to make out!
Five minutes late to everything, Kelly runs in, excited about Johnny. What would she say to him if they met! “Talk to him, girl” Lisa advises. “I almost did!”
Jessie and Johnny return and Belding asks if they’ve picked Bayside. In response, Deany gives a thumbs up and says “YO!” I guess that means yes!
Wait, no. Johnny still isn’t sure. To sweeten the deal, Zack pushes Kelly forward and introduces her as the head cheerleader. Kelly’s magical gaze is all Johnny needs – Johnny’s now in love! Bayside scored the PSA!
The next day, Johnny shows Kelly how commercials are shot. “This is a storyboard,” Johnny explains, regarding a piece of cardboard. “Oh, that’s so neat!” Kelly blushes. Johnny claims that Kelly is definitely going to be cast in the commercial and as they zoom up on the storyboard, Johnny identifies Kelly as being the stick figure on the right, in panel 2. How romantic!
“I bet you have a lot of boyfriends,” Johnny asks. Kelly blushes and claims that she doesn’t have that many. Whatever, Kapowski. Stop constantly making me feel like a loser!
Zack already has a stand up in the hallway with Johnny Dakota merchandise – and they’re almost running out of doorknobs touched by Johnny! Someone get that boy to touch more doorknobs, stat! Girls flock to the stand, throwing money in the air for a sole pair of Johnny’s sunglasses – which I’m sure he’ll be missing later. The students realize that they dude is currently in the same school as them, right? If I really liked Johnny, I’d just save my money and stalk him the old fashioned way.
After Lisa spots the sunglasses, she claims she’s broke and chokes Zack before he gives them to her as a freebie. “Lucky for you, I’m a lady!” Lisa claims, full of angst based on her lust for Johnny.
It isn’t long before Belding spots the stand and wants Zack to shut it down. How dare he exploit their guest! Before a detention date is set, Johnny walks in and tells Belding it’s okay – he gave permission, as long as the profits went towards the teenage drug foundation. What a swell guy! Johnny even throws his purple jacket into the mix and Zack outwardly admits that he’s going to keep it for himself.
Hanging out in the boys locker room, Slater, Screech and Zack have a discussion about Johnny and how cool he is. But Zack freezes for a bit – he smells pot! “Hey look, it’s a roach!” says Slater, picking up a butt by the sink. Zack freaks out, thinking that Johnny would want to pull the spot if he found out someone was getting high – and right after that thought leaves his mouth, Johnny walks in! “What’s going ON here, GUYS?” Johnny asks. The panicked Saved By The Bell saxophone-noise goes off.
Zack and Slater quickly tell Johnny that it wasn’t theirs and Johnny believes them. He believes them so much that he wants to put them in the commercial! That saxophone-noise was for naught!
Johnny decides to hold a meeting with the gang, plus a random inappropriately dressed goth girl, to talk about drugs. And to show he’s a casual dude, he sits on the chair the wrong way.
Screech claims he hates drugs but his doctor says he has to take them to get rid of his post-nasal drip. Screech, you idiot! He’s talking about illegal drugs!
“Wanna know about dumb?” the goth girl claims. “My brother used drugs to get high and drive to the beach! Now I have to drive him – he’s in a wheelchair!”
“You know, that kind of thing happens a lot,” says Slater – also sitting incorrectly. “Hey, remember Len Bias, the basketball star? He had everything –including cocaine. Well one night he had too much and his heart stopped. It’s a shame, too. He could have been great.”
“Same thing happened with John Belushi,” Zack pipes in.
“I had a problem with drugs that were legal,” Jessie admits. (Yes! Continuity!) “Not only did I hurt myself, I hurt my friends,” she claims. She was so excited. So. Excited.
Skud, the metal-dude who was in the bathroom two seconds before that terrible roach-finding moment, walks in to try and get the goth girl to stop talking about stuff that’s important. She tells him she’ll be a minute, but the boys recognize him from earlier. “I think we found our pothead,” Zack claims.
The boys accost Skud in the bathroom and Slater says to relax – he’s only smoking a cigarette! Which is illegal for someone in high school but totally not as illegal as pot. Skud claims he’s not stupid enough to smoke pot and Slater claims that the cigarette can kill him too. Zack believes him and Slater states that they were misguided by his thud-like exterior.
At the MAX, Kelly and Johnny are eating French fries – like a real couple! Kelly admits that she had a crush on Johnny and they hold hands. Jessie and Lisa approach and Lisa has a few questions for the stud. “So Johnny – What I.. oohhfhfjggjd.. What I mean is.. how do you … kfuekjejhfrjhrr…” Lisa is the worst journalist, so she gets Jessie to ask the questions. But it’s obvious that some of them are perverted and embarrassing.
“Do you sleep in pajamas? Do you kiss on the first date? Will you marry me?” “No, yes, and maybe,” Johnny claims. “That is, if Kelly turns me down.”
Zack comes in next, trying to get an autographed picture for Belding’s wife. “Dear Mrs. B. You’re lucky to be married to such a buff looking hunk,” is what Belding wants it to read.
Johnny, still surprisingly not bummed out by the kids fawning all over him, invites them all to a party. “My first Hollywood party!” Screech claims. “I wonder if the Simpsons will be there!” And that, Dustin Diamond, is why you’ve never been invited to a Hollywood party since.
The party includes some girls holding wine glasses which most likely contain Hawaiian Punch, right? Slater is trying to make a move but is failing fast, while Screech walks in like a tiny uncoordinated 5-year-old playing dress-up in his father’s clothes.
Johnny is soon approaches by two blondes, who ask him why he hasn’t been around. Johnny, still trying to be smooth with Kelly, starts to panic a bit and claims that he’s been really busy. Johnny pawns the ladies off on Zack, his “co-star”. Slater sees Zack with his arms filled with ladies, and tries to get in on the action – but Zack, ahead of the game, introduces Slater as his driver. So uncool! Even Screech is getting hit on! He explains he had to borrow some of Johnny’s clothes when he had an unfortunate incident involving guacamole.
Screech claims that he’s Johnny’s stunt double and tries to impress the girls by falling off of the couch. Unfortunately, this story fails quickly when Screech legitimately hurts his back. Zack says it’s probably time to take him home and the group – besides Kelly – figure it’s best to join him. Kelly is too busy kissing Johnny on the couch. Post-kiss, Johnny gets some pot and decides to smoke it. WAIT, WHAT? NO! He tells Kelly to take a hit and now Kelly is in a peer pressure situation! All she wanted to do was date a Hollywood guy, and now this happened?!
“Come on Kelly – it’s only pot!” Johnny claims. His entourage mocks her for “Just saying no.”
Zack suddenly returns! He sees the situation and his heart slowly breaks after learning that his new buddy is a drug user. With only a few words, him and Kelly get out of there, pronto.
The next morning, Johnny approaches Zack in the hallway and acts like nothing is wrong. After all, it’s PSA day! Zack wants to talk to Johnny about the incident but Johnny claims there’s just no time. Zack claims that shooting the commercial just didn’t seem right anymore and Johnny argues that what he does in his own time is his business. Zack just needs to lighten up!
Johnny refuses to stop production on the commercial and to prove how serious Zack is about the cause, he decides to return the purple jacket to Johnny. Friendship over! I guess they’ll return buddy bands at a later date.
Belding breaks up the tension and leads everyone into the classroom where the spot will be shot, even though the storyboard clearly had the kids in the hallway. However, the gang just isn’t into the PSA anymore and they all walk out – making sure to give a snarky one-liner to Johnny before exiting the classroom to let him know how he totally isn’t cool. Once again, Kelly remains – and Johnny figures that Kelly could just do all the parts, until she also gives him the heave-ho.
Belding is all like, “Hey Hey Hey, What is going on here!” and later – in private – the gang explains to him about what happened at the party. Belding casually claims that he knows a source at NBC and the commercial could probably still go on without the big star.
Wait – really, Belding? You knew the chairman of NBC this entire time and you neglected to mention it until now?
Brandon Tartikoff, the chairman, supposedly credits Belding for changing his life. Brandon used to want to be a high school principal, but had to settle for running NBC.
“Maybe at NBC we should do a sitcom about a school principal and his kids!” Brandon claims. “Nah. It’d never work.”
The kids then check out the Dakota-less PSA. Bayside wins again!
Lessons Learned: There’s No Hope With Dope. Wait, is that too obvious?
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 12, 2014 6:48:15 GMT
Thanks, I needed something. This worked.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 12, 2014 6:48:21 GMT
that’s a roach preppy
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 12, 2014 6:52:08 GMT
This is an excellent recap, not the least of which because you pointed out its stunningly rare moment of episodic continuity. A few questions I wish the producers / fictional characters would answer:
- Why was it necessary for Johnny Dakota to get a tour of the school? Would he even need a brochure? Why was that important? It seems like all he’d need to ask is, “Do kids go to this school? Okay, good, we’re shooting here.” - Why did nobody notice that Scud was played by Troy Fromin, the same actor who played Ox? With that in mind, why did nobody notice that Scud was clearly just Ox in leather clothing? - Why the hell would Johnny think it politic or even marginally sensible to smoke pot around Kelly and Zack? They were part of a student body that had given a magnificent impromptu performance on not using drugs, and they were intimately involved in his anti-drug commercial. Did he think they had been faking it? That a bunch of sixteen- and seventeen-year-olds were potheads? It’s mystifying.
Keep up the reviews.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 12, 2014 7:17:39 GMT
Saved By The Bell: S4E03 “Screech’s Spaghetti Sauce"
Anyway, we start this episode with Zack walking into a classroom and noticing a brand new student. Her name is Robin and she just moved to Bayside from Beverly Hills! (It must be added that Robin is played by Soleil Moon Frye who was also on a episode of friends in the 90's
Zack offers to give Robin a tour of the neighborhood but Robin refuses to be seen in Zack’s “old” car and gets the heck out of the conversation. The audience can’t believe her audacity! Someone turned down our precious Zack Morris?! He’s the son Belding never had! Speaking of Belding, he walks in and announces that he’ll be teaching Communications this year. He said that being the school principal is about communication, so it’s super important. The project this term is to do a show for cable access. This is probably exactly how Wayne’s World got started in Aurora, Illinois.
Zack thinks it’d be good to do a Today show, but for teenagers. We flash forward and see that as per usual, Zack’s idea is the one that gets the go-ahead.
Slater announces to newscasters Zack and Lisa that they’ll be going live in one minute and uses that spare minute to ask Robin out on a date. Slater suggests they hit up the MAX for a couple of burgers, which Robin refuses. “Try me again when you have a craving for something expensive!” Robin retorts. Man, this chick is hard to please! Turning down both Slater AND Zack? You might want to take notes, Kapowski.
Slater doesn’t have much time to dwell – Wake-Up L.A. is live! On their premiere episode, Jessie is going to interview Belding. BORING!
Jessie’s intro is warm and loving but soon the caffeine hits and she turns the interview up a notch. “Mr. Belding – tell our parents, students, and neighbors – WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR PETTY CASH DISCREPANCY DISCOVERED BY THE SCHOOL BOARD?” Belding is taken aback – he just wanted to tell everyone how much he liked the Beach Boys, I’m sure!
Belding says that he’s sure there’s an explanation – it could have simply been a petty cash error. Jessie tries to throw him under the bus and mentions the BMW he’s driving these days. And since Bayside does sell BMWs for five hundred bucks, this totally makes sense.
“I thought we were going to talk about Pokey, my pet turtle,” Belding cries. Way to go, Jessie.
Next up is Kelly with weather. Wearing a gigantic pink coat, you know she’s going to somehow make this newscast creepy and sexual. Also, according to Kelly and her weather map, California only has six cities. This is educational television at its finest, you guys!
As expected, Kelly takes off the coat and is wearing a one-piece bathing suit.
Lisa and Zack introduce another segment – “Screech’s Kitchen”. Wearing checkered aprons, Screech does a demonstration on spaghetti sauce aided by his lucky assistant, A.C. Slater. Slater is in tears over the onions – or perhaps the rejection from Robin finally kicked in, and he’s blaming it on the onions – and gets to stirring. The final ingredient is, of course, a “secret ingredient” (I bet it’s oregano) which I’m sure will play a part in this episode.
The sauce is an absolute hit, with Zack saying it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted. Obviously Zack’s never had Totinos Pizza Rolls, which bums me out.
The next day at school, Screech tells the guys that he’s signed around a hundred autographs so far. Slater and Zack obviously didn’t make a big impression, since they’ve signed zero. A nerd comes by to drop off a large sack of fan mail for Screech – really? He makes a sauce on public access and people think he’s a celebrity? Oh man, this might be more ridiculous than ‘Rockumentary’! What did I get myself into?
Zack immediately claims himself to be in the spaghetti sauce industry and he and Slater decide to exploit Screech to become rich. Overhearing the news, Robin saunters over to Screech and decides to give him the time of day. Enjoy this moment, Screech. I don’t think it’ll last long. Robin forces Screech to take her out to lunch, which means they’re super in love now.
Back in Bayside’s kitchen, Lisa, Kelly and Jessie are chomping on sauce like there’s no tomorrow. Zack and Slater decide to bottle the sauce in science flasks, to try and be hip and original. Also, since they got them for free at the chemistry lab. Jessie doesn’t seem to mind it, even though those flasks probably equal about $500 in petty cash. Plus, Lisa ran off about one thousand labels for “Screech’s Secret Sauce”, which proudly display a happy looking Chef Screech on the front. When Bayside needs to cut your music programs due to lack of funding, you guys are going to regret this.
Kelly actually brings up the fact that their business is stealing directly from the school but Zack eases her mind by reminding her that they’re students and the large majority of tomatoes in the Bayside kitchen are for student use. They were bought solely in case Zack decided to get rich off of a tomato sauce business one day.
Screech walks in and tries to brag about his date with Robin. “Looks like I have something you two don’t have – LOVER LIPS,” Screech announces, thoroughly grossing everyone out.
The gang forms an assembly line, which I’m sure will lead to zero disasters. Zack pours the sauce, Kelly funnels the sauce, Slater wipes the sauce, Jessie corks the sauce, Lisa labels the sauce and Screech packs the sauce. But before the sauce can get into the boxes, Screech pauses and announces to the group that he resembles Doogie Howser on the label. And with that, sauce goes everywhere.
Screech attempts to shut down the line, but of course he pulls the mechanism that makes the line go faster. I’m sure this will make for a hilarious story when Screech goes on his publicity tours.
Next up is shooting a commercial for the sauce. Costumed and looking heavyset, Zack and Jessie portray a stereotypical Italian couple getting ready for dinner. Or in their terms, “What’s-a for supper?”
“I clean-a your house, I raise-a your keeds and all you can ask is what’s-a for supper!” an outraged Jessie proclaims, after smacking Italian Zack in the head.
Lisa and Kelly portray Italian Zack’s two daughter, while Slater – in a wife beater – acts as their “good for nothing brother” Aw heck, you can just see it for yourself.
Kudos to Slater, for fitting “We’re Saved By The Bell!” in there.
As promised, Zack and Slater have a booth set up at the MAX and students make sure to grab a bottle. To grab more attention (read: make more scandalous cash), the girls do a cheer in Italian-themed uniforms. Hey wait, what happened to their cable access show?
In walks Screech – once again, in oversized “cool” clothes that he most likely stole from Johnny Dakota – with Robin on his arm. “LOOK – IT’S SCREECH!” a nerd announces loudly, while grabbing for some sauce for Screech to sign. But before Screech can respond, Robin cuts him off. “Come on, Screechypoo. Baby’s hungry.” GUH-ROSS.
Robin sits down and orders a lobster thermidor, which obviously The MAX doesn’t have. Kelly offers up a tuna melt instead. Robin insists they have it next door and Screech gives 40 bucks to Kelly for “two lobster thermometers”.
Screech then gifts Robin with a watch she spotted the day before. Robin asks for additional gifts, stating that she just can’t wear the watch without the matching necklace. Overhearing, Kelly goes running back to the sauce stand to announce to the gang what everyone else in the world knew within the first minute of the episode: Robin is only interested in money!
Zack tells the gang that he’ll talk about it with Screech, which he attempts to do the next day over by the lockers. “She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me!” Screech announces.
Down the stairs walks Belding, who is looking over some suspicious invoices. “Printing, produce, chemistry supplies… this stuff wasn’t in my budget!”
Put two and two together, Belding! Look at the bottle! Do you wonder why it’s in a chemistry flask? These kids are like, seventeen!
After Belding leaves, Zack tries to discuss Robin again but they’re interrupted once again by an unnamed dude from the Betsy Crocker company. They’ve sampled the sauce and recognize it as being a sauce directly from their cookbook. Screech admits this freely to Zack, claiming that his grandmother – who “invented” the sauce – was a lousy cook. I think the term “Uh Oh Spaghettios” fits in nicely here.
I, personally, am wondering how the Betty Crocker dude even got into the school and found Screech so easily. What kind of security does Bayside have if a random professional can just walk in and harass a student?
The gang decides to ignore Screech for ruining their stupid moneymaking scam and Screech doesn’t care so much since he has Robin to occupy him. Who needs friends when you have Robin around, right? Zack decides that this is the perfect time to break the news to Screech. Screech thinks that Zack is just really jealous, and flags down Robin to give her the matching necklace he bought for her.
But it’s not the right necklace! But Robin wants to keep it anyway – she wants two necklaces now! And trust me, this one wasn’t bought at Claire’s, like the majority of my accessories.
Screech asks if Robin will only date him if he buys the necklace in gold and Robin flat-out admits it. But Screech still doesn’t understand and rushes out to make the purchase. Robin’s friend comes in and the two compare jewelry but pretty soon, Robin starts ragging on Screech. Of course Screech forgot his wallet in his locker, so he accidentally hears the whole onslaught. While the gang puts away their remaining inventory while lamenting over the forced shut-down, Screech comes in and admits that Zack was right all along. Everyone’s friends again! But uh oh – in walks Belding and he looks annoyed!
“You must think I’m pretty dumb,” Belding announces. Oh yes – he finally figured out how the sauce business was being funded. The kids borrowed fifteen hundred dollars and Belding demands that they pay it back or suffer suspension. The only problem is, all of the money they made was spent buying stupid stuff for Robin.
Zack thinks of a plan! While taking Robin out on another romantic MAX date, Screech apologies to her for not buying that second necklace yet – he’s simply been too busy. However, he has more money now than ever. Screech tells Robin that he’s planning on selling the business to spend more time with her, which Robin severely disagrees with.
Screech is actually in the midst of meeting someone whose interested in the recipe and in walks Zack with a black hat and adhesive facial hair. Adding to the prank, Slater and the girls run in to tell Screech that they need more sauce – they just received 100 more orders! Screech breaks the news to them about selling and they all fake a bidding war until Robin decides that the recipe must be hers. She gives over $1,800 and Screech’s jewelry to make up for the $2,000 fake-Zack had offered prior.
Soon after, Robin dumps Screech in favor of riches and fame. Screech doesn’t seem too heartbroken as he’s already set up another date – with Robin’s best friend.
Lessons Learned: You can have the sauce, but the secret? She’s-a Screeches. Also the rest of the world’s, if they bought the Betty Crocker cook book.
Bonus Lesson: If you steal from Betty Crocker, SHE WILL FIND YOU.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 12, 2014 7:18:17 GMT
Love these posts so much!! Did anybody else used to debate with their friends whose “Italian-themed” cheerleading uniform you’d rather wear? I think I was usually on team Green, either because it was my favorite color or I had a severe girl-crush on Kelly.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 12, 2014 7:18:33 GMT
The Rockumentry episode frightened me because I suddenly realized the Saved by the Bell gang were in NO WAY in high school
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 12, 2014 7:18:44 GMT
Personally, I’m curious as to why Casey Kasem was so linked to the show to begin with.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 12, 2014 7:19:00 GMT
This one is really funny.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 12, 2014 7:19:53 GMT
Rockumentary is one of my favorite episodes!
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 13, 2014 3:29:55 GMT
Saved By The Bell: S4E06 ‘Teen-Line'
While eating a nerd’s hot dog and making googly eyes at a girl in the hallway, Zack strolls into Principal Belding’s office. Screech, Tori (yes, this is a Tori episode!) Slater and Lisa have already been waiting to start a Senior Class Community Service meeting. Tori’s idea is to create a “teen line and rap room”. Teen lines let students anonymous call other teens about their problems, while the rap room allows for face-to-face interaction. Zack thinks this is a fine idea, as do the rest of the gang.
Later that day, Tori gives the students a grocery list of Teen-Line Don’ts. Looks like with very minimal prep time, this plan is off and running!
Never ask a caller for their last name. Never ask for home numbers. Never, EVER ask to meet them. Lisa takes the first real call – it’s a student named Shelly, who feels overweight. Lisa says it’s all in her mind but then asks for her weight. With a tone of disgust, it’s obvious to Lisa that Shelly is a Fatty McGoo. “Never wear white – you’ll look like Shamu at a wedding.”
Meanwhile, Tori is counseling another student and giving advice about joining a school club.
A random kid comes in to “rap” and Screech holds him hostage to talk out his problems. The student hates his bratty little brother. “Hate your brother? You should be lucky you have a brother!” Screech counsels. Supposedly Screech had to play hide and seek with his hamster as a child. Also known as, “Screech’s hamster ran away for good reason.” Even worse, Screech later admits to the kid that his parents bought him a blow-up doll to act as a brother.
Zack picks up his first phone call. On a split-screen, we see a girl, “Melissa” from the waist up. Melissa’s parents are too overprotective. Her parents treat her like a baby and won’t let her out past 10PM.
Zack wisely says that the key to her problem will be setting all the clocks back two hours. That way, when she’s home at midnight, her parents will assume she’s coming home at a normal time. Zack asks Melissa where she lives and tries to schedule a hot date with the troubled girl that he’s only known for a solid minute and a half. Obviously, Zack didn’t listen to Tori and thinks this is a Date-Line club.
Screech, on the other hand, is handed his counselee’s little brother Tommy. “You want a brother? Take Tommy!” Tommy greets Screech with a frightening handshake. I can’t imagine how I’d explain that to my parents – “Mom? Dad? I left Tommy with some stranger wearing terrible clothes. He has a blow up doll at home and I think he killed a hamster. Tommy should be fine.”
Back in the hallway, Zack, Slater, Lisa and Tori are analyzing their first successful day of Teen Line. Zack brags about his date with Melissa, which shocks Tori. “Zack, you broke the rules!”
Callers were supposed to be anonymous and even though Zack tried to explain that she was the one who wanted to meet him, both Tori and Lisa are a little disgusted. How dare Zack get one sentence about how Teen Line works and ten minutes of prep from idea to execution and still find a way to screw it up!
Screech walks in with Tommy, his “temporary little brother. Isn’t he cute?” “Cute? Cute is for girls!” Tommy shrieks, before stomping on Screech’s foot and running away.
Over at the MAX, Zack is waiting to meet up with Melissa. Seated conveniently behind a table, Zack pulls up a seat next to her and tells her she’s prettier than he imagined. Melissa took Zack’s horrible clock advice and set them all back three hours. But then she forgot to set them back and her Dad ended up being three hours late for work. This is, I must remind you, about a decade before cell phone alarms were big.
Zack asks Melissa if she wants to check out the juke box and then realizes – Melissa is in a WHEELCHAIR! He looks at her as if he’s seen a ghost, while Melissa makes quips.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were in a wheelchair?” Zack asks. “Um, since I forgot?” Melissa admits. Yeah, Zack. You talked to her for like, 2 minutes about dating and clocks. She’s not Amy Poehler’s “I got one leg” character from SNL, who announces her disability in the form of every introduction.
Melissa gives Zack permission to leave and thankfully Zack stays put. Good, since if he didn’t, he’d be the most gigantic jerk at Bayside.
Zack asks her how it happens and Melissa says that she was “born this way”. Great – now I have Lady Gaga stuck in my head. Zack apologizes to her but Melissa says that she’s doing fine. Lay off her, Zack! She called the Teen Line since she wanted to party all night, not because she was in a wheelchair!
In walk Screech, Slater, Tori and Lisa and Zack introduces them to Melissa, “Now look. Melissa’s handicapped but she’s really comfortable with it, so just get over it!” Zack disclaims. They’re over it. In walks Tommy, holding a motorcycle helmet. He shows his find to the crowd before a burly Harley Davidson dude comes in, barking about the helmet theft. Screech is going to get punched for this incident, I’m sure.
Back at Teen Line headquarters, Zack walks in wheeling Melissa. Melissa appreciates the “help” but says she can move places on her own. After all, she did get to the MAX, Zack. Remember that?
Lisa gets a call on the line from someone who’s having trouble with their unruly brother. Looks like Tommy roped Screech to a chair. Again – this is definitely days later and nobody in Tommy’s family is questioning where he is. Kid is like, ten. And the actor playing him is like, probably seven. Or maybe eighteen. You know how casting goes.
In the rap room, Slater and Zack are talking to a girl named Kathy, who’s shy around boys based on her height. Slater’s advice is to “wait a few years”, which is obviously terrible. Melissa asks if she can say a few words about the issue and the guys grant her permission.
“Guys will start liking you more if you like yourself more. For starters, stop seeing being tall as a problem. See it as beautiful. The rest will fall into place.” Aww, Melissa. She earns herself a hug and Zack is majorly impressed. And why is Zack impressed?
“Even though she’s handicapped, she gave Kathy perfect advice!” Zack proclaims. “Zack, my mind’s not handicapped,” Melissa corrects, but Zack is so chair-focused to listen to her at all.
Zack decides to take Melissa to the movies and is outraged over the fact that someone parked in the handicap spot. How dare they! Everyone knows by now that Melissa is in a wheelchair, right? Zack keeps screaming about it, so I’m guessing certain people are still out of the loop.
Zack summons a manager and explains to him that Melissa happens to be handicapped and someone has illegally parked in the space! Zack also notices that they have no wheelchair access to the restrooms and Melissa shouldn’t have to pay full price since she doesn’t even use one of the theater seats. “Sir, everyone pays to see the movie,” the manager explains.
Wait, I’m confused. I thought I paid about ten bucks to sit in an uncomfortable plastic chair for about 2 hours while seeing people try to text in the dark.
Melissa is obviously annoyed by Zack’s wheelchair rant and wants to watch the sole Saved By The Bell watching-a-movie-in-a-theater movie. (Clarification for casual, normal fans: The staff at Saved By The Bell rarely varied their sound bites.)
At Teen Line headquarters, Screech – paranoid and mostly unclothed – is searching for Tommy. Tommy managed to steal his clothes (…how?) and put them on the flag pole. In walks Belding, giving a toweled-Screech a confused glance before giving the gang some bad news. The school board just cut the budget and all non-essential programs have to go. No more Teen Line after tomorrow! I wonder if it truly had to do with the fact that everyone but Melissa gave the worst advice to everyone.
Back at the MAX, Kathy walks in and runs to Melissa. She has a date! Melissa made a difference, you guys. I bet Kathy and her date ended up getting married.
Everyone tries to think of a way to solve the financial problem. The Teen Line obviously works, and everyone really believes in it. I wonder what Kelly and Jessie think. Wait – where are they?
Slater runs in and says his basketball practice ran late. Melissa asks him about it and mentions that she plays basketball every day in her driveway. “Can you dunk?” Screech asks. The audience awkwardly laughs, since Melissa is in a wheelchair.
Zack says that the perfect Teen Line fundraiser would be wheelchair basketball. And within a day, Bayside’s first Wheelchair Basketball game is underway! So, is putting on this fundraiser more or less expensive than a few phone lines?
Screech mentions to Zack that Tommy put some extra boosters on his chair – so he can go at super speeds! I want to pull Screech aside and be like, “Dude. Do you really think this kid has the capability of helping you out?” He seriously should just know by now.
About three minutes into the dull montage of hoops, Tommy manages to rocket Screech backward, outside of the auditorium.
After the game, Tori announces that they’ve raised enough money to keep the Teen Line open. Until next episode, at least. Zack hogs the mic and announces that the real All-Star of the game was Melissa, since she has to be in a wheelchair all the time. Classy maneuver, Zack.
Post-game and Pre-Wheelchair-Basketball-Dance, Tori, Zack, Lisa and Slater discuss how the game was a success and pretty soon Melissa decides to wheel down the hallway, avoiding her new friends. Zack asks what’s up and Melissa tells him straight-up that he doesn’t have to keep reminding the world that she’s handicapped.
“Maybe she’d rather be your friend than your cause,” Tori summarizes after Zack asks what “that was all about”. At the dance, Tommy’s big brother comes back to claim him. After a full week, his Mom decided he was missed. Zack tries to make things right with Melissa, apologizing for the embarrassment. Melissa gives him a closing monologue about how she’s just an ordinary girl and capable of doing most things. She asks him to dance and before Zack can utter out “HOW CAN YOU DANCE?” Melissa shows him that it’s completely possible.
Lessons Learned: Just because someone is handicapped, it doesn’t mean they are incapable of everything, ZACK.
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