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Post by sbtbfanatic on Apr 30, 2014 16:29:29 GMT
This is the place where i will post episode reviews of Saved By The Bell.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 7, 2014 15:54:19 GMT
Saved By The Bell S1E04: 'Fatal Distraction'
There’s something very comforting about laugh-track induced, family friendly 90′s sitcoms. Even if they ‘ve grown weak with age. From Zack Attack, to Jessie Spano’s infamous caffeine freakout, to unanimous dislike of the “Tori Episodes”, Saved By The Bell is one of those shows that will always find a way to fit into a conversation. It’s my pleasure to be recapping some of the old episodes, so that everyone can relive the magic of Bayside High without having to flip on TBS at 8 in the morning. In this recap, we’ll be talking about Episode 4 of Season 1, “Fatal Distraction”. Also known as “That episode where Zack breaks into Jessie’s room to figure out who Kelly is taking to the dance.”
Bayside is celebrating the Girl’s Choice Dance this Friday night, and a colorful banner encourages Bayside’s women to “Ask Your Guy TODAY”. The hallways seem abuzz, as a Sheik, who looks like he got his wardrobe at a bargain bin the day after Halloween, walks down the stairs. “Isn’t this Zack Morris’s locker?” a tiny blonde girl asks the mystery man. “That is true,” the Sheik responds. “But while I’m living in your country, we are sharing it.” The girl asks where Zack is, and the Sheik points to a direction down the hall. “Things are not always what they seem,” the Sheik announces to nobody. “It’s me – Zack!” Whoa. Wait. Seriously? I was not expecting that one.
Zack is in disguise since he knows a lot of girls will ask him to the dance, but he doesn’t want to commit until he gets an answer from Kelly. Must be nice to be popular. Kelly, all bright-eyed and puffy-banged, tells Zack that she hasn’t decided who she’ll be asking yet. In walks Slater, who announces that Kelly could do a lot better than Zack. I bet he means himself! “Tough decision. So many boys, so little time,” Kelly contemplates. Ugh. I couldn’t even get within ten feet of a girl in high school. They probably all had restraining orders against me or something.
Meanwhile in class, Zack is handing over Seventeen, Glamour, and Cosmo magazines to the fashionable Lisa Turtle. Zack is looking to bribe Lisa to get some information. Obviously three magazines are worth more than trust and friendship. When Lisa fails to release all of her known information, Zack hands over two tickets for the Bon Jovi concert to sweeten the deal. Good thing Zack was carrying them in his front pants pocket throughout the whole day. Lisa divulges that Kelly is definitely taking Zack! … Or Slater. Zack steals his tickets back, and Lisa is in disbelief over the fact that not holding up her end of the bargain didn’t get her anywhere. Meanwhile at the MAX, Zack and Slater are comparing numbers of how many girls they rejected. Zack turned down six, while Slater turned down seven – and a teacher! They realize that going to a dance together doesn’t equate to anything, right? I mean, I barely even hung out with my Junior Prom date. She punctured her lung in a bike accident days earlier, and just sat around the whole night. We’re not even friends on facebook.
Jessie, who is enjoying her MAX burger, says that both of them should have said yes to the first girl that asked them. Lisa walks up and mentions a slumber party that Jessie is having. “Isn’t a slumber party where you girls spill your guts about everybody?” Zack questions. He figures that Kelly will tell them who she’s taking and they could pass the information along. “That’d be invading someone’s privacy, Zack!” Jessie cautiously announces. Lisa agrees, probably because she knew she blew it with those Bon Jovi tickets when she tried to invade Kelly’s privacy earlier.
Max, the magician waiter, comes up to Zack with a gift. Some young lady left him a big yellow box with a moving plush heart inside and the heartwrenching note of “My heart jumps for you.” You’d think that if she spent so much time putting the heart in the box, she would have worked on her words a bit more. The box is from Rhonda, the one gigantic sports girl he’s been trying to avoid! Life is so rough.
Screech – Zack’s best friend when he needs something – seems nervous as Zack forces him to put a surveillance bug in Jessie’s room. “You can learn Lisa’s true feelings about you!” Zack bargains. What a shame. Screech will bug the room, and then learn that Lisa hates him. And everyone hates him.
Back at home, Zack and Screech have their tapes rolling. “Boys can be so dumb sometimes!” “Yeah, but they can be so cute, too!” “Pass the pepperoni.”
That last one was from Lisa, whose need for pepperoni starts up a dream sequence from Screech. In Screech’s world, pepperoni means “I dig you.” His daydream ends and his harsh reality comes back into the picture. Lisa mentions how she might cut her hair because some dude named Jason told her she should. Later, she says how Michael Jackson is her dream guy. And without fail, the subject turns to boys.
Kelly’s dream guy is Dennis Quaid. “Dennis Quaid isn’t taking you to the dance,” an unnamed girl with hair curlers says. OR WILL HE?
No. He won’t.
“So who are you going with? Slater or Zack?” Zack is psyched. His plan is working out perfectly! Kelly chooses Zack, and Zack howls with happiness. Oh, here’s an important piece of information: Zack lives across the street from Jessie, and both of them like to keep their windows open.
When the girls find out what happen, Kelly plans on getting even. The ladies decide to tell their deepest, darkest secrets to each other. While one girl stealing a tube of lipstick is “boring”, Kelly decides to let the boys know that every time she ends up liking a guy, she ends up physically hurting them. She says the episodes start when she gets a headache, and then she just snaps. After a blackout, she wakes up to police. Kelly then decides to cut off the feed, leaving Zack and Screech paranoid.
Back at school – wait. There’s someone skateboarding in the hallway! That can’t be allowed. We were barely allowed to have gum in school back in my day, and they took away our virtual pets! Ahem. Back at school, Screech saunters in dressed like Michael Jackson. Lisa calls him a dork, and tells him to “beat it”. (I sadly didn’t get this play-on-words until about fifteen minutes later.)
Listen to this man. He was a ladies man. Mr. Belding finds Screech and sends him to his office. Apparently, wearing sequins is a huge offense over at Bayside.
Down the stairs comes Zack, who finds Jessie. Jessie warns Zack in so little words that something is wrong with Kelly, and she worries about his safety. As Jessie leaves, Slater rolls in. He’s in a wheelchair with a broken leg, and he begs Zack not to let anyone know that Kelly beat him up.
Hanging out in Mr. Belding’s office, Zack looks through Kelly’s file. Planted in her folder is a reference about Kelly’s stay at the home for the criminally insane. Zack asks Belding for help, but Belding pretty much just laughs in his face. Oh, I love how Belding doesn’t take a semi-valid student concern seriously. After Nutrition Class/Anatomy Class/Classroom Skeleton Appreciation Class, Kelly traps Zack in the classroom with a baseball bat. “I want you, Zack,” she says, with a non-intimidating voice. “Not just for the dance, but FOREVER. Kiss me Zack, and change both of our lives forever!” With fear, Zack clamors he already has a date, and nervously leaves the classroom.
His date is Rhonda! Remember that crafty, manly woman? And the dance is… at the MAX? Seriously? The school couldn’t even have had it in the auditorium or the lunch room, like they did with their 9 proms? Nobody is even dressed up! This dance could have been the equivalent to “Hey, let’s get everyone to hang out at the MAX after school.”
In walks Slater and Kelly – looks like Kelly made up her mind! Kelly confesses that they all knew the entire time, and Slater hands over his fake leg cast. How can one acquire one of those? I might want to keep one around, for similar pranks.
Zack tells Rhonda he needs to go, and unfortunately for Rhonda, he doesn’t kiss on first dates. “Oh. Lucky for us, I do!” Rhonda announces, as she tackles Zack in a freeze framed kiss.
Lessons Learned: If you put a surveillance bug in someone’s house, they’ll most likely plan a huge, costly, time-consuming prank against you. But it’s okay. You’ll probably forgive them by tomorrow. Or, forget it all ever happened, like one big Kapowski-style blackout.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 7, 2014 16:10:16 GMT
I love this.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 7, 2014 16:10:37 GMT
I always hoped they would do a follow-up episode on Rhonda’s past and how her father ended up in the slammer.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 7, 2014 16:10:46 GMT
Best freeze frame ever?
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 7, 2014 16:11:13 GMT
This is a hilariously fantastic breakdown of a show I thought would teach me everything I needed to know about High School
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 7, 2014 16:11:37 GMT
Um, totally watched this episode when it came on yesterday. Who am I kidding — I watch it every morning. Fuck you, TBS, and your addictive syndication.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 8, 2014 8:16:44 GMT
Saved By The Bell S1E05 – ‘Screech's Woman'
The episode starts out with science partners Jessie and Slater at the MAX, on either side of the worst plastic volcano I’ve ever seen. It actually looks somewhat like a baked potato from a fast food restaurant. Jessie wants to call the plastic disaster “Mount St. Jessie”, while Slater opts for “Slater’s Crater”. If they ask me, I would have told them to name it “7th Place in the Science Fair – Get Real, Guys”. Slater tests the volcano and mountains of seltzer water flow out.
Zack’s Science partner is Screech, who pretty much did the entire project himself. It’s an Electromagnetic… something or other. Screech said that it succeeded with driving his pet canary crazy, which I’m sure will be a huge draw at the Fair. In walks Lisa – Screech’s dream girl.
“If you really like Lisa, go for it!” Kelly states. This is bound to be misleading. Kelly and Lisa are friends, thus Kelly has to know that Lisa can’t stand the dude. If one of my friends told a girl I wasn’t into to “go for it”, I’d quickly realize that I have terrible friends.
Zack talks him out of it. “Have you ever seen Einstein with a chick?” he asks. Screech goes for it anyway. Running towards Lisa in slow motion with arms open, Lisa reciprocates. Later, we see another dude going to accept the hug. I bet it’s Jason, who wanted her to cut her hair at Jessie’s sleepover!
For some reason this scene has been imprinted in my mind since childhood, so I stifle a legitimate laugh.
Rejected, Screech leaves The Max. His melancholy demeanor follows him to Zack’s house, where he loses concentration on his science project. “You gotta practice with being cool,” Zack says. “Something to grab her attention.”
Screech tests his new lines on Sally Dunsky but loses his cool when his hand goes through a trash can. His recovery story about Chinese acrobats is a total fail. He also trips over Zack’s “Miss Universe” line, and Sally angrily stomps away. Screech decides to hide in his locker. And, man – Dustin Diamond is either a tiny guy, or Bayside has gigantic lockers, since I tried to see if I could fit in my locker once and barely got half of my arm in.
“I just thought of someone who might like you,” Zack states. “Why don’t you go take a few laps on the gym, and I’ll work on it!” He approaches Jessie, who feels compassion over the situation – before she realizes it’s Screech. “Are you crazy? Me go out with Screech?!” Jessie suddenly grabs for something in her purse. It’s a bunch of caffeine pills!
Jessie Spano on Caffeine PillsNo, I’m just joking. We’re not there yet. Soon. I promise.
After ten seconds, Screech comes back from the laps and Zack – realizing his science project is on the line – tells him that the girl will call him. At least it’ll buy Zack some time.
Slater is on the payphone in the hallway when Screech demands use. Remember payphones? They seem like a beautiful, distant memory.
Screech is expecting his ladycall at school. Slater decides to give Screech a pep talk and tells him to be himself. His ladyfriend is probably even more nervous, Slater assures him.
Finally, the phone rings! “You’ve seen me around? And you LIKE me?” Screech screeches. Her name is Bambi. And she takes the form of one Zack Morris.
While Zack tries to girl up his voice, he makes his call to Screech in the men’s bathroom – right when Mr. Belding is occupying the first stall. Bambi sounds partly Southern and partly Gumby – and he/she flees when Belding starts to believe that Bambi is talking to him. “It’s hero worship,” he announces as he’s doing his business. Belding compares principals to sports stars and says that the student/Principal relationship would never come to fruition.Zack Morris Catches Mr. Belding in the Men's Room
Thankfully Slater walks in to hear the one-sided conversation. “What have you done with Bambi!” Belding announces. “She’s a girl who was just in here with me! Well.. not with me.” The damage of Belding’s mangled words is already done. Slater pats him on the back and says he’ll keep the Bambi secret between the three of them. “I’m never going to the bathroom again!” Belding states. TMI, Belding!
The next day, a tired Zack sits in a classroom as an excited Screech enters the room. He talked to Bambi all last night! Screech realizes that he needs to meet Bambi, which causes Zack to panic. “She’s having an identity crisis,” he stammers. Screech, once again feeling rejected, walks out of the room. Zack does a show of hands with the camera to poll who in the audience thought that his prank was mean. I raised my hand high. Real high. I mean, come on. I guess Zack figured he’d have Bambi phone-break up with Screech after the Science Fair, which is even crueler. There’s no way that canary device would win.
Seconds later, an unnamed student calls everyone outside. Screech has handcuffed himself to the school lockers, in protest for Bambi. “I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t do science projects… I’m not leaving this locker till I meet Bambi, Zack!” Uh oh.
The school moves the lockers and Screech into Mr. Belding’s office. I guess the janitor didn’t have a lock cutter around. Screech, who must have had those handcuffs in his pocket all along, probably enjoyed seeing those janitors struggle with the locker weight. At least the janitors would have felt his pain. Belding notes the name Bambi as being familiar, and calls Zack down to his office. In the meantime, Kelly cheerfully walks in to use her locker.
“Have Bambi at the MAX at 4:00 to meet with him,” Belding orders Zack. Even though he can’t officially order him to do so, he gives an open threat to Zack that his semester might be miserable if he doesn’t comply.
Lisa and Jessie meet up with Zack at Zack’s house with a box of accessories. Zack is planning on dressing up like Bambi, and while thinking of how degrading it all is, requests a dress in blue.
Screech is at the MAX right on time, dressed to the nines with half-dead flowers. Magician Max gives him a new bouquet, which looks more like a feather duster. In walks “Bambi” -with a red wig and pink glasses, Bambi-Zack saunters over to Screech.
Screech introduces Bambi to Slater, who only realizes Bambi is Zack after awkwardly hitting on him. Kelly also can’t tell the difference. Slater forces Screech to give Bambi a kiss in order to make Lisa jealous, but Zack insists that he go over his “Rules for ‘Livin’ and Lovin’” beforehand. Here are those rules:
Straighten your hair and dye it blonde. Bambi is allergic to all types of animals Bambi is very possessive, and must have him all to herself. Screech MUST get rid of Zack. Screech claims that he can’t ditch Zack (Aww!), and the two of them call it quits. Screech goes home to complete his project, and Jessie walks over to “Bambi” and says that it was a nice thing he did for a friend. “It was just for my Science Project!” Zack says, like a complete jerk. But I have a feeling that it wasn’t. And I think Zack also knows – deep down – he cares about his little electricity-haired buddy.
Lessons Learned: If your best friend needs a good disguise, throw them in a dress and absolutely nobody will be able to recognize them. And when the love of your life isn’t into you, absolutely anyone will do. After all, true passionate love can be obtained by just one phone call.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 8, 2014 8:19:52 GMT
I look forward to these every week they crack me up mostly because I think I have every episode ingrained in my mind
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 8, 2014 8:20:26 GMT
I miss the 90′s and the children’s television packed with lessons that led us into murky moral waters and made us feel inadequate. I’m not even joking.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 8, 2014 8:20:54 GMT
Oh, those kooky Bayside kids and their crazy adventures! *as “Friends Forever” by Zack Attack plays in my head*
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 8, 2014 8:38:07 GMT
Saved By The Bell S01E14: ‘The Zack Tapes'
It’s the Sweetheart Dance at the Max, where a guy gives away his heart. Pretty much every dude at school has his name on a heart necklace to give to the girl of his choosing. How does Bayside pay for so many elaborate dances? I guess when you’re in a graduating class of approximately ten, it’s a little easier.
As per usual, Zack and Slater are fighting over who Kelly will go to the dance with. Unfortunately, Zack has an obstacle – he dumped tea bags in the swimming pool. “What – you never heard of the Boston Tea Party?” Zack quips. Zack also erased the blackboards with Mr. Federman’s toupee and has a meeting scheduled with Belding because of it. Kelly tells Zack she’ll wait another day to make her choice. This truly means, “Zack is my first choice but if he can’t go, Slater is a decent runner-up.” Face it, Kapowski. You’re transparent.
All of a sudden, Lisa approaches with a mini-boombox, blasting the new Beau Revere (Who? Will he peddle the gang some dope like the fictional teen actor that’ll make his rounds eventually? Sorry – spoiler alert.) Breaking Lisa’s jam session is Screech, who claims that Lisa is going to the dance with him. To add to this forceful act, Screech even planted a Screech-illustrated balloon in Lisa’s locker, which Lisa easily pops.
Belding comes by to let the kids know that music isn’t allowed in the hallway, and then makes the mistake of revealing that he’s a big Beach Boys fan. “Zack – I’m not a straw. Don’t suck up! I’m still meeting with my favorite California Girl tomorrow. Your mommy!”
The next day at school, students shower Ms. Wentworth with gifts. “An apple a day might get me an A!” Zack quips. “That will take a whole orchard, Zack.” Ms. Wentworth! What a card.
Ms. Wentworth’s lesson today is about subliminal messages. Turns out that during her lecture yesterday, she taught her students a lesson by placing her own subliminal message in a song she played in class. The message was listed in the voice track. “Bring your favorite teacher Ms. Wentworth apples and candy to eat,” the track sweetly demanded. Zack decides to hide his own messages via cassette tape in order to trick Belding. The vocal tracks will be over ‘California Girls’ by the Beach Boys and if it works, Belding will totally let Zack off the hook for all of his wrongdoings and school failures. “Zack Morris is a good kid. Zack Morris is a great student. Zack Morris is a fine human being. Zack Morris is the son I never had.”
Back at school, Lisa dresses in her finest cow-print ensemble as she complains to Kelly and Slater about Screech’s insane attempts at getting her to say yes to the dance. Behind her – of course – is Screech, hiding in a garbage can. In his hands is his “Screech” heart, so that he can lasso Lisa.
Two things worth mentioning:
The school actually printed Screech’s personalized heart necklace to say “Screech”? His name is Samuel, school! If my nickname was “Dumbo” and the school acknowledged this as being official, I think I’d be scarred forever. Does Screech think that by choking Lisa with the necklace that she’s legally obligated to go with him? Bayside has some creepy dance rules, if so. Belding walks down the stairs, trying to find the Screech-laden trash can when Zack gives him the tainted version of ‘California Girls’. But before Belding can give a listen, Kelly figures it’s time to properly accept Slater’s dance proposal. Bummer, man.
When Zack walks in for the meeting, Belding has already been brainwashed. Not only does he disregard the fact that Zack’s Mom failed to show but he forgives Zack completely for the teabag incident. “Zack Morris is a fine human being!” Belding screams.
Belding gives Zack ten bucks before telling him to have fun at the dance and Zack realizes that the brainwashing method has the potential to work on girls, too!
Zack decides to test the experiment on the dorks first, since Saved By the Bell loves to shove it in everyone’s brain that dorks and geeks have no feelings.
“Test 1” is Edgar, whose laugh sounds like someone’s choking. Edgar has no problem getting his girl to say yes to the dance. “I don’t know, Zack,” Screech says with a panic. “Edgar’s a pretty cool guy.” “Test 2” is Alan, who gets approached by Buffy almost immediately. Buffy demands that Alan go steady with her. “Test 3″ is Wendell, who gives his heart necklace to the waitress, who is completely smitten. The plan totally works! In order to plan the Zack Tapes, Screech dresses in drag to walk through the girl’s locker room. There, he sees Lisa and Kelly on their way out. Jessie – who I don’t remember seeing all episode – is the only one kind enough to ask femmeScreech if “she’s” a new student. Jessie is going to the dance with Steve, supposedly. Steve who? I hope he doesn’t have issues with her due to her height.
Screech claims that his name is Barbara Bush and Jessie – who I thought was one of the smartest of the girls – believes him. Jessie walks out to get a petite uniform for Barbara, while Barbara hides the tapes in the correct lockers. Screech knows which lockers belong to Kelly and Lisa? Was anything sacred in the locker room?
The next day, a brainwashed Kelly asks Zack to rescue her from the “muscle-bound monkey”, Slater. Zack accepts Kelly’s dance proposal. Meanwhile, Lisa finds Screech in a locker and asks her “manly mustang” to go with her. Again – the plan totally works!
Back at the MAX, Jessie is jamming along to the new Beau Revere. She’s borrowing Kelly’s copy.
“So I see you’re going to the dance with Steve,” Max inquires. (I’m glad he asked. If I was curious about it, I’m sure many were.)
“Yeah – but I think I’d have a better time with Zack,” Jessie responds. Max looks dumbfounded. Zack and Jessie?! That’s a combo that’s set to be experimented with in one episode, in a way later season!
Lisa and Kelly enter and Lisa rushes to tell Jessie the fabulous news about how she landed Screech. Jessie looks confused, and Lisa immediately defends Screech with rubbish she heard from the tape. When Kelly comes over to the table, she and Jessie repeat the same lines about how Zack is super great. All of a sudden, a lightbulb appears. They’ve all been brainwashed! And Screech was in the girl’s locker room!
The girls immediately flee to Ms. Wentworth, who has the device that’ll let the girls hear the vocal track. “Zack Morris is a blonde Tom Cruise” is soon heard echoing in the classroom. “Zack Morris is a ten!”
Kelly finally realizes that she was a jerk to Slater and Lisa feels immediate remorse. As per usual in a Saved by the Bell episode, the gang decides on a hilarious payback that would probably grant the school some negative media attention. Obviously approaching Zack like an adult about the situation is just no fun!
Back in Ms. Wentworth’s class, Ms. Wentworth is still going over subliminal messages. Jessie asks if subliminal messages ever get political and if they ever backfired. Ms. Wentworth claims that in some cases, the results could be deadly. In one case, a man was sliced like a pizza.
Belding interrupts the class via PA system to invite the school to “take a break from learning.” Everyone cheers! Belding decides to be a hip dude and play the new Beau Revere – thanks to a tape he borrowed from Kelly.
The classroom sways in a horrific motion that might resemble dancing, as Jessie approaches Zack and openly hits on him. All of a sudden, the classroom is surrounding by screaming girls who need Zack Morris NOW. Including Ms. Wentworth! (Illegal!)
Zack runs into the hallway but he’s nowhere near free. Lisa creepily corners him by the lockers while an army of girls strangle him on the stairway with chants and hearts. Thankfully, Slater breaks up the group and comes to Zack’s rescue. OR DOES HE?
“He’s going to the dance with ME!” Slater hollers. (Best. Line. Ever.)
Zack runs to Belding’s office and begs him to stop the tape. It’s too late – Belding has been brainwashed as well. “Please, stop loving me!” Zack cries. Unfortunately, he was duped. The tape was bought at the Spinning Lizard by Jessie, and no subliminal messages were heard by the school – they just interrupted their education to teach Zack a valuable lesson. Even worse, Belding wants his ten bucks back!
Lessons Learned: Not only is brainwashing a lesson that should be taught in public schools, but it’s totally okay to use – just make sure nobody finds out! Also, cassette tapes once existed.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 8, 2014 8:44:30 GMT
There has got to be some gray matter in my brain devoted specifically to “Saved by the Bell” information. It’s crazy how every detail is still there! Great synopsis!
I’m curious about the situation where subliminal messages ended up in a dude getting sliced like a pizza. You know that’s gotta be a good story.
Also, how come the gang could NEVER recognize one of the guys in drag!?
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 8, 2014 8:45:17 GMT
I know what you mean! When I read these recaps the whole episode comes flooding back to me. No wonder I can’t retain new information! My brain is too crowded with SBTB episodes and NSync dance moves!
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Post by sbtbfanatic on May 8, 2014 8:51:00 GMT
Good grief, Charlie Brown! I totally forgot about the part where Slater claims that Zack is going to the dance with him! Classic Bell moment for sure.
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