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Post by sbtbfanatic on Feb 10, 2014 0:37:50 GMT
I honestly never knew this show existed, the older show was just alot better
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Feb 10, 2014 0:38:08 GMT
They had a new class? I was even freaked out when I started watching the very first episodes when Zack was in eighth grade! Wow.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Feb 10, 2014 0:41:22 GMT
For some ungodly reason, I Netflixed all 7 seasons of SBTB:TNC. What was I thinking? What a waste of 6 months! Screech got even more annoying as the seasons went on. His voice made me want to kill myself. Belding became more of an idiot and a pushover too...it sucked.
But then again I like to put myself through tortuous activities.
At least the redhead chick was hot. And the blonde one too.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Feb 10, 2014 0:41:36 GMT
This spin off sucked big time.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Feb 10, 2014 0:42:28 GMT
I never even heard of this show.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Feb 10, 2014 0:42:44 GMT
yah this one sucked, even college years werent that good, but still watched em every saturday mornings
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Feb 10, 2014 0:43:16 GMT
Somewhere the producers thought they just needed to add something new to the productions and it tanked like an anchor in the ocean. You can never try to bring back the magic that the original had. Save by the Bell was and always will be the best teen show of the 90's
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Feb 10, 2014 0:43:51 GMT
Somewhere the producers thought they just needed to add something new to the productions and it tanked like an anchor in the ocean. You can never try to bring back the magic that the original had. Save by the Bell was and always will be the best teen show of the 90's what about hang time or usa high they were both awesome.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Feb 10, 2014 0:45:16 GMT
I remember watching this. I loved when Screech came as an assistant principal.Maria was hotter than a mexican lunch plate.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Feb 10, 2014 0:45:41 GMT
This sucked so hard. Its a shame any of the old characters came back and even had their names attached to this piece of garbage.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Feb 10, 2014 0:46:24 GMT
How can someone not like the new class i love it better than bell classic even college years was better than bell classic.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Apr 17, 2015 4:06:09 GMT
The New Class Season 1, Episode 1: “The Date Lottery”
Welcome to Saved by the Bell: The New Class, aka Saved by the Bell: The Clone Wars, where we will see everything that happened in the original Saved by the Bell repeated with new actors playing characters exactly like their original counterparts because at this point the writers realized they could fill a script with the word “watermelon” over and over and people would still watch. I was so tempted for this entire stupid season to just refer to these characters as they truly are: New-Zack, New-Slater, New-Screech, New-Kelly, New-Lisa, and New-Jessie. However, that requires too much energy and this series is not worth it.
Scott
We open at Bayside High and it’s the first day of school. Meet Scott Erickson (Robert Sutherland Tefler), our attempt at emulating Zack Morris. Scott will be delivering our monologues for the series, at least until they fire him at the end of the season. Scott tells us he’s the new kid in school having transferred in from Valley. He’s decided that the best way to make his rep is to stalk and then fuck the hottest babe in girl because naturally all girls are good for are as a status symbol.
Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to our first theme for season one of The New Class:
Scott’s a dick.
Megan Vicki
Scott immediately sets his sights on figuring out which will be the candidate for his creepy advances. And the writers use this as an excuse to introduce us to the rest of our main characters. Scott’s first two babes are Megan Jones (Bianca Lawson), who is our new Lisa with Jessie’s intelligence, and Vicki Needleman (Bonnie Russavage), who has Jessie’s eco-feminist “Save the Dolphins” mentality with some really strange phobias of nearly everything, which may be the most original thing this show has done so far.
Vicki starts talking about her allergy issues and Scott decides she’s not fuckable. Mr. Belding comes out to greet Megan and, through the power of exposition, we find out that she’s Bayside’s best student, which means Mr. Belding must have a list of these things so he can reassign the title once someone graduates. Naturally, she inherited it from Jessie and Screech. Megan says she’s already studying and Scott decides Zack Morris is too much of a lazy ass to date a girl who might encourage him to do something useful and productive with his life.
Scott immediately takes the opportunity to start kissing Mr. Belding’s ass and, though Zack Morris has only been gone from Bayside for a few months, Mr. Belding doesn’t recognize Zack Morris’s clone when he sees him.
Weasel Lindsay Tommy D
And, in order to quickly and conveniently introduce our final three characters, we meet Barton “Weasel” Wyzell (Isaac Lidsky), the new Screech; Tommy “D” De Luca (Jonathan Angel), the new Slater; and Tommy D’s girlfriend, Lindsay Warner, the new Kelly. And, of course, because the conventions of the clone wars require it, Scott immediately sets his sights on Lindsay and decides he wants to fuck her. Being completely naive to Scott’s advances, Lindsay decides to take him to class since the two of them and Weasel both have Miss Simpson as their first class but Tommy D does not. It’s kind of sad to say, but we’re only three minutes in and I already know everything I need to know about these six characters to understand the rest of the episode.
Miss Simpson
And oh all is right with the world since not only is Miss Simpson still alive but she’s bat shit crazy as ever. There’s a long drawn out scene where she asks everyone what books they read over the summer and she manages to misunderstand every answer, so she now believes Scott and Weasel to be the intelligent ones and Megan to be the dumb one. Oh, and according to the chalkboard behind her, there’s a test on Friday so I hope everyone studied over the summer!
Lindsay finally begins to realize that Scott practically humping her leg is not platonic and we get to see his lascivious glances as he fucks her in his mind.
Scott Megan lust
At The Max, Weasel comes in and sits with his new best friend, Scott, who is deep into shoveling the bullshit on thicker and thicker with Weasel. We find out Lindsay is Weasel’s next door neighbor and they’ve been friends since preschool. We can tell that Scott is deep into formulating a Zack Morris like plan because he’s busy offering Weasel manipulative favors that we can already tell he can’t deliver on, such as having Megan as a date to the dance.
Back at Bayside, Scott goes to see Mr. Belding, telling him that he thinks it’s unfair that the geeks are being singled out to not have dates to the upcoming Welcome Back dance because, since women are property, they should be treated as such and forced to go out on dates with whomever desire them, and because Mr. Belding might be fired should all the smart kids stop studying because of their lack of sexual intercourse.
Weasel enters under pretense of giving Mr. Belding’s computer a check-up because the school system apparently doesn’t employee professional technicians when they can get students to do the work, and, oh yeah, Weasel has a completely irrational fear of Mr. Belding as an authority figure. Weasel tells Mr. Belding that he can’t find a date to the dance and that he doesn’t feel like studying anymore. Scott and Weasel suggest putting all the kids into the computer and assigning dates by random lottery because that’s the best way to get conflict going in this episode. Mr. Belding is like, “Fuck yeah!” and so our conflict can begin.
Weasel Scott Geek
After a commercial break, we see that our overly-stereotyped geeks are still with us at Bayside, and Weasel is introducing them to Scott so that Scott can sell them the opportunity to fuck whoever in school they want to. Because get it, unless you’re stereotypicaly beautiful or popular, your private area will remain a barren desert for all time.
Tommy D doesn’t want his property to go to the dance with some other guy but Lindsay is all, “Flowers and Puppies and Rainbows and Unicorns and Equality!”
Weasel Scott hack
Scott sells $400 worth of match-ups and, at Scott’s house, Weasel hacks into Mr. Belding’s computer to set the matches. Scott is matched with Lindsay, Weasel with Megan, and Tommy D with Vicki, because no one wants to fuck her allergy ridden eco-feminist cooch. And Scott has the first fantasy sequence of the series, in which Lindsay comes over to Scott’s house to fuck him and declares she’s tired of Tommy D’s skanky boner and wants Scott’s skanky boner instead.
Scott Lindsay fantasy
This leads to a tender moment between Scott and Weasel.
Scott Weasel tender moment
At the dance, which is actually being held at Bayside and not at The Max for once, Mr. Belding announces everyone’s dates for the dance. Scott immediately starts setting his sights on the fucking that is surely to come, and Tommy D comes up and starts acting macho like, “Don’t be messing with my property, bitch!”
Dance
And oh boy does it look like a hot ass dance, what with the dancing four feet apart and all! These kids are getting crazy! They’re surely getting fucked tonight!
Megan pulls Lindsay and Vicki into the hallway to cry about her possible upcoming nuptials with Weasel and they finally start putting two and two together that too many geeks were matched with too many popular kids for it to be a coincidence. And their primary suspect is Weasel, so they bring him into the hallway to manhandle him. Of course, this could have been his intention all along. It’s the most contact he’s had with Megan all night.
Manhandling Weasel
Weasel finally admits that Scott put him up to it and Lindsay wants to go tell him off, but Tommy D convinces her to get revenge instead.
Back at the dance, Lindsay tells Scott that he’s the only fuckable one at the dance and that she sends Tommy D to the curb. Tommy D informs Scott about his upcoming murder and, for some reason, Scott never once calculated into his plan the possibility that Tommy D might want to beat the living shit out of him for interfering in a relationship for his own selfish reasons.
Tommy D punch
The next day, everyone’s all, “Tommy D gonna pop a cap in yo ass, biatch!” And Weasel, for some reason, is denigrating Scottish culture.
Weasel bagpipes
Weasel tells Scott that Tommy D has gone completely psycho and is assaulting and murdering people with the name Scott. And Tommy D will be waiting to do the same to Scott after Miss Simpson’s class.
For running time’s sake, we skip most of Miss Simpson’s class and come to the end, where Miss Simpson is once again discussing Romeo and Juliet and Lindsay is all, “It would be so sexy if a guy would die or at least be horribly disfigured for me.” Tommy D shows up in Miss Simpson’s doorway right as the bell rings but, because Miss Simpson’s Belltones are low on battery, he convinces her it’s not the end of class and everyone is trying to sneak out. She makes everyone sit back down, but Tommy D sets off his digital watch, which she actually believes is the bell ringing.
Tommy D watch
Scott goes into the hallway to confront Tommy D but sees Mr. Belding and suddenly realizes he has unexpressed homoerotic desires that must come out right then.
Scott Belding
Scott eventually confesses to rigging the date LOTTERY to avoid being killed by Tommy D and the gang reveals they were all in on a massive conspiracy to expose Scott’s nefarious network of lies all along.
Scott lottery rigged
Scott gets detention, Tommy D is all, “Don’t fuck with me, motherfucker!”, and Scott is all like, “I think I’ve found my new permanent home on Saturday mornings as the replacement Zack Morris for all time, or at least for the next twelve episodes!”
Firsts: Scott Erickson, Tommy “D” De Luca, Barton “Weasel” Wyzell, Lindsay Warner, Megan Jones, Vickie Needleman, Scott does the monologues, Scott and Tommy D’s rivalry, Tommy D and Lindsay dating, Scott trying to steal Lindsay, Scott’s room.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Apr 17, 2015 4:06:31 GMT
The New Class Season 1, Episode 2: “The Slumber Party” Just a quick note: I’ve been able to successfully buy savedbythebellreviewed.com after it had been parked and unused for a year. As a result, the primary address of this site will now be www.savedbythebellreviewed.com. The previous address, savedbythebellreviewed.net, will continue to redirect to the site, but I’d highly recommend you update any bookmarks and site links. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h21m38s109Our episode opens with Scott coming into The Max and…oh my god! What the hell is he wearing? I lived through the nineties and this was never in fashion, even in the Dawson’s Creek bad sweater phase I lived through in high school. I get that the crew was trying to update the look for a new generation but this is not capturing the spirit of the nineties! Anyway, Scott tells us it’s the big football game between Bayside and Valley and Scott feels conflicted since he used to attend Valley. But his penis soon does his thinking for him as Tommy D, Weasel, and Lindsay come in, with Lindsay exclaiming that she wants Bayside TO WIN and naturally Scott agrees with every word she says. And, since I’m criticizing fashion and we’re less than two minutes into the episode, I’ll just point out that Weasel is dressed here as a retarded Mario Brother. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h26m02s170The writers seem intent on trying to prove that Tommy D isn’t Slater by having him insist that this “game stuff” is so uncool. Scott senses an opportunity to swoop down on his prey and immediately starts sucking Lindsay’s lady penis to try and show her how perfect he is. Tommy D continues about how this “pom pom stuff” is for dweebs. Uh, Tommy, you do know that only the cheerleaders use pom poms and not the football players, right? I’d question what Lindsay sees in Tommy D but then I’d just be pointing out the obvious. Lindsay is conscripting her friends into planning for the pep rally before the big game and, as Vicki and Megan come in, Vicki is assigned to food duty because she likes to talk about throwing up. Yeah, it makes little sense to me either. Weasel and Megan are paired up for the music committee and Weasel immediately channels his inner Screech to sexually harass Megan. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h34m13s252Scott volunteers for decoration duty but Tommy D doesn’t trust his motives since Scott is a former Valley student. Wait, not a minute ago Tommy D didn’t give a rat’s ass about any of this stuff and suddenly he doesn’t trust Scott is rooting for Bayside? I see consistency has been left out of this episode. Scott goes to the next table where a group of non-speaking extras from Valley are sitting and bets them $100 that Bayside will beat Valley, hoping that this will prove his loyalty to Bayside and allow him to get into Lindsay’s lady bits. And, in another dated reference, Weasel laments that $100 could buy him twenty minutes on the Blossom party line. Who would he talk to: Joey Lawrence? vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h41m15s108Back at Bayside, there’s some boring stuff about Vicki bugging Mr. Belding for vegan refreshments and Weasel continues his sexual harassment of Megan. But the important stuff comes in Lindsay’s compliments about Scott’s contributions to the decorating committee. Scott is disturbed, though, that, despite his greatest efforts to bang Lindsay, she blows him off to meet Tommy D at The Max, because why the hell would she possibly want to hang out with her boyfriend? Scott formulates a plan to dress as a blonde girl and crash Lindsay’s slumber party that was only mentioned five seconds ago in order to influence her opinion of Tommy D. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h46m19s40At the titular slumber party, Vicki is wearing an oversized toilet seat cover and Megan seems to be questioning the fact that she’s friends with someone who wears a bathroom accessory on her neck. A knock on the door brings Weasel, who is dropping off Scott’s “cousin” from Wisconsin, “Tina,” and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Scott dressed in drag actually makes Zack Morris’s attempt at drag believable. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h48m50s87And Weasel is wearing Twister pajamas hoping the girls will let him stay too, but they spin left face on door. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h50m19s203Meanwhile, no one fucking realizes this is Scott in drag because why would they? After all, in the Saved by the Bell universe, no one has facial recognition skills, except the time that Kelly, Lisa, and Jessie mentally undressed Screech, but that’s a different story. Tina begins regaling the girls with stories of how great Scott is and how horrible Tommy D is. Apparently Tommy D likes cars and video games, making him a horrible person and completely undatable. Meanwhile, at The Max, Weasel has suddenly changed clothes and is playing, wouldn’t you know it, video games with Tommy D. Oh, the humanity! How could Tommy D be playing video games when Lindsay is doing so many more important things like gossiping about him with a bad drag queen and a girl with a toilet seat on her neck. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h57m38s229And enter our comic relief for the episode, Crunch Grabowski, a waiter at The Max. He’ll show up again this season but this time he’s here to deliver a pizza to the slumber party. Despite the fact he looks like he’s in his late-twenties, I looked it up and the actor playing him was only seventeen at the time of this episode. Wow. Tommy D wants to ride along with Crunch so he can try and catch the girls in hot lesbian action, but Weasel, knowing Scott is there, tries to discourage him. That gives us the most disturbing fantasy sequence of this series yet. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h02m55s116 vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h02m44s221 vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h02m33s90Yeah, the fantasy sequence is basically Weasel imagining that the slumber party is his masturbatory Aladdin fantasy and that the girls are scantily clad and going crazy over him.This makes him immediately decide to accompany Crunch and Tommy D to the slumber party, hoping to get laid. Back at the party, the girls are swooning over a teen mag article about Luke Perry and Tina is all, “Scott’s hella better in bed than Luke Perry!” Right about then, Crunch, Tommy D, and Weasel show up with the pizza. Tina’s hiding her face from Tommy D, which makes no sense because if Scott’s disguise is actually clever enough to fool the girls it should, in theory fool Tommy D as well. It definitely does fool Crunch, who is practically wetting himself over Tina and spills pizza on her. Once she leaves, he declares his eternal love for a girl he met in passing seconds earlier. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h09m18s53The next day, Lindsay is all, “Tommy, if you loved me you would be exactly like me and like all the same things I do!” Tommy’s like, “Fuck that shit! Different is good!” as Lindsay storms away. Meanwhile, Mr. Belding is escorting Crunch through the hallway like his best girl because apparently Crunch is not only The Max’s least competent employee, but he’s a football player too! He’s so three dimensional! Crunch looks disturbed at Mr. Belding’s affections and tries to let down Mr. Belding easily by tell him there’s another man in his life.vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h13m50s230Crunch is distraught when he finds out Tina is on her way back to Wisconsin and says he’s not playing until he gets to see her. This, of course, means bad news for Scott since he has $100 riding on the game, and agrees to go and “catch” Tina so that Crunch will play. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h17m49s61We go to the gymnasium where Weasel is doing a disturbing MATING dance to try and woo Megan. Tommy D comes in and it turns out Lindsay blew off a date with him in order to decorate, which obviously means that now Scott has a place to put his man chowder. Meanwhile, Scott gives Crunch a Dear John letter from Tina, which makes things worse because Crunch takes his issues to Mr. Belding, who misuses his authority to force Scott to find a way to bring Tina back. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h22m38s138After the commercials, we cut to the pep rally. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h26m05s140And if it looks familiar, that’s because apparently a pep rally gets the exact same decorations as the dance from the last episode. Something tells me someone other than Lindsay and Scott should be in charge of decorations next time. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h30m23s232Mr. Belding walks in on Scott changing into Tina and thinks that there’s a little something something going on between Weasel and Tina. Oh, and Tina’s hair color has changed due to the unavailability of the blonde wig from before, but this will have absolutely no bearing on the plot because Crunch is apparently being played as a dumb ass who doesn’t even question Tina’s new hair color. Back at the Pep Rally, which apparently involves slow dancing… Slow dancing…at a pep rally… No. No. No. Kelly, Lisa, and Jessie’s stupid little cheer was better than this. Apparently Lindsay views “pep rally” as an excuse to throw a dance, which makes even less sense due to the fact Tommy D was so adamantly opposed to any involvement with it. I am…so…confused right now… The writers of this show really have no clue, do they? But let’s roll with it for now since this episode is nearly over. Crunch wants to get it on with Tina but Tina is playing hard to get. She also gets in the middle of a dispute with Lindsay and Tommy D, further solidifying their hoped-for break up. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h38m04s241Tina spills something on herself to give her an excuse to leave the room and avoid the sexual aggression of Crunch. But, in the hallway, Tommy D finds Scott with wig in hand and earrings still in. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h41m15s37Tommy D finally becomes the first person to figure out what Scott has been up to and forces Scott to dress again like Tina under threat of bodily harm to repair the damage he did to Lindsay and Tommy’s relationship. He tells Lindsay Tommy is a good guy after all. They kiss, agree that their character traits can be expanded to include other interests, and the audience goes fucking crazy. And our episode ends with Crunch having a nice Rhonda Rubestelli-style dance with Tina, because he’s big and that’s funny. vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h47m43s66 God, Scott is just a dick, isn’t he? And so ends my recap of “Screech’s Woman”…I mean, “The Slumber Party”… First: Crunch Grabowski.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Apr 17, 2015 4:06:57 GMT
The New Class Season 1, Episode 3: “A Kicking Weasel”
We open with Weasel walking down the hallway carrying a bunch of football equipment on a stick. I guess this is supposed to be funny but, like most of the jokes in this series, it completely falls flat. And, oh joy, another football episode. Is this Friday Night Lights suddenly?
Anyway, Weasel is the water boy and apparently hasn’t bothered telling Scott that.as Scott feigns surprise. Apparently the big game with Westwood is coming up and Bayside hasn’t won a game against Westwood in ten years. Two surprises here: one, that they’re playing a team other than Valley. And two, wasn’t Slater a star football player? I seem to remember him WINNING a really big trophy for Bayside. But that was three years ago and the writers believe the target demographic to be stupid and have a short memory span so whatever.
vlcsnap-2014-04-03-21h49m26s57Tommy D comes up and reveals to the girls that he made a “Lindsay’s Boyfriend” t-shirt in the print SHOP. Talk about unhealthy co-dependence. Scott starts kissing Tommy D’s ass, and my first impression was that Scott wanted to sell the Lindsay’s Boyfriend t-shirts, which is just creepy. But, whatever the case, Scott has a plan that you just know is bound to blow up in the next twenty minutes. vlcsnap-2014-04-03-21h50m32s217The girls are on the JV cheerleading squad. Apparently, in The New Class, that means they cheer for the ping pong team despite the fact we saw Kelly and Lisa cheering for the varsity sports as early as season one. Something tells me that, if I keep pointing out these disconnects with the original series, we’ll be here all day. vlcsnap-2014-04-03-21h51m12s174The ping pong team is, of course, comprised of our stereotypical Saved by the Bell nerds, including Kirby, who is apparently going to be a regular nerd during the next couple of seasons. These nerds are like a thousand times more annoying than those from the original series because, by this time, Steve Urkel was a cultural phenomenon so they’re all trying to talk nasally. When they lose to Westwood, Mr. Belding is there to provide a comforting man boob.
Weasel walks in carrying an armload of shoes and some asshole football player named J.T. throws a football to Weasel in order to make him drop the shoes. Despite Mr. Belding and the football coach, Mr. Miller, being right there, nothing is done to J.T. and Mr. Miller actually yells at Weasel for dropping the shoes on the floor. What an ass! It seems Lindsay is the only one with half a brain cell in the room and yells at J.T. before helping Weasel pick up the shoes and telling him not to let that ass get to him.
vlcsnap-2014-04-03-22h52m30s78Meanwhile, the unnamed cheerleading coach comes in, followed close behind by two football players carrying a cheerleader. The coach says that the cheerleader was injured doing a reverse 180 degrees. OK, I don’t think it’s possible to just injure yourself in such a way that your legs are stuck in a split. And, I’m no doctor but, even if it was, wouldn’t it be injuring her further for the football players to be carrying her like this? And why did they have to bring her in there in the first place for the coach to tell Mr. Belding what happened? They even point out that the nurse’s office is nowhere near there, so WHY? vlcsnap-2014-04-03-21h52m41s44Meanwhile, Scott and Tommy D are making new t-shirts: “Bayside: Proud to be #2.” Yeah, this is an idiotic idea. If being a Chicago Cubs fan has taught me anything, it’s that, even if your team completely sucks ass, you cheer for them and pretend they don’t. I wouldn’t buy a t-shirt that says, “Chicago Cubs: We haven’t won a pennant since 1945!” What makes these idiots think this would sell?
Weasel and Lindsay walk in and tell Tommy D that a cheerleader from the JV team will be chosen to replace the injured cheerleader. Weasel thinks Lindsay is a shoo in for the spot and she thinks he’s saying it because he’s her friend. And the audience has an “AWWWW” moment when Tommy D tells her Weasel is saying it because it’s true. Lindsay says even if she doesn’t get the spot, at least she knows that one of her friends will, which is actually quite noble.
It’s too bad that Megan and Vicki are acting like complete assholes throughout this entire episode. They’re obviously hella jealous of Lindsay and encourage her to use a move she’s not good at when auditioning. And then, when Lindsay asks them to spot her, they deliberately let her fall. Why does Lindsay hang out with these two again?
vlcsnap-2014-04-03-21h55m36s241Meanwhile, J.T. comes in and throws some smelly uniforms at Weasel and then pulls Weasel’s pants down, revealing his nice pink boxers. Once again, despite Mr. Miller being a matter of feet away, he doesn’t do crap and Weasel snaps and kicks a football into a nearby net, sending the net flying across the gym.
Mr. Miller finally takes notice of Weasel and says that kicking like that means Weasel should be on the football team. Um, I don’t know a lot about football but I’m pretty sure kicking the ball is a fairly small part of the sport. You need a lot more skill than this, and a scrawny guy like Weasel who’s never played the game would be murdered on the field. But who cares about logic and reality! This is the Saved by the Bell universe!
After a commercial break, Weasel walks into The Max wearing his new football jersey. Everyone’s impressed about Weasel being on the football team but a cat fight erupts among the girls about who is going to be the new cheerleader. I was hoping that a swimming pool full of mud would soon be brought out for them to settle their dispute but, instead, they’re united over their mutual hate of J.T.
vlcsnap-2014-04-03-21h58m15s47Yes, J.T. is there and still acting like an asshole, telling Weasel that he just had beginners luck and spraying mustard on his jersey. Tommy D looks like he wants to turn J.T. into a boxing bag but Lindsay and Scott stop him. Why? Everyone agrees this guy is an asshole treating Weasel like shit for no reason. Why not let Tommy D use him for his workout?
After J.T. leaves, Weasel THANKS everyone for their support but says this is a fight he has to fight on his own, which makes me think Weasel’s about to go all Carrie on this mother fucker’s ass. Really, few characters in this universe have evoked as strong a reaction from me as J.T. I really hate him. He has absolutely no redeeming qualities and no motivation behind his hatred of Weasel, which leads me to believe he just has a small penis and is trying to compensate for it. vlcsnap-2014-04-03-21h58m59s225At the print SHOP, Scott has changed his t-shirt strategy to “Bayside Wins With Weasel.” Sorry, Scott, but unless Weasel is going to do anything other than kick the ball, Bayside does not WIN with Weasel. But everyone’s obsessed with Weasel’s ability to kick. Tommy D is skeptical about whether Weasel can really win the game when Weasel kicks a ball through the window. And Tommy D says, “Holy Canolli.” Holy Canolli…Holy Canolli…you writers really couldn’t think of anything better for him to say than “Holy Canolli.” I get you don’t want to say holy shit on a Saturday morning teen program but there are other, more realistic ways for Tommy D to express surprise than “Holy Canolli.”
Scott wants Tommy D to use the print shop funds to print more t-shirts and he’s initially understandably skeptical, until Scott promises to get Lindsay on the varsity team, at which time he agrees.
Mr. Miller and a number of other football players walk Weasel down the hall saying how great it is that he’s going TO WIN the game by kicking the ball despite the fact that I think the writers were thinking of soccer and not football. But whatever, J.T. is still an asshole and one of the extras refers to him as their quarterback. Wait…wasn’t Crunch just established as their quarterback last week? Speaking of which, where is Crunch? Last week, everyone was up his ass about being God’s gift to football and this week, in another football episode, he’s nowhere to be seen. Way to maintain continuity, guys.
Mr. Belding comes down and starts shaking Weasel’s hand and, for a moment, I thought Weasel looked like he was going to kiss Mr. Belding, but it turns out Mr. Belding is stepping on his foot. Oh, and the overweight football player behind Weasel is Meat. It’s his first appearance and he’ll be showing up quite a bit over the next couple seasons.
vlcsnap-2014-04-03-22h00m12s202Meanwhile, Scott starts kissing Megan’s ass and convinces her she needs to create a “smarter” cheer. Next he tells Vicki that she’d make a cute cheerleader and gives her a t-shirt to wear under her uniform for good luck. Yeah, the fact that these two fell for that tells me they’re not the brightest bulbs in the bunch.
At the cheerleading tryouts, apparently Linday, Megan, and Vicki are the only three trying out because they didn’t want to pay for additional extras. The judges are Mr. Belding, the cheerleading coach, and one of the ping pong nerds. Wait, why is he here? Why am I questioning this? It’s hurting my brain!
Lindsay is first and does a mediocre cheer. Next, Megan does her “smart” cheer and the judges look less than impressed.vlcsnap-2014-04-03-22h02m36s101Finally, Vicki runs out for a shower after Scott tells Tommy D he put itching powder in the t-shirt he gave her. The judges, of course, pick Lindsay because the plot demands it. Oh, and, the red-haired nerd who is, for some reason, judging this thing, is Milton. He first showed up in “The Date LOTTERY” but I don’t know enough about this stupid show to know who’s recurring and who’s not unless I look it up on IMDB. But he’ll apparently be a recurring nerd on The New Class.
Everyone is up Weasel’s ass. He signs all the t-shirts that Scott and Tommy D made and the cheerleaders have written a cheer for him. But, when Mr. Miller asks him to practice kicking, he’s suddenly bad at it because he’s happy instead of angry, which actually makes sense, for once. After all, it is a healthy way of handling your emotions to channel them into a sport or something creative. And it would make sense that Weasel hasn’t had the experience needed to do this on demand.
Scott and Tommy D get Weasel and J.T. to both come to The Max at the same time hoping that J.T. will piss Weasel off again. But J.T. has found a new way to be an asshole, this time by being nice to Weasel so he won’t be able to play. J.T. says he took football too seriously which, if true, shouldn’t he want TO WIN, even if he’s not the star?
Scott gets Tommy D to try to dump some fries in Weasel’s lap to piss him off but can’t bring himself to because he’s not an asshole like Scott. Scott pushes Tommy D’s hand, knocking the fries in Weasel’s lap, but Weasel is easily forgiving, thus rendering this EXCHANGE pointless.
vlcsnap-2014-04-03-22h09m49s72Back at school, Megan and Vicki are still acting like whiny little bitches over Lindsay being the cheerleader, acting like Lindsay is being stuck up when Lindsay is one of only two characters who haven’t been assholes during this episode. Instead of telling them to fuck off with their jealousy, she tells Tommy D she regrets making the team and Tommy D lets the fact that Scott fixed the try outs slip.vlcsnap-2014-04-03-22h10m29s221In the locker room, Mr. Belding tries unsuccessfully to motivate the team and Mr. Miller does so simply by telling them they’re going to beat Westwood. Everyone leaves except Weasel and Scott walks in to try unsuccessfully once again to piss off Weasel.vlcsnap-2014-04-03-22h12m04s148Lindsay picks that moment to walk in and yell at Scott about the scheme, which does piss Weasel off because Lindsay is his best friend. Scott piles on some lies about stuff he supposedly did to Lindsay to piss him off even more, which, of course, gets Weasel in the mood to kick.
And then this happens.
Two things to notice. I know I haven’t talked much about how horrible these actors are, but they’re really bad. All of them. Isaac Lidsky may be going for angry here but he sounds more like he’s going to cry.
Second, there’s no way at the angle that Weasel kicked the ball that it would have gone that high. Really, that’s just really bad editing.
vlcsnap-2014-04-03-22h15m08s189But, after some really bad parodies of celebratory football dances, Bayside wins, of course, all THANKS to Weasel, for some reason. Everyone loves Weasel because they won the game without a single touchdown, which I’m not sure is actually possible. Please, if I’m wrong, correct me, but it just seems pointless and idiotic that this entire plot has been built around field kicks being the most important part of football!vlcsnap-2014-04-03-22h15m47s56To resolve our other plot, the girls feign that they’re forgiving Scott. vlcsnap-2014-04-03-22h16m14s78And Mr. Belding steps on Weasel’s foot again. That’s just liability waiting to happen.vlcsnap-2014-04-03-22h16m42s123Lindsay tells Mr. Belding that Scott and Tommy D are donating all the MONEY they won from the t-shirts to the ping pong team…for some reason. I guess this is revenge on them even though that was just barely related to them fixing the tryouts. But, no matter, our ping pong nerds give a rousing cheer for Scott and Tommy D.vlcsnap-2014-04-03-22h17m20s211And everyone watches as Scott dances around The Max because Megan and Vicki put itching powder down his shirt. And everything is resolved, except for the fact that Megan and Vicki were complete bitches and that Weasel is still on the football team. Considering Mr. Miller and J.T. never show up again in the series, what do you want to BET neither of those things are ever mentioned again?
Firsts: Meat.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Apr 17, 2015 4:07:24 GMT
The New Class Season 1, Episode 4: “Home Shopping”
We open with Scott and Lindsay, who have apparently take jobs at the school store which is conveniently located in the only hallway set they have and blocking only two lockers. If you don’t ever remember seeing the school store, it’s because it has never existed before and will probably never exist again. But, since it’s convenient to the plot, the writers hope that we won’t notice so they can go home for the day and drink away the pain of writing this show.
Lame enough, apparently Scott and Lindsay get “commission” off each item they sell. The first purchase, by two of our stereotypical nerds purchasing two of the finest paperclips, is sure to net them a nice percentage. Hell, why would anyone think commission at what amounts to a school bookstore is a good idea anyway? There have to be rules against this.vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h13m23s206Meanwhile, Megan, Vicki, and Weasel are “roving reporters” in the hallway reporting on…the stress of midterms? Yeah, I won’t even question the time line at this point or how dull of a show this must be. Weasel is too much of a dumb ass to take off the lens cap but then Megan points out what a useless blob of flesh he is. Tommy D conveniently walks into the scene and is immediately questioned by Vicki. He’s complaining about the mid-term of some guy named Hammersmith, which I’m sure won’t factor into the plot of this episode at all. Oh, and Weasel was apparently too much of a dumb ass to put the VHS tape in the camera, too, because that’s his character trait: being an idiot.
The three go over to the school store to film Scott and Lindsay hocking a number two pencil. Seriously. This is really happening. Megan’s like, “Scott this isn’t fucking QVC, although I have no idea what else the school store could do on our newscast, think of something more interesting!” Unfortunately, Scott has a moment of insight and decides to commandeer the news show.
Scott and Megan go to Mr. Belding with the idea of a home shopping network at Bayside. Mr. Belding, ever oblivious to what we all know will eventually go wrong, says he loves the idea. Oh, and he says he bought his wife glow-in-the-dark sheets on a home shopping network, prompting Megan to declare how lucky of a woman Mrs. Belding must be.
vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h15m27s149Scott wants new products but Megan thinks there’s nothing wrong with the products; they only need the right spokesman for the job: someone with beauty and brains the student body will respect. Mr. Belding naturally thinks they’re talking about him and, in the tradition of Casey Kasem, Megan puts Mr. Belding in his place.vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h16m05s10Megan is, of course, thinking of Lindsay and, in the next scene, because Bayside apparently has a television set suitable for a home shopping network just lying around for the schemes of Zack Morris wannabes, we see Scott and Lindsay filming the new show.
vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h16m49s220They’re hawking a $50 piece of wood attached to a strap that they’re calling an “attach a desk,” perfect for studying on the go. You know, I went to high school in an era when no one had e-books and laptops study with on the go, and this is not how we studied. vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h18m20s92And it’s time for the “Wheel of Prizes,” which allows the first caller to win a nifty prize that we all know Scott doesn’t have. The caller sounds like he’s about to orgasm, leading me to believe he’s called the wrong number and intended to call a phone sex line. The caller gets a color TV but Weasel, behind the wheel, moves it back to an autographed picture of Mr. Belding in plain view of the camera. Really bad way to cheat.vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h18m46s75
This has been the most excruciating five minutes of doing this blog so far and it just continues with Vicki hawking class rings while trying to get camera time, because it’s funny that she wants her face on camera and not just her hand. And, to continue the fun, it’s a pair of glasses that would make a teacher think that the student was awake when they are really asleep, well, if the class is being taught by Mr. Magoo that is. And this is when Mr. Belding finally intervenes and mercifully relieves me of the pain this episode is bringing me thus far.
vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h19m40s131In class, Scott and Megan think the home shopping network has been a wash but Scott is convinced they’ll think of something because there is no wall for the writers of this show to hit in terms of unbelievable plot lines.vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h20m10s163Weasel and Vicki run into the room yelling, “Hammer alert” and I was hoping M.C. Hammer would show up for a cameo because that would be far more interesting right now, but it’s just Mr. Hammersmith. Surprise, surprise, I never got from Tommy D’s mentioning of him earlier that he would play a role in this episode.
So Mr. Hammersmith is reviewing for the mid-term and asks Megan when the Boston Tea Party was. She answers correctly and his follow-up is how many cups of tea could they have made with the tea bags dumped into the harbor. Wait…what…the…hell…
Mr. Hammersmith has a bad case of uppity clichéd character who thinks he’s better than everyone else-itis. He wishes he was teaching at Haaaarvard, because Bayside High is obviously a stepping stone in a career path to academia.
His next question is for Tommy D: the terms of the Treaty of Paris in Cherokee. Wait, what? This is hurting my brain! Mr. Hammersmith declares none of them are prepared for the mid-term. I don’t understand. Is he purposely trying to sabotage the academic careers of a bunch of teenagers just to satisfy his ego? Wouldn’t he be fired once it was realized no one passed his course?
At The Max, everyone is…for some reason…studying for mid-terms in the middle of a restaurant that has, in the past, featured dance contests and Hawaiian-themed send-off parties, and they’re getting mad at any possible sound. Of course, the set designers were probably just too lazy to try and figure out how to convert one of their four existing sets into a library, but, whatever.
vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h23m43s250And, oh joy, it’s James the Actor. We haven’t quite gotten to him in the reviews of the original series, but he was a recurring character who’s a constantly out-of-work actor working at The Max who was occasionally hired for one of Zack Morris’s schemes. Gee, I wonder what’s going to happen.
James brings them all shakes as they’re trying to think of new products for the home shopping network, and Vicki starts putting something into hers, which scares me we’re going to have another “Jessie’s Song.” Turns out it’s only fish oil, though, but don’t put it past these writers to do a very special episode on the dangers of fish oil.
Vicki takes fish oil to help improve her memory, because fish oil apparently does that in this wacky universe, and three guesses what Scott’s plan is. vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h25m36s95In Weasel’s room, they’re apparently using a child’s chemistry set to try and concoct a memory potion. Of course, it’s disgusting, so Scott is like, “Fuck it. We’re already complete fraudsters. Let’s just market chocolate sauce as memory sauce.” vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h26m53s108Back on the set of the show, Weasel and Vicki give a complete bullshit explanation of the new product, which is being marketed as “Chocolate Memory.” It apparently goes down the throat and then back up the blood vessels to the memory cells. Apparently no one at Bayside knows anything about anatomy.
The crowning achievement of their massive scam is to pass Tommy D off as a failing student who was helped by chocolate memory. Scott reads Tommy D’s report card and he’s like, “No wonder they call him Tommy D!” Um…because his last name is DeLuca and it’s a nickname?
Scott asks his viewers to completely suspend all reason and logic by telling them that Tommy D drank chocolate memory last night and read a world almanac afterwards. He then asks viewers to call in with geography questions for Tommy D.
I bet you’ll never guess who the caller is. vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h27m55s192
Oh, how they love to surprise us! It’s James on a payphone…on-set…because that wouldn’t totally mess up the sound of the filming and be completely obvious to anyone who heard the delay. James asks Tommy D two questions that he had been previously prepped on by Lindsay, because that’s apparently enough to convince all of Bayside, and, once he answers them, Bayside loses their shit and immediately calls in droves to order it, because apparently people were just waiting by their phones at home for the opportunity to buy something on this network. Which brings up an interesting question: where the hell is this show airing? How are people calling in and buying stuff? Why do I expect any of this to make sense? vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h28m59s86And we get a lame reference to Happy Days. vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h29m58s171
Meanwhile, the football players, lead by Meat and Vern, another of the regular football players, and the nerds, lead by Kirby and Milton, are all convinced that Chocolate Memory has improved their grades. Both sides of the spectrum are idiots in this episode. And even Mr. Belding is in on the idiocy this episode, as he believes Chocolate Memory helped him get a perfect score on his driving test. Wait, why did Mr. Belding need to take a driving test? He hasn’t had a license all these years? What the hell?vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h31m26s21Back on the set of the show, we have a horrible musical number about Chocolate Memory that makes my ears bleed. Scott and Megan are now promoting the product as a sure-fire way to get an A on Mr. Hammersmith’s mid-term.vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h31m42s199Mr. Hammersmith just happened to be loitering in the hallway when they said this because he marches on-set and declares that Chocolate Memory is a fraud, which is true, and that he’s going to ensure everyone fails his mid-term to prove it. Wait, what? How DOES this guy have a job? Doesn’t it raise a red flag with the school board if no one passes your class?
At The Max, Meat and Vern declare they’re going to murder Scott and bury him in a shallow grave if they don’t pass Mr. Hammersmith’s mid-term, which almost makes me hope that whatever scheme Scott comes up with is going to fail. And, of course, this scheme involves James, who is doing a bunch of meta jokes about being an actor who can’t remember any of his lines.
vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h33m36s51James walks into Mr. Belding’s office dressed as Lou Albano playing a Mario Brother. He declares he’s there to investigate the non-existent air conditioning problem.vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h33m59s22
Scott and Weasel come in dressed in winter coats to convince Mr. Belding the entire school is freezing from an out of control air conditioner. Of course, since this show takes place in Los Angeles, the natural question is why do they even own winter coats, but these are the same writers who think commission on a paper clip is a good idea, so whatever.vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h34m41s184James convinces Mr. Belding through the power of bad acting and ice cubes that it’s only his imagination that his office isn’t freezing. James declares that he needs Mr. Hammersmith because Mr. Hammersmith is really a genius in AC repair, which is just an idiotic scheme, so, of course, Mr. Belding falls for it.
Mr. Belding calls Mr. Hammersmith to his office, James strips out of his Mario Brothers outfit revealing a suit, Mr. Hammersmith comes in, and James tells Mr. Hammersmith his name is “James Maxwell Smartfellow” and that he’s a recruiter for Haaarvard, because Haaarvard always makes house calls to high school history teachers looking for new professors. James says that Mr. Hammersmith can’t be a Haaarvard professor because none of his students are passing, which, frighteningly enough, may be the most realistic thing in this entire damned episode since no educational institution in their right mind would keep Mr. Hammersmith. vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h37m03s61Mr. Hammersmith begs James to give him another CHANCE and he’ll give him lots of As. In class, Mr. Hammersmith gives the exam orally because it’s easier to move the plot around that way, and all his questions are super easy. Despite this, Meat and Vern still didn’t pick up on the fact that it’s a complete scam. Plus they don’t know which came first: World War I or World War II.
The Mr. Hammersmith plot is dropped at this point and we never see him in the series again. We then wrap up the chocolate memory plot in the stupidest way possible: with Mr. Belding and the nerds coming up to declare that a bunch of chocolate syrup gives you a bad rash on your face.vlcsnap-2014-04-13-09h39m50s198
Scott and Megan declare they make beautiful partners, there’s an implication of an eventual forced romance between Scott and Megan that will never be seen, and we mercifully end this episode as I go cry softly into my pillow and relive the pain I just endured.
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