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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 3:52:12 GMT
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers Episode 15: Dark Warrior
Before we can see what any of the Ranger Teens are up to today, we're introduced to a doddering old man using a bunch of dime store chemistry props inside a cheap lab set. He exposits that his invisibility formula is almost complete and spills some on a cactus he has sitting on his lab table. There isn't a photo of this guys family to be seen, but he did spruce up his cookie cutter laboratory with a single depressing plant. This formula turns the cactus invisible, and let's try and map out exactly what you'd expect to happen in a scene with an invisible cactus.
A cactus, known for being sharp, is now invisible on a table where a character is moving his hands around. What you might expect to happen is Uncle Howard placing his hand on the cactus, causing himself physical pain, and pulling away comically. However that's not what happens at all, instead he just gently feels the cactus needle with his finger and rejoices that he made this formula work. No goofy moment of slightly hurting his hand or easy physical comedy. So then why make the invisible object a cactus if he's not going to hurt himself on it? This episode has three fucking writers and they didn't see the easiest gag to do with an invisible cactus?
Thankfully we get to the Youth Center so we can see the masters of dumb physical gags at work. Bulk is playing some arcade game and getting pissed that he keeps losing at it. Bulk should realize someone who can't walk four feet with falling ass backwards into a cake isn't going to have the manual dexterity to beat Donkey Kong. Bulk notices Billy being a dork and demands a quarter from him, but Billy says he couldn't possibly have any spending them on a new pair of humiliating overalls. Bulk calls bullshit, so he holds Billy upside down and shakes some quarters out of him, then dumps him in a recycling bin. Billy you're a stereotypical geek, wouldn't it be smarter just to give them a quarter so they don't emasculate you in front of everyone?
Trini helps her tragic friend out of the garbage and says to cheer up because even though no one in their circle of friends will ever take him seriously again, her brilliant scientist Uncle Howard will be coming to town today so Billy can have someone to talk to about being lonely and talking like a thesaurus. Billy says he's tired of being the punchline of every joke on this blog so he's going to re-enroll in Jason's karate class, which is an impressive attention to detail. Billy did enroll in Jason's karate class in the pilot, and we've seen him humiliate himself pretty consistently ever since he became a Power Ranger, so we can assume he quietly withdrew from Jason's class after some sort of embarrassing incident.
Rita spies Uncle Howard working on his invisibility potion and conjures up a plan to steal it so she bitches at Finster to make her a monster that's invincible and clever. They've fucked this up 14 times, but Rita KNOWS today will be different. Finster whips up his newest monster, the Dark Warrior. When you think clever invincible monster, you probably think ninja decked out in camo gear.
Dark Warrior Add in a scarf for fashion.
Uncle Howard finds his way into the Juice Bar, hiding his invisibility potion in his coat like it's a bottle of cheap hooch. Before meeting him Jason puts two and two together and realizes Trini's Uncle Howard is the same Uncle Howard who's a famous martial artist. No seriously, Trini's never before referred to uncle is a genius inventor with a minor in kung fu. Weird, he looks more like a confused doughy elderly Asian gentleman in a brown overcoat to me.
Uncle Howard
Trini spots the collection of tropes she calls her uncle and runs over to him and hugs him. Trini must be excited to see her uncle because she knows he'll tell her mom to knock it off with the dumbass dolls. Trini introduces her friends to her uncle and then...what?
Bet you can't pat his head at the same time.
If this is how Trini's family act with each other it's no wonder Sylvia felt so safe with that pederast clown.
Billy introduces himself to Uncle Howard with the best line in this entire show, "It's a pleasure to meet you karate scientist." Uncle Howard tells "Billy-San" that he'll be able to sharpen his body and his mind with martial arts, because the writers learned everything they knew about martial arts from The Karate Kid.
Rita commands Dark Warrior to keep an eye on Squatt, Baboo, and Goldar as they go to find Uncle Howard's invisibility potion. She also commands him to do it off-screen since they don't have the suit to film with. Is this all Rita wanted Finster to make a monster for? To act as a babysitter to her henchmonsters? What are you even doing Rita?
The dumbfuck trio head into Uncle Howard's lab, and before they even come into frame we very blatantly see a small vial that says "Do Not Touch." Goldar spies the bottle that we know isn't the formula and demands Squatt to check if it's the right one. Squatt takes a swig of it and passes it to Baboo who does the same. It gives them a huge stomachache and Goldar gets all pissy that they were supposed to check it, not drink it. Then why didn't you stop them Goldar? What did you actually expect these morons to do? Wasn't Baboo making a fucking potion like just a couple weeks ago to turn people into punks? Why is he just being dumb like Squatt now? And Dark Warrior, get in here from off camera and tell them to knock it off. At least Rita takes their idiocy in stride.
Rita Repulsa mad Dark Warrior agrees
After telling the Evil Space Aliens they're going to bed without dessert, Dark Warrior says he'll send down Putties to capture Uncle Howard instead of waste time on more meaningless scenes of Squatt and Baboo drinking from bottles. What is all this about again? Some bottle of invisibility goop? Remember when Finster made a monster that could turn invisible arbitrarily? Who cares, now they need that formula and a ninja to find it.
Billy and Uncle Howard enjoy a nice bland lesson of White Guy Karate in the park while the Putties show up to beat the shit out of a fragile nerd, and also Uncle Howard. The odds are still 10 to 1 they'll manage to botch this one somehow. Uncle Howard even does some karate that isn't half bad for someone his age. Granted he's 300 years old and does a couple kicks, but it beats my expectation of him clutching his chest and keeling over at the first sign of exertion. Billy is moderately successful at fighting a couple of Putties, so that must mean his character's developed now. Sadly he hasn't improved enough to stop the Putties from carrying Uncle Howard away and vanishing.
The Putties have relocated the old fossil to some cave in the middle of who gives a fuck. They tie up Uncle Howard and strap him to a bunch of boxes painted red that we get to pretend are TNT crates. Dark Warrior threatens Uncle Howard with violence against Trini if he doesn't tell him where the formula is, but Howard's so off his rocker he doesn't know what he did with it. Dark Warrior promises that if he doesn't remember what he did with the formula, the cave's going to blow in the next hour. The bomb is set to go off using what appears to be Hal 9000 taped on top of an Atari 2600 and some old alarm clocks.
I can't let you do that Howard
Billy runs into the Youth Center out of breath, likely because he beat a Putty and had to stop and tell everyone he saw on the way there. He tells the rest of the Ranger Teens that Uncle Howard's been kidnapped and they should probably do something about it. Ernie brings a set of black balloons over to Trini and says they were just delivered for her. They immediately pop when Ernie walks off and contain a note from Dark Warrior telling them to bring the formula to him or he's going to turn Sylvia into an orphan.
Just before we get out of control here let's pump the breaks for a second and look what just happened. This space ninja who just kidnapped an elderly karate scientist, gave a message to a fat Juice Bar owner in a Hawaiian shirt via exploding balloons, to a bunch of teenagers who managed to play this off like it was totally normal. Maybe some Putties disguised themselves to drop those balloons off, but no matter what, it's the weirdest goddamn thing I've ever seen a ninja do.
Ninja Blue Truck ....Second weirdest
Trini tries to act terrified of the prospect that someone kidnapped her uncle and his big dumb Pillsbury Doughboy belly, but she looks more like someone trying to decide which conditioner to use. The Ranger Teens head to the Command Center to see what Zordon has to say about all this Dark Warrior business, which he responds to by saying her uncle's potion has inspired Rita to hatch one of her most evil plots ever. The way Zordon talks is exactly how the commercials would when promoting episodes like this. Rita has a devious plan ready to kill the Rangers, find out what happens this Tuesday! Oh you're watching? Turns out it was just a stupid formula, see ya next week dorks.
Zordon does have something interesting to say though, that Rita's plan is to use the invisibility formula to make the Rangers disappear forever. I actually forgot that was her plan as I wrote these notes, and it gets fucking dumber the more I think about it. We've seen the invisibility formula just makes things....y'know INVISIBLE. They're still there you just can't see them. That wouldn't make the Rangers unable to stop her or her monsters, it would actually make them able to blindside her forces who wouldn't be able to see them. They would be nearly unstoppable against her monsters unless Finster can slap some infrared goggles on a moose or whatever. Being invisible would make home life a little awkward, but Trini's uncle is the one who invented it. He'd probably be able to fix things for her. This goes down as Rita's dumbest plan yet, including her plan to put things inside bottles.
The Rangers teleport to the cave Uncle Howard is being kept in and have a fight with the Putties guarding it. We get a nice moment of Billy punching a Putty and making it fly back, all while he looks at his hand with confusion as to how the hell he did that.
The Rangers really easily beat up the Putties but it's nothing we haven't seen before. It'd be more interesting if we had other things like Trini being uncomfortable or not fighting well because she's worried about her uncle, but instead they just all kick 8 different flavors of ass and it's nothing but some karate to keep the blood pumping. Don't get me wrong, all the actors have a unique style to their fighting, it's just that you can only see the Rangers fighting by a cave so many times before you just tune out and want something more visually appealing.
Billy spies the bomb and is asked by the rest of his team to defuse it. Billy looks unsure that he can actually defuse some galactic ninja bomb but he says he'll try, and Uncle Howard says his karate training will help him focus his mind. Shut up old man, just let the nerd cut the wire and stop blathering. Billy does exactly what you'd expect and pulls the wire, saving Uncle Howard from hilariously exploding. This episode does get one extra star for not having the timer countdown to exactly one second before the bomb explodes.
Uncle Howard wanders off while muttering about where he could have put his formula. He actually wanders even further into the cave, where he is soon after devoured by bears, but whatever at least the bombs defused. The Rangers morph to fight Dark Warrior in the park so we can finally see him in action. Dark Warrior grapples with the Rangers using their Blade Blasters and kicks them around a bit. Kimberly, high on the fact she's been able to kill two monsters by herself, tries to take him down solo.
Dark Warrior Gif You count the arrows one, two, and three.
DW isn't havin' this Ranger noise though and blasts them with a wrist mounted cannon. The Rangers are unable to do a thing to him before Rita decides to make him grow. Do you think this is going to get you that potion Rita? Just cut your fucking losses lady.
The Rangers bring in the Megazord to fight Dark Warrior and he actually fares pretty well against the giant robot. Warrior tries using his katana but it gets knocked out of his hands, so he upgrades to a massive chain scythe to tie Megazord up. You can tell Dark Warrior is trying to beat Megazord in terms of speed which is pretty cool for such a bland monster. The Rangers use the Power Sword to cut the chain binding them, and destroy Dark Warrior.
Uncle Howard wonders aloud where he left the jar while he watches Billy and Jason spar during karate class. Billy actually manages to catch Jason with a move, but Jason counters back as if to say he's still got a way to go. Billy then gets awarded his yellow belt and you actually feel pretty good for him, the guy's improving. We've been able to see his growth as a character as he's disciplined himself to be stronger.
It's been built up for several episodes that Billy isn't as good a fighter as his friends when they aren't morphed, so you actually get time to feel bad for him humiliating himself, and much better when you see him improve. It's a slow burn, and it works way better than having him be shitty at karate then instantly amazing the next episode.
Bulk and Skull show up and start antagonizing Billy because we have a few more minutes left to kill. Zack almost goes after them but Jason says he can handle himself; again, a very nice moment. Then it all goes completely down the pipes.
Uncle Howard sees his formula sitting on the counter at Ernie's, right where he left it if he had bothered to look for 3 seconds. He notices Bulk and Skull harassing Billy and decides to take matters into his own hands. Uncle Howard drinks his stupid formula and "Let's Get Invisible's" himself. He heads over to the bullies and, whilst invisible, kicks their asses. The bullies run away as Uncle Howard reappears next to Billy while laughing. He clearly finds it funny that he was able to prevent Billy's character growth and render a significant portion of this episode meaningless. He also seems proud that his stupid potion can just be undone whenever the invisible person feels like being visible again. Thus undoing the supposed effectiveness of Rita's entire dumb as shit plan. Thanks for nothing Uncle Howard!
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Ninja Balloon Telegrams
Personal Thoughts:
This episode is, aside from Billy getting some development, completely middle of the road to me. Rita's plot is ludicrously dumb, the fights feel pretty bland, and Dark Warrior is easily one of my least favorite monster designs all season. He's just an ugly looking ninja with some dumb frog face. It doesn't reach a level of disdain I had for an episode like Big Sisters or For Whom the Bell Trolls, but it also doesn't feel as strong as I, Eye Guy or Happy Birthday Zack.
The original Japanese plot was actually pretty similar to this episode's. Dark Warrior was trying to seek out an elixir in the Sentai episode that provided immortality. As children are blissfully unaware of their impending deaths, it's probably a smarter choice to change it a little bit. I appreciate they took the time to even change Rita's plan accordingly, just not the way they turned it into the dumbest plan possible.
This episode is the first time we see Baboo filmed in U.S. footage, as the scene with him, Squatt, and Goldar was unique to Power Rangers. The U.S. costume for Baboo is fine aside from the mouth which just looks like a blob of blue paint. The Japanese footage of Baboo was a guy in the costume with his face and mouth mostly exposed so he could act with his expressions. All of the shots of Baboo here try to hide his ugly ass paint mouth so you can't see how terrible it looks. You'll have to look close but it's definitely there.
They also tried to use Dark Warrior in U.S. footage but very clearly didn't have the suit, so they tried to stage shots with him off camera in the foreground. It works better than that awful U.S. Madame Woe shot, but I'm almost positive they just let whoever was wearing the costume wear jeans underneath the little bits of camouflage foam.
If those aren't Levi's at the bottom left of this picture I'll eat my hat.
It may not seem very strange that Dark Warrior's ground fight didn't have a very definitive ending, but in the Japanese footage he was actually defeated before growing, which makes Rita's insistence on gigantifying him more logical. They had to cut the scene of him being defeated for two reasons; 1) There was a little Japanese girl being held hostage by him as he was getting attacked and 2) Yellow Ranger used a ninja trick of creating doppelgangers to blitzkrieg Dark Warrior. The writers must not have felt like trying to make sense out of that scene or give Trini any focus, so they nixed the whole thing. It was a pretty cool moment that ended with the monster getting daggers thrown at his stomach. You can still see the shot of him reeling from the hit in MMPR but it's easy to miss that he's been wounded.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 3:52:26 GMT
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers Episode 16: Switching Places
Credit where credit's due, this episode begins by establishing the one thing Squatt is absolutely fantastic at; providing expository dialogue to set up the plot in less than half a minute. You see, Squatt has come to Earth to tamper with Billy's newest nameless invention. In doing so it will scramble up Billy's brain and leave the Rangers helpless against Rita's next monster.
Of all the people in your gaggle of space idiots to send to Earth to rewire a machine, you send Squatt? Squatt is a blue goblin with a unicorn horn and an underbite that would make a bulldog blush and he's your first pick to do something that requires thinking? Lucky for him all you need to do to make this machine malfunction is switch two electrodes, and Squatt gets to call it a day. What we don't see of course is Baboo twiddling his thumbs by his space cell phone, waiting for Rita to give him a call about his next important task.
So what does Billy's stupid new invention do? Well he explains to Kim that the machine can allow people to read each other's minds, which can let Kim know all the disgusting things Billy has been thinking about her ever since they met. Billy leads Kim to his new device, which is just a bunch of plastic shit on the wall with some wires taped to it, which she seems to believe is morphenomenal. Her delivery on that word is so awkward it defies all logic. It's so bad you can actually see her straining to say it right.
Kimberly morphenomenal P...Please don't patronize me Kim I worked very hard on this.
While this is happening, Bulk and Skull have snuck into Billy's garage and are watching the demonstration of his bullshit magic science mind reading machine. Yeah the two guys who have seemed like sociopaths the past few weeks are just sneaking inside a nerd's house, it's cool though. They think about how this device could change their lives, likely by putting them into bodies that don't fall down every time an object is put in front of them.
While the bullies watch Kim and Billy get inside the machine to test it out, they run afoul of a "ferocious" dog that's sitting outside the garage. The kind of dog that looks really nice whenever it's not clearly being prompted by an off screen trainer to bark at people. It chases Bulk and Skull off to maul them to death Cujo style while Billy flips the switch to test his invention.
Billy's invention lightly spews sparks and shakes the teens around while the actors look uncomfortable inside of the 20 dollar pile of props. Hard to blame them considering the set was so fucking cheap it actually lit Amy Jo Johnson and David Yost on fire during a take. Hey, it's cool you want to make a show on the cheap, that's fine. But if you're going to do something that can potentially kill 40 percent of your cast maybe you need to test it out first.
Speaking of testing things out first, Billy and Kim exit the machine and soon realize the machine didn't work quite as planned. Billy starts talking like a valley girl and Kim starts talking like Encyclopedia Brown. This is when you realize we've hit the show's requisite body swap episode which should be the free space on your sitcom plot bingo card.
Goldar announces to no one in particular that their forces have finally uncovered the magical lamp of the Genie from Canine 4 of the Wolf's Head Galaxy. What's the monster's name you ask? Oh it's just Genie. Why bother giving him a name when a title will suffice?
Short Blue Henchman and Tall Blue Henchman rub the lamp to see what this Genie is all about, making this the first episode that Squatt has ever done more than one thing. The Genie soon emerges and says genieric things about their wish being his command or whatever. He doesn't seem threatening or interesting at all, just a blue genie dog. This just goes to show you that Finster is the only one who should be making monsters around here. Ignore the Pineoctopus, Finster was sick that day.
Genie Power Rangers Did everyone on that planet look this stupid?
Bulk and Skull sneak into Billy's garage after the mind-swapped teens have already left, intent on testing the machine on themselves to try this mind reading business. We get a nice goofy joke between these idiots where Bulk says he'll try to read Skull's mind, and Skull asks if it's okay to think of Kimberly. He says it with an earnest smugness that reflects his character perfectly, as Bulk just dismisses him out of disgust. Bulk turns on the machine, and ends up switching the two's brains so we have something else to cut to when the episode is running short.
Bulk Skull Switch Sometimes I lay awake at night wondering how much money these two made off of shaking their faces.
This episode does something right that I think Power Ranger Punks completely missed the mark on. Kim acting like Billy and Billy acting like Kim are a lot more fun to watch than Kim and Billy serving up a nice juicy ham and cheese sandwich with their bully acting. The actors are playing each other's parts while having fun with it, and acting more like a human being than a cringe worthy stereotype. It's goofy as hell, but it's more my style of goofy as opposed to complete over the top schtick. What can I say? I need some subtlety in my dog faced genie teenager karate shows.
Billy as Kim tries to teach a cooking class to a bunch of teens who notice how homely she's become, and Kim as Billy gives shoddy advice to a classmate asking how to do "file sorting" on his computer. Thankfully he didn't ask to do anything even more complicated like "surf the web" or "hack the database." Kim even advises the young man to press the d-d-d-delete key! Billy thinks he's successfully made a cheese soufflé, but because we need to make more messes, it somehow turns into a giant balloon of cheese and explodes a bunch of goo all over the rest of the class.
Billy and Kim are completely at wits end with each other, as Kim-Billy yells at Billy-Kim for making her look like a cheap tramp with her makeup smeared everywhere. Realistically if you put a socially awkward dork inside some hot cheerleader's body, you should be pretty grateful all he's doing is applying your makeup like shit. Billy's even wearing a massive ugly purple sweater, likely so he doesn't even have to worry about the stress of putting a bra on. Let's just all be thankful this isn't a two part episode about Billy and Kim really figuring things out they never thought they'd understand.
It's about this time the rest of the Rangers find out what's going on, halfway into the episode. We haven't even seen them so far but they just come waltzing down the hallways of the school to see Billy dressed all preppy and Kimberly looking like she's auditioning to be the next Joker.
Billy as Kimberly Or he got stung by a bunch of bees on the way to school.
They don't seem to be all that concerned with the turn of events, and they don't suspect Rita of anything involved in this, just that Billy's fucked up another invention. Why even bother with the prologue of Squatt making Billy's machine malfunction if everyone just believes it was Billy's fault to begin with?
Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull are at the Juice Bar after having had their brains swapped. They've dressed up in each other's outfits, somehow getting a fat guy in Skull's little coat. Bulk in Skull's body is eating a gigantic sandwich because of course he is, and Skull in Bulk's body is egging him on. You can tell that Paul Schrier and Jason Narvy totally get each other and are having a fucking blast acting like each other's character, and it's absolutely beautiful to watch. Billy and Kim swapped around is fine, but it doesnt even compare to Bulk and Skull acting like each other.
Bulk as Skull Someday I'll understand Bulk's hubcap helmet. Someday.
Rita sends Squatt and Baboo to Earth with the Genie inside of his lamp so that Zordon won't be able to detect him. They mentioned this point earlier about how the magic lamp will conceal Genie and keep Zordon from figuring out they're up to something, but they still send Squatt and Baboo to Earth to unleash him. If you want inconspicuous maybe don't send down Space Abbot and Costello.
Squatt rubs the lamp to unleash Genie and, I'm not making this up, drops the fucking lamp. He doesn't drop it and pick it back up, he drops it and looks sad that he's completely ruined everything. It fell maybe four feet, just waddle your fat ass over and get it back! Squatt was doing so well this episode, he almost had a hat trick of doing things. He switched two things, rubbed a lamp, and almost rubbed a lamp again. Good try idiot.
Squatt Baboo idiots He dropped it so badly it fell from Japan into America
Completely disregarding all that stuff about not being able to notice the Genie, Zordon instantly tells the Rangers they need to go find a lamp in the park. Is this because Squatt dropped it that Zordon can tell what happened? Doesn't matter, the Ranger Teens have the lamp now. Zack brings it back to the Command Center where Zordon warns the Teens there was once a ferocious Genie inside of the lamp. We don't see Genie teleport out of the lamp or have an indication he's terrorizing the Earth, but we have his lamp so that's good enough, whatever. Zordon sends the Rangers to fight Goldar and some Putties that have been sent to pad out time Earth.
The Rangers morph while Alpha 5 promises to take care of the lamp. Goldar is waiting for the Rangers down by some train tracks and fights the Power Rangers for a good half minute before Zordon informs the Rangers the Putty Patrol is a distraction and the real danger is the Genie. No shit Zordon, the Putties are a diversion every single week.
The Rangers are abruptly teleported into a canyon somewhere where the Genie throws spears at them and ties them up with junk that looks like silly string. Before Genie is able to utilize his demonic array of celebrity impersonations from 30 years ago, Alpha teleports the Rangers away. Without any sarcasm at all, the fight between the Rangers and Genie lasts 13 seconds before they're called away. It's such shitty abrupt editing that it takes you out of whatever fight is supposed to be happening here. Zordon brings the Rangers back to the Command Center to inform them how bad they fucked up in that fight, and to combine their power or something. So really as long as the Rangers can combine their powers the Genie will never be able to defeat them. Awesome! We'll keep that in mind Zordon, thanks for nothing.
The Rangers teleport back to a park somewhere and pose while talking smack to nobody in particular about how the Genie is going down. Suddenly, Rita teleports down to Earth where she fires energy from her wand at the Rangers to let them know she means fucking business. All of a sudden she fires a bolt of energy that produces a giant sized Genie.
Usually when Rita makes monsters grow she throws her wand at the Earth, it splits the ground open, and smoke billows out to make the monsters gigantic. This time all she does is fire a beam and now the monster's big. The Rangers are facing the fight of their lives, a giant blue dog with a turn operated drill and Hammer pants.
Well I'll be damned, puffy pants.
The Rangers call on their Dinozords to fight the Genie, and did you forget this episode was about body switching? We hear Billy and Kim talking as each other all through the episode, but it doesn't play into the fight with Genie whatsoever. They just morph and they're perfectly capable of fighting the same as they always have. Don't even worry about them doing something more interesting.
Alpha stresses over how the Rangers can't possibly defeat the Genie after all that lying they did to them about sticking together being the key to all of this. Sorry kids, teamwork doesn't mean shit against flamboyantly dressed genie dogs. As Alpha analyzes the Genie's strength he finds that the secret to his strength is all in the lamp Alpha's conveniently holding.
Alpha plans to vaporize the lamp inside of the teleportation system, which must mean if one of the Ranger Teens is giving Alpha lip, he can just make them burn to death when they teleport to the Command Center. Zordon says to dissolve it carefully or else the entire Morphing Grid will be destroyed. What's the Morphing Grid? It's the vague presence that gives the Rangers their powers. Basically like a less insulting midichlorians.
The Rangers try to put up a fight against Genie, but he has absolutely no problem taking them head on and trashing them. Jason tells the Rangers they need to reroute energy to the gobbledygook systems if they want to beat the monster. It's completely pointless to have them attempting this fight because Alpha is already in the process of destroying the Genie's lamp to finish things up. It might be a more dynamic fight if we knew the Rangers couldn't beat Genie and needed to hold him off until Alpha could help out, but instead we see them fighting against the monster completely in vain. The Genie is actually about to finish the Ranger off pretty gruesomely as Alpha is at work destroying the lamp.
Maybe those red stickers in the cockpit will help!
Alpha says if they don't hurry up they're going to be cleaning corpses out of the Ranger suits for the next few months, but Zordon gives him the go ahead to finally dissolve the lamp. As it fades away into nothingness the Genie turns into white energy and vanishes. It's a completely underwhelming finish to a monster that was only around for a good 2 minutes, and it happens so goddamn quickly there's no time to even process the fact that the fight is over. Wasn't this episode about changing bodies or something?
Oh of course it was! We're back in Billy's garage now to finally get that horrible body swap situation taken care of. The one that hasn't made any narrative difference in the last 10 minutes. Well Billy has rerouted the wiring to hopefully get those tits off his chest once and for all, and because the episode is almost over the teens get back into their original bodies.
We're not done quite yet though, Bulk and Skull bust into Billy's lab pleading to have their bodies changed back. We don't see why they hate being in each other's bodies, but it might have something to do with the fact Skull's body has gained 40 pounds in the last 4 hours. Billy and Trini actually contemplate leaving the two as is to teach them a lesson for fucking with Billy's malfunctioning junk, but instead they decide to help the two bullies as long as they promise to remain ineffectual and stop doing any on screen bullying from now on. The two oblige and are turned back to normal. Now that the status quo is safe and sound, we can forget this tedious episode ever happened.
I gotta tell ya guys, this episode feels like the writers are stuck in a bit of a rut. If they don't up the stakes a bit next week I might have to jump ship.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Disregarding Actors Safety
Personal Thoughts:
Holy shit this episode. This episode should have just been a forgettable waste of time, but instead it has no idea what it wants to do and becomes a total mess. To enjoy this episode, just watch the first 10 minutes and then shut it off while imagining a more fulfilling ending. I never saw this episode as a kid, which I'm ecstatic about. I don't have any ties to this bland nonsense from my youth so I can see it as it really is. A mediocre filler episode with no action to coast on, and some good acting from Bulk and Skull as well as Kim and Billy to almost give it an ounce of merit.
Speaking of Kim and Billy, I want to go back a few episodes and look at who we've been focusing on. Let's start with Episode 11: No Clowning Around, which was all about Trini protecting her niece. Then we had Power Ranger Punks, with Kim and Billy acting like completely different "characters". Next was Peace Love and Woe which focused on Billy falling in love, and then Foul Play in the Sky which was a Kim episode. Dark Warrior was last week and mostly focused on Billy with a little Trini in there as well, and today we had Kim and Billy acting like different characters. That's a month's worth of episodes, and have you noticed anybody missing?
Jason is ostensibly the leader here but we haven't seen anything focusing on him since Episode 4. We get little bits and pieces of him and Zack throughout almost all of these episodes, but it's so weird to me that they set up episodes that focused on three of the Rangers while shafting the other two. They often focus on specific Rangers when the Sentai footage requires it, and No Clowning Around, Power Ranger Punks, Peace Love and Woe, and Foul Play in the Sky definitely were built to focus on specific characters; however Dark Warrior just had Trini get hit by a cannon in the ground fight. They cut out her beating the monster so it really could have been an episode about anybody.
This week? This week had so little Sentai footage it barely matters at all. There's nothing Blue Ranger or Pink Ranger centric in the footage, so why bother going back to them after we had them acting like total assholes in Power Ranger Punks? Why waste an episode that can focus on literally anything with a generic body swap plot? Shoehorn in a few minutes of Genie fight footage and then make it about Zack trying out for a blues band or something. Wait shit, someone write that fanfiction: Zack Joins Blues Traveler. We can call Walter Jones see if he'd be up to film it!
The Genie is such an awful monster that I can barely even stand it. In the Japanese episode Genie was a benevolent force that Rita managed to capture. Here he's just a generic blue dog that doesn't make any impression whatsoever. It doesn't help that this episode has some of the shoddiest editing yet. During the Putty fight, we see Squatt and Baboo attempting to act menacing to something off screen. Then Red Ranger reaches out in protest but gets slashed by Goldar. There's no dialogue in the scene, so it means absolutely nothing. In the Sentai stuff, they were attacking some kids who had Genie's lamp, but if you aren't going to keep something like that in the episode, then why not cut that scene out since it's pointless in the context of your episode?
What I also think needed a bit of creative editing was the fight with Genie and Megazord. We cut from Genie about to drill Megazord's face to Alpha and Zordon fretting in the Command Center about destroying the lamp for a solid half minute. If you want to cut that shit tighter and make it look more threatening, then cut it so the drill is just about to hit the Megazord as the lamp is dissolving. If you cut as the Genie has the drill hovering over Megazord it just looks like he's standing there waiting for Alpha to kill him. It's the most basic fucking editing for an action set piece and you completely botched it and remove all tension because it might take a little more effort.
I can defend the creators of this show by saying they did what they could with the very little footage they could use for this episode considering the majority of the footage with Genie was him hanging out playing Nintendo with kids.
Genie playing Nintendo
So on some level I understand why the fight footage sucks and doesn't really mean anything. They didn't care much about it and knew if they were going to use this footage the episode was going to require a lot of heavy lifting from the writing staff to carry it. Well next time try not wrapping your story in a boring body switch A-plot that means absolutely nothing for the monster B-Plot and is all but forgotten aside from throwaway dialogue for the next half of the episode.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 3:52:59 GMT
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Episode 17: Green With Evil Part 1: Out of Control
Today marks the day it all changes, everything becomes topsy turvy, and nothing will ever be the same. The Power Rangers are about to take on their greatest challenge yet. The lives they've lived up until this minute have been nothing compared to the terror they're about to face, because Jason's at a karate tournament and there's a bunch of guys doing super sweet kicks!!!
Jason is incredibly pensive about his upcoming match, not because he thinks anyone will try and sweep the leg, but because it's against some guy he's never met before. The rest of the Ranger Teens do nothing to help disregard Jason's fears and just mention how tough and mysterious this new opponent is. Kim starts talking about how this new kid, Tommy, is a total goddamn dreamboat and is making her gush like Niagara Falls. Hard to blame her though, check out this handsome devil.
Tommy spin kick White Guy Karate: The Deadliest Sport
The Ranger Teens aren't the only ones impressed with Tommy's spin kick prowess. Rita takes notice of his abilities and says he'll make a perfect Green Ranger. Squatt, Baboo and Goldar all compliment her brilliant plan and get excited at the prospect of some hot teen on teen action. It hasn't been two minutes in the episode and we've already mapped out exactly what path we're going to be taking in this saga. There's no time spent dicking around which is well appreciated. Keep that in mind for the next few weeks though, because this is one of the few times that I can say that in the "Green With Evil" miniseries.
Jason and Tommy have their match at the karate expo and things are starting to heat up something fierce. Jason and Tommy start off even but Tommy quickly gets the upper hand and is winning against Jason 4 points to 2. The rest of the Ranger Teens are biting their nails over how rough things look for Jason, knowing that if he loses this match they'll have to stop being friends with him because he isn't perfect like them. Jason turns the match around and knocks Tommy on his ass, all while Kim's knees are buckling at the sight of these two hunks roughing each other up.
With seconds left on the clock (obviously), Jason scores one more point, and ends the match in a draw. One could even say that Jason and Tommy are an even match for each other. It's really obvious storytelling when you think about it, but it's pretty subtle for a show with rainbow colored superheroes in mechanized mastodons.
Tommy and Jason congratulate each other on a match well fought, showing that not only is Tommy totally awesome at karate and totally dreamy, he's humble and charming too! There isn't a dry seat in the house. Jason walks away saying how tough the fight was and he's disappointed he didn't win. Trini starts talking about how karate isn't about winning or glamour but the discipline you use to win. Tell that to my silver medal Trini, take your honor and respect and shove it up your ass.
Kim stays behind while the rest of the teens leave so she can ogle Tommy's glory a little longer. The people editing this episode even felt the need to put in angelic harp music to really jab it in that Kim is so in wuv with this new guy. It's really silly and is perfect for this show. Kids don't know how emotions work so just play some sappy music while Kim makes fuck eyes at some guy she just met and they'll get the point.
The next day at school, Kim gets harassed by Bulk and Skull, and Skull asks if she needs a big strong man to help her with her books. Skull poses for her with his limp wet noodle arms with a smug grin plastered on his face while Kim is immediately dismissive of him. It's horribly emasculating and encapsulates Skull perfectly. Oh and Bulk is eating something in the background of this scene, so it also sums him up perfectly too.
Bulk and Skull hilarious 2Gay2Lift
After she refutes his buddies pathetic advances, Bulk says it's time to teach Kim a lesson. We don't find out what that actually is though because Tommy shows up and says they better get out of here unless they want their buttholes tied together like balloon animals. The bullies don't buy him as a threat, so Tommy busts out a demonstration of spin kicks and punches which terrify Bulk and Skull into never being threatening again. Thankfully none of the teachers seemed to give a shit that the new kid in school was harassing the two remedial students with martial arts.
Kim thanks Tommy for saving her from the pathetic ineffectual bullies who trip over anything larger than a shoelace, and Tommy introduces himself to her as the kung-fu hippy from gangster city. Kim asks Tommy if he wants to hang out with her and her friends at the Youth Center, and says if that doesn't work they could hang out at Billy's garage, or the Youth Center dressed up as somewhere else. Tommy says he'd like to, but says he'll see her later or he might be late for his 4th period kidnapping.
Rita starts casting a spell in front of her altar adorned with skulls and candles and all sorts of kooky shit. She apparently has the sixth Power Coin and is plotting to use its powers to bring Tommy to her side and kill the Power Rangers for her. How does she have this Power Coin? Well it's explained in the rich tapestry of backstory this series has that you don't care about. Rita's spellcasting seems pretty superfluous, but it really makes it seem like she's putting a lot more into this plan than she was any of the previous episodes and starts building up the tension for this Green Ranger situation.
She even busted out her the skull she got at Spencers.
Tommy wanders into an alleyway because he doesn't seem to know his way home, or because he's hoping to get ambushed by muggers and kill them. Thankfully a swarm of Putties show up and grant his wish. Tommy takes them on by himself and he instinctively knows to just beat the shit out of them without remorse. He doesn't question why a bunch of blubbering idiots are moving around him, just that they have asses in need of kicking, and he's got the prescription.
Tommy actually doesn't immediately demolish the Putties like you might expect him to and they give him a pretty good run for his money. It isn't until midway through the fight that he seems to realize these otherworldly morons need to be put down, and he starts completely wailing on them. Using many traditional karate methods.
Tommy VS Putties The mightiest warriors science can create.
Rita takes Tommy's defeat of the Putties as a clear sign he's the one destined to become the Green Ranger, showing she must never actually watch any of the fights the Putties are involved in. She preps her magical ball to capture Tommy, who is immediately struck by a gust of wind. Rita suddenly shows up on the rooftop all covered in shadows, saying she has chosen him to be her disciple. Tommy lets out a strained and hilariously acted "NO" as he's zapped up with green energy.
We immediately see Rita right on the balcony of her palace, not seeming like she just captured Tommy on Earth but it's Power Rangers, shitty editing is the name of the game. Rita lets her cronies look into the crystal ball showing a frozen body surrounded by candles. No seriously, it's a body that looks like it's been completely frozen over or covered in cobwebs or some shit.
Is that how you become an evil Power Ranger? You freeze to death through magic? Well whatever the case, Tommy breaks out of the icy prison which has somehow caused his hair to change shape and his body to turn Japanese.
Tommy didn't work out so we just gave the sixth Power Coin to some Asian dude for 30 bucks and a bottle a' hooch.
Tommy starts talking like a complete robot as he asks how he can serve his empress. Rita gives him the scoop on the chumps he's going to be killing for her, and gives him the identity of all five Power Rangers. She also says that his possession of a Power Coin will allow him access into the Command Center where he can destroy Zordon and gently shove Alpha 5 over. This way he can eliminate the Rangers support team and leave them helpless. Rita finally uses her magic to morph Tommy into the vicious Green Ranger!
Tommy Solid Snakes his way into the Command Center to fulfill his mission. He begins the era of the Green Ranger by putting a CD into Alpha 5's back, which has viruses in it or something. Zordon tells him to get his jolly green ass out of his Command Center or he'll come out of this dimensional tube and beat the shit out of him. Tommy says he's not afraid of a big blue headed pussy, since he just beat up a bunch of idiots in gray pajamas so he's feeling frisky.
Zordon knows Tommy is under Rita's spell, and even knows him by name, which implies a bunch of magical stuff about the Power Coins being under Zordon's command even when Rita uses one in a spell. Zordon even seems to have expected this Green Ranger situation to happen at some point, but is mostly annoyed about it instead of proactive. Tommy has had enough of this exposition from Zordon, and hilariously refers to him as "Old Man." However, that's only the icing on the cake, because the real glory is how Tommy decides to shut Zordon down.
It's Tommy's subtlety that really impressed Rita.
Rita, not wanting to quit while she's (killed) a head, decides to send her henchmonsters to Earth in order to...make Goldar grow? She must think the Rangers are pretty goddamn dumb to not notice a towering gryphon stomping towards them and fall prey to his "sneak attack." Wouldn't it have been smarter to do this before Tommy snuck into the Command Center in case Alpha or Zordon caught him and alerted the other Rangers? Oh hold on, Squatt and Baboo are here to explain Goldar's plan to us, he's going to "crush them all." Thanks guys!
The Rangers, without Zordon and Alpha's surveillance, are blissfully unaware of the fact Goldar is out stomping shit in some mountain range somewhere. Billy even takes the time off to do a wash and wax on the RADBUG outside of his garage. Kim shows up all sore that Tommy never showed up for their date, but her high school relationship woes are soon interrupted by a static-y transmission from Alpha. The Rangers use the RADBUG to head to the Command Center, since Zordon being out of commission is messing up their Communicators.
The Ranger Teens see everything completely fucked up inside the Command Center and wonder what the hell could have happened. Billy takes the virus disc out of Alpha's back which immediately fixes him because it was the 90's and we didn't understand technology. Alpha reboots and shows the Rangers that Goldar is giant and ready for a fight, so they morph to take him out.
As soon as the Rangers show up, Squatt calls on the Putty Patrol to fight the Rangers, which they oblige instead of dealing with the much more pertinent threat of giant sized Goldar. The Rangers kill a little time effortlessly cutting down Putties, then decide maybe they should attend to this Goldar problem they've got on their hands. They form the Megazord and have a pretty nice slugfest with the giant golden monkey, calling on the Power Sword immediately to have a swordsman duel. 3 stock. Final Destination.
Unfortunately Goldar disappears after an all too brief fight, leaving the Rangers confused as to what's going on. Tommy shows up to tell them exactly what's going on.
Green Ranger Megazord If you've been on the internet since 2002 you have seen this gif
Holy shit. HOLY SHIT! This moment is so good I can't even believe it's in this show. The Megazord is this total safe haven for the Rangers where they're not in danger unless Megazord is. Green Ranger doesn't give a shit about any of that and knocks them out of the cockpit because fuck them that's why. Tommy is making such an amazing first impression it's killing me.
The Rangers try to fight Green on ground level, and he utterly demolishes them. They don't stand a chance against him at all. He just rips into them and treats them like chumps. Jason steps up and says he'll take Green on one-on-one, and Tommy responds by chucking a Blade Blaster at him that jabs him in the chest. It's a great dumb little moment, as is this incredible display of power that comes out of nowhere.
Green Ranger kamehameha Sentai warriors using Ki attacks?! A Japanese writer fiercely began scribbling next year's pitch.
Alpha teleports the Rangers back into the Command Center after they've had both cheeks thoroughly reddened. He tells them he still can't locate Zordon, and promptly starts shorting out because of the virus Tommy put inside of him. The Rangers realize that this fight is only just beginning, and they don't have any of their support team to help them out.
Then, BAM, To Be Continued. No Bulk and Skull falling into a desert, no high fives and cheers, just an encroaching sense of dread that the Rangers are all alone against their greatest foe yet. Tune in tomorrow kids, maybe Trini will get punched out of the Megazord again! Before we go, let me inform you that very soon, IT happens. Stay tuned.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Trash Lid Frisbees
Personal Thoughts:
Holy Criminy Christ what an episode. This is where the show began for many people, the moment the whole game got changed. The Green Ranger. This episode alone cements why he was so memorable. But the Rangers getting smacked around by villains is nothing new, so why is it Tommy as the Green Ranger struck a nerve with people like he did?
It could be many factors, but here's what I think:
1) This was the show's first multi part episode which ups the stakes when we realize Tommy is fully capable of leaving the other Rangers for dead and it won't get wrapped up in a neat 20 minute little bow. 2) Everyone's a sucker for a good mirror match; Captain Planet VS. Captain Pollution, Wargreymon VS. Blackwargreymon, Spock VS. Beard Spock, the list would go on if I watched more than four shows. Who wouldn't be stoked to see another Ranger beat the shit out of these superheroes? 3) Rita herself is the one enacting this plan. Finster doesn't make the monster, Goldar isn't plotting it out, this is clearly Rita's baby from minute one. She's been sitting on her big witch ass all season, so seeing her get involved is proof this new guy is bad news.
Considering how important he'll soon become, I'd like to speak a little bit more about Tommy now, starting with his actor. Jason David Frank comes across like he was hired as a martial artist first and an actor second. He's not always quite like this, but when he's unmorphed and evil they really didn't give him good direction at all. He's all stiff and robotic in this episode and it's a pretty silly performance.
JDF will become much better, but for these first few episodes it was clear they wanted him to show off his karate, and when it came to lines they just wanted him to recite whatever they shoved into his hands. I do have to admit that JDF does a nice and intimidating voice when he's dubbing over the Ranger footage, so really you can see he has chops in certain aspects even from the beginning. He's just finding his footing in the cast which will take him a little time.
This episode is the first time we see Rita in U.S. material. Since she's very obviously an old Japanese actress they didn't have available for filming, the filmmakers opted to cover the actress they put in her costume under a lot of shadows so the actress not matching wouldn't be so obvious.
What's weird is that they really didn't need this shot of Rita to progress the story at all. They could have had Rita doing her spells and Tommy teleporting with green energy regardless of her being on Earth arbitrarily, in fact that would make more sense. It's entirely possible they had just gotten the costume ready and were so excited to use it that they shoved this scene in.
One more bit of US costume trivia, the Green Ranger costume in the US footage is notorious for having a really shitty looking shield covering the chest. It looks like cheap floppy foam instead of whatever uncomfortable plastic they must have used for the Japanese costume. From what I gathered the U.S. crew had the shield prop but it was too heavy for the stuntman in the Green Ranger suit so they made a makeshift one that wouldn't break his back and make him humble.
U.S.
Japan
There's a lot of fucking stuff to say about this mini-series because this is one of the big moments for this show, but I'm cutting it off here before I get bogged down in all the nitty gritty. Before we're done I wanted to end on something really cool I found: An original promo for this set of episodes. Enjoy guys! It also spoils something in Part 5 so if you're actually unaware of what Green Ranger has at his disposal somehow, come back in a few weeks!
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 3:53:18 GMT
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Episode 18: Green With Evil Part 2: Jason's Battle
When we last left our heroes, they had just been severely thrashed by Rita's evil Green Ranger, Tommy. They don't know what's with him, or who he really is because Tommy snuck into the Command Center and shut Zordon down after giving Alpha a virus. Billy and Trini are trying to fix Alpha back up but everything really seems up shit creek right now.
This is actually a fantastic way to start things off. The Rangers are as low as they've ever been and have no backup if Tommy shows up again. They can only hold him back, and by then a bunch of monsters could go shithouse on them. It's the perfect place for a multi part episode to leave off and follow up on. There's much more tension than in any of the previous episodes because the Rangers are all on their own against a really severe threat.
Billy uses some giant electric gun on Alpha's back to reboot him so he can explain what the fuck happened while they were off spitshining the RADBUG. It takes about 10 seconds to get Alpha 5 working again, so Trini can nearly burst into tears over how happy she is her robot companion isn't dead. She actually sounds more relieved to see Alpha back online than she was to find her kidnapped uncle. Trini's family is sincerely fucked up.
The rest of the Rangers are relieved that Alpha is functional again but Jason remains stoic and says Zordon's still gone so there's still a lot of work to be done. This Green Ranger shit is really bringing out the best in Jason, he's acting more like a leader now than he has the past 3 months. He's also actually acting, which helps.
Rita plans to activate Phase 2 of her plan and unleash the Green Ranger on the Power Rangers, no really. That's all her plan consists of. The same thing she did with him last time. Goldar interjects and says she should give Tommy the Sword of Darkness, which Rita finds a spectacular idea. It's becoming more and more apparent as this series goes on that Rita has all these amazing evil plans waiting in the wings but it takes her snarling armored dog monster to remember any of them. Maybe all those headaches Rita's getting are signs of Space Alzheimer's.
Rita asks Finster to provide expository dialogue about the Sword of Darkness and he cordially agrees. It was taken from some idiot on some stupid dead planet, shown to us with footage of Nasty Knight fighting a warrior on another planet that would have a thriving population if there was a Power Rangers expanded universe. Finster informs her this sword is able to keep Tommy under Rita's Green Ranger spell forever !!!AS LONG AS NOBODY DESTROYS IT!!! (emphasis mine)
Sword of Darkness The feather key chain is a nice touch.
Rita sends Tommy back down to Earth in the alley she first abducted him and reminds him not to reveal his identity to anyone. Tommy says he's been on Earth since last time we saw him and this scene is really unnecessary but Rita laughs and teleports away.
Speaking of unnecessary, Bulk and Skull spot Tommy while they're wandering into the alley, as they often find themselves doing for a variety of reasons. Bulk says Tommy isn't his usual John, but he won't be giving Tommy any hand jibbers until he apologizes for humiliating him at school. Why the fuck is he asking for an apology? This is Bulk we're talking about, if he wants someone to say sorry for how stupid he looks why doesn't he ask his parents? Or God? Tommy has a different idea and manages to break Rita's single rule almost instantly.
Bulk and Skull trash At least they found their way home
Before we close out on this scene, we get another genuinely funny line from Bulk. Skull asks what the hell's going on with the new kid, and Bulk says "I don't know, but he should have his eyes checked." These may sound like total groaners, but these two are sincerely some of the highlights of this show. They're able to elevate really tepid and bland material into something memorable through performance alone, and can turn a stupid scene into something much better by committing to it.
Inside the Youth Center, Jason is going to fucking town on a punching bag. He's totally losing his shit on it and tells Zack he can't get this green guy off his mind. Jason's obviously acting out of character and instead of us just accepting it and assuming the script sucks, Zack tells him to chill the fuck out. Jason keeps grousing about the Green Ranger and starts connecting the dots about what's going on. Zack and Jason come to the conclusion that he must be the one who trashed the Command Center and he might be working for Rita. The former actually impressed me they were able to figure that out, and the latter is so goddamned obvious it pains me it can be considered a revelation.
Billy and Trini both work to bring Zordon back online but find it difficult since Trini is just standing around with her hands on her hips and Billy does all the work. Billy's actually clearly exhausted by all the repairing he's been doing which is a lot more believable than him making a flying car and acting like it's a diorama. When Billy mentions that he'll just need more time to bring the Communicators back online Alpha says time is the one thing they don't have. Nothing's even happening right now Alpha would you fucking calm down for two seconds? Holy shit.
Kim meets up with Tommy at Angel Grove High and timidly asks him what happened to meeting up after school. Without missing a beat he tells her something came up. Doesn't even look at her, just has his eyes glued inside his locker. It's pitch perfect and soul crushing. She asks why he's acting like such a stone cold dickhead, and he informs her that he has more on his mind than the first piece of ass he saw at his new school. Kimberly's retort is a sincere and heartfelt "Well excuse me for living." Just bury the 90's in the backyard guys, we've seen all we needed to.
Rita decides that Tommy's sweet neg on Kimberly is a sign he's ready to inherit the Sword of Darkness. Goldar stammers about how he needs to earn it by illustrating his strength and the only way he can prove that is by defeating one of Finster's newest and most devious creations yet in a battle of intelligence and wit the likes the universe has never seen. Just messin' with ya, he has to fight some Putties without morphing. The same goddamn thing he had to do to become Green Ranger in the first place. This time it's different though, this time he has to fight them on the beach.
Rita and her gang go down to Earth to watch Tommy's test of skill and explain what he must do to receive his new weapon. Rita then uses her wand teleport Tommy from the beach to....a smaller section of the beach, probably 20 feet away. It's the most superfluous use of magic in any form of media in history, but Rita isn't going to tell her new golden boy he came to the wrong spot for his life and death Putty battle.
Tommy meets up with the Putties and they actually put up a pretty good fight. This must be the batch Finster cooked at just the right temperature because they actually employ strategy. One of them is tossed into the air to do a flying kick on Tommy to catch him off guard, they crowd around him in a pattern that he can't really do anything about, and generally don't just run around like morons.
Tommy gains his bearings though and knocks the Putties out one by one until only a single Putty remains. Tommy looks at him, there isn't much time left. If he can't take this Putty out fast he's dead for sure. He has to win, but there's only one move that can do it. Throwing caution to the wind Tommy charges into battle and leaps into the air.
Tommy putty fight
Amazed at Tommy's ability to choke a Putty to death with his nuts, Rita bestows the Sword of Darkness upon him. Tommy promises to destroy the Power Rangers with his new weapon, and he'll take out the Red Ranger first. It's a pretty throwaway line to create a rivalry between Green and Red since it's clearly been pretty one sided with Jason, but we can always pretend Tommy took that tie at the karate tournament REALLY hard.
Jason wanders around the high school looking for Tommy, finding him a couple seconds later because we wasted too much time on that last Putty fight. Jason says he's sorry the two didn't get a chance to work out before like they promised but he had an emergency come up. This isn't some tidbit I glossed over from before, this is the first we hear anything about these two wanting to hang out. It goes back to Tommy making this blood rivalry with Jason out of nowhere to justify the two fighting and it looks really sloppy coming up all of a sudden instead of building it more. Hard to blame the writing though, they only had five episodes to tell this story, who has time for nuance?
Jason offers Tommy a raincheck as he misses the fact his new friend appears to be infested by the souls of darkness and wanders down the hallway. As Jason leaves, Tommy blasts him in the back with a stream of green energy that nobody else sees because it would have required paying extras to be on set. The energy teleports Jason into a small enclosed space known as the Dark Dimension. It's a unique set with a bunch of green pillars and fog everywhere. For an original U.S. idea it actually doesn't look half bad.
Power Rangers Dark Dimension 200 dollars well spent
Jason tries to grab one of the doorways to escape but gets electrocuted as soon as he touches it and goes flying back. He tries to use his Communicator to contact the other Rangers or Alpha, seeming to forget the fact the Communicators haven't been working since Zordon got taken out of commission. All of a sudden Jason hears a gravelly voice from behind him cackling, only to turn and see Goldar before him. Jason reaches for his Morpher behind his back but finds it missing, and now in Goldar's possession. He tries to nab it but Goldar smacks him to the ground and laughs in his face. What the fuck were we watching Squatt and Baboo using roofies for? This should have been the Goldar Show the last few weeks, he's kickin' ass!
Zack and Kim use the RADBUG to fly to the Command Center while Zack notices Kim's not feeling herself. She says it's not just about Zordon but she's also left wondering "Where's Poochie?" Zack says Tommy is the least of their worries right now, as the kids at home say "No Zack wait! Tommy IS the Green Ranger!!!" while they flail their arms around like a muppet and spill their bowl of cereal on the floor, then my mom comes in and beats the shit out of me for making a mess on the carpet.
Zack and Kim arrive just in time to see Billy connecting some more wires which brings the Viewing Globe back online. We see the Green Ranger posing with the Sword of Darkness as the four Ranger Teens try to get in contact with Jason.
Speaking of Jason, he's still having a staredown with Goldar inside the Dark Dimension, trying to nab his morpher out of the monster's hand. Jason uses a flying kick to try and knock Goldar out, but it only pushes him back as he keeps laughing. Goldar then takes him by the fucking throat and pushes him against a wall and says he could finish him off any time he wants, but he's going to take his sweet time since Jason's the prize Rita has given him for his service to her. Jesus Christ. Goldar is a fucking BEAST!
Jason wondering if maybe being a Power Ranger wasn't such a great idea
Though they're without their leader, the rest of the Rangers decide to challenge Green on their own. Tommy is easily able to take the four of them down using his Sword of Darkness. The same thing he did in the initial fight he had with the Power Rangers, but this time it's different since he has a sword. The choreography with this fight is actually really good, and it makes Green Ranger look like a really powerful threat. It's probably just because the actor isn't just wearing a giant lizard costume to restrict his movement and can look a lot more fluid and dangerous, but it really sticks out.
Rita cackles at her plan going wonderfully and then mentions it's time for the next part of her plan which Squatt and Baboo inquire about. She says it's time for a green surprise for the "power geeks." Rita what in the Sam Hell are you talking about? Green Ranger's already on Earth, HE'S FIGHTING THEM RIGHT NOW. I'm mentioning this line because it refers to literally nothing in this mini-series and is such a ridiculous way to fill time. Was this supposed to be before they found him on their own and went to fight him? Did the editor fuck this up? Jesus this moment has bugged me for so long. What a completely pointless way to pad out something that's already five fucking episodes.
Sorry, let's get back to the action. Green Ranger promises the Rangers that he's going to finish them off now. You know shit is getting hot and heavy, and then the best thing yet happens. The rest of the Rangers spontaneously call on their Dinozords. There's no giant monster, they just know Tommy is that big of a goddamn threat they need help in the form of a giant robot. That's so fucking cool it's almost too much to bear.
Even though they don't have the Tyrannosaurus, the Rangers are able to form the Megazord without issue, and stand tall above Tommy knowing they finally have an edge over this guy who's been beating their asses the past two weeks. It's so goddamned cathartic to see Green Ranger actually shake a bit when he sees the Megazord, and it's even more rewarding to see him not back down and actually try and attack the giant robot. It's the best fucking thing oh man.
Green Ranger Megazord gif Mammoth Shield Use 1 of 2
Green Ranger teleports away after losing spectacularly to one shot from the Megazord, and the Rangers find themselves back in the Command Center. Alpha almost has a lock on Zordon but he's coming in faint all covered in white noise. Apparently accessing Zordon is similar to hacking cable, you just have to do it really carefully and you're cutting through dimensions, not Comcast.
Jason tries again to contact Alpha as Goldar tells him he's useless without his friends. You guys already tried that plan and he didn't buy it, maybe you should try something else Goldar. Before I could even finish that thought, Goldar seems to have heard me and summons his sword while saying he's had enough fun and it's time to dispose of Jason. Goldar drops Jason's Morpher to the ground and dares him to come find it, while swinging his blade. Jason runs to grab it but gets knocked onto the ground by Goldar who says it's time to end this game. With Goldar cackling and waving his sword above Jason, we get another To Be Continued.
Remember when I said the stakes were high last week? Now the leader of the Power Rangers is about to be decapitated and the nigh-invulnerable Green Ranger's become even stronger. Holy shit. Just wait though, we're almost at THAT moment.
Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Green Surprises
Personal Thoughts:
I'm honestly pretty surprised rewatching this episode. I remembered thinking I was going to hate this episode and it would be a collection of scenes that didn't matter to pad out time for the series. Well I was partially right there, because there are still a handful of things that are completely pointless or devoid of anything interesting. The Putty fight with Tommy in this episode retroactively makes the Putty fight from Part 1 entirely asinine. However the rest of this episode does keep things moving in some way or another and in a particularly fun way to boot.
The fight with Jason and Goldar is pretty fantastic, and it's in this mini-series they seem to realize how strong a character Goldar CAN be. He's significantly stronger than a lot of the monsters Rita uses and this is only the beginning of what they end up doing with him, for better or for worse.
Goldar seems to be pretty fondly remembered but if you only watched the first 10 or so episodes you'd have no idea why since he didn't do much. He was a glorified monster of the week. This is one of the first times the writers of the show really tried to break out of the cast Sentai had them molded into, since in Zyuranger Goldar was nothing but a mute brute. Here he seems like a bloodthirsty loyal warrior who also acts as a tactician for Rita's crew.
Of all the episodes I've done so far this one has probably used the least Japanese footage so far. Rita's crew on the Moon Palace was Sentai as per usual, and a bit of her talking to Tommy. Other than that it's just Megazord being formed and punking Tommy and an all too brief fight with Tommy and the four non red Rangers.
I think this is just the people behind the show realizing they're not just limited to what Sentai does and can step out of the shadow a bit if they so choose. I'm not sure if Green With Evil just needed creative ways to bypass the little available footage or if this was the point they felt particularly inspired to do more with what they had and saw different ways to do the show, but no matter what I think it makes sense why these episodes are so memorable to people. They definitely have a different feel than the previous episodes which were obviously much more episodic.
Really I just want to one more time sing the praises of Green Ranger fighting the Megazord for a brief moment. It's fucking great for all parties involved. It's actually something I think the U.S. version does much better than the Japanese. In Japan Megazord showed up to threaten Green Ranger for being a prick, but here Megazord is a very clear last resort to defend from Green. It adds a fine point onto just how strong Tommy has become with Rita's spell and it's seriously fantastic. However even with that being said? The best is yet to come.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 3:53:48 GMT
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers Episode 19: Green With Evil Part 3: The Rescue
Last time, the mighty Power Rangers were yet again being beaten by the evil Green Ranger, Tommy. His strength was multiplied even further by Rita's new Sword of Darkness, which was only placing him further into her wicked clutches. In a last ditch effort to protect themselves, the rest of the Rangers summoned the Megazord to defend against Green Ranger's advances. Though he fled, they had no idea the plight of their missing leader Jason, who had been captured by Tommy and was facing a losing battle against Goldar.
This week we're following right up on that, with Jason about to get skewered by Goldar's sword while the two are battling in Rita's fog machine dimension. It's tense; Goldar's got Jason right where he wants him and looks like he's about to put his head on a pike. It's the end, Jason can't morph, he can't beat Goldar, and things are looking grim. The leader of the Power Rangers is going to die if he doesn't think of a plan to beat this devious space demon and time has run out. So Jason musters up all of his inner strength, he gathers his courage and does what any other mighty warrior would do in the same position; he slightly rolls off to the side and Goldar immediately loses him.
Yeah, that really terrifying situation from last episode was resolved by Jason inching away from Goldar. That was the solution. Jason just kinda scooched over. What a thrilling conclusion to set the bar for this episode.
Goldar is furious he fell for Jason's incredibly simplistic and anti-climactic trick, so he begins to stab his sword blindly at the ground waiting for the moment it's covered in Jason's blood. Rita however seems to want to tip the odds in her favor even more than before. She decides to summon her old friend Scorpina from whatever garbage can Zordon stuffed her in. It's nothing that's been hinted at or implied was necessary to make this Green Ranger plan go off without a hitch, but Rita's got her eyes on the prize and if it takes a scorpion lady to do it then she's pulling out all the stops.
Rita casts a vague spell that makes some lightning strike, and before I try and explain what happens, let me show you how the scene plays out and tell me if you can follow along at home.
Scorpina rock
Oh you're not sure? Well then let me explain. This boulder rolls around the mushroom forest while Scorpina is apparently trapped inside of it and her heart beats atop some scorpions that are crawling around it. After all that the boulder rolls up a flight of stairs and turns into Scorpina. I can't hold your hands through this whole series guys you're going to have to work with me here.
There's a really shitty transition from the boulder sitting there, and then we immediately see Scorpina's face. It doesn't explode or shift into her or anything, she just shows up on some mountainside somewhere. Forget all of that though, because I'd like to introduce you to my scorpion waifu.
Scorpina Her Style, Her Smile
A lot of people talk about having crushes on Kimberly when they were kids, yeah she was cute and all that's fine, but man Scorpina was ALWAYS where it was at for me. She was like Rita in that they're both dubbed over Japanese women, except Scorpina didn't make me want to undergo chemical castration.
The Rangers and Alpha continue their attempts to bring Zordon back online while sputtering out techno babble about his energy frequency and how they're not succeeding in accomplishing much of anything. Alpha then brings up how they haven't been able to find Jason, possibly because he's being spit roasted by Goldar right now. We have established the pecking order though, the giant head in a cylindrical fishbowl outweighs the guy who we've fought months worth of battles with. Kick rocks Jason, a head blob outranks you.
The rest of the Rangers split up to find their missing leader, and we gloriously transition to Jason sweating like a pig while Goldar keeps stabbing his sword at the ground trying to make the Red Ranger even redder. We get one of the few enjoyable moments in this episode as Goldar seems like he's found Jason and stands above where the defenseless Ranger is. Then you completely piss yourself as you watch this happen.
Goldar VS Jason Can't see a damn thing with all 3 inches of this fog.
This segment is so much more intense than a lot of the morphed fights and I enjoyed it at first. The only problem is it's been going on since near the end of the last episode and it starts to become quite bland because nothing's fucking changing. Goldar still can't find Jason and is stabbing down blindly. We're just prolonging the episode by repeating what happened last time and what once was interesting and scary has become dull and tedious.
Jason gets tired of rolling around on the ground like he's playing Nightcrawlers and jumps up and shouts a karate scream at Goldar, then kicks him. Jason starts talking shit to Goldar and asks how it feels being outsmarted by a human being, which takes a lot of sack coming from the guy who was about to get a tracheotomy with the broad side of an ape man's sword. Goldar scoffs at Jason and knocks him right back onto his ass and Goldar starts swinging his sword at him AGAIN. How long are we going to spin the fucking wheels on this guys?
Kim sulks at the Juice Bar after being unable to find Jason, but Bulk and Skull drop by to cheer her up by offering to find Jason if she kisses them. To be fair, if these morons could find Jason inside Rita's hell dimension I think a kiss would be a bargain. Kimberly usually isn't one to let a loser like Skull kiss her, she wants to have a white wedding after all, but she's desperate and tells Skull she'll let him if he closes his eyes. As Skull moves in for the smooch, Kim backs away and leads Skull to kiss the side of Bulk's cheek. The two start freaking out and run away to assert their heterosexuality by beating each other off in the parking lot.
Skull Kissing Bulk The scene that shocked dad's across the nation
Kim leaves the Youth Center happy to know she's cock blocked a pair of mongoloids once again and bumps into Tommy. She asks if he's seen Jason and Tommy gives her his condescending dick approach yet again and says how worried she must be, since that's what she does best. Zack comes in and bumps into Tommy, but having used up all of his evil passive aggression on Kim, can only muster up the best dirty look of Jason David Frank's career.
Tommy Racism That look might not have been as fierce to Billy if you catch my drift.
It's actually pretty comical how ~Evil~ Tommy expresses his dark powers while in human form. He doesn't do much other than act like a huge prick to Kimberly, which is unintentionally hilarious. It's even funnier when you think that Rita's mastered this amazing spell to turn a human being into a puppet of her black magic and all it's able to do when he's not morphed is turn him into a really big jerk to his pals at High School. Unlike Billy, a respected loner.
Rita spies Kim and Zack following Tommy and is informed by Goldar that they clearly suspect something. Keep in mind Goldar's voice is coming from the Moon Palace, even though he's currently in his 7th hour of trying to shish kebab Jason. The continuity guy must have been as bored with this episode as everyone else is because he managed to forget where the fuck Goldar's supposed to be. You could shove this line into the mouths of any other superfluous characters Rita hangs out with. Why not have fucking Scorpina do it? You blew her out of that boulder, might as well have her do absolutely nothing.
The Putties distract Zack and Kimberly from tailing Tommy, and seem to be less effective than they were last episode when they were employing strategy. Now the Putties are back to leaping around and getting their clay asses shattered. After finishing off all of Rita's gibbering defense force, Kim and Zack note that it's peculiar the Putties didn't attack Tommy. Instead of dwelling on that very fishy detail, they decide to head back to the Command Center because they're tired of trying to find Jason and if he's dead face down in a river that's his own problem.
As Goldar poses with his blade near Jason, presumably about to lead him on another tedious session of rolling on the dirty floor, Green Ranger teleports in and stops him. Rita's informed Tommy to kill Jason himself, and thank God for that. Goldar vanishes from the Dimension as morphed Tommy and unmorphed Jason have a stare down, successfully completing the episodes second cuckolding.
Jason makes some obvious points about how the Green Ranger "Wears a costume like us, but works for Rita." He then childishly points at Green Ranger and makes his case for why he shouldn't be on her side by saying "SHE'S EVIL!" The two trade blows, and within seconds, Tommy knocks Jason onto the floor. Is this DVD stuck on a loop? Did Austin St. John break his legs filming this episode and they had to keep him laying on the ground the whole time? What in the fuck is happening? He's unarmed so of course Jason has to be on the defensive, but does he have to stop drop and roll his way to freedom the whole time? Could you do absolutely fucking anything else to pad this out? Maybe something engaging that you don't repeat until it's time for the commercials?
At the Moon Palace, Baboo says he remembers all the horrible things Scorpina used to do when she was part of Rita's army and....wait who's Scorpina? Is she one of Finster's monsters? I think it's kind of unnecessary to use a monster when Gre-oh fuck she's that lady in the boulder from 10 minutes ago. Where's she been anyway? Baboo also has one line that's clearly not his usual voice actor, about how he wants Scorpina to keep her stinger away from him. Certainly this line was important enough to have someone else record and not just cut entirely.
Green Ranger has Jason on the ground, as per usual, and brings out the Sword of Darkness ready to impale his rival with it. Does this sound fucking familiar? Are we going to get another to be continued? Am I in purgatory? I'm left wandering the ethereal plane trying to right the wrongs of my forefathers before I can be let into the afterlife, but all I see it as is Jason perpetually being chased by bad guys around a dimly lit room while the villains occasionally swap places for a smoke break. Change this shit up a little bit for Christ's sake.
Meanwhile Billy is fiddling with the circuit boards in the Command Center saying he's almost got a lock on Jason and has the Communicators working again. Just before Green Ranger impales him, Jason is teleported back into the Command Center by Billy and we're finally mercifully spared from this endless game of cat and mouse.
Goldar drops Tommy a line and hilariously shit talks him for not killing Jason soon enough. It's almost like this episode is slapping you in the face with how much time it's wasting doing nothing new aside from introducing Scorpina. Scorpina who is currently doing nothing as Rita talks up how strong she is.
Jason explains to his friends what happened to him and all he remembers was meeting Tommy at school then vanishing. Kim notes that Tommy said he didn't see Jason, and instead of putting together the incredibly clear context clues, the Rangers do nothing but hype up how dangerous Green Ranger is. Zack actually says "Can you believe the enemy this time is another Ranger?" Yeah I can, I've believed it for the last two weeks, perhaps we can do a little more with that now?
The Rangers conversation of obvious nonsense is broken up as the Command Center's alarms go off and Alpha alerts them that Scorpina has appeared at the Warehouse section of Angel Grove. Better hurry Rangers, she might kill some homeless men trading beej's for crack. Alpha notes he hasn't seen her in 10,000 years, and I can relate because I think that's the last time she appeared in this episode too.
The Rangers morph to combat Scorpina at minute 14 of a 19 minute episode, guaranteeing it will be engaging. Scorpina leaps at the Rangers and blasts them with some fire, then immediately commands the Putties to fight the Rangers. Watch out guys! Looks like Scorpina's going all out right from the get go! After an incredibly brief Putty fight, the Rangers are attacked by Scorpina again who slashes Jason out of the way and laughs at them. Goldar says she's outnumbered and must be called back before she's defeated, also because the audience almost got engaged in the fight and they had to pull the plug on that.
We cut back to the Moon Palace where Squatt and Baboo are watching Rita apply makeup and telling the evil space witch how much more beautiful she is than Scorpina. Definitely the pulse pounding action kids across the nation are tuning in for! Scorpina and Goldar barrel into Rita's presence bickering amongst each other about who should go fight the Rangers next.
What follows is the most grating and absurd scene in an episode that's made up of almost nothing but. Rita says that Green Ranger fought well against the Rangers, then asks Goldar and Scorpina if she should send Tommy down to fight again. Scorpina pouts an adorable pout and says she wants to go, Squatt says he and Baboo could go, Goldar wants to go but doesn't want Scorpina to go, Scorpina wants to go alone but Goldar says he's the most powerful so he sho... It's just this big motherfucking to-do that means absolutely nothing and it goes on for maybe half a minute, but feels like you're trapped for eternity.
It's the most meaningless scene because all we need is a cut to Rita saying "Goldar go down to Earth" but instead we have to see the fucking internal politics of the Moon Crew. A bunch of space idiots bickering while all kids are waiting for is the Green Ranger to kick some ass. It's frustrating because no matter what I say there's no way to express how awful this scene is. I wanted to post a transcript of this meandering conversation but it would make your eyes turn inside out and gush blood.
Rita cuts off this insanity by saying she's sending Goldar down while she plots to cast a spell to blot out the sun, weakening the Megazord's solar power. We've never mentioned Megazord having solar power before and we won't mention it again, but it's definitely there.
I have to give Rita credit here, this Green With Evil saga has her coming up with actually efficient schemes. From Tommy to Scorpina to shorting out the Megazord, that's three good plans compared to her previous zero. Maybe all that gnome kidnapping shit was just used to lure the Power Rangers into a false sense of security before she became competent all of a sudden.
Scorpina pout Not sure which is better, Scorpina being adorable or Rita blazed out of her dumpster.
All that competence must have been sapped from the Green Ranger though, because we cut to him doing martial arts inside of the Dark Dimension. Who's he doing them on? Nobody. He's just standing in a dark void doing some sick karate kicks because he's bored. He asks Rita if he can come out yet but she says it hasn't been ten minutes and his time-out's almost over. C'mon guys we're at the home stretch, just gotta keep throwing scenes out there until we're done.
Rita uses her wand to make Goldar grow, and he promptly begins blasting the buildings of Angel Grove with his newfound height. The Rangers see him attacking on the Viewing Globe, and realize they need to stop him. Billy says they could be walking into a trap, and Jason tells him to suck a dick because this horrible episode's over so who cares.
The only thing keeping me going is that I know we're almost at the moment I'm waiting for.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Meaningless Extensions To Lengthy Multi Part Sagas
Personal Thoughts:
Holy shit this episode is terrible. I seriously didn't remember anything about this episode from childhood other than Scorpina making her first appearance. It would appear I had forgotten the rampant amounts of absolutely nothing happening.
This could possibly be my least favorite episode of this entire show. You start strong by introducing a new character, and then cut to Jason avoiding the same perilous situation for half of the episode. You can say it's building tension, but it's no more successful than the tension built in the climax of Part 2 when that was your cliffhanger. You could have them save Jason five minutes in and it wouldn't make an ounce of difference.
This episode used a very little amount of Sentai footage, which doesn't make it bad by any means. In fact the previous episode was really good and it might have used even less. The problem is that they didn't pad that stuff out with anything interesting. Scorpina is great, she's a cool villainess who looks dangerous as hell, then she fights for a minute and then gets sent back to the Palace and pouts.
While we're discussing Scorpina I wanted to mention that Power Rangers use of footage is a little more complicated than it might seem. We have footage used from Zyuranger in this season of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, that much is obvious. However a lot of scenes of Rita and her cronies in the Moon Palace are actually the Japanese actors in footage that was shot exclusively for Power Rangers. So it's a weird mix between Japanese footage and U.S. footage. You can typically distinguish this footage because it's shot in a slightly different quality, and the sets aren't as intricate. A lot of Rita and her Henchmen are just shot in front of a white background.
I only bring this up now because we really have no idea how much of this footage is out there, and as soon as Scorpina appeared it hit me like a brick how intricate they got. They shot scenes of Rita and her crew at the palace, they shot each of the villains individually doing some business, and a couple of these scenes have the Japanese actors mouthing English names of characters. Scorpina is clearly mouthing "Putty Patrollers" and "Power Rangers" in the scene I mentioned earlier. It's fucking cool I don't know.
This episode clearly wasn't very impressive to me, but I also get why they did it. They wanted to expand on the Green Ranger saga to have another episode, and it was a lot more exciting to bill a full week of new Power Rangers episodes than only hit 4 out of 5 days. They would expand a lot of episodes that were multiple parts into additional episodes. Two parters became Three Parters, some single episodes were expanded into Two Parters as well. Those episodes will vary in quality and necessity for expanding, but we'll get there when we get there.
All I can really say about how meandering and shitty this episode is, is that if I was having Xanax withdrawals while watching this? I promise you I'd have been driven completely insane. My last thought would be "Who gives a shit if Scorpina or Goldar fights just fucking do something already! Have the Green Ranger do more than just stand in the-" and then my heart would explode.
If I were captured by spies this episode would be my cyanide capsule. They would put the knife to my genitals and ask who I'm working for, but by then I would already be wondering what the point was of dubbing Baboo so shittily or why even have Tommy attack Jason in the Dimension. Before they even knew what was happening my brain would be leaking out of my eyes. Sorry boys, America always wins!
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 3:54:22 GMT
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Episode 20: Green With Evil Part 4: Eclipsing Megazord
For those of you who missed last week let me catch you up real quick. Goldar turned giant, some lady named Scorpina showed up, and Jason stopped being kidnapped. Please try your best to ignore last week though, because today's a new day, and maybe it can help us wash the bad taste out of our mouth from Part 3.
The Rangers watch Goldar blowing shit up on the Viewing Globe and decide that as long as Green Ranger isn't there to bitchslap them, they might stand a chance. As they try to morph, their Power Morphers spark with energy and backfire on them. Billy and Kim wince because the last time technology exploded around them they nearly got care packages sent to their families. Alpha informs the Rangers this is due to an interdimensional power surge that's stalling for time so they can pad the episode out.
However, even though this is certainly just padding, it's a lot more effective than the last few weeks filler have been. Zack immediately gets pissed that if they can't morph they're just sitting ducks against imminent danger, and we cut from them worrying about not being able to fight to Goldar fucking blowing up buildings. You know what makes padding feel less like a waste of time? Stakes! Unique situations! The Rangers have never been ready to morph and denied that opportunity before, so this is something you don't expect. It's a lot better than Goldar stabbing at the ground for 10 minutes.
Rita's Moon Crew cheers on their boy trashing everything in sight, and Finster summarizes Rita's plan in case you're just tuning in. Goldar's going to lure out the Megazord as Rita casts a spell to block out the sun, sapping Megazord's solar power and crippling it. Finster then says with pain in his heart, that he assumes Rita will use Green Ranger and not one of his monsters to finish them off. He's just an old man who knows his art won't gather him respect but he'll be goddamned if he lets some teenage immigrant take his job from him. You'll make it someday Finster, just keep sculpting.
Billy decides to use his profound intelligence to dick around with wires in the Command Center until everything is fixed. Alpha stands idly by unable to do anything but scream while Billy fixes a bunch of galactic technology. In no time at all Billy fixes the problem that successfully ate up three minutes, and the Ranger Teens morph to take on Goldar. Sorry did I say Goldar? What I meant to say was they fight some Putties that are just chilling out by a harbor somewhere. Scorpina shows up and takes on the Power Rangers all alone, while showing off some pretty bitchin' moves.
Thank goodness Squatt and Baboo were there to help!
Goldar stomps on the Rangers who dive out of the way as Billy says they need to try a new tactic, but they don't really elaborate why they aren't bringing in the Megazord. We know Rita wants them to bring out the Megazord so her cronies can blow it to shit, but the Rangers don't know that. They're fighting like total schmucks all of a sudden.
While the Rangers try and figure out how to fight a giant monster and how to sell more toys, Ernie is busy evacuating the Youth Center's denizens so he doesn't have to provide funerals for these extras. Bulk and Skull sit idly by as all hell breaks loose, because come hell or high water, dog monster or not, they are finishing their fucking ice cream.
Bulk saved some time and spilled his dessert on himself.
In the Command Center, Alpha has finally managed to get a lock on Zordon's coordinates and is working to bring him back online. Green Ranger appears inside the Command Center once again, having obtained a taste for harassing Alpha, and starts sneaking up on the unsuspecting robot. The flickering Zordon tries to call out to Alpha, but before he can say "Swiper No Swiping" a third time, Tommy deactivates Alpha 5 by tugging on some clip the robot has on his underwear.
Rita drops in on her flying bicycle to shit talk the Power Rangers and arbitrarily call Jason a fool. Jason gets a little bummed out by this as he realizes Rita's been snooping in on his grades, but he says they'll never surrender to some lonely space vixen. Rita has had enough meaningless bickering and demands Goldar to do something evil and pretend it's part of her plan.
During all this action, Bulk and Skull have escaped the wrath of Rita's forces and commandeered a bus to escape town, where they hope to get a job being stereotypical elsewhere. Bulk sits in the front as he complains how shitty Skull is at driving, and how he drives like an idiot. No shit he does Bulk, look at you two. What else do you have going for yourselves other than humorous incompetence? As the two morons try to cross the border, Goldar spots the bus and grabs it off of the road.
LET'S SEE YOUR PASSPORTS BOYS
The Rangers protest that Goldar shouldn't be harming civilians, but Goldar says he's just correcting a pair of mistakes God should have 16 years ago. Goldar even tells the Rangers that the two people inside the bus are friends of theirs named Bulk and Skull. Both those statements are incredibly surreal given everything we've seen but let's dissect them a little further.
Goldar, a space gladiator who's honed his craft in the dark arts to perfect his swordsmanship and strength, has spent some amount of time during his stay on Earth familiarizing himself with Bulk and Skull. A mighty warrior from the deepest reaches of space knows about two chucklefucks who fall into cakes on a weekly basis. Equally interesting is that Goldar refers to Bulk and Skull as the Rangers "friends." Are they like the Ranger Teens unofficial mascots? At what point could you really say they've been on friendly terms with each other? Maybe Goldar just has really fucked up priorities on friendship. Not too surprising when you cohabitate with Squatt and Baboo.
While Rita has Goldar take the bus to the beach for a change of scenery, Green Ranger trash talks Zordon inside of the Command Center. Again referring to the floating head as "old man", he says that it's time for evil to reign and now that he's in town the whole story is about to change. Zordon vomits out a bunch of generic hogwash about how good will win because good does their chores and buys Saban products at all fine toy retailers across the country, but Tommy starts pounding on the control panel of the Command Center to shut him up and banish him to "another dimension." Or kill him. They were the same thing in the 90's.
The Rangers teleport to the beach where they're soon met by Rita and Scorpina, happy to gloat that they don't stand a chance if they keep remaining ineffectual to her plans. The Rangers have a mind-numbingly stupid discussion about where the bus could possibly be, and Rita guides them by telling them to turn their heads slightly to the right, where they see a bunch of Putties rocking it back and forth over a cliff.
Bulk and Skull try to head out of the bus, but are the only people on Earth intimidated by Putties so they choose to wait inside. The actors inside the U.S. Ranger suits have a really pointless time wasting discussion about what they could possibly do, all while doing some of the worst physical acting I've ever seen.
Incredible acting Pictured: Teenagers with attitude
Not surprisingly, we see much better acting from Bulk and Skull as they are faced with their impending bus death. Bulk says how he wants his mommy, and Skull responds in earnest with "Yeah, I want your mommy." Bulk gives him a quick little glance, and it's one of the best moments in the show. They're both about to die but Bulk just wants to clarify that Skull wants to bang his mom. These two are the fucking best.
Green Ranger is still threatening Zordon, not out of malice, but because he hasn't been able to find the right combination of buttons to do anything yet. The kid might be good at karate, but Tommy is a grade-A dumbshit. Before Tommy can try slamming his fist on the Command Center's computer panels again, a lone hero stands against the mighty Green Ranger. Alpha Fucking Five.
Out of nowhere, Alpha comes back online and traps Tommy inside a forcefield. Alpha says Tommy may have shorted him out, but he has backup servers in case some punk tries to mess with his boss. The Green Ranger is now incapacitated and unable to fight back, leaving Zordon and Alpha safe. The Green Ranger, the guy who has single handedly defeated the entire Power Ranger team solo on two separate occasions has been subdued by the comic relief robot. That's just incredible.
Zordon finally upgraded to visible forcefields.
The Power Rangers decide they're not going to be upstaged by a fucking robot, and summon the Megazord. Couldn't tell you what all that dicking around watching the bus being pushed was all about, but things are at least moving along. Like the bus! Rita tells her goons to toss it off the cliff now that Megazord is on its way, but just before the bus topples all the way down the mighty robot catches the bus to save Bulk and Skull. Though I would have also accepted if the two died in one anothers loving embrace.
Oh shit Goldar's still giant! Forgot about that didn't ya? Well he shows up to challenge the Megazord as the eclipse starts to weaken it. Goldar doesn't have much time to fight before the Rangers knock him to the mat. Just when you think the Rangers have this one in the bag, Rita tells Scorpina to join in. What do you think she's gonna do Rita? She's tough sure but what do you think a Japanese woman in armor is going to do against the Megazord?
Scorpina Monster WELP
FUCK ALMIGHTY! WHAT HAPPENED?! If this were a lesser show that would have been THE moment, but not yet.
The monster Scorpina and Goldar tag team Megazord to let the solar eclipse continue to drain its strength, and no matter how much the Rangers try and fight back they just continue getting wailed on. Megazord tries to fight back but after a pitiful showing against the monsters just ends up on the ground barely able to move. Jason summons the Power Sword to help even the odds against Goldar and Scorpina, and is able to land a pretty solid blow to knock the two back. Things are starting to look up for the Rangers.
That is until Rita decides to unleash her trump card. She knows Tommy is locked up in the Command Center, so she uses a magic spell to release him, and with four words, she changes the game forever.
NOW GREEN RANGER, GROW!
Oh my fucking yes YES! YES!! THIS IS IT! THIS IS EVERYTHING. HOLY SHIT YES!!! Green Ranger is his own fucking Megazord now. Did you expect this to happen? Trick question. NOBODY did. This is the best thing oh my god. Green With Evil Part 3 was my 40 years in the desert and this is my land of milk and honey. Giant Green Ranger wailing on the Megazord is all I've ever needed. This moment is so perfect oh man. OH MAN!
Suffice to say the Megazord gets its shit DEMOLISHED. I'd show more of the fight but I'd be doing you a disservice in not just giffing the whole thing so please, just go watch this episode when you're done because Megazord getting Shrekt is fucking incredible.
After Scorpina, Goldar, and my Giant Green Waifu blast the shit out of Megazord, the Power Rangers are ejected from the cockpit and thrown to the ground, unmorphed. The Megazord might have been beaten, but it will always rise again when evil is afoot!
Megazord explosion Fuck
The Ranger actors try and show some sort of sympathy to their melting dinosaurs, but whoever was directing them forgot to request any emotion so they just sound like someone took their favorite pen away. The Rangers soon retreat back to the Command Center and mope about how they've lost. Alpha asks Billy if there's any chance to bring Zordon back, and he says their chance is less than 10 percent. Everyone feels completely defeated.
Except for Jason, he stands tall and tells his team that no matter how small the chance for victory they can't give up. The world is still counting on them and they can't stop fighting. It's a surprisingly effective speech coming out of nowhere from Jason. This arc has been incredible for him as a leader, and really cements him as more of a character than he has been so far all season. Even Alpha tries to inspire the Rangers to keep going. It's kind of sad to see how far they've fallen after losing so badly, but it sets the mood perfectly. They've lost and are hopeless.
However there is one bit of good news Alpha has to report, the computer brings up a scan from when Green Ranger was captured inside the energy barrier earlier. It was able to scan his bio vibrations or whatever, the point is that they're able to discern his identity. The Rangers watch in shock as the Viewing Globe shows them who they've been fighting all this time.
Jean-Claude Van Damme?
To Be Concluded.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: A Man in Green Spandex Making Your Life Worth Living
Personal Thoughts:
What else should I even bother talking about other than the Giant Green Ranger? I'm sure there's other stuff that happened in this episode, but who cares? That moment is forever imprinted in my brain. If I was comatose for 30 years and deemed clinically dead, I guarantee you they could wake me up by saying that Green Ranger is about to grow again.
There's something so goddamned cool about the build-up too, Goldar is clearly losing when fighting Megazord one on one. Rita makes Scorpina grow in a total panic, so we see just how invested she is in this plan. When she finally makes Tommy grow, everything becomes clear and we finally reach nirvana.
I want to specifically single out this moment and compare it to the Sentai version as well. Since this show is made of hacked up footage from Zyuranger, it's often limited to just mimicking what Zyuranger did whole cloth. This isn't always the case and I'll give you a specific example with regards to this scene.
In Zyuranger, after Megazord knocked over Goldar and Scorpina, it tried to flee and was ambushed by Green Ranger who showed up out of nowhere. That's cool, works on its own merits just fine. However in Power Rangers, they added in the moment of Rita using her wand to make Tommy grow. Just that small tweak makes this moment infinitely cooler. We know Rita can make monsters grow, but out of nowhere she makes the Green Ranger grow. She's using her trump card in a way nobody expected, and it's goddamned incredible seeing him come out of the smoke cackling like a madman as the Rangers realize they're fucked.
I'm not going to say there isn't any filler in this episode, as there is a little bit. Not as much as Part 3, but maybe a bit more than Part 2. Mostly the scenes of the Rangers contemplating what to do on the beach that goes on way too long. The big difference is this all builds to Scorpina showing off her monster form, and the aforementioned Green growth. That's really the only big issue though, is that those stupid little moments where nothing seemed to be happening built into moments worth watching. Part 3 just had Green Ranger doing karate in an empty room covered in fog, leading into a scene of Rita's henchmen discussing utterly nothing.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 4:42:25 GMT
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers Episode 21: Green With Evil Part 5: Breaking the Spell
Last week our dear friends the Power Rangers were beaten fucking raw. They tried in vain to fight Goldar, Scorpina, and the Green Ranger with Megazord, and got amazingly decimated. The Megazord fell into a bunch of lava with very little chance of recovery. As the Rangers licked their wounds, Alpha reveals to them that he was finally able to detect the secret identity of the evil Green Ranger.
Kim wants to refuse to believe Tommy's the Green Ranger, because she doesn't want to be so stereotypical that she fell for a mysterious evil guy. The Rangers say that Alpha must be making a mistake, because there's no way this new Ranger is the guy dressed in green all the time who's acting like a huge dickhead all of a sudden. It rings pretty hollow how much the teens don't want to believe Tommy's evil, they're not best buds all of a sudden. He's just some guy Jason fought in a karate match. No, the Rangers are real sad their new best friend Thomas Q. Oliver is actually a villain, perish the thought.
Alpha comforts the Rangers by saying Rita must have put Tommy under a spell, which might explain all the energy bolts and devil swords he's been swinging around. Jason tells his dismayed team they need to fight to save Tommy, and to shove it in Rita's face.
Rita of course is celebrating her imminent domination of Earth with her henchmen by drinking a nice bottle of wine. Oh my apologies, Baboo informs us that it's actually "cranberry and oyster juice." Maybe that's just what he calls it to not feel like the sloppy alcoholic he clearly is. Rita's even been kind enough to not make Squatt sit at the kid's table for the party, this Green Ranger win is really bringing out the best in her.
A table full of hors d'oeuvers and a bottle of wine. You throw the best mixers Rita.
Goldar interrupts everyone's good time and blathers about how this was all possible thanks to the strength of their powerful Empress Rita. Goldar you fucking lickboot, shut up. Your friends are trying to get ripshit on oysters and you can't stop talking about how smart your boss is. Scorpina's trying to put the moves on him all throughout this and he's just being a total buzzkill, who invited him to this party? Rita informs her Moon Crew that her plan isn't over yet though, and she's about to make one final move to conquer the Earth.
While we're not sure what she's going to do yet, Alpha 5 seems to have a guess what might happen. The spazzy android is running around the Command Center crying about how Rita's going to enslave mankind and destroy them all and wipe everybody out and holy shit enough. Would you just stop complaining and let the actual heroes think for a second you giant baby? Congrats on stopping Tommy last week, but maybe if you would stop whining it might lighten the mood a little. For comic relief you sure don't provide either.
The Rangers succesfully tell Alpha to shut the fuck up and decide to split up and look for Tommy, assuming they can somehow break Rita's spell if they just ask him really nice to not be evil anymore. That or they'll stage an "Evil Intervention" and ask him why he's just so doggone mean. Kim looks for him in the Juice Bar where she finds Ernie watching a news broadcast of Goldar completely fucking up the town.
Ernie says how lucky they are to have the Power Rangers around, but Bulk and Skull say the Power Rangers are a bunch of limp dick pussies who couldn't fuck their way out of prison. The bullies brag about how they helped the Rangers scare off the monsters and are responsible for keeping the city safe. It's this really depressing look into the psyche of these two morons who just want to be on T.V. and have people like them, not be a couple clownshoe idiots who fall down every week and humiliate the human race.
Kim says she doesn't care about the imminent apocalypse and needs to find her boning machine, who Ernie says is about 10 feet away from them. Glad Kim is taking her task of finding Tommy seriously. Kim solemnly approaches Tommy while he gets his pump on and casually whispers that he's the "GREEN RANGER." The second she utters this, Tommy gives her the look to end all looks.
Jason David Frank glare The FUCK you just say to me?!
Tommy tells Kim she and her little rainbow brigade are going to get their throats slit if they try and mess with him again. Kim starts begging Tommy to let the other Rangers help him and if this wasn't a karate show for fat kids, it'd almost seem like they're spinning this like an allegory for addiction. Everyone begging a crazy abusive fuck-up to just talk about his problems but he keeps attacking them with his new friends, in this case a gold dog and a scorpion woman. Although I could be reading too much into this, which is of course ludicrous coming from someone who writes a weekly blog talking about Power Rangers.
At the Moon Palace, Squatt and Baboo start whining to Goldar that they don't want Rita to use the newest weapon in her arsenal. There's no real reason they don't want her to, though it's likely they know if Rita is bringing in competent fighting forces they'll be on the chopping block in no time. Rita surprisingly ignores the objections of her worthless henchman and uses a bolt of magic to summon forth an incredible Dragonzord from beneath the ocean's waves. The mighty Dragonzord unleashes it's fury and goes on a destructive rampage the likes the planet has never seen before.
Dragonzord smokestack He then put the other half in his mouth and did a killer Groucho Marx impression.
The rest of the Rangers, sans Trini, meet with Kimberly and ask her what happened during her meeting with Tommy. She describes how his eyes were glowing green and how his biceps were rippling underneath his tight t-shirt and how there were enough bulges to satisfy any woman. The rest of the Rangers waste a bunch of time rattling off details we already knew such as "He's definitely out to get us." and "He has to be under one of Rita's spells." Things that not only the audience has observed repeatedly, but the characters themselves have pointed out in this very episode. It's Part 5, maybe we can finally stop dragging our heels and pick up the goddamn pace?
As the Ranger Teens take their time putting together this two piece puzzle, Trini comes running in to tell everyone there's big trouble downtown. The Rangers morph to combat the encroaching threat in the city and decide they'll find a better place to ditch Trini again later. They leap up to a rooftop only to find the Dragonzord, with the Green Ranger standing atop his noggin. Tommy leaps onto a building and starts playing a dagger shaped flute. Where'd he get this? Doesn't matter. What's it called? Dunno. So if you want a toy of this for Christmas by begging Grandma and she asks what it's called, better be prepared to get some shitty knock off toy from Korea.
Dragon Dagger Make sure to hold the end as dainty as possible.
Tommy's Dragon Dagger begins sending commands to the Dragonzord which sets its sights on the rest of the Power Rangers. The giant Zord aims its hands at them and sprouts missiles from its fingertips, blowing them off the fucking roof. It loads another set of missiles and starts blasting everything it can downtown while the rest of the Rangers protest. It's pretty incredible seeing these goody two shoes trying to convince a gigantic dragon not to blow up their stupid city full of nerds while Tommy just laughs at them.
However the Rangers prayers are answered when Alpha is able to finally locate Zordon's location and bring him back online. Zordon asks what the fuck Alpha has been doing while he was gone and to get his unpaid labor into their dinosaur robots right away. Alpha says the Zords have been destroyed by the Green Ranger, but Zordon tells his indentured servant to cram it because they got toys to hock.
With no real explanation, the ground starts to quake and the Rangers Morphers begin to glow. The Rangers are instantly transferred into their Dinozords which emerge from the lava and appear to be at full power again. The Rangers prepare to take on Tommy as the Tyrannosaurus and Dragonzord square off somewhere in the mountains. Hold on I hear some of you say, the Dragonzord was in the city last we saw him. Don't worry, Power Rangers has its bases covered!
Yeah just take 34th avenue down all the way you'll be in the mountains in about 3 steps.
Jason tries in vain to tell Tommy to stop blowing shit up, but the Dragonzord keeps blasting the T-Rex without mercy. At some point you'd think the Rangers would realize their new friend whose mind has been enraptured by the forces of evil might not be prone to listening to their speeches about recycling and eating your vegetables.
Dragonzord uses its tail drill to jab Tyrannosaurus in the face, and knocks the Red Ranger's Dinozord to the ground. Jason appears to finally have had enough of losing to Tommy and uses the Dinozord to kick Dragonzord into a mountain. While Tommy's Zord is downed, the rest of the Rangers combine to form the Megazord to even up the score.
The Rangers use their robot to attack the Dragonzord, who's still left on his back. There's a pretty great cut of Megazord going to lift the Dragonzord above its head, but we cut before any lifting takes place. Obviously because they weren't going to ask a guy in an uncomfortable robot costume to lift a guy in the same situation above his head. God bless cheap Japanese media.
Now that Megazord's in the fight the Dragonzord is completely outclassed. The Rangers are absolutely demolishing his zord and taking it down. It doesn't even feel like this is the same guy they've been fighting the last four weeks with how badly this new zord is losing. As soon as the Megazord is formed, Dragonzord has completely lost the fight. When it gets to something like this, you know the fight is a total wash.
Dragonzord VS Megazord If you ever wonder why Toei's suits are broken down this is a good indicator.
The Rangers tell Tommy he's done for if he doesn't give up. Prepare yourself though, because the funniest scene, perhaps in the entire franchise's history, is about to happen. As the Rangers are calling out to Tommy to surrender, a voice calls out and answers them from the Dragonzord. This is what it tells them.
Now if you're only experiencing Power Rangers through this blog, you may not think anything is wrong here. However that voice? That's supposed to be Tommy. Tommy does not sound like a 45 year old man shoved into a recording booth for 3 seconds with no knowledge of what he's supposed to be doing. When I heard this as a kid I swear I thought it was supposed to be the Dragonzord talking. That's how incredibly inept this line reading is.
Jason challenges Tommy to a duel without their Zords, and leaps out of the Megazord to ask Tommy how he threw his voice like that. Tommy abandons the Dragonzord to fight against Jason in a quarry below, and the two start trading blows. Green Ranger and Red Ranger use their swords against each other and fight fiercely. It looks like a bunch of Christmas decorations threw up everywhere. The two seem to be evenly matched, but Tommy pulls out some new tricks as he plays his Dagger and reflects Jason's Blade Blaster shots at him.
While the Dragonzord VS. Megazord fight was pretty anti-climactic and one sided, this fight is exactly what you'd want out of Green With Evil. Tommy and Jason are beating the shit out of each other and it's a lot of fun. The two have a rivalry that's developed in a pretty mediocre fashion, but it doesn't matter when they're clashing their swords together trying to take the other down. Tommy wants to kill Jason and Jason wants to save Tommy. All while Rita's getting wild with the business end of her wand knowing someone's gonna die tonight.
Tommy soon gains the upper hand and has Jason on the ropes. Using the Sword of Darkness, Tommy strikes the ground and causes a burst of energy to blast Jason from underneath, knocking the Red Ranger off of his feet. Just as the Green Ranger prepares to land a killing blow, Jason charges up his Power Sword with red energy, and hurls it at Tommy. The evil Ranger drops both of his weapons as Jason uses his Blade Blaster to destroy the Sword of Darkness. Without Rita's sword, Tommy is instantly out of her control and has turned into a simpering puritan like the rest of the Ranger Teens.
The Rangers regroup down where Tommy and Jason had been fighting and de-morph to talk with him. Tommy mumbles about how he feels bad he almost killed all of them, but Jason says they need his help to defeat Rita. It's a more polite way of saying "You're clearly stronger than all five of us, so we need you to bail us out when things get too tough." Tommy looks remorseful, but backs down instantly and decides to join the rest of the Power Rangers with a nice manly handshake.
WHAT'S THE MATTER? THE C.I.A GOT YA PUSHIN' TOO MANY PENCILS?!
Zordon informs Alpha that, no thanks to his bitching and moaning, the prophecy has been fulfilled. Now that the Sixth Ranger has joined their team, they will be stronger than ever before and able to conquer any enemy with ease, until the next episode. The Rangers decide to participate in a group morph to celebrate, also to pad out time a little more since we're so close to the finish line.
The six Rangers pose together and each make some statement about how they're going to defeat Rita's evil forces. Blue Ranger says they'll be sure to defeat all of her menacing monsters. This episode must have aired out of order since we haven't seen anything that fits that criteria yet. Zordon says now that they have a new friend to exploit, they can use his Dragonzord for personal gain too. The Triceratops, Saber tooth Tiger, and Mastodon Dinozords all charge as Tommy uses the Dragon Dagger to get the Dragonzord back up on its feet. The four Zords combine into a brand new configuration Zordon dubs the Dragonzord in Fighting Mode. Named such because when it's in a fight alone it sure ain't in fighting mode.
What about the Pterodactyl? Trick question. Nobody cares.
Rita is kind of angry about this turn of events, but considering this is the crumbling of a whole bunch of her best laid plans, she seems pretty passive. She's kind of annoyed that Tommy isn't on her side anymore. She should be pissed that the Zords are back in full force, she lost her trump card as well as his Zord, and she's invariably strengthened her opposition. Instead she's about as mad as she is when one of her ugly monsters dies. Gimme a little more here Repulsa, this was a guaranteed win and you botched it.
The rest of the Rangers bring Tommy to have an official meeting with Zordon, this time making him promise not to roid out and tear up their Command Center again. Zordon gives Tommy the rules to being a Power Ranger that he must abide by now that he's on the side of good: 1) Have a personality that consists of 3 or fewer traits. 2) Don't use your powers to humiliate Bulk and Skull, let society do that, and 3) Casual Friday is mandatory.
Billy presents Tommy with his own Communicator and the Rangers all celebrate that they finally were able to recruit that kid with a mullet onto their team. Now with all this exciting plot behind them, they prepare to fight a bunch of silly looking rubber monsters. Just as God intended.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Smokestacks
Personal Thoughts:
This episode had a few weak points, but I'd definitely say it was a good way to end the Green With Evil miniseries. It's definitely not the strongest part of the miniseries but it's completely serviceable. It's been a long time since I've gone back to watch these episodes, and it's surprising how they (mostly) hold up on a second watch.
The Dragonzord is an absolutely fucking fantastic introduction to the Zord fleet and remains one of my all time favorite Mech's in any Tokusatsu series. A drill tail, finger missiles, goofy little hands that don't do anything, this guy's got it all. It surprised me watching this again how badly he fared in a fight against the other Zords, but that's probably because he doesn't have any finishing moves of his own to show off, so slap some more Zords on him and we'll call it a day.
This episode is the only part of this little saga that is adapted using footage from two unique episodes of Zyuranger. Tragically they were unable to make a sixth boring and worthless episode to prolong this miniseries any further so they decided to skip right to the Dragonzord stuff. Originally, Green Ranger's counterpart tried to kill Rita, got kicked out of her party, and was gifted the Dragonzord by a weird child. That's why we never get a scene of Tommy receiving his Dragon Dagger and he just abruptly has it when Dragonzord shows up.
We also lose a scene of giant Goldar and Scorpina fighting the Dragonzord on Earth as it wouldn't make much sense narrative wise. Put that tidbit into your back pocket for a while though, we'll come back to it later.
Since we've finally gotten to the end of this miniseries, I'm still left feeling a little uneven. This is a pretty cool set of episodes, but when it gets bogged down in so much goddamned pointless filler it becomes nothing but a retread of plot points that have been established multiple times. It usually takes a while until we get to something incredible like Green Ranger invading the cockpit of the Megazord, or Green Ranger growing giant. I think what really made Part 3 so weak is it lacked any moment that would make a kid go "That's awesome!" It was just the writers stretching material to keep idiots like me tuned in.
Really the most important word of this whole thing is uneven. Some of the stuff in this miniseries could rank up there with the best of Season 1 Power Rangers, while an unfortunate amount could be near dead last. We may not be talking Ticklesneezer awful, but some of the insulting time wastes just left me wanting to shut the DVD off. I've tried not to make a big ranking system for episodes and just stick to a general classification of being good, bad, or bland; however since this is a saga of very mixed quality I figured I'd make a quick rundown of the hierarchy of these episodes.
Part 4 > Part 2 > Part 1 > Part 5 > Being decapitated with a piece of sheet metal > Having your arms cut off in a Turkish prison > Part 3
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 4:43:22 GMT
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Episode 22: The Trouble With Shellshock
Now that the Ranger Teens have officially inducted Tommy into their ranks, they've decided to let him watch as Zack and Jason compete in a ceremonial game of "basket-balls." It's weird that they just introduced a new character who could ostensibly have a personality other than "does karate" and "is a superhero", but they decide to just have him sit on the sidelines with the rest of the Rangers. If you are given a new character to expand on or dedicate some kind of focus to, having him watch two other non-characters shoot hoops in the park might not be the best way to let us know anything about him.
Tommy isn't the only one watching though, because Squatt's beamed down from the Moon Palace to observe the Rangers from afar. He's not hiding anywhere because he's too fat to hide behind anything, but obese gremlins were all over our parks back in the 90's so nobody pays any attention to him. Squatt laughs about how he and Baboo have a new plan to stop the Rangers and heads back to the palace. Well if this plan you two have is anything like your "Observe Enemies Playing Sports" tactic, the Rangers are goners for sure!
It's a good thing Squatt has a plan though, since Rita's spending her day lounging in a rocking chair passed out and snoring. She took that Green Ranger loss harder than I realized and went straight to the hooch. Baboo and Squatt sneak past their lush of a boss into Finster's office, as the two idiots discuss how amazing this new monster is going to be. Baboo's so proud of this unseen idea that he claims it's going to be better than anything Finster's ever come up with, as Squatt begs him to say what this amazing new creature will be. Baboo presents a small clay mold of today's monster.
Fuck You.
What was I expecting though? The comic relief henchman are creating a plan, it's a little silly to act like it'll be anything special. The show isn't pretending this monster is anything too incredible either, because even Squatt seems iffy on this. Squatt. The thing that eats bugs and gets zapped on the ass for a living thinks Baboo's plan sounds questionable.
As Baboo puts the clay mold inside the Monstermatic, Squatt decides to interject and help Baboo's plan along by providing the monster some weapons. Squatt finds a bunch of shit in his satchel to put inside the machine, like a hook, a little toy cannon, a baseball bat, some crusty tissues, and a bunch of dead mice. When Squatt asks what Baboo is planning on naming their new turtle, Baboo offers up names such as Greta, or Peetush. Squatt, not wanting their child to commit suicide in high school, offers up the name Shellshock instead.
Power Rangers Shellshock Without Rahzar he's useless!
The guy Rangers play basketball while Kim, Trini, and Billy continue cheering them on. This is all we got for today huh? Basketball montages and turtles? No worries though, the Putties arrive to cleanse our palettes and kick some ass on the court. There are a bunch of weird cuts during the Putty fight of kicks being repeated and Putties getting a basketball shoved in their gut. It's mostly really dumb looking, but thankfully doesn't last very long. What is it with the Rangers playing sports making for such lousy Putty fights?
Zack basketball The Putties defense has gotten so shitty in the off season.
Squatt and Baboo have an entirely pointless sequence of being disappointed with how badly the Putties were beaten, despite the fact they 1) Specifically mentioned wanting to soften the Rangers up 2) Have a big goofy turtle monster to fight for them. While the idiots sulk, Tommy tells the rest of the Rangers he's late for karate practice and he'll catch up with them later when they're losing a fight.
A hot dog cart shows up and the rest of the Rangers make Trini go pay for their lunch, telling her to sell her hideous doll collection if she needs more money. As Trini contemplates spitting in her friends hot dogs, Bulk and Skull mosey on into the park and try talking tough to the rest of the Rangers after snagging their basketball. Things take a turn for the creep when Bulk twirls Kimberly around and grabs her, which is the moment Zack and Jason stop laughing at their comical antics, and remember that these two are sociopathic idiots.
Bulk flings Kim over to Skull while Jason and Zack try and hold off the big moron. Putting this scene right after that Putty fight ends up illustrating something great, which is that the two socially inept bullies put up a better fight against the Ranger Teens than Rita's clay dipshits do. The fight with these two ends a lot less violent though, as the two bullies clumsily crash into the hot dog cart, spilling toppings all over them.
Skull's shades are slightly ajar, what out of control antics.
The hot dog vendor says they have to pay him for all the shit they fell into, and it'll take them two weeks to pay it off. Two weeks?! Are you fucking nuts? Look at them, they have maybe four packets worth of mustard and ketchup on them. This fucking creep was just looking to strong arm some indentured servants today. You see who the real monster is today boys and girls? Capitalism.
While the bullies get used to their newfound 14 days a slave, Squatt and Baboo observe the Rangers while behind some bushes. Squatt informs their ridiculous looking turtle mutant that he should go and knock the Rangers out. Shellshock gets all befuddled and starts ducking his head down at these incredibly basic instructions and Baboo accuses Squatt of confusing their brilliant son. It might not have helped his intelligence when you shoved a goddamned traffic light through his spine Baboo.
Since Shellshock is so fucking stupid, he uses the green light on his traffic signal to blast the Rangers basketball and blow it to pieces. When the Rangers see a bunch of barely concealed idiots in the bushes they decide it's a good time to morph. As soon as they do, Shellshock zaps Trini with his green light ray and causes her to start moving uncontrollably, as she runs away from the fight. Oh the light must have swapped her personality with Billy's!
The rest of the Rangers leap in to fight Shellshock who uses really ludicrous methods to fight them. He pulls out the baseball bat Squatt provided earlier and knocks a bunch of baseballs at the Rangers, managing to miss them with every hit. Having perfected his Alex Rodriguez impression, Shellshock decides to use the red light on his traffic signal to freeze the Power Rangers. Though Black, Blue, and Pink are frozen, Jason ducks out of the way at the last second, but Shellshock has even stupider ways to kill the Red Ranger!
The preliminary design for Blastoise was really weird.
Jason manages to make Shellshock and his fucked up parents flee by shooting at them with his Blade Blaster. That really wimpy sidearm that doesn't do much? Yeah that scares off Squatt, Baboo and their monster. Jason gratefully didn't need to resort to his secret technique of shoving Shellshock onto its back to immobilize him. Shocking that a monster based on a turtle tends not to do too well in a fight, but you can't win 'em all.
Goldar shows up to tell Squatt and Baboo how their googly-eyed turtle isn't gonna do dick to the Power Rangers and Rita's going to be incredibly pissed off at them. She doesn't dare fire them though, as the Moon Palace is an equal opportunity employer. The dunderheads try and defend their incompetent bumbling to Goldar, who in so many words informs them that Rita doesn't give a shit about them or any of their stupid plans.
Rita, having finally woken up from her booze snooze, congratulates Squatt and Baboo for using a monster that was able to accomplish something. Rita, somehow forgetting how close she was to winning last week, finds this turtle stoplight plan to be a rousing success worthy of praise.
I'm going back and forth here whether or not Shellshock really accomplished much or not. He's taken four of the Power Rangers out of the fight which is impressive for a braindead turtle; however we've had monsters like Madame Woe trap all of the Rangers in some rainy dimension then beat the shit out of Billy after he escapes. It's not really easy to calculate victories for a group that loses week after week, but if it makes Rita's useless lackeys feel better then let's just say Shellshock is doing amazing.
Zordon brings the three frozen Rangers and Jason back to the Command Center to make fun of them for being beaten by Squatt and Baboo. Billy, Kim, and Zack all remain morphed and completely frozen, but Zordon says there is a chance to resuscitate them. He's sent Trini to a Mountain of Hope to go find some flowers that will cure the rest of the Rangers of Shellshock's magic. After she got hit with that go beam it was either go gather some magic flowers or run laps around the Command Center.
With the Rangers on the ropes and in hiding, Rita decides to drag them out into the open by making Shellshock giant and sending him on a rampage. We get one of the most groanworthy lines ever when Shellshock says "Wait till those teenage mutants see what a full grown turtle can do." The fucking Ninja Turtles in Power Rangers? Gag me to death. The scene is made a lot better when we see Squatt and Baboo standing on a building cheering Shellshock on as he destroys the city. Though we don't get the scene I want with Shellshock accidentally killing his parents during his rampage as a dying Baboo tells Shellshock they've always been proud of him.
Shellshock city In hindsight this show was a little silly.
Jason brings out his Dinozord to hold Shellshock off while he waits for Trini to go pick flowers. Shellshock brings out some of his weapons, a hook over his hand and the baseball bat from earlier, to fight with the T-Rex. But don't get too excited to see a robot tyrannosaurus fight against a baseball playing pirate turtle, because we need to see Trini running around a field to find some magic flowers first.
Trini tiptoes through the tulips in a field with no real slope to it, which seems kind of strange for a fucking mountain. Zordon tells her she's almost found them and just needs help from the Saber Tooth Tiger. Apropos of nothing, a ghostly image of her Dinozord appears through some mist and the flowers fly into her hand. Which makes as much sense as a ghost robot tiger ever could. Wait a second, when did this episode turn into a Trini focus?
How mystical can a robot's foot really be?
Somehow, the Tyrannosaurus has been completely overwhelmed by Shellshock while Trini was off picking posies, and Jason begins clamoring for help. If you're in the mood to be emasculated make sure to watch today's episode of Power Rangers, where the leader of the Power Rangers is beaten half to death by a turtle with a baseball bat.
Tommy finishes his karate practice in the Youth Center, which consisted of him dicking around with a bo staff for half an hour. The show cut back to it a few times but, y'know, who cares? Tommy gets a buzz on his Communicator and answers Jason's call. Jason tells Tommy he needs help in the same tone of voice you'd ask someone if they could spot you a dollar for the vending machine. Tommy morphs but doesn't really feel like showing up so he calls his Japanese buddy Burai to fight for him.
I'M NOT TOMMY!
Well whoever shows up, they summon the Dragonzord and knock Shellshock away from the Tyrannosaurus. The evil turtle seems excited to fight two opponents, but his enthusiasm is misplaced as he gets smacked around like a complete punk by the two Dinozords. After he gets knocked to the mat he starts hiding his eyes from the Rangers in a clear "Please don't hurt me I'm scared" gesture. Whoever was dubbing this decided to make Shellshock say that he got dirt in his eyes so he can't aim his stoplight ray? It's such a weird thing to change but whatever, Shellshock is giving up. Jason stupidly believes this and stops fighting, only for Shellshock to scream "NOT!!" and blast T-Rex and Dragonzord with the stop ray. For those keeping score at home that is 2 "Not" jokes this show has made. 300 times too many.
Just as Squatt and Baboo beg their monster to finish off the Power Rangers, Trini runs in while calling out to Jason and... Billy? Not Tommy, the guy who's actually there, Billy who is currently frozen inside the Command Center and in fact NOT the guy who pilots the Dragonzord. Who the fuck was doing the ADR this episode? That's something she records on accident, and then they look at the footage literally a single time and realize "oh right that doesn't make sense. One more time." Either way, Trini helps whoever the fuck she showed up to help with the magical flowers a floating tiger gave her. The Yellow Ranger leaps on top of Shellshock's head and shakes the flowers while pollen falls over the turtle. Shellshock begins to burst with sparks as his power shorts out and his stoplight goes haywire. The effects of his ray disappear on both the Dinozords and the rest of the Rangers in the Command Center. Kim makes some tedious quip about how she felt like a mannequin at the mall, which is where she likes to go shopping. For clothes. Because she is a hu-mon female. Beep Boop.
Tommy and Jason bring out the full force of their Zords to wail on Shellshock now that he's been completely powered down, which brings to mind a question. Now that Shellshock is completely helpless due to the flowers, does that go against Zordon's rule of never escalating a battle? The monster is powerless now, wouldn't that be excessive? Whatever, fuck him.
TONIGHT WE DINE ON TURTLE SOUP
Rita is absolutely livid at her bumbling henchmen's failure and berates them while bashing them with her wand. She gets a great line off where she says she should have her head examined for believing they could accomplish something. Don't take it too hard Rita, you just had a case of the brown bottle flu.
So how can we round out today's episode? With another fascinating round of basketball of course!! The stakes are high though, because whoever loses has to buy the winner lunch! Good golly! It isn't completely for nothing though, because we get some G-Rated trash talking between Zack and Tommy. It's adorable and corny but it's such a great summary of how pure and silly these people are. Zack dunks on Tommy because...well of course he does, but then all of a sudden Billy pops up and tells Zack it's double or nothing.
Zack, because he's a human being with respect, tells Billy maybe he should back down. Billy decides against that though because he's used to being humiliated. Then he dunks on Zack because nerdy kids everywhere need to be inspired to become basketball stars. Wait a second wasn't Shellshock using a baseball bat in the fight? Why the fuck weren't they playing baseball instead? Why isn't Trini playing basketball since she was a big part of the episode? It's irrelevant, Billy made a basket and now Zack has to buy him hot dogs.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Hot Dog Vendors
Personal Thoughts:
I got a little nitpicky near the end but this is generally an episode I enjoy. It's goofy as shit but I think it's kind of fun to see Squatt and Baboo doing something. Compared to the absolutely nothing they ever do it's a refreshing change of pace. Shellshock is a pretty uniquely fun monster that you're not going to get anywhere else. It's a design like his that leads people to parody this show like it has the craziest concepts you've ever seen. It's a turtle with a traffic light in its back everybody, just be cool.
Speaking of the titular turtle, I will never in my goddamned life forget a line Squatt says to Baboo "What are we going to do with a turtle that has a traffic light stuck in its head?" One, because it's a very sincere question I think we can all apply to our daily lives, and two because my mom would say it to me when I was a kid all the time. She would do a really goofy voice to impersonate Squatt and say "A TURTLE WITH A TRAFFIC LIGHT?!?!" So Shellshock has a special place in my heart for weird reasons.
Now that we have a new monster, we get to go back to my pet discussion of monster costumes. Shellshock's suit the U.S. crew had for filming, but they really didn't use it for very much. It might have just been awkward because of his big floppy traffic light, but we only see two little shots of him hidden inside some plants with Squatt and Baboo.
There's also something that I've wondered about ever since I was a kid, what does the yellow light on Shellshock's back do? Green means go, red means stop, does he just use it and make people continue to do exactly what they do? Whoever made this monster in Japan left a void in my heart, something I thought I'd never know the truth about. However fear not! I finally came across an answer while watching this episode. When Shellshock is complaining about having dirt in his eyes, the yellow light on his back starts flashing. So it means Shellshock is weakened or something. Mark another one in the "who gives a shit" column!
Thanks to a fella by the name of SirStack who posted scripts of Power Rangers episodes, and dedicates even more time to this franchise than I do, I was able to read through what they originally had planned for this episode. Typically these scripts aren't too different from the aired versions of episodes and just have some very minor tweaks. One I found interesting though was they initially wanted Trini to be unmorphed when Shellshock blasted her with the green light. This was the same way the Japanese version did it, but they probably figured it would be easier to just film a stunt actor in a costume doing it than making an actor bust their ass running up a hill over and over.
Something that stands out to me is how the U.S. suit actors and the Japanese suit actors commit to certain things. What's most blatant would be the scenes of Yellow Ranger running and how much more effort the Japanese actor puts into it.
U.S.
Japan
Look how much faster the Japanese actor is moving his legs. The American stuntman is just doing some calisthenics to get ready for a nice brisk day of exercise. One looks like someone who's honestly unable to stop moving, and one looks like a person trying to keep from wetting their pants.
This isn't meant to knock Power Rangers so much as point out what I feel the mentality was. Super Sentai was a Japanese juggernaut that had been going on for 20 years. They knew exactly how to do something and make it look damn good. Power Rangers was a show trying to find its footing and had little experience in terms of what it wanted to do. It's got a fantastic charm watching them try and work these things out early on and part of what makes these early years so interesting.
One final incredibly dorky note to end on is this episode's title. "The Trouble with Shellshock" is ostensibly supposed to be a pun on the Star Trek episode titled "The Trouble with Tribbles." My question is how the fuck did they not come up with "The Trouble with Turtles"? That sounds like something they came up with and then someone pitched an alternate title that made no sense and ignored the point entirely. Why the fuck do I know any of this?
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 4:43:56 GMT
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Episode 23: Itsy Bitsy Spider
Before we get started today let me ask you a question; did anybody you went to high school with actually petition for things? Was that a common trend that I didn't catch the boat on? This episode starts with Trini asking for signatures on a petition to save some statue in a park. That's fine and all but what decision maker is sitting on their thumbs waiting for the high school population's take on the situation? What makes this statue so special anyway?
The fact that it's a dime store Virgin Mary?
Well as the legend goes, the Forest Spirit Statue has the mystical ability to protect the citizens from harmful insects. Zack says he's all about that imaginary hogwash reason for a bunch of students to give a fuck about some ugly statue in the forest, because he sure doesn't like bugs! Mark that one in your journal of character traits for Zack everyone, you should be up to four by now. Trini shows the student body a weird collection of bugs in containers she's amassed to prove a point that tarantulas are scary and without that statue helping them, everyone would be sleeping on a bed of spiders until the day they die.
Trini mentions how the statue has flowers in its hair to remind us of the good that insects do for humanity, which Skull is perplexed by because he only knows bugs as those things he has to eat at dad's house. Bulk decides to cause some G-Rated ruckus by throwing the bugs around, starting with a box filled with cockroaches. Oh are those some of the bugs the Forest Statue keeps away? Tell that to all the kids living in Angel Grove's low income housing Trini. The roaches eating their dinner every night are only there because they aren't praying hard enough to your magic statue. As we learn why the caged bug sings, one terrified extra in a goofy purple sweater flees the scene in abject horror!
Don't run away too fast Gary!
Everyone starts freaking out trying to get rid of the bugs, as Zack sees a big tarantula on his shoulder and screams his balls off about it. Tommy jumps into action to try and smash it with his binder, but he misses and lightly taps Zack on the shoulder. Tommy we've let you on this team for two weeks and all you've done is lose a fight to a turtle and miss killing a big ugly bug. Maybe we need to rethink this Green Ranger deal and demote you to Alpha's assistant.
Later that night, a mass of Putties accompany Squatt and Baboo to look over the Forest Spirit Statue to see what's so special about it. Usually just the Putties would be good enough for this job but after the Shellshock debacle last week, Rita's got the two morons on grunt work for the rest of the season. The Putties nab the statue, as Rita wanted something to really tie the living room together.
The next day at school, Trini bemoans that she lost all of the science teacher's precious bugs, but Jason says they can replace them with a little insect hunting. Much more comforting, we have roaches, grubs, termites, and a tarantula roaming around the school but all we need to do is find more bugs. Enjoy lunch kids! Billy saunters up to the rest of the Ranger Teens and shows Kimberly a little special something he's been hiding in his overalls pocket.
A little white surprise for Kim
Kim says Billy's new pet is adorable, because nothing turns teenage girls on more than rodents. Billy balks at the idea of having something bring joy into his life, and informs her this mouse isn't a pet, but his "research assistant" Jack. We know what scientists do to mice Billy, stop with all the semantics. The rest of the Ranger Teens continue giving Jack a bunch of doe eyes, ignoring that Billy will soon be killing him to make even more worthless science garbage, until Bulk and Skull show up to antagonize our heroes for the second time in 3 minutes.
The scene progresses into more nonsensical slapstick when Bulk tosses a book at Billy, causing him to drop Jack. The mouse instantly scurries up Skull's pant leg, causing the lesser bully to freak out and do a C-Grade Elvis impression for a few seconds.
Bulk's thousand yard stare tho
Skull leaps into his lover's arms as Bulk looks confused at what the hell happened. Billy reaches into Skull's collar, plucks Jack out, and informs the mouse he's squandered his final day. Michael Clarke Duncan then comes out while sobbing and begging Billy not to kill his friend Mr. Jingles, because he's a smart mouse, like a circus mouse. Not a dry eye in the house.
As shenanigans partake on Earth, Finster marvels over the Forest Spirit Statue that Squatt and Baboo stole. He quips that such a beautiful piece of artwork must have taken an Earthling over an hour to produce. Man, that is a great line. Even when he isn't given much to do, Finster remains the best character in this show. Rita yells at Finster for suggesting they put this dumb looking statue anywhere in her palace, because she's a horrible boss that doesn't explain any of her half baked schemes to her employees and nags at them when they don't know what she's thinking.
Rita has Finster create a new monster to hide inside a duplicate copy of the statue that she'll put in the park. Why make a duplicate statue? Because space magic can't hide monsters inside of statues, it can only build statues around the monsters. What kind of show do you think Rita's running here? The fake statue will be covered in spiders and moths, but not just any moths; these are moths made out of sleeping powder! They could potentially reside from a planet Rita conquered, but the writer didn't feel like thinking up a name so they're just dust moths. Fuck you.
That moth was three days away from retirement!!
While Rita covers a statue with bugs made out of magic dust, some of the Ranger Teens are out collecting bugs to make up for all the roaches that are now roaming their school. Zack isn't accompanying them because he's terrified of bugs, and Tommy doesn't go with because he needs to make a dramatic entrance later. This scene isn't particularly important but it merits mentioning only to show you what Billy's wearing during this expedition.
Billy stupid hat Genius
Rita sics the Putties on the bug collecting Rangers, and if you guessed that her henchmen get beat to shit without much trouble, you get a gold star! The editing in this fight is a little choppy as the Putty fights tend to be, but it's starting to get better. Aside from the dumb moment where Billy has his net around a Putty's head and spins it around. Remember when Billy learned karate and could hold his own in a fight? Neither do I.
While his friends grab grubs, Zack teaches a bunch of kids his Hip-Hop Kido style of martial arts. Hand to God, that's the actual name of this, Hip-Hop Kido. It seems to involve dancing while doing kicks every couple of seconds, which would make for a pretty entertaining match against Anderson Silva. So Zack turns on his jambox and starts strutting his stuff to show this class of kids exactly what his style is all about. Y'know what Hip-Hop Kido means?
Zack Dancing 90'S DANCE OFF!!!
It's glorious isn't it? What more can be said? If asked to create a time capsule to teach future generations what the 90's were about, all you would need to include is this image and the population of Earth would say "Oh...okay. We understand." It's perfect.
A group of diffident little dorks watch as Zack teaches them how to kick ass while making panties drop, and try to follow his moves. One of the kids does a mediocre little kick which Zack feigns pride in. It hit me while watching this episode, all of the students are white aside from one black kid in overalls. This class isn't about karate, it's a bunch of awkward white kids who want to learn how to dance! Also an alternate reality version of Billy.
Zack runs off to his car to find some funkier jams, which he refers to as his "fuckmix." As Zack leaves a bunch of children unattended, a group of Rita's magic sleep moths descend upon the unsuspecting kids. As the moths splatter what looks like talcum powder all over them, the kids clumsily flop to the ground and pretend to be asleep. Guess dance-karate isn't a great form of self defense after all, ya nerds.
Zack comes back to the scene of the crime to what looks like a bunch of dead kids. Zack tries to wake the kids up but realizes they're out cold, likely from all those super sweet jump kicks they were doing. He calls Zordon on his Communicator to ask how his entire class got murdered while he was 12 feet away, but Zordon explains about Rita's butterflies made of sleeping powder. They don't just spread it, they're literally made of it, and now they're flying towards Zack! Zordon says he'll watch over the kids, so Zack runs away from the butterflies as well as his students, because fuck knows a black man doesn't want to be caught near a dozen unconscious white kids.
Zack tries to find sanctuary from Rita's magic Oogie Boogie bugs, and remembers what Trini said about the Forest Spirit Statue protecting from evil insects. Zack approaches the statue and finds it coated in all sorts of bugs. Instead of thinking maybe this statue isn't actually magical, Zack becomes conflicted upon seeing that it now has snakes in its hair and not flowers! That means it must be EVIL! Zack morphs and blows up the statue, because no other action could make sense. Don't ask Zordon if he senses anything, don't be skeptical, just blow up the fucking statue because it has a different thing in its hair. Well good on ya' Zack, because now we see what was inside the fake statue.
Oh he's a Salticidae!
Zack is super cheesed that Rita's using a spider monster and reminds the audience he is none too fond of bugs. In case you forgot the last four times someone mentioned it. Out of absolutely nowhere, Goldar jumps into the fight to help Spidertron finish the Black Ranger. This is his first scene in the episode, couldn't they bother shoving a scene in of him bellowing out how he'll fight the Black Ranger? You must be joking, we need to use that time for more dancing!
The rest of the Power Rangers hear about the trouble their arachnophobic buddy is in, so they morph over to help him. Sadly this means we've concluded the riveting "Rangers go hunt bugs" sub-plot. Spidertron ups the ante by spraying them with webbing that couldn't look more like silly string if it tried. Goldar and Spidertron prepare to finish the Rangers off, but Zack manages to get free and blast the monsters with his Blade Blaster. That's the second time in two weeks a Ranger has used their Blade Blaster to stop an imminent threat. Sounds like a certain toy might not have been moving as quickly as they wanted.
Rita makes the Spidertron grow, and strangely Goldar doesn't grow with him. Goldar grows all the time, why not let him grow now? Who cares, he showed up and disappeared because the footage said so. Megazord shows up to fight Spidertron and busts out one of its newest techniques!
Spidertron gif 8 Legs Meet 1 Fist
The big fuzzy spider vomits up more silly string to tie Megazord up into a web. He blasts the Megazord so hard that Jason forces it to disengage into the five individual Dinozords. Well 4 really, Kim's Zord doesn't do anything the rest of the fight. This battle actually becomes kind of interesting since we rarely get to see the separate Dinozords do their thing, Triceratops fires its laser tail at Spidertron, and Mastodon gets to use its frost breath attack. Spidertron makes a goofy shivering noise as it shakes all the frost off, and blasts the individual Dinozords. Again, please pretend Kim's doing anything.
The T-Rex gets knocked back by Spidertron as Jason asks Zordon to call on Tommy for help. We see exactly why Tommy hasn't been able to help though, he's busy swinging a sword around in the woods. Call me cynical but this is the exact same set-up as last week. T-Rex gets downed, Jason asks Zordon to call Tommy, cut to Tommy doing karate somewhere instead of paying attention to his Ranger mission. This is all supposed to make sense of the Green Ranger showing up late in Sentai footage, but the method the writers used to make that work just makes Tommy look incredibly dumb.
Dumb or not, Tommy morphs to the scene and sends out the Dragonzord. Since Dragonzord's toy is newer on the shelves, he does a lot better against the spooky scary Spidertron. The monster is still putting up quite a fight, and locks Dragonzord up in a web while firing a bunch of gross looking missiles from inside his shoulders. Jason says that the Rangers need the Megadragonzord, which is what the writers thought the Dragonzord in Battle Mode was called because they can't keep continuity for shit. Zack, Trini, and Billy form the Dragonzord in Megadragonzord Mode and we finally get to see what its finishing move is. Is it a sword strike or a blast of energy or us-
Dragonzord Battle Mode Finisher Welp
SHIT. That's so perfect. Even as a kid this felt like something that shouldn't be in a kid's show, but that's what makes it great. Imagine being Saban Brands and buying a show you have to sell to kids, and you get to an episode where a monster gets its stomach drilled open. Eh fuck it nobody's gonna notice, we'll be off in the air in a couple months anyway.
Zack runs back to check on his students as they slowly start to wake up. Spidertron wasn't said to have anything to do with the sleeping powder moths, so it's possible Rita's magic is so shitty that all it does is put people to sleep for 6 minutes. You have a big demon spider and the best you can do with it is make a couple kids nod off for a little bit while he's sitting in a statue? Aim higher Repulsa, you can't have fallen off the wagon that badly this soon after that Green Ranger mess.
Trini assures the Rangers that not only was the real Forest Statue found, but their petition paid off and it's there forever. So Rita gave back the old statue after she stole it and made a fake one? Did she just dump it into the trash on Earth. You'd think a sore loser like her would blow it up after Spidertron got penetrated. Was any kid honestly on the edge of their seat hoping that statue Trini arbitrarily cared about would get rescued?
Zack then starts bragging about how proud he is he's totally over his fear of bugs forever and never has to worry about that. I now ask you, the audience at home, to complete the scene mentally before it's described to you. What do you think will happen now that a character has described how they're absolutely NOT afraid of something anymore? Did you guess they would be placed inside of a compromising situation proving their phobia is still relevant? Correct! You may use this as proof that you are not currently suffering an aneurysm.
Though Zack might not be so lucky
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Jack
R.I.P Jack: October 19th 3:00 P.M. - October 19th 6:30 P.M.
Personal Thoughts:
This one isn't a bad episode at all. It's forgettable and doesn't add much, but there's something particularly remarkable about it as well. They introduce a new character trait, and that's fine, but what's even crazier is they actually stick with it. This show very rarely gives the viewers any new information about the Rangers as characters because all they do is have them act generically good and fight monsters. The honest truth is the writers are perfectly consistent with these characters and that's fine, but they're typically so fucking boring as people that it's difficult to connect with them.
All we can do with this show is realize that the characters are a bunch of stereotypes. It's the Breakfast Club with more karate and monsters. That's fine if you know what you're getting into, but it's sort of sad to go back to this show hoping you were missing some sort of characters here and realize they're all as flat as week old soda. Maybe I should be more surprised it took me 23 episodes to figure that out.
Spidertron is such an ass ugly monster, but he's perfectly creepy and I love that about him. It's funny that Zack's bug phobia came solely out of adapting an episode where the Black Ranger has to fight a spider monster, but little things like that are what's so charming about this silly ass show.
Before we're done I wanted to briefly discuss the Dragonzord in Battle Mode. This is its debut fight and it doesn't do anything other than use its finishing move right away. It doesn't seem all that more suited to battle if that's all we're going to see out of him. However let's go back to the Battle Mode's Power Staff finisher, because it's super fucking cool. What I'd neglected to mention about its use was that we didn't see the unedited version of Spidertron being killed. Take a look!
U.S.
Japan
It strikes me as funny what they decided is okay to showcase. The shot of Spidertron with a big hole in its midsection that we see Dragonzord through? Perfectly acceptable. The shot of the spinning drill through his back? WHAT ARE YOU NUTS? THIS IS A KID'S SHOW!
If I had any foresight at all I would have started this blog two weeks earlier, oh well. Happy Halloween! Don't get a bunch of spiders in your candy!
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 4:44:17 GMT
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Episode 24: The Spit Flower
Today, Kimberly is super excited about building a float with lots of beautiful flowers, because it's the 90's and she's a girl. If we compiled a list of Kim's favorite things, it would consist of shopping, flowers, and dreaming about her hunky new friend Tommy. The girl's like a less subtle Barbie doll. The aforementioned hunky friend is escorting her and her boxes full of flowers to the Youth Center where Ernie's let the teens set up shop for float building. Kim's ecstatic that her float design is going to be in a parade, and Tommy is ecstatic that by feigning interest in parade design he'll be getting some heavy petting tonight. Tommy blows smoke up Kim's ass about how nice her design looks, because he likes the tasteful use of tigers.
Not as ugly as that forest statue at least
Bulk and Skull show up bright and early to put a damper on Kim's day, only they don't really do much of anything. Bulk sarcastically says how nice the float is and then starts sneezing into Skull's neckerchief because of all the flowers on the model. They're still supposed to be bullies, but the writers are clearly in the process of making their threats less legitimate. This is literally the only thing they do; Bulk looks at the float, blows snot into Skull's clothes, and leaves while complaining about allergies. The Ranger Teens didn't even have to be there for them to look foolish, do these two wander around life looking like clumsy morons to everyone they encounter? Let's just save ourselves some time and say yes.
Rita takes a look at Kimberly's float and says she might have an idea for a float of her own. Baboo comments that floats are made from flowers on Earth, and then starts slapping Squatt while complaining Squatt ate all of the flowers in the Moon Palace. What a beautifully dumb moment. Some shows you find yourself wondering what the characters do when they're off screen, and Power Rangers has the dignity to tell you in Squatt's case: he's eating all of Rita's flowers. What a completely worthless detail to make an already sad and miserable character even more pathetic.
Squatt: Artist's Representation
Tommy and Kim put together the finishing touches on her float when all of a sudden, the Putties appear inside of the Youth Center and harass them. It doesn't sound like much on paper, but the idea that Rita's blithering forces can attack the Rangers on their turf is pretty interesting. The Youth Center seems like hallowed grounds where the Ranger Teens don't have to worry about a fight, but the minute the Putties show up you realize Rita is capable than a lot more than throwing Putties out in a dusty old field. Oh oops, I forgot there was one other villain who showed up in the Youth Center before. For those of you keeping score at home it was our old pal Pudgy Pig. However I was looking for villains more threatening than him, like Putties.
Tommy and Kim start trashing the Putties while one of the clay freaks starts gingerly plucking pieces of Kim's model apart. This Putty fight is shot in another weird ass slow-mo shot repeating fashion and it's the fucking worst. These only crop up once in a while but every time they do it's nothing but "Are we really doing this shit again?" Especially since the only reason these idiots showed up is to mess with Kim's decoupage. If Rita really wanted to mess up Kim's float she could have just sent Squatt down and let him do his business.
Putty art critics don't mess around.
The other Rangers show up to witness the Putty assault, but the Putties high tail it out of there before they can give the Rangers another notch in their W column. The Rangers are happy to be safe, aside from Kimberly who's sitting on the floor mourning her model float. It's not typical to see an actor in this show really emoting, but Amy Jo Johnson is straight up crying. She's easily got the most chops of the cast who look at her like they don't understand why her eyes are leaking. Zack helps her feel a lot better by mournfully saying "Man they really demolished it." Thanks for the feather touch there idiot.
One of the saddest lines is when Trini tells Kim she can build another float some day, and Kim responds instantly with "Yeah and Rita will wreck them too." It's shocking how a dumb premise like wrecking a model is playing such psychological warfare with Kim, but this is something that works really well. Seeing Rita sincerely fuck with the Rangers when they aren't morphed and then springing a monster on them sounds really ingenious. Kim looks completely demolished and you'd think this float was in memory of her recently deceased mother with how hard she's taking its destruction.
All the sadness is brought to the forefront when Jason gets his obligatory line of reaction as he claims "This Rita's a real witch." This is what sets you off Jason? She kidnapped a teenager and brainwashed him to murder you, she tried to make Kimberly die in a fiery plane crash, she let Squatt break his court mandated 100 yards from the Angel Grove elementary school, but this broken model is where you draw the line? Rita ruining Kim's posie pickin?
Rita is taking solace in her evil deeds and asks Squatt and Baboo for suggestions. Baboo says he's not worthy to suggest anything to her, or to be a character. Squatt sadly wipes away dandelion stains from his lips while running into the bathroom. Thankfully Finster's here to suggest the Spit Flower monster to Rita. A creature that can suck up flowers in its massive gullet which he then spews out as Little Shop of Horrors-esque plants that chomp on humans to drain them of their energy. He's a really weird looking monster, because the way he looks is what we should take umbrage with. Not that he has magical flower vomit powers.
Ugh, what's up with the blackhead above his mouth?
The Ranger Teens pick up the pieces of the float as Kimberly sulks at the counter. Her friends try and think up something that will make Kim feel better, and because they're nothing but 5 slices of white bread the best they can come up with is taking her out to lunch. Tommy says he has an idea but he'll have to catch up with them later, because he has to fulfill his unnecessary disappearance quota for the episode.
Before Tommy leaves he pretty sweetly goes up to Kim and tries comforting her. It's an actually cute moment to sell these two as a fathomable couple, and gives you some understanding of their emotions. Instead of the other Rangers who are profoundly different people but get along perfectly together because it's the 90's and kids have enough conflict to deal with at home.
Zordon brings the Rangers to the Command Center so he can try and make a monster that pukes daisies look threatening. The Spit Flower is said to have few weak spots, though I might suspect that big George Lucas waddle he's got under his throat might not handle a karate chop too well. The teens morph to fight Spit Flower who immediately lives up to his namesake, and spits flowers all over them. The blossoms grow teeth and start chewing on the Rangers who drop their weapons and writhe on the ground. Add that to the things that can defeat the Power Rangers, flower puppets with vampire teeth.
R.L. Stine Presents: Stay Out of the Basement AGAIN
Spit Flower starts approaching the Rangers with a menacing laugh and slaps them around with his big blue claws. Spit's flowers are apparently draining their energy so bad they're sitting ducks. Rita knows this is her chance and uses her magic wand to make Spit Flower grow. We're only like 10 minutes in Rita, you sure this is the right time? It's really surprising and shows you Rita means business today. Or she doesn't feel too strong about this Spit Flower thing and wants him to die early so she can hit the hay.
The Rangers pull the vampiric flowers off of their suits, only to realize they let Rita's monster go giant in front of them. Whoopsie! Spit Flower blasts the tiny Rangers with energy before we cut back to Tommy fiddling with a bunch of stuff off screen in a set that is clearly Billy's garage. Zordon tells Tommy to get the fuck off Billy's property and go save the rest of the Rangers. He morphs just in time to see Spit Flower about to stomp on the Rangers. Tommy of course takes the obvious solution to stopping a giant monster.
Spit Flower GIF Want a reason everyone loves Tommy? Here's a good start.
I want to complain that everything that happened after Spit Flower grew made the Rangers look useless for not calling on the Dinozords, but it's actually an intelligent chain of events. He distracts the Rangers with his energy sucking flowers, as he grows they have to remove the flowers from their suits. As they do so, he blasts them to the ground and tries to stomp them before they have a chance to recover. Any episode where a monster employs logical strategy gets an extra star from me.
Tommy rushes over and holds Jason in his loving embrace, but the boys don't have time to cuck Kimberly, because Spit Flower starts inhaling flowers from all over the city. Jason tells Tommy to bring in the Dragonzord to fight Spit Flower, while Blue, Black and Yellow call on their Dinozords as well. The Rangers form the Dragonzord in Battle Mode, again referring to it as the Megadragonzord because the writers forgot what they called this thing three weeks ago and were too lazy to go check. Whatever the case, they power up the Mega Battlezord in Dragon Mode.
Using it's drill spear, the Dragonzord blows away Spit Flower's blossoms. Possibly the most mundane use of a giant dragon tail drill that could ever exist. Spit Flower charges in to fight the Zord and completely manhandles it. For something as goofy and awkward looking as Spits, he busts out all sorts of crazy dodge roll maneuvers and deflects Dragonzord Battle Mode's spear like it ain't no thing. This is the strongest Zord combo the Rangers have and it's getting wrecked right now.
It's been four episodes Dragonzord, step up your game.
Alpha 5 comments that flower power must be too much for the Dragonzord and they need to regroup the Rangers. Of all the things the Dragonzord can't handle you'd think upchucked petals might not hit the top of the list. Zordon teleports the Rangers back into the Command Center to congratulate them on fucking up so badly. Alpha begins tracking the Spit Flower on the Viewing Globe only to find him no longer giant and trashing the city. Why? Doesn't matter, he just isn't doing that anymore.
Remember when I gave this episode a star for strategy? Gonna have to take that back because this move makes no sense at all. Rita's monster has defeated the Zord fleet and is now giant in the city. Now all of a sudden he's shrank back down because whatever we don't have footage for it. The least we could do is give a reason for why he shrank. This just makes Rita look even more incompetent if her plan after defeating the Zords would be "Alright go back to life size and do the same thing you were earlier."
Zordon says the Dinozords were ineffective against Spit Flower, which implies there's something special about this monster if the most powerful weapons the Rangers have do nothing to him. We don't elaborate on it and that's a huge bummer. All we hear is how much stronger Spit Flower is getting and how everything's about to go to shit.
You know how to tell when things are going to shit? You look in on Bulk and Skull. The two morons are running around the park covered in Spit Flower's vampire blossoms while freaking out and apparently being chased by the monster. I say apparently because we just see him running in a field and then cut to the bullies assholing their way through the park. It's fantastic to imagine one of the toughest monsters the Power Rangers have faced is taking time out of his hectic schedule to harass a couple of dweebs in the park. The best part of this whole scene is when Bulk discovers one of the flowers on his hand, which is literally nothing but a sock puppet with dime store vampire teeth on it. It's beautiful how cheap this show is.
Sifl and Olly SHOW
Zordon brings in an analysis of the previous fight from a Deus Ex something or other. Couldn't quite hear him. He tells the Rangers the only way to stop Spit Flower is to hit him right in his spit sack so he can't make any more flower monsters. Jason entrusts Kim with the important task of hitting Spits in his gonads, and the five primary Rangers teleport back to fight the monster. Tommy is told to stay behind in the Command Center as a last line of defense in case the other Rangers fail. A significantly better reason for keeping him out of a fight than "He was doing karate and wasn't listening to his Communicator."
The Rangers morph and Kim leaps into action. Remember how Spit Flower was nearly invincible the last 15 minutes? One arrow shot straight into his mouth and he starts spewing petals everywhere. Yep, now he's just about finished. Nice and climactic right? The Rangers pull together the Power Blaster and blow Spit Flower away in as much time as it takes you to finish this sentence.
It's a really weird and abrupt ending for a monster who seemed so strong, and what makes it even weirder is when Spit Flower blows up you see one of his arms is cut off and laying on the ground. There's a bunch of otherwise unusable shots of him getting blasted shoved into the footage of him getting Power Blasted and it looks like a gigantic mess.
Did he get hit by that beam four times?
Tommy and Alpha celebrate the Spit Flower's unceremonious death, but Tommy says he needs Alpha's help to finish his mystery project back at "the garage." Guess it isn't Billy's anymore, it belongs to whoever needs to have a scene inside of it. At Nondescript Garage, Tommy has Alpha hand him tools. Alpha keeps handing Tommy the wrong stuff likely because the robot has no eyes to discern what anything actually is. Tommy asks for glue, and because we needed just a teaspoon more shtick before the credits, Alpha gets the glue stuck to his hand. I would get mad at Alpha, but he's probably still pissed at Tommy for shutting him down so many times while he was evil. Karma's a bitch ain't it Tommy?
Back in the Youth Center, Jason and Zack are practicing karate with each other while loudly commenting on how ugly that Spit Flower they fought was. There are people clearly within earshot guys, maybe save this for after practice? Luckily the extras aren't paid to hear them so their secret is safe for another day.
Ernie calls the Ranger Teens over to watch the parade on T.V. so they can see floats that didn't get ruined. Why's the parade on T.V.? Because it's stock footage of a parade so the producers didn't have to pay money to film one. Maybe if Kim knew that she wouldn't have felt so bad about her model getting trashed. Kim and Tommy walk in to see the parade on, and Kim is just about ready to go postal. Tommy says she HAS to watch the parade, because he's at half mast knowing how miserable she is and wants to finish strong tonight.
As the teens continue to watch, Kim hears the announcer talk about their next float having been designed by a high school girl to promote world peace or something. Kim gets butterflies in her stomach as she sees her float in the parade! However there's a slight problem.
If you're going to use stock footage of a parade, maybe don't let the float that represents your teenage character have a banner that says Indonesia on it. Unless this is a sign of Kimberly's rampant Indonesian nationalism. The world may never know.
It turns out Tommy's secret project that Alpha nearly ruined was recreating Kimberly's float for her! While his team was busy getting beaten to death by the Spit Flower, Tommy was hard at work gluing tiger pieces back together. Pretty fair trade off.
Before we end on a cute hug from Kim to Tommy, Bulk and Skull mosey in and say they want to watch the parade and get hugs too. Zack comes up and starts doing magic out of absolutely nowhere, and makes a bouquet of flowers appear from his sleeve. Bulk hisses at him, and Skull starts making a cross out of his fingers as the two back away, clearly having had enough of flowers for one day. Congratulations "The Spit Flower" that was actually kind of funny. You get your star back.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Sock Puppet Flowers
Personal Thoughts
For an episode centered around flowers, this one's acceptable. I remember as a kid thinking I'd hate it because flowers are for girls and that's going to make my show about rainbow superheroes totally lame, but it's not bad. This was another episode I had half recorded as a kid, and it cut off as soon as the Power Rangers were rolling around in pain on the ground as Spit Flower descended on them. I'm noticing a pattern that a lot of my half watched episodes could have ended in all the Rangers dying and I never would have known.
A lot of the Spit Flower fighting doesn't flow or make much sense, but they're pretty bound by what the footage allows and didn't really feel the need to explain things like why Spit Flower abruptly stopped being giant all of a sudden, or why his arm was hacked off.
Why was his arm hacked off? Well in Zyuranger, the monster was trying to nab the unmorphed Pink Ranger, but her zord flew in and blasted him which sliced his arm off. Mainly because girls can't be strong on their own and need help from flying toys to beat villains. Thanks 90's Japan! As for why he grew and arbitrarily shrank off screen, that was also in Zyuranger, so really it's an issue both versions have and can't necessarily be blamed on Power Rangers.
By the way, in Japan the Spit Flower's name was Dora Guzzler. The monsters in Zyuranger were all named Dora Something or other, usually referring to a type of mythological creature. I'd like to share my tale of googling the name Dora Guzzler to see some pictures of the Japanese Spit Flower when I was about 13. Allow me to inform you that at the time, Google heavily misunderstood my intentions and gave me all kinds of guzzling Doras, but not so many Dora Guzzlers. That might be the nerdiest accidental porn search in the history of the internet, but please try to prove me wrong.
Spit Flower's monster costume is an interesting case, because the U.S. production team definitely did have it, but it didn't show up in American footage a single time outside of one or two production photos.
This could mean the costume was either in wretched condition and unable to be used for anything but still pictures, or they feasibly got the costume too late into production to use in the episode and decided to take a picture of it while they had it available. I'd lean more towards the former, because several costumes of monsters would make repeat appearances later on in the season, but if we never saw Spit Flower at all then his suit may have just been falling apart beyond repair. He's Dora Guzzling with Jesus now.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 4:44:49 GMT
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Episode 25: Life's A Masquerade
Today's opening scene makes me very curious about something. Ernie comes sauntering into the Youth Center where the Ranger Teens, Bulk & Skull, and some faceless extras are decorating for a costume party. He sternly tells them they'd better hurry up if they want to get the party set up in time. The curiosity comes in here, does Ernie not have any employees? Does everything that happens in the Juice Bar get done by unpaid teenagers? Is this why we never see them paying for their smoothies? This never seems like a job for any of the Ranger Teens unless Ernie's greasing them all under the table. Man someone get the Department of Labor in here real quick.
Bulk and Skull have the right idea upon hearing the word "work" and start to hightail it out of there. Ernie throws some decorations at them before they leave and tells them to string them up. Maybe Skull should grow a spine and throw that shit back at him, he doesn't own them, they still belong to that hot dog vendor. However since they're complete pussies they waddle away to go hang up decorations, and kick rocks like the dorks they are.
As the bullies are trying to hang the decorations up, Bulk inadvertently causes some ridiculous domino effect that spills paint all over him. Why the fuck did karma make that happen? It's not like he was being an asshole today, he got pressured into doing something and went off to go do it. He's helping these assholes out and the world still decides to humiliate him for no reason. His life is nothing but going to hang out with his dumb friend and being ridiculed. What a depressing existence.
Rita's preparing for a wild night of her own, as Finster informs her he's found a deal on some prime cut Super Putty down in Guatemala. Whatever this Super Putty is, Finster has yet to retrieve all of it, so Rita has him concoct a monster to keep the Rangers busy at their costume party. Finster cranks up the Monstermatic and out comes the monster of the week.
A wicked beast who forgot to tie his prop gloves down
Finster, are you okay? You're busy with this Super Putty deal and that's fine, but did you just call up a buddy from art school and dress him up as Frankenstein? Stick up for yourself man, if you don't feel like making a monster just tell Rita you're feeling sick. Unless you actually designed a Frankenstein with a mullet, in which case this job is really taking its toll on you.
Rita sends the Frankenstein Monster to Earth to cause havoc by stumbling around like an idiot and grumbling. He would likely be able to find the Power Rangers faster if a bunch of dorks didn't stop him on the way to the Youth Center and inform him he's named after the doctor and not the monster.
The Ranger Teens meet up at Billy's garage and show off their costumes. For an episode about a costume party I'll give it credit they get to the actual costume aspect pretty fucking quick. The Ranger Teens are dressed up as a bunch of culturally diverse outfits that show more creativity than you'd expect from people with so little personality as these five.
Billy scoping out the goods before the party
Billy gets name dropped as Sherlock Holmes and Zack is named as King Tut, but the other three are just what you see. Kim's a princess, Jason's a musketeer, and Trini is culturally appropriating Native Americans. Granted Trini's the only person in town with Eastern blood in her, and since the last native american left Angel Grove in 1587, nobody can call her on being disrespectful since they don't know the difference.
Tommy isn't with the rest of the teens because his costume isn't finished yet. At this point you just need to get used to them shoving Tommy out of the plot, but at least this reason makes sense with regards to the episode. There's a costume contest, everyone wants to win because they're all weirdly competitive, so Tommy's taking extra time to work on his. This sort of reasoning works better than his Communicator being 4 feet away.
We then take a look at what Bulk and Skull are up to, and holy macaroni, we're filming in a unique set. Bulk's bedroom isn't just the Youth Center with a bed thrown into the frame. It's a pretty simple bedroom set, but what's astounding is that it's decorated with all sorts of food props. What initially seemed like a nice change of pace by the set dresser just turned into another cruel joke on Paul Schrier for being overweight. This is pig boxers levels of pettiness.
As the scene went on I noticed more and more food decorations and it went from funny to depressing. Just put yourself in Schrier's shoes: You walk on set and get told "YEAH WE'RE IN YOUR ROOM NOW BULK." from some snide set dresser, and see nothing but ceramic pizzas on the wall and neon light milkshakes. I would fall face first into a cake and suffocate myself to death. My suicide note will be titled "The Icing on the Cake."
This is how I write all my reviews.
Bulk wants Skull to get the pair a perfect costume for the contest, since they can't think of any famous duos consisting of a fat man and a scrawny man. What follows is a goofy scene of the pair trying on various costumes, which could be incredibly worthless, but the chemistry that Paul Schrier and Jason Narvy work so well together that it's actually fun to watch. It also helps that these two cause conflict for one another, which is sorely lacking among the Ranger Teens who love each other dearly since they don't have any family to go home to.
A genuine laugh comes when Bulk and Skull are dressed in Elvis costumes, with Skull saying he can be the young Elvis, then looking at his corpulent buddy and saying he can be ".......OLD Elvis." Good thing I laughed though, because you know what kids in the 90's didn't find a real rib tickler? Fucking Elvis jokes. It actually becomes even funnier to imagine kids sitting there wondering what the hell Bulk and Skull are doing. Then Bulk and Skull start dancing and the kids laugh anyways.
Say what you want, Bulk committed to that costume
While Bulk and Skull continue their shtick, the Frankenstein Monster walks by their window and looks at them, then growls and walks away. Oh nice! Frankenstein is going as Bulk and Skull's father for Halloween.
At the Youth Center, we see the party fully underway. Lots of extras dressed in shitty costumes that make the Ranger Teens costumes look much better by comparison. Zack tries to hit on Angela who's conveniently dressed as some kind of Egyptian princess, but she blows him off because his rippling pectorals do nothing for her. Jason comforts Zack and continues to infuriate me by not kissing him right then and there.
Bulk and Skull walk into the party wearing their usual fashion, and Skull compliments Bulk on the idea to come as punks for the party. As shitty as that is, it makes perfect sense all things considered. These guys are total assholes, so who else would come up with the idea to go as "yourself" for a costume contest. It's the laziest and shittiest idea, and it was even lazier and shittier when I did it in 5th grade.
Ernie pops up in an acceptable Dracula costume and threatens to suck Kim and Trini's tits blood. You weirdo Ernie, get away from these girls they're like 16. We get one of the corniest Halloween gags where the girls recognize him and he asks how they knew it was him. Because you're one of 12 people allowed to recite lines Ernie how do you think they recognized you?
He looks like Assisted Living Dracula
There are more guests to arrive though! Alpha 5 shows up and Billy just about explodes when he sees their top secret robot wandering around the Juice Bar. Alpha says not to worry since it's a costume party, nobody can tell he's a real robot.
Think about this scenario for more than half a second and it becomes clear how horrible Alpha 5's life is. He's a sentient android forced to put up with a translucent head's shit every day of his life for all eternity. He's never allowed to leave and the second he has a good reason to he gets chewed out by a dork dressed up like Sherlock Holmes. Not only that, he stole Bulk and Skull's idea, don't go as yourself you lazy dickhead.
Frankenstein stumbles into the Youth Center shortly after, and Ernie mutters about how that guy has a great costume. Ha ha but he's not really in a costume. He's actually a g-g-g-ghoul! Honestly though the idea of one of Rita's monsters invading the Youth Center is really cool. Pudgy Pig showed up to eat a bunch of food, but this is a monster who actually looks ready to do some killin'. Don't fuck this up for me Frankie.
I will permit you to raise the roof though
While Frankenstein goes incognito at the costume party, Finster has a group of Putty Patrollers inside of a cave digging up mounds of Super Putty. This Super Putty is the same type of material he uses to make monsters and Putties, but will supposedly make them invincible. For those doing the math, an invincible Putty would translate to a relatively competent monster, maybe Pineoctopus on a good day.
Back at the party, a bunch of women are all up on Alpha's dick because he talks cute or something? Doesn't matter, it's just there to make Zack mad he's not getting pussy from Angela. The guy Rangers spy Frankenstein wandering around aimlessly doing nothing and try to figure out who he is. Billy wonders if it could be Tommy, as the two are both buff idiots who wander around grunting.
The girls get asked to dance by two nameless nobodies, as Frankenstein lunges for them. Nobody actually sees this though, because the monster is so blitheringly incompetent. Frankenstein sets his sights on Jason and Zack, but a woman dressed as the Bride of Frankenstein grabs him and takes him to dance. You see, back in the 90's it was perfectly acceptable to let mysterious roaring monsters into your parties. Now you can't let Frankenstein's roam around your house without the P.C. police getting all in your business. This nanny state will be the death of us all.
Frankenstein's bride starts dancing with him, as he very clearly trys to assault her with good old fashioned Frankenstrangulation. She just avoids his moves and assumes he's dancing, culminating in her stepping on his big dumb feet. If I didn't know what was coming later, I'd assume this is the absolute worst monster Finster has ever made. He's just some idiot with social anxiety you made go to a party, no wonder he's freaking out so bad.
If you look closely you'll see the check from Tonya Harding in Frankenstein's pocket.
Bulk tells Skull to kick the shit out of that pile of limbs, and the lesser of the bullies pulls out a little dart gun and shoots Frankenstein with it. Frank has absolutely no time for these idiots and lifts Skull up and dumps him into Bulk's loving arms. The bullies run off as Frankenstein chases them out the door ready to squeeze their brains out.
Billy follows after Frankenstein who immediately ditches Bulk and Skull to wander off into the mountainside for seemingly no reason. He starts to stagger into the cave where Finster is building up his supply of Super Putty, as Billy follows behind him since we all know Frankensteins have no depth perception. Finster has a group of Putties begin molding all the Super Putty they're harvesting into a massive ball, when Rita wanders in an starts bitching at everyone because what else has she ever done in this show?
As Billy walks deeper inside of the cave, he accidentally walks past a small sensor that alerts Rita to his presence. What else can a space witch do to detect intruders? A spell? Fuck that, she has to use Lifeshield. Frankenstein comes lumbering out and throttling the young geek, when Billy uses his expert deductive skills to realize maybe this braindead idiot isn't his good buddy Tommy. Billy morphs to fight Frank, assuming any monster this stupid can't fight for shit.
Frankenstein went in the cave to get a haircut
Rita commands the Putties to roll her big brown ball of clay out of the cave like they're Ground Scaravich, and suddenly the whole city starts to quake. As the citizens flee in terror and buildings begin to fall into a massive sinkhole, the evil sorceress comes out from the depths of the Earth riding atop the ball of Super Putty.
Billy rushes out of the cave to go warn the others, who are currently feeling the aftershocks of the Earthquake at the costume party. Billy tells his friends how he beat the Frankenstein into submission without a problem, but it miraculously managed to escape and didn't actually kick the shit out of him. The Rangers head to the Command Center to get the lowdown from Zordon. He informs them everything Rita's goons have already blathered about Super Putty, and tries to contact Tommy.
Just as Tommy tries to head into the Youth Center, apparently ignoring the massive earthquake that hit 30 seconds ago, he's is swarmed by a group of Putties who distract him from answering his Communicator AND getting to hang out with a bunch of extras dressed in bee costumes. Those bastards!
Zordon tells the Rangers Frankenstein is on the loose and they need to go stop him from wandering around aimlessly and growling. The Rangers morph to fight Frankenstein and this is the moment everything changes. Frankenstein was looking like a fool earlier, but when he starts to fight he goes fucking ham on these Power Rangers.
Keep it up Billy, you almost didn't get humiliated that time
It's nothing new for a monster to devastate the Rangers, but the way Frankie's going about it is so goddamn swift and vicious it's magical. He doesn't give a fuck about anything these idiots do because he just blocks them with his bolts and knocks them back. Usually the Rangers are losing fighting a monster four on one and the other Ranger comes in to help, or they distract the monster with the Blade Blaster or something. Frankenstein is taking all five on at once and isn't breaking a sweat.
It's jarring seeing Frankenstein fighting like such a goddamn beast because all he's been doing the last 10 minutes is roaring and walking around like a zombie. While he was at the party he may as well have just said "FIRE BAD!" and run off screaming. But the second he pulls those goddamn bolts out you know this guy means fucking business.
FrankensteinOHYEAH.gif
Rita tells the Rangers they don't stand a chance and makes Frankenstein grow. For once I'm inclined to believe her because this guy's putting up a hell of a show. The Rangers call on the Megazord to give them a fighting chance, but even in a giant fight Frank is still demolishing them.
Frankenstein's bolts, now with a huge mace on one end, make their acquaintance with Megazord's face and trash the giant robot. The Power Rangers see how badly they're getting wrecked and decide even if Tommy isn't able to help they have one chance, the Power Sword. If they're able to bring that in and use it to fight Frankenstein they might be able to take him down.
Look at that shit. If you need any reason for me to love the Frankenstein monster so much it's this. He took a slash from the Power Sword, bounced it off his pecs, and laughed in the Megazord's goddamn face about it. This fight is beautiful.
Tommy's having a much easier fight though, and has successfully beaten the shit out of all of the Putties. Zordon manages to get a hold of him, because it's convenient to the plot that he contacts Tommy now. Zordon says he better get his green ass in gear or his friends are going to get smeared over the pavement, so Tommy morphs. He doesn't actually show up to the fight yet though, we just see Frankenstein continuing to devastate the Megazord. Tommy did you need to get lunch before the fight?
Frank throws his mace ball so hard it knocks the Megazord right through a building, spraying concrete everywhere. The giant robot tries to get back up but Frankenstein just kicks it right the fuck back over. Remember when Skull managed to stop him with a dart? Well now he's a fucking killing machine. Rita is so goddamned excited her monster is winning that she flies away on the giant ball of Super Putty laughing all the way to the Moon. Good for her though, if she hadn't left now she might have been able to tell these two guys are actually fighting on a sound stage!
Frankie Goes to Hollywood
Tommy shows up, throwing a Sbarro wrapper to the side before calling in the Dragonzord. Megazord now appears to be completely fine as though it didn't just get both cheeks spanked raw for the last eternity, and Frankenstein has put his bolt weapons away. The Zords try and double team Frankie but they continue to get manhandled by the monster. Frankenstein even lifts Dragonzord up by the tail and swings it into the Megazord. As the Zords try and regroup, Frankenstein belches some red gas at them that starts to suffocate the Rangers inside of the cockpit.
Just when you think the Rangers might have had enough beating, Frankenstein decides they need some more and pulls the bolts back out. Let's keep in mind how many hits the Rangers have dealt to Frank by this point, oh that's right, still zero.
The Power Rangers realize they have absolutely no chance the way they are now, so their only possible option is to form the "MegaDragonzord". Congrats guys, you've called the Dragonzord Battle Mode the wrong name more times than you've referred to it correctly.
The Dragon BattleZord in Mega Mode tries to put up a fight against Frankenstein, and while it can hold Frankenstein back, it proceeds to get beaten just the same as the other Zords did. Dragonzord tries flinging the crescent from its head as an energy blade, but the monster catches it and flings it right back. All of a sudden Jason realizes there's no time left in the episode and has Dragonzord in Battle Mode power up the Power Staff. Frankenstein, no longer wielding his bolts, charges at the Dragonzord like a buffoon and gets impaled on its spear. It's an unbelievably anti-climactic finish for one of my favorite monsters of the season. I'll never forget you Frankie.
Good Night Sweet Prince
The Rangers head back to the costume party and loudly comment how they sure showed Rita this time. They're literally standing right next to an extra as they say this, how flippant are the teens getting with this secret identity clause. Tommy runs in to say he's got to change into his costume but he'll be right back. Alpha continues to get groped by a bunch of women who find his shitty plastic body irresistible. Bulk and Skull start to talk some shit to the cyborg and demand to know his identity, but not before being cut off by...the Frankenstein Monster?! MY KING? YOU'VE RETURNED TO US?!
Not really! It was just Tommy!! He says that Frankenstein gave him an idea for the final touches on his costume. You saw that thing like 4 minutes ago Tommy, how the fuck did you have time to change whatever you were doing into that? You're a goddamned liar if I ever saw one Tommy. You took his corpse and you're wearing it aren't you? AREN'T YOU! I know your fucking game, you asked that beautiful soul to help you load a couch into your van then you locked him in and skinned him alive. You make me sick.
Ernie rightfully awards Alpha the award for the costume contest, which is great for Alpha, because he'll never see the light of day again, so at least he gets a shiny blue ribbon to look at and remind him of the life he's unable to have. Least he got a hay-jay from some Youth Center girls though.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Elvis
Personal Thoughts
Life's A Masquerade is easily one of my favorite episodes. There's a slight problem I'll talk about in a sec, but I fucking love the action in this episode and the costume contest is a harmless fun little premise that makes things a little more interesting than the Rangers practicing karate while discussing the plot. If you're at all curious in watching this show I implore you to try this episode. One sided fights where the villain is beating the shit out of the heroes are so goddamned satisfying, which is why almost everything I have to say next will be about how the Frankenstein Monster is my waifu.
As you can probably guess from the fact that the first half of the episode involves Frankenstein following the Power Rangers into the Youth Center, and assaulting Bulk and Skull there was a U.S. Frankenstein costume. It's almost certainly not a costume they got from Japan though, because the hair is completely different and the eyes in the U.S. version look like shit. The costume works though, and it's one of the few monsters the creative team could slap together and not make look ridiculous.
Oh yeah, curious who plays the Frankenstein monster in the U.S. footage? Why that's none other than Tommy's actor, Jason David Frank. They probably decided it would be cost effective considering Tommy already had to wear the costume for the joke at the end, so why not keep the makeup on Jason David Frank(enstein)
The only real issue I have with the episode at all was the tone revolving around the Frankenstein Monster. I addressed it briefly that he was acting ridiculous and getting into shenanigans at the costume party, so it feels weird when he has an actual fight with the Rangers and absolutely castrates them. You don't get a feel for him being a genuine threat until halfway through the episode, and it makes it seem odd that a monster who's being portrayed as so dangerous in the Sentai footage is just acting like an idiot in the U.S. scenes.
I'm not saying I want Frankenstein to decapitate Bulk and Skull, I just think we don't have a reason to find Frankenstein threatening in those scenes because he's made into a slow moving klutz, and when he's fighting the Power Rangers it's completely reversed. He's moving as fast as they are and blocking every move they make.
What I suspect might help in why Frankenstein feels so threatening is because he wasn't being portrayed by some guy in a huge restrictive rubber suit, but just a guy with a pretty simple make-up job on him. He can move a lot more fluidly and do great moves like that kick to the Pink Ranger's chest that still brings me peace in my dreams.
We don't get an explanation as to why Frankie is so strong in the Power Rangers episode, but in the Zyuranger counterpart Rita explains that Frankenstein is the first in a line of monsters made out of the Super Putty. I don't think it would be ridiculous to assume that may also be the case in the U.S. version as Finster is already quite aware of how powerful Super Putty is. Basically what I'm saying is please beg Saban to make Frankenstein being made of Super Putty canon. It's all I have in my life.
The Zord fight at the end is cut from two different episodes, as Frankenstein was around for a little while in Zyuranger. The most important thing we lost is the Power Rangers using those weapons I mentioned in the Madame Woe review on Frankenstein. This is why he's abruptly not holding his weapons and wounded when the Dragonzord in Battle Mode finished him off. Don't worry about these special weapons though, we'll talk about them soon.
Ranger Slingers Ranger Slinger Use 2 Of 2
In case you want to see the Frankenstein fight for yourself, some beautiful soul on Youtube compiled the fight into one video. I'd advise watching the entire episode on Netflix or whatever, but this will at least let you see where I'm coming from.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 4:45:01 GMT
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Episode 26: Gung Ho
Karate. You like it? Cause today you're going to be getting a whole lot of it. We're not talking about a lot of karate compared to other shows though, because Power Rangers has karate like Kim Kardashian's got ass. This episode has enough karate to make the rest of the series look like Masterpiece Theater.
Jason and Tommy are practicing some karate inside of the Youth Center as Billy and Zack watch. The Green and Red Rangers are practicing for a Team Ninja Competition. It's where you and a partner go around and silently murder people, and the team with the bloodiest shuriken wins. Jason and Tommy start being out of character aggressive to each other about how they're not performing up to snuff. What's this? Actual conflict? Between main characters?
This is really refreshing and almost catches you off guard. Tommy and Jason bickering is the first time we've seen any of the Rangers having a real disagreement. It's a bunch of petty macho bullshit, but it's also coming from teenagers so it makes perfect sense. From minute one of this episode they're clearly pissed with each other, and it's about as subtle as a brick to the dick. But it's not worth complaining about subtlety when they're actually doing something unique.
Jason says he can handle this team competition all on his own, because he's an idiot. He starts busting out some moves on Tommy and the two end up knocking each other to the mat. Zack tells them to stop fucking around because if they can fight a roided out Frankenstein together, they can probably beat up a couple of kids from the kendo club. Tommy and Jason take this in stride in a lover's embrace.
Two halves of a beefcake sandwich.
The boys practice using padded bo staffs on each other and start having a big dick measuring contest over how much better the other is at it. The little we know about Tommy so far doesn't help us understand he's acting out of character, but you can tell Jason is acting different. The characters are being playful and flippant and not taking their training seriously, but who gives a shit? If they were preparing for something dangerous that Rita had in store then Billy and Zack being irritated would make sense. They're just not going to win a competition. I think the Ranger Teens have enough blue ribbons and trophies to fill a fucking mansion with, they can stand to lose one.
Tommy and Jason then bust out some wooden swords to practice with. If it sounds like things are moving quickly that's because they are so you better just get on board Grandpa. It's fucking karate time! Trini and Kim walk in and ask why they weren't in the first two minutes of the script, and Billy ejaculates knowing that women are in his presence.
Jason starts messing around with his sword and acting cocky trying to show up Tommy. The two knock each other to the ground again because they can't stop being showoffs to each other. What's great is this is almost putting everything that the Rangers do into context. They're always super competitive and have to be the best at every goddamn thing that comes to town, so naturally when they're forced to work together they can't just put it away. They have to be the coolest person in the room and it starts to bite them in the ass. I'd say this was really clever writing, but it's also Power Rangers. They probably did this on accident.
Trini pops up and tells the burly duo the secret to success, they need to "gung-ho." Which Trini learned from a fortune cookie means "working together." Ancient Chinese teamwork huh? It's good to see Trini's character is slowly but surely progressing into whatever vaguely Eastern nonsense they want to shoehorn into her mouth. She's one car wash away from being a less sexy Mr. Miyagi.
Jason and Tommy continue to spar, but Trini's bullshit Chinese mysticism has done nothing for them and they continue to bitch at each other. Billy holds up his stopwatch and tells them they only lasted 7.8 seconds that time, a sentence Billy is all too familiar with. Before Billy gets another chance to say something humiliating that endears me to him even more, Bulk and Skull walk in wearing the most ridiculous costumes yet.
Bulk is cosplaying as a Juggalo
This is just beautiful. They're supposed to be promoters or something but they just look like fucking idiots. Skull dressed like a ref is dumb, but Bulk looks like a modern art masterpiece. He looks more like a pimp than anything else. It looks like the people on staff thought the same thing so they taped the word "Wager" to his hat so nobody got the wrong idea. Then your eyes travel down to see the dollar sign necklace and the laughter starts all over.
Bulk tells Tommy and Jason they're no match for HIS ninjas. Beg your pardon here? Bulk's acquainted with ninjas? Who in their right mind is going to accept Bulk of all people as your promoter? Least of all a goddamn ninja with reflexes of steel. Are we supposed to believe there's someone in Angel Grove who doesn't realize these two are an absolute joke?
It's also funny that usually in this show Bulk is the person competing with one of the Ranger Teens in whatever competition they choose to partake in. Now that we have Jason and Tommy doing a karate match though, we can't have Bulk and Skull getting in wrestling singlets fighting these two. So all of a sudden Bulk pimped out some ninjas so he can still be the antagonist, we can give Tommy and Jason some actual conflict, and we don't accidentally kill Bulk and Skull.
Two stuntmen jump into the scene dressed in all black. These are the ninjas, they're not characters because they have no names, no story, no lines, no faces, and no good reason to exist anywhere other than a chapter of Naruto. These ninjas just look like a discount Sub-Zero and Scorpion.
Thanks to Jeparino for this one!
Trini soothes her friend's nerves by loudly remarking how tough the competition looks for Jason and Tommy. Keep in mind that so far these ninjas have done nothing but stand by Bulk and Skull with their arms crossed. Thanks for the Gung Ho Trini, now leave me alone until I need to buy a Mogwai.
Bulk commands his ninja slaves to show how tough they are, so they demonstrate a bunch of generic karate that might be more impressive if these two were anything other than a pair of cloaks. During this scene we get ridiculous woodwind music in case you weren't sure these ninja characters were supposed to be of the Asian persuasion.
The rest of the Rangers keep indirectly insulting Tommy and Jason by telling us how amazing these ninjas are. It's a beautiful example of telling instead of showing because the ninjas really aren't any better than what we've seen Tommy and Jason doing. In a show where a Frankenstein threw a giant robot last week, it's going to take a lot more to impress me than a ninja breaking a board with his hand.
After the Double Dragons finish their practice, Bulk commands them to showcase the ultimate skill, a double kick on a punching bag. The audience remains stunned as the twins manage to kick a large static object at the same time, and Jason and Tommy start to shiver in their boots. The only way they can work together as well as those ninjas is to become lifeless killing machines and shred all of their personality, which should take 3 minutes.
Oh almost forgot this show had actual villains in it, Rita's got a plan today too! The space witch plans on using that Super Putty Finster dug up last week to breed a new batch of, wait for it, Super Putties. It's actually really cool to see some sort of continuity in episodes that aren't explicitly two parters. Rita and the Moon Crew discuss how the new Putties can't be beaten by anything in the Power Rangers arsenal, when suddenly you notice a problem. Take a look at this and see if something, or rather someone, might appear out of place.
Where's Waldo? Jr. Edition
Hey remember last week when they killed that Frankenstein? Well he's just standing there again. They don't mention him or pay him any mind, but he's just chilling. It's such amazingly shitty utilization of footage. You have 50 episodes of this show to hack up as you please. There wasn't one scene you could have pulled from any of those episodes that wouldn't have my lord and savior Franken Christ standing there? This show knows how bad I want to see him again and they're just teasing me aren't they?
Kim and Trini walk through the park and explain everything that's been happening in the plot so far in case you missed it, when suddenly a group of Putty Patrollers leap on the scene. The girls aren't too worried considering it's just some dumbass Putties, but immediately start to get their asses kicked. Kim calls the rest of the Ranger Teens to bail them out, and prays they don't assume she's kidding when she says she's having trouble with Putties.
Thankfully the boys show up and start trying to fight back, but even all together the Rangers can't put a dent in these new Putties. The episode loses an opportunity to hammer in Jason and Tommy's bullshit rivalry by not having them bitching at each other while fighting the Putties. The entire crux of this episode is the two not getting along and they drop it the second trouble arrives. However, Gung Ho redeems itself with this.
Why is that Putty wearing oven mitts?
The whole Putty fight is pretty fun. The Ranger Teens mess around on gym equipment to knock them around and it's a lot more creative when you get to see them actually struggling. The Teens realize they're getting raw dogged by these Putties, and decide to forsake all pride and retreat from them into the Command Center.
Zordon and Alpha stifle their laughs at the fact their six star superheroes just got roughed up by the fucking Putty Patrol. Zordon tells the Teens that Super Putty is invincible, and makes newspaper comics a lot more fun. Also they're going to get murdered by a bunch of gibbering idiots. The giant head says they have one hope, and that's if Jason and Tommy can get their shit together to go pick up some weapons Zordon stashed in the mountains somewhere. The rest of the Rangers have to go hold the Super Putties off until the special weapons are retrieved die.
Billy, Trini, Kim, and Zack morph to fight the Putties near a factory, and whip out their Blade Blasters to fire on them. Absolutely nothing happens and the Super Putties charge at the Rangers. Kim tries using her Blade Blaster to finish off one of the Super Putties, but it doesn't go quite as planned.
Directed By Will Vinton
It's actually pretty fucking cool seeing the Rangers going all out on Putties, and probably quite vindicating for fans of the Putties to see them getting beaten badly. If you actually know anyone who is a fan of the Putties please tell them about this, right after you ask them if they've had any thoughts of hurting others.
Zack tries busting out his Power Axe to fight a Super Putty, but splitting it in pieces just causes it to turn into two again. It's a fun fight, which is amazing considering Putty fights typically run from passable to obnoxious.
While their friends are being murdered, Jason and Tommy go for a nice stroll through the mountains looking for Zordon's secret stash. They've both been given half of a map to find the way to the new weapons, but do nothing but waste time talking about how important their contribution is to this mission. Alpha tells Zordon how bad he fucked up putting these two adrenaline junkies together, but Zordon says it was all a genius plan to teach these two how to work together. The rest of the Rangers are also learning a lesson, it's how to die with dignity.
Jason and Tommy locate the shrine where the weapons are, and the cocky idiots remark how easy this mission is. Their hubris however, is rewarded by a lumbering behemoth emerging from a cloud of smoke, clearly sick of these idiots and their two man circle jerk.
FEE FI FO FUM I SMELL THE BLOOD OF TWO PILES OF CUM
This big boy's name is Titanus and Jason and Tommy woke him up with all their dick waving. The boys morph to fight Big T, and avoid questioning why a giant dinosaur robot is attacking them when their whole deal is fighting alongside dinosaur robots. Granted there isn't much time to talk when Titanus is belching fireballs in your face.
The boys are almost up the hill, but with Titanus guarding the weapons they're shit out of luck. Tommy and Jason decide it's worth ending their meaningless episode-long rivalry if it means beating the shit out of a brachiosaurus, so they formulate a plan. Jason is faster than Tommy, so he'll run up the hill. Tommy's better with a sword than Jason so he'll distract Titanus with Jason's Power Sword as well as his Dragon Dagger. Tommy doesn't want the love of his life to get hurt, so he transfers his Dragon Shield to Jason.
And a thousand figures were sold
Jason hauls ass up the hill while Tommy diverts Titanus' attention. Titanus is so stupid he actually falls for this, and wastes time attacking Tommy. Titanus then turns his attention to Jason and tries shooting fire at him. All his fireballs bounce right off of the Dragon Shield, but Tommy doesn't want Jason to scuff his shit up so he starts blasting energy at Titanus' giant face. He calls the massive Zord ugly, and then Titanus blows more fire at him, because he's got low self esteem and no Green dickhead's going to bring him down today.
You'd think that a fight against a giant Zord and two regular sized Rangers might take a little longer than this, but nope. Jason's already up the hill and Titanus is apparently too slow to do anything about it. Who cares, Jason found the box of weapons that will never be named. They're little blasters, so with regards to the episode title I'll dub them the "Gung Ho Guns."
Thunder Slingers Psh, Zordon doesn't even know how to spell Power.
Meanwhile, the rest of the Power Rangers are still getting beaten half to death by the Putties. Outside of their giant dinosaur robots they've clearly tried everything, and they're at the end of their ropes. Zack looks back and realizes their only chance of survival was the option they've had from the very beginning: They have to offer Billy as a human sacrifice. Just as Zack prepares to take the Blue Ranger by his throat and throw him to the wolves, an energy beam shoots out from the sky and dissolves two of the Super Putties.
Jason and Tommy stand atop a girder, armed with the Gung Ho Guns, and toss them down to the rest of the Power Rangers. In the most anti-climactic finish of a fight we've seen all season, the Rangers pull the trigger on their new weapons and blast the Super Putties out of existence. Did you like them? Who cares, you'll never see them again stupid. You must be as ugly as Titanus.
thunder slingers AVAILABLE IN TOY STORES EVERYWHERE IN JAPAN
Now that the Super Putty plot thread has been swept under the rug unceremoniously, we have a ninja match to watch! Tommy and Jason brace themselves while Bulk and Skull call them dorks, and while we're supposed to focus on the Rangers budding teamwork, all I notice is how fucking annoying Skull is being.
His typical gag is repeating something Bulk says and Bulk gives him a little look of irritation. That's dumb, whatever. The problem is he does about 4 of them in a row during this scene and it's goddamned insufferable. These guys are some of my favorite characters in the show so when they're getting on my nerves, that's really saying something.
Zordon buzzes the Ranger Teens to tell them congratulations on defeating the Super Putties, and also for managing to find a way to avoid murdering Billy. Jason says that his only fear now is if they have to fight Titanus again, also spiders. Zordon says Titanus is actually a comrade in their fight against evil and now he's on their side, because Zordon is a huge dick who gets off on lying to them and manipulating a depressed brachiosaurus to do it.
The Ninjas leap into the ring with Tommy and Jason, ready to square off and test their might. We begin with single combat, and it's Jason Vs. Ninja 1. There's nothing equal in the fight though, because Jason just beats the shit out of him. It's kind of unfair the ninjas have to fight Tommy and Jason now. We can't be certain, but it's pretty unlikely these guys got to spend their afternoon training against a fireball spitting dinosaur god.
But the two ninjas kick back, and it's high noon at mega mountain for Tommy and Jason. Both sets of fighters switch places, and Tommy gets knocked to the mat. For an episode that focused so much on teamwork maybe it wasn't a great idea to start this competition with one on one matches.
Soon enough though, both Tommy and Jason are in the ring against the Ninja duo, all four wielding wooden swords. Since the whole episode has been building up to Jason and Tommy's teamwork, you'd expect more than a 10 second scene of them beating the fuck out of the ninjas effortlessly. Seriously, that's how long the two on two match lasts and there's no tension at all. The judges say the competition is over, and Bulk and Skull are clearly dismayed because their boys obviously lost. If the most deluded idiots on the planet see where this is going, it's pretty clear.
Tommy and Jason win the competition because they beat up some immigrants, and Skull accidentally spills water on Bulk. It's as satisfying an ending as this episode deserved. It started off strong with something special, then the ending managed to do nothing with it. It's a great build up to some kind of message about teamwork, then it amounts to nothing. Thanks for nothing guys, see ya next week.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Claymation
Personal Thoughts:
I have to admit that when I was a kid I absolutely hated this episode. It's kind of superficial, but I was bummed out that the "monster" this week was just a set of Putties. They didn't look any different and that let me down. In hindsight it's not a bad episode, just that they hammer the teamwork point in really hard, but fuck up the execution at the end.
Speaking of the Putties, the U.S. production does something kind of interesting I didn't notice until recently. In the Japanese footage, some of the Putties have a large ball in place of one of their hands. These Putties only show up in the Japanese stuff, but the U.S. team tried to recreate the look of one for the Super Putties. The result is less than amazing, and looks more like a deflated beach ball duct taped to a stuntman's arm, but A for effort.
U.S.
Sentai
Curious about that Frankenstein in Finster's lab scene? Well let me explain. Last week I mentioned how his Zord fight came from two episodes jammed together for Power Rangers. This episode originally contained the second part of the Frankenstein Zord fight where they actually defeated him. After they beat the Super Putties in Zyuranger, Rita sent Frankenstein back to Earth where he grew and took on Dragonzord and Megazord. Explaining the abrupt and anticlimactic finale of this episode where the Rangers gingerly shoot a couple of Putties.
What's interesting is the initial script for this episode mentioned Frankenstein being present, and Rita said he was Finster's new Super Frankenstein. They were originally going to have him grow after the Super Putties were beaten, and the Rangers would destroy Super Frankenstein by shooting him with the Gung Ho Guns combined with their Blade Blasters, and cutting the scene of Dragonzord in Battle Mode killing him.
Honestly I'm pretty glad they cut that because it sounds like a really boring use of the footage. I wouldn't have minded if this and Life's A Masquerade were linked together and they kept Frankie alive last week until he got killed in this one, but it's better than them introducing an identical monster just to kill off in one shot from new weapons they would never use again. By the way, we're STILL not done talking about Frankenstein yet. I'll explain soon.
Curious exactly why they didn't use those new weapons anymore? Well that's Zyuranger's fault mostly. The Gung Ho Guns were used in all of three episodes. Zyuranger 29, Zyuranger 31, and Zyuranger 33. 33 was the source episode for Madame Woe, and they replaced the use of the Guns there with the Power Blaster. 31 only had a brief use of the weapon on some Putties, and 29 is the episode they used for this episodes' footage.
Really the writers didn't have much they could do but try as hard as they could to ignore these weapons since they'd never show up again. Or y'know, don't use the end of this fight, which leads me to my last idea. If they didn't want the fight with the Super Putties to be its own stand-alone episode, they could have possibly adapted it for the pilot episode and used it as the Power Rangers first fight with the Putties.
You explain their difficulty against the new enemies as nervousness at being superheroes, and you actually build up the Putties as though they were a threat. Cut the scene of Jason (and Tommy obviously) throwing them the Gung Ho Guns, and have them teleport to another fight somewhere, or into their Zords for the fight with Giant Goldar. Doing the fight this way could potentially make the Power Rangers look too weak though, so if the idea did cross someone's mind I can see why they'd avoid it. What do you think though? Would you have kept watching if the Power Rangers were losing their first fight? Who knows, maybe I wouldn't have kept watching.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 4:45:20 GMT
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Episode 27: Wheel of Misfortune
When you think of challenges teenagers have to face what's the first thing that comes to mind? Parents not understanding them? Well sure, but the Power Rangers don't have parents so we can ignore that one. Finding a way to masturbate every day? Oh please, these six have the sex drive of Nikola Tesla. The answer I was looking for was going to school.
Teenagers go to school to study and could t-t-t-totally flunk a math test! But when the Ranger Teens go to school, it's to do something mundane like hold a petition or show off dolls. Do the writers of the show not know what school is? It's not just a Youth Center you're obligated to go to. It's like some weird alien version of what school's supposed to be.
Today the Ranger Teens are acting in a play, which is exactly what children the world over tune into a karate action show to watch. Oh well, I'm sure it'll be great to watch actors of this caliber pretend to be people who are pretending to be other people.
Jason and Kim are practicing for a rendition of Rumpelstiltskin, with Mr. Caplan directing them. You might remember Mr. Caplan as the be-wigged principle of Angel Grove High School, or more likely you don't remember him at all. Jason and Kim are acting alongside Bulk and Skull. You must be shitting me.
I've known Bulk and Skull for 26 episodes, and the one thing you're not going to sell me on is them wanting to act. The show doesn't give any valid explanation. They could be doing this as opposed to getting a detention, or because they get extra credit that they need to pass. Instead we're left with nothing but the idea they're proponents of the fine arts. The two idiots who fall into all manner of dessert.
"Alas poor Skullrick. I knew him well, Pistachio." - 2014, Bulk and Skull in Haim Saban's HAMlet.
Bulk immediately forgets his lines, isn't wearing his costume, and starts macking on Kim. He explains this is all to 90's up the play, as well as make it insufferable. Since she can't ad-lib for shit, Kimberly just grits her teeth and delivers lines about spinning straw into gold or whatever the hell Rumpelstiltskin is about. Kim remembers though, it's a play all about heavy petting.
Bulk starts freaking out because a girl touched him and begins to rapidly rotate the prop spinning wheel. In the process, the wheel spins so fast it blows Mr. Caplan's wig off. The laughs just don't stop coming when we're hanging with Mr. Caplan! Bulk accidentally breaks the spinning wheel, because he laid his ruinous gorilla palms on it, which launches Kim into a fit since it belongs to her grandmother. That means Kim has one less thing to remember her by when she drops dead next week!
Rita's been watching the play practice and she decides she'll use a spinning wheel of her own. That's the best plot you can use with an episode about a play? Rita's not going to send it down while the Rangers are acting in the play, which could actually lead to some level of discomfort for the heroes. They'd have to abandon the stage or avoid fighting until they were off stage or something. Instead Rita just whips up something tangentially related to the play they're doing because we've got footage of a Japanese episode with a giant spinning wheel and I'll be fucked if it doesn't go to good use.
Kimberly goes to the Juice Bar so she can wash away her woes with some frosty chocolate milkshakes. Ernie asks why she's got her resting bitch face on rest mode, and Kimberly talks about how her ugly grandmother's piece of shit wheel is stuck. Maybe that's a sign to throw it in the garbage Kimberly. Knowing how old your grandmother is she probably used slaves to spin that wheel for her. Why don't you tell your racist old grandmother to fuck off.
Rita decides to use her own slaves to grab that wheel for her so she can turn it into the titular "Shitty Game Show Reference." Goldar assures he's up to the devious task, so he prepares his mental fortitude to help his empress in her schemes. With a group of Putties, he carries out his job using all of his might.
Wish this episode was about Goldar putting on his own play.
Tommy takes Kim to go see if he can fix the wheel, but the teens are aghast to find that someone stole it! Oh no, who could have stolen your grandmother's wheel Kim? Maybe it was the janitor who knew exactly where to put it. We abruptly cut to Kim and Tommy at the Youth Center asking people if they saw the wheel, which makes zero sense for a number of reasons.
The Youth Center can't only be populated by Angel Grove High School students, so they won't have a clue what this wheel business is all about. Secondly, why film this at the Youth Center set? If you film this scene at the school set then it makes more sense, the awkward cut just makes Kim and Tommy look like idiots. Lastly, who the fuck watches play practices? Nobody, that's who. Might as well ask if they've seen the captain of the debate team lately.
However this is all worth it to hear Tommy awkwardly asking girls in the Youth Center "Did you see it?" Yes Tommy, we all saw it.
Tommy approaches Bulk and Skull who are, surprisingly, eating. When he asks them what happened, Skull starts freaking out and slamming a toy fly into the bowl of popcorn, because these two are a few chromosomes short of a DNA pie. Tommy gets hilariously serious and says he's not kidding around, because that wheel's his ticket to getting his goop gobbled. This whole scene strikes me as weird and I think I know why now. Bulk and Skull are holding a casual conversation with a guy who blasted them into a dumpster with lasers from his eyes. That seems like something you might want to have a dialogue about.
Meanwhile, Rita is reinventing the wheel and has created her newest "monster." Turning the spinning wheel into her Wheel of Misfortune, and this is absolutely the lamest enemy all season. It's nothing but a spiky wheel. It's less threatening than Mr. Ticklesneezer. You put gloves on and then set it down, crisis averted.
You just rolled that wheel in a thorn bush didn't you?
Kim pouts inside the Youth Center, and the other four main Ranger Teens come in and do one of the weirdest goddamn things I've seen in this show so far. They all sit down around her, mimic her pouting action, and then she notices and smiles at all of them. It leaves me with such a weird feeling since these characters exhibiting some form of playful ribbing feels foreign. It's not bad, but it's such a minuscule thing that it catches you off guard. Kinda like it though.
This is the most acting you're getting out of them all season, enjoy it.
Tommy walks through the park, having run out of people to threaten about Kim's wheel issue, when suddenly a flock of Putties appear and begin to attack him. Tommy's conveniently left his backpack away from the fight so he's unable to call for backup, but it's the Putties, how is he having trouble with them?
Well when Tommy leaps to grab his bag, the Putties trip him and start hogtying him with ropes. Uh oh, looks like Finster cooked up a batch of his patented BDSM Putties just for you Tommy. Let's see you fight with sore ass cheeks dork. That'll teach you to leave your Communicator in a bag. Let's hope Baboo isn't the gimp.
Zordon calls the other five Rangers to the Command Center and asks if they want to watch Tommy get buttfucked by Putties. Also that Goldar took Kim's grammy's stupid wheel and now it's evil. The Wheel of Misfortune is so strong that it can destroy anything it touches, which would be impressive if it was true. The Rangers see Tommy tied up and want to go help, but Zordon says they need to fight Goldar and some lady named Scorpina! Remember Scorpina? Well she's back! In PAWG Form!
The Teens morph to combat Goldar and Scorpina out in a mountainside somewhere. You'd think 5 on 2 would give the Rangers a healthy advantage but not at all. Kim and Billy get punked by Scorpina, while Jason, Trini and Zack all get clobbered by Goldar. Suddenly we cut to Rita on a mountainside preparing to throw her wand. Maybe you could have mentioned her being there too Zordon, what with her being the entire reason the Rangers wear those suits and all.
Rita makes Goldar and Scorpina grow to fight the Rangers, and the Rangers bust out the Dinozords to take them on. Jason opts not to form the Megazord right away, which proves to be his downfall as Goldar unleashes his most insidious tactic yet.
Goldar sucks The T-Rex curses evolution for giving it such shrimpy ass arms.
Was this your big plan Rita? Lure the Zords out to a mountain then Planet of the Apes them? You've come up with some real stinkers before Repulsa but holy shit. Did you even need the Wheel for this one? Were these two plans you didn't feel strong about that you tried to Macguyver together? This is a fucking D+ at best.
While the rest of the Rangers are getting humiliated in their Zords, Tommy remains tied to a tree by a bunch of gibbering goofballs. If this was the first episode of Power Rangers a kid watched they'd be left wondering what all the hype was about. It's a show about high school actors getting their stuff stolen then tied up? That premise seems like it might get a little old.
Tommy starts to rub his ropes against the tree he's tied to and within 3 seconds he's already almost free. Instead of going shithouse on the putties, Tommy stays against the tree and beckons them over saying how he feels sick and he feigns passing out with a performance that shows why he didn't get the role of the king in Rumpelstiltskin. The Putties head back over to see if Tommy's in the mood for Round 2, but he breaks free of his bondage and beats the piss out of them.
Tommy calls Zordon, who's clearly being dubbed by someone else because they were too cheap to call his regular voice actor in for another ten minutes. "Zordon" tells Tommy that he's commanded Jason to bring all their Zords together to form the Ultrazord, and if this fails the world is doomed. From what Zordon? A fucking spinning wheel and a net throwing dog man? You're a real bringdown you know that?
Tommy morphs to the fight and summons Dragonzord to help Jason out of the net binding him. Dragonzord blasts Goldar and Scorpina back, but suddenly the Wheel of Misfortune shows up! Sure took its sweet ass time to do anything, but it starts spewing sparks and cutting through Dragonzord and Tyrannosaurus. It fails to destroy them though because it's just a big shitty prop held up by some strings.
Wheel of Misfortune Chinese Fireworks Display.gif
Jason, terrified by a giant wheel, combines the Zord fleet to make Megazord. Didn't Zordon say something about bringing together all the Zords? Fuck it, we got some time to kill. Megazord calls on the Power Sword to try and cut down the Wheel of Misfortune, while Dragonzord tries to take down Goldar and Scorpina.
Here's where things get all disjointed and weird. Rita beckons the wheel to chop the Zords down, and the Rangers react with shock. Then the Wheel of Misfortune starts hovering in mid-air doing nothing, and Rita bellows with joy. Tommy tells the Rangers to look out, because the wheel is just floating there doing nothing, then Jason decides to call Titanus to form Ultrazord. It's choppy and clearly editing around something, and it makes the fight look shitty and boring. When you're fighting a wheel on a string, you're already starting at the very bottom. Don't make it even worse.
For all that's been bland about this fight, there is one bright spot, and that's the introduction of Ultrazord. It's one of the coolest goddamn things in the show and there's nothing that hypes you up more as a kid than seeing all these giant toys come together to form one super toy. Just look at this.
Ultrazord gif BUY OUR TOYS
How does Ultrazord finish the fight? It just blasts a huge onslaught of energy at the enemy and blows em to fuckin pieces. It's fantastic. The Wheel of Misfortune is demolished and Rita heads home, knowing she'd fucked this one up from Jump Street. Scorpina and Goldar follow suit because they just saw the Ultrazord blow shit sky high. Rita's Crew may not be smart, but they sure know how to survive.
By the way, remember how the Wheel of Misfortune was made from Granny Kim's spinning wheel? You'll notice there wasn't much focus on Kimberly during the fight. No hesitance to destroy the wheel, no hoping for a way around destroying it. Nothing, she doesn't react whatsoever. It was sure nice of the writers to take every opportunity they could to avoid an interesting story.
The Ranger Teens head to the High School where Kim asks what they'll do about her Grandmother's wheel. Oh of course, there's her concern. Right after the fight's over. Thankfully her concerns are immediately answered when she sees her grandmother's wheel has been magically salvaged and is back where Goldar initially stole it. Stakes? What a bunch of hogwash.
Why is it that every time Rita turns something evil, it has to show up again unharmed? Ultrazord went shithouse on that wheel but thank God it's back, safe and sound. Don't worry about adversity in your life kids, the problem will solve itself no matter what course of action you take!
Later at night, Bulk and Skull are watching cartoons that are interrupted by a news report about how the Power Rangers are awesome and blew up a wheel or something. All of a sudden Mr. Caplan walks in on them and tells them the curtain is up and they're fucking up the whole goddamned play. What a shock, casting Mississippi Fats and Virginia Slim in your play and all they do is dick around backstage.
The play begins, and try and take a guess where it's being held. I'll give you a hint, it's not in Billy's garage, the Command Center, or the Angel Grove High hallway. Jason gives his single line about spinning straw into gold, and Skull parrots it poorly because that's all his character ever does. Kim starts calling out asking where Rumplestiltskin is, because if there's one thing we all know about this story, it's how familiar everyone was with the name Rumplestiltskin.
Bulk fucks everything up by freezing up backstage and not going on during his cue. Bulk starts demanding Kimberly kiss him, while Billy flips through the script looking for the sexual abuse scene. Kim says she'll lay one on him after he spins all the straw into gold, so Bulklethickskin goes to gather up the straw. He bends over in front of the audience to pick up the straw and instantly rips his pants. The audience is left to see Bul-
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! THEY CAN'T REMEMBER THE DRAGONZORD IN BATTLE MODE'S NAME BUT THEY CAN REMEMBER TO MAKE BULK WEAR PIG BOXERS 20 EPISODES APART? FUCK THIS
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Racist Grandmothers
Personal Thoughts
Man this episode is one of my least favorites. The Wheel of Misfortune is such a bland monster, the Ultrazord's introduction belongs in a fight with a far more impressive enemy, none of the Rangers but Tommy and Kim have anything to do, and I've done enough theater in my life to cringe every time I have to see someone messing up lines. It's the worst form of secondhand embarrassment and it kills me every time.
What amazes me is there were a handful of shots in the Zyuranger episode this came from that of the Pink Ranger in her Zord's cockpit that were cut. Why not use those in this episode to have Kim saying something about how she doesn't want to fight but she has to, or have her say anything at all. Give this fight some stakes!
I have to confess the issue of Scorpina not being around isn't really the fault of Power Rangers. They're limited to what Zyuranger does, and the way they adapted these episodes left a big hole without Scorpina in it. There was an episode of Zyuranger that hasn't been adapted so far with Scorpina in it, but we'll get there in a little while.
If I had to guess why Scorpina was in Zyuranger so rarely, it probably goes to the fact she's not just a rubber suit. Scorpina is an actual person in a costume delivering her lines, not just a stunt actor in a monster suit being dubbed over by a voice actor. It's presumably more expensive to have a regular actor on set involved in the action than it is to have some guy in the Squatt costume wiggling around.
My issue with Ultrazord's debut here might be a little biased, but it's because Power Rangers had a good opportunity given to them that they didn't bother with. In Zyuranger, this was the second time the Power Rangers used Ultrazord. The first time they use it is coming soon, but it leaves a bit of a plot hole here. Ultrazord is formed by the Megazord wearing the Dragonzord on top of it, and we've never seen that formation before. It seems fine for now but again, give it a couple weeks I'll explain why this is all bullshit.
It's just an unceremonious way to introduce the Ultrazord. It's used several times in the future and absolutely every one of its uses is better suited to a debut than this. It's just getting used on some dumbass wheel that's floating around. Who gives a hoot?
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 4:52:36 GMT
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Episode 28: Island of Illusion Part 1
Let's wash our palette of last week's episode guys. Wheel of Misfortune was pretty shitty, but I can promise you today won't be that bad. Not from any prior knowledge of this episode, just the fact that we open with a scene of Zack dancing, which we've been getting tragically little of lately. Granted if I had my druthers every plot would be about Zack dancing while Billy gets turned down for a date.
But Zack isn't just dancing to get a bunch of 90's babes swooning for him, there's a big dance contest this weekend! Zack's moves are impressing Kim and Jason, because they're white and assume any non karate form of movement is wizardry. Bulk however, isn't impressed with Zack's dancing prowess, mostly because it isn't edible. The porcine bully tells Zack he's going to fuck up, and Zack accidentally spin kicks near Kimberly. She spills her milkshake all over Bulk having mistaken him for the nearest trash can.
As soon as this happens, Zack starts getting really bummed out and saying he has no chance to win. Lest we forget this is all because Bulk made a quick joke at his expense. Now Zack has dropped all pretense of his own ability and no longer believes in himself. This turn so quickly doesn't work for Zack because the guy is nothing but confident in himself. They probably should have burned this one a little slower instead of giving Bulk a milkshake facial and having Zack give up hope in life.
Rita's decided now that Zack's got a case of the Monday's, it's the perfect opportunity to bring in the heavy artillery. Rita's using the same crystal ball and altar that she used to turn Tommy into the Green Ranger, so you can tell whatever she has planned today isn't your everyday scheme. Or they ran out of props. She namedrops two new soldiers in her army of evil, Mutitis and Lokar. Oh no! Not Lokar!
The Diet Zorak
While Rita preps for the apocalypse, Tommy helps two kids learn how to do karate. Why two kids? Because they couldn't afford to hire more kid actors. Since this is a show for 3 year olds Tommy informs them that karate is used to put you in charge of the situation so that nobody gets hurt. It's sweet to tell kids that, but it rings hollow in a show where the second half of each episode uses violent karate to sell plastic dinosaurs.
Zack calls out Bulk on his shit and stages an impromptu dance-off between the two of them. They dance in front of four enormous Greek pillars that have never once been inside the Youth Center. Zack does well and Bulk humiliates the entire human race by doing some of the best shitty dancing I've seen in a long time. It ends exactly how you'd expect it to.
Bulk dancing gif Let me make a promise here and now. If there's an episode with Bulk dancing, you will get a gif out of it.
Everyone laughs at the emasculated bully while Zack continues to feel unsure of his dancing prowess. Why though? Sure it's not much of an accomplishment to beat Bulk at anything outside of an "Ashamed Parents Contest", but it's not like Zack did a shitty job. He just thinks that Bulk's still right and he has no reason to feel confident in himself. If Zack was dancing against some out of state dance champions or there were some kind of stakes built up then maybe we could relate to his panic. Instead Zack just feels like he can't win a dance competition in a town full of awkward whitebread nerds.
I'm at a crossroads with this episode though, because the moral is very blatantly stated by Trini through Billy. Billy uses a bunch of thesaurus-y words to say Zack is lacking in confidence and doesn't believe in himself. Obviously this show hammers that point in clear as day, but it almost makes a good point about believing in yourself by putting those doubts in someone with talent.
Zack is clearly good at what he does, but is hit with doubt for whatever reason. Maybe this is supposed to tell kids that what they're doing will be good enough and not to give up. Or it's a clumsy shitty script that got a mandated "important lesson" to teach kids about that got shoehorned in. Draw your own conclusions.
No matter what you think about Zack's confidence issue, Rita is happy as a kitten under a leaky cow about it. Apparently people who are lacking in self-esteem are much more susceptible to Lokar's evil magic, which sends people to the titular Island of Illusion. Baboo informs us of how lethal Lokar is and that he nearly wiped out the entire Moon Crew the last time Rita summoned him. Squatt begs for Rita to reconsider, and she responds as anyone else would.
Squatt GIF When this creature is telling you things might be a bad idea, maybe you've gone too far.
While I like to make fun of Rita's schemes, there's something that really gives this one weight. It isn't just her crew looking nervous and talking about how scary Lokar is, it's a single look of panic on Rita's face as she's casting the spell. It shows how unsure she is this plan is going to work and it sets the bar real high for these new monsters she's got planned.
The look I have before posting every blog entry.
Lightning strikes and earthquakes shake the ground down at the Youth Center, all caused by Rita's summoning spell. Kim loudly shouts that it has to be Rita, and not any of that bullshit global warming garbage the vice president's been on about. Jason takes the other Ranger Teens sans Zack over to a corner of the Juice Bar to call Zordon. Their mentor tells them some bad shit's going down and they better get the fuck out of dodge before they fall into a sinkhole.
As the Rangers leave to find Zack, Tommy notices his two karate students hiding underneath a table shouting for help. Tommy tells his team he can't leave the students unattended, since they don't have parents or anyone that loves them, so he tells them he'll catch up later.
The rest of the Rangers run into Zack at the park where all that storming and quaking has apparently been completely ignored. Zack's just been off practicing and mentions none of the hell that's been breaking loose due to Rita's spells. Probably because it would have cost money to superimpose lightning on the screen while a grip holds a hose above the actors.
The Rangers are soon swarmed by a group of Putties to distract them from the fact Rita's making their planet go to shit. The Ranger Teens beat the bejesus out of the Putties, as often is the case. Even Zack, who's going through crippling self doubt, demolishes the Putties with no trouble whatsoever. Why not write a scene of him missing a kick and looking guilty? Did that not go through anybody's mind? Why are the Putty scenes always excluded from the mad-libs that these scripts are?
Goldar and Scorpina show up so the Ranger Teens morph to avoid getting killed by a dog man and his Japanese wife. The Rangers fight Rita's duo for a whole 4 seconds before we cut back to Rita doing more of her spells. Thanks for that precursor to a fight guys, almost got engaged! Rita's spells finally work and she brings forth her newest monster, Mutitis. Squatt is the one who says it best though, "Wow he's ugly!"
Why does that weapon look familiar...
Since Rita's already summoned a giant monster, the Rangers know they have to call in the Zords if they want to stand a chance against this ugly fuck. They form the Megazord and do battle with Mutitis. Immediately the monster starts chucking its mace ball at the Megazord and we get a pretty choppy fight between Mutitis and the Megazord before we cut to Rita in her palace. The evil empress then looks off camera and says "Finster, I made my own monster. And it's winning."
You are an ice cold bitch Rita. Finster works tirelessly for you and this is the thanks you give him? You can take that ugly ass Mutitis and throw it in the trash can Kim spilled her milkshake in. How dare you.
Rita, not satisfied with hurting her most loyal servant's feelings, teleports down to Earth to give the Rangers a little smack talking as well. She says Mutitis is a total pussy compared to the real monster she's got in store for them next. Rita then chants one final spell to summon forth Lokar. The skies go dark, lightning strikes the Earth, and a massive fireball erupts to bring forth the ultimate evil.
Lokar gif He just woke up
Yeah that's Lokar. A giant floating head with spiky hair. That's the thing Rita's been building up so much. It's goofy as fuck but let's be honest, what else are you watching this show for? It's crazy dumb fun and let's be honest, was that what you were expecting when you were told Rita was releasing her ultimate evil? It's one of those things that's so goddamn crazy and ridiculous that it wraps back around to being beautiful.
Tommy gets a call from Zordon who informs him, "No really you're a superhero, get in the fucking fight you idiot." Tommy hesitates because if he leaves the Youth Center now two kids might be scared! Zordon finally drops the bomb that a giant head is fighting the Rangers, and Tommy realizes shit's getting too real for him not to battle. Tommy tells Ernie to watch the kids while he's off doing nothing in particular, and that's the end of that. We'll never see these kids again. Hope they enjoy the rest of their lives in Ernie's slave labor camp.
Rita commands Lokar to use his "breath of doom" on Mutitis to make him even more horrible. What monster are you looking at Rita? That thing can't get any fucking uglier. Lokar spews a bunch of white smoke and Mutitis immediately turns into a new form. We don't get a name on him, but in the script they called him Fang-Gor. So let's do the sensible thing and just call him Mutitis. That name is fucking horrible.
Mutitis Just noticed you can see the original face split in half behind his neck. That's fucking rad.
Lokar cackles at the Power Rangers while the new Mutitis completely shithouses the Megazord. They already didn't stand a chance when he was in his first form, so clearly they aren't doing so hot this go-round. It's pretty fantastic to see them in such danger. It makes all of Rita's spellcasting mean a lot more knowing what she summoned was as dangerous as this.
Just when the Rangers think they're totally fucked, we hear the comforting tune of the Dragon Dagger playing. Tommy's finally gotten off his lazy ass and shown up to summon the Dragonzord for backup against Mutitis. This leads to the most satisfying zoom in of all time. When Rita Repulsa has had just about enough of these fucking kids.
Rita Repulsa gif SOMEONE TALKIN SHIT?
It's perfect. There's no cackling about how she's going to win. No spell casting. Just her mean mugging the Dragonzord and Tommy. It's everything I want for Christmas and more.
Dragonzord manages to knock Mutitis back with the Dragonzord's drill tail and the two zords try to take him down, but he manages to keep the upper hand against the Dinozords. He blasts them with energy from his chest and spews foam from his mouth that starts short circuiting the Zords. Meanwhile, Lokar...laughs. That's all he does. What the fuck has Lokar done but upgrade your monster Rita? For the ultimate master of evil you built this guy up as he just seems like a gigglepuss.
The Zords short out and topple over, while all of the Rangers are sent to the Island of Illusion. Rita commanded Lokar to do it, so it's good to see he had time to do something other than laugh and breathe on monsters. Alpha tells Zordon everyone's in danger and they're off his radar now, but Zordon says to chill the fuck out because if the Rangers can believe in themselves they'll be fine. He then makes a mental note to begin looking for a new Blue Ranger.
The Rangers have been demorphed and teleported onto Rita's Island of Illusion. It doesn't look too mystical or dangerous, because that would have cost money. The real danger of the island is that their Communicators and Power Morphers have been taken away from them. With no idea where their gear is, the Rangers begin to wander around the island to find it.
While Zack informs his friends the situation is "not cash." Speaking of not having cash, we cut to a beautiful stock footage shot of a Gila monster while the Rangers are walking around. It's supposed to make you think the island is dangerous, but it makes me wonder why Rita sent them into a nature documentary.
Now's when you're going to think I'm making shit up, but hand to God this is what happens. While the Ranger Teens are wandering, we see shots of a dwarf dressed in a Robin Hood getup watching them. They start to hear a fucked up noise and follow it to find the dwarf playing a flute inside of the bushes. He goes on the defensive when the Rangers start to talk to him and mention Rita's name.
It's the REAL Rumpelstiltskin!
His name is Quagmire, and every single thing he says is in rhyme. Since he only has two lines it's not that obnoxious, but it's also baffling because what the fuck is a dwarf playing a flute doing on an Island of Illusions? If this is Rita's island why does she have someone living there who hates her? Did she kill all of his friends? Is he trapped there? Doesn't matter. He's just a guy chilling on her island playing a flute. Don't worry about it.
He disappears in a puff of smoke because who gives a shit, and Kim asks what the fuck his problem was. Suddenly a giant vision of Goldar's head appears in the sky and tells the Rangers they're going to lose more than their Power Coins now that they're on Rita's turf. All of a sudden we see some old friends pop in to play.
Power Rangers Monsters Literally all 5 of them look ready to fall over.
Eye Guy, Shellshock, Pineoctopus, Snizard, and Pudgy Pig all show up and the Rangers are terrified. Maybe they saw something behind Pudgy Pig that was scary, not quite sure. Jason screams out that the Monsters are charging, or more accurately stumbling forward. The Ranger Teens strike a pose to fight the Monsters but just before they attack, all five vanish. Thanks for the childhood blue balls Power Rangers. A fight with five old monsters and the unmorphed Rangers? It's all I ever wanted and you took it away from me.
Goldar's giant head shows up again to tell them here on this island nothing is real except the danger. Yeah, those fake monsters were real dangerous alright you asshole. Thanks for nothing Goldy. Zack starts freaking out and running off to get away, when all of a sudden he spies a massive anaconda. His friends come up and we see from their perspective it's not really there. They try to tell Zack his anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun. Instead of listening though he just keeps screaming.
As Zack freaks out, his body starts to disappear through the use of shitty 90's effects. The rest of the Ranger Teens look on in terror as their friend is vanishing before their very eyes. Goldar tells them that their loss in self confidence will make them disappear forever. Consider those stakes raised boys and girls. Hope they have Dance Contests in Hell Zack!
To Be Continued
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Self Esteem
Personal Thoughts
Coming off of last week I was worried I wouldn't enjoy this episode at all, but I was completely wrong. This is a really fun episode by my standards and it does a pretty good job of making a relatively nothing monster like Mutitis threatening. It's mitigated by all of Rita's spellcasting hyping up Lokar as a massive threat worth being afraid of.
Unfortunately they cut out a lot of scenes from the Japanese Mutitis fight for no discernible reason, so the monster ends up looking not too impressive. They also cut a pretty great shot of the Megazord throwing Power Sword at Lokar, but it gets blasted out of the sky by his eyebeams. Strangely, both the things I mentioned here were in the script and were cut from the episode likely for time reasons. Guess that Gila Monster stock footage was more important.
Another cool thing about this episode is that it focuses on Zack. None of the fight footage dictated it being focused on Zack, so it's pretty cool that the writers are trying to explore what they can do more of when the footage isn't holding them to a specific Ranger. It's one of the fun things to watch for in Power Rangers. How the civilian U.S. plots compare to the Sentai plot that's getting laid down as a framework. It gets even more fun when they try to deviate from the Sentai, but that's going to take some more time.
I have to give them credit on Tommy's excuse for not going into the fight. It's not a great one, but so far they've managed to have almost entirely unique reasons for Tommy not showing up to fights. The first two times he didn't show up because he was training, but then it was him fixing Kim's float, getting attacked by Putties, getting tied up by Putties, and now having to keep an eye on his students. They're changing things up just enough that it doesn't really bother me that Tommy has to sit so many fights out.
Now's where we get to have some fun. The monsters. Remember all the blathering I did about Frankenstein not being done yet? Well that's because our good buddy Frankie and Mutitis are in fact one and the same. At least in the Japanese version. In the Sentai, after Frankenstein takes the finishing blow from the Dragonzord in Battle Mode, he doesn't explode. Instead, this happens.
Zombies don't wear clothes. Sorry Frankie.
This is why he's holding the bolt/mace weapon Frankenstein had previously. That's also why Rita summoning Mutitis alongside Lokar is such a second thought kind of thing. Originally her summoning was only for Lokar and Mutitis was a diversion to keep the Rangers busy while she did it.
Did Power Rangers make the right call splitting up the Frankenstein stuff and Mutitis stuff? Would it have made a big difference to kids if Rita teleported Frankenstein away after becoming Mutitis? Who knows. I'm mostly just bummed we didn't get to see him transform because it's pretty cool.
Oh man though, that's not even the best transformation. That honor goes to what Lokar mutating Mutits in the Sentai version. Power Rangers cut around it so that Lokar's breath just made him immediately exist as a new monster. However things got a little more extreme in the Japanese version. I'll let you compare the two.
U.S.
Mutitis transformation gif Japan
Interesting to note that, again, Mutitis having a new monster inside of him was in the script initially. It's possible that they just figured Standards and Practices weren't going to go for it, and parents were going to complain about a monster's face ripping itself in half. Thank goodness parents never got around to complaining about Power Rangers!
Finally, the old monsters. I mentioned each time one of those monsters showed up that we hadn't seen the last of them, and here we are. Of all five of them, only Eye Guy hadn't already shown up in US exclusive footage, but seeing them all together was so cool as a kid.
This would be a well that Power Rangers would return to rather frequently. Using old monster costumes they had on hand to make up a group of monsters for the Rangers to face. It's fun to see old monsters come back, and even more fun to see which ones the US team had that they could use. We'll never see Pineoctopus or Shellshock again, so for fans of them I apologize sincerely. I hope your day will still be as bright without them in your life.
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Post by sbtbfanatic on Jul 16, 2015 4:53:06 GMT
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Episode 29: Island of Illusion Part 2
When last we left the Ranger Teens, Rita Repulsa had used some dark magic to summon a big ugly monster named Mutitis and a giant floating head named Lokar to banish them to an island. They got assaulted by stock footage and monster mirages, then Zack saw a snake and started disappearing.
While his friends try to console him, Half-Zack continues freaking out. Well when I say freak out I mean how an actor would freak out if they were getting paid scale to do it. He's sort of scared but he's not going to commit to it. You expect Walter Jones to panic for 7.25 an hour? You'll get mundane terror and you'll like it.
Billy tells Zack his biomass is negatively inversed with his electrons due to an overcharge in his flavo-fibes and he'll need to supercharge his flux capacitor with self esteem. Zack doesn't care though, he might not do well at a dance competition and he's scared of snakes. What else does a man have to live for?
No it's okay Zack just step to the side and you'll come back.
Quagmire, the dwarf who resides on the Island of Illusion, shows up and rhymes about how he knows Rita's plan, and then disappears in a puff of cheaply animated smoke. The Teens don't pay any attention to him at first, but then after the commercial break they start wondering if maybe he would be able to help out. Because the writers needed a hook to keep kids tuned in, and the imminent de-ionization of the Black Ranger clearly wasn't enough.
The Rangers try to remember the name of the guy who's done nothing but say his name and vanish in a cloud of smoke. They rifle through every name that starts with a Q they can think of, but run out after two and Trini awkwardly blurts out Quagmire. The sole resident of the island shows up and asks why they're bothering him and not watching their friend die. Kim explains Zack is under Rita's spell, and with that Quagmire immediately says if they're not on Rita's side he's happy to greet them.
Let's dissect that a bit further. Quagmire shows up and brags to the audience about how he knows what Rita's planning, so he knows she's up to no good. Then Kim tells him the exact same thing he said earlier and he immediately trusts them. Kim didn't say anything about being the Power Rangers or fighting Rita, so Quagmire's just there to help them now. They probably just forgot what they wrote last week. Maybe they didn't care, either makes sense.
Now that Quagmire's here to help, he offers advice that sounds ripped from a Tony Robbins seminar. Just think a positive thought and you'll be safe from evil space magic. Tommy asks if the magical musical dwarf is being serious about this. Look, it's a vaguely defined problem that can be solved by a Deus Ex Quagmire, shut up so we can get to our clip show.
You come to MY Island with that shit?
Zack starts trying to think of a time he had a really tough fight, and flashes back to the fight against Nasty Knight. As Zack recalls the battle his body slowly starts showing up again, except that the fight against Nasty Knight wasn't one you'd want to remember to feel better about yourself. All the footage is of Nasty Knight just beating the fuck out of Zack. Sure is a shame there've only been two Zack episodes to choose from.
The footage of Zack fighting Nasty Knight is spliced together to make it then look like after a hard fight against the monster, he was able to defeat him. Well if you remember, Zack didn't beat the Nasty Knight. The Megazord did after using a tactic that immobilized him. Granted Zack came up with the tactic, but they cut around all of that and take the bite out of that entire fight. Thanks for nothing.
Yeah that's probably how it happened, why not?
Zack's delusions bring him back in full while everyone congratulates him on solving the central conflict of the episode in the first four minutes. Rita isn't worried though, just because Zack has confidence in himself doesn't mean the other five Ranger Teens aren't stupid enough to fall for her trap.
Zordon tells Alpha to get his shit together and call the Power Rangers, but Alpha blithers about how he's unable to contact them. What follows is an absolutely pointless and insufferable scene of Alpha criss crossing wires to reroute power or whatever the fuck, but he keeps comically injuring himself. This all culminates in Alpha getting zapped on the ass with a bolt of electricity no less than three times. It serves absolutely no purpose to the episode other than getting a little padding into this clipshow.
The rest of the Rangers ask Quagmire if he knows where their Power Coins are, but he says they'll need to find them on their own and stop being such lazy dicks. Billy puts his finger in his mouth like he's on the golf course to calculate the direction their Power Coins should be in. It's actually really obvious, he's just measuring the wind velocity when it's being reflected off of magical dinosaur coins. It's first grade stuff.
Suddenly, Goldar's giant head pops up in the sky and promises an illusion for Kimberly's confusion. Immediately, Kim notices something strange off in the distance, a sight that is so utterly petrifying it manages to shake her to her very core.
Do you think Paul or Jason remember this day and wake up in a cold sweat?
That's right, the two biggest motherfuckers on the planet have been envisioned as paragons of justice and virtue. They act like even bigger goody two shoes than all of the Ranger Teens combined while they help a little animal in the woods find it way home. This is all completely ridiculous, it's an illusion after all, but what puts it over the top is Skull inexplicably affecting a Scottish brogue with his newfound angelic qualities. It pushes this whole goofy scene over the top and makes it absolutely perfect.
Kim rushes forward and starts losing her mind at what she's seeing. She also has chosen to ignore all that stuff Goldar was saying about illusions, and confusion. Maybe that should make someone a little wary of the things they see on an island typically known for illusions. Her body starts to disappear when she notes if Rita can make Bulk and Skull act like good people she can do anything. Alright Power Rangers you got me, that's pretty funny.
Trini begs Quagmire to show up and help Kimberly, because without her how are they going to sell garbage like this?
90's Feminism.jpg
Quagmire shows up and tells Kim she needs to remember the fight she had against the Terror Toad, because Quagmire's secretly into vore and wants to watch that fight happen again in real time. Coincidentally if I was stuck on the Island of Illusion and needed to remember a harrowing ordeal, I'd think of the Terror Toad too.
Kim complains that the "Toad Creature" was too gross and she doesn't want to remember that fight. Kim's so goddamned vapid that the mere thought of something unpleasant is worth dissolving into nothingness over. Get your fucking priorities in order lady. Tommy tells her she'd better try and remember that frog fight or else Trini's the only one getting on the bone train with him. Kim remembers shooting an arrow in a fat frog's mouth and with that her self confidence is back in full swing. A lesson we can all take with us in our future endeavors.
With that, we get one of the most abrupt fucking cuts in all of Power Rangers, and that's saying an awful lot. Tommy holds Kim and congratulates her on beating the illusion, and the other Rangers look at them with joy. Then all of a sudden we see a group of Putties way off in the distance. We zoom in on Tommy's face as he starts talking about Putties like he's Colonel Kurtz. Tell me if this cut looks a little jarring to you good folks at home.
The Horror, The Horror
But these aren't Putties at all, Rita's just made Tommy think his friends are Putties! Tommy doesn't seem to notice that these five Putties are all taking defensive stances and not attacking him though, because he's a colossal moron. The other five Ranger Teens defend against their rampaging idiot friend, who's been buttfucked by Putties one too many times to risk playing it safe with them again.
Also we cut back to see Alpha 5 congratulating himself on fixing the computers to communicate with the Rangers. Except he didn't, and he gets zapped and runs around the Command Center. Hilarious. Thanks for the update guys.
Tommy's still muttering about not wanting to let Putties tie him up, and suddenly he starts disappearing. The Rangers demand Quagmire show up to give Tommy a rhyme that's tangentially related to his situation to reinvigorate him. Since Tommy hasn't fought any monsters by himself, he's stuck remembering a fight he had with the Putties. Sorry Tommy, the rest of the Rangers get to remember difficult trials with individual heinous creatures and you get to remember a fight you have every week. Great confidence booster.
Tommy's incredibly mundane flashback inspires him to not disappear forever, but for some reason Trini doesn't seem so happy about it. Not because she wishes Kim did disappear so she could catch Tommy on the rebound, but because nobody actually gives a shit about her character and whenever this series will be mentioned 20 years from now, she'll be the last person to be mentioned. She also starts to feel self conscious about the fact the script writers give her character nothing to do but stand around. Oh she's also scared of heights too.
We see Rita performing some magic inside of her tower where she is using her altar to curse Tommy with a spell that chains him to this franchise for another two decades. She also uses her magic to make Billy and Trini disappear, in that order. Even when Trini is the first person to do something, we have to put the other characters before her. Before we worry too much about Trini though, it appears Rita's having some trouble with this spell and got candle wax in her eyes.
"Psh, I can curse Trini with my eyes closed!"
Tommy brags about how he remembered beating up some Putties while Trini starts yelling out for Billy to come down from a high ledge. Unlike the other illusions which we got to see, we just see Trini laying on the ground screaming at Billy to come down. Must have blown the whole budget on those angel costumes for Bulk and Skull.
Trini starts flashing back to the moment in High Five where Billy was too high up on the mountainside. Quagmire shows up to tell her to chill out since her flashback is almost at the part where it's going to inspire confidence in her. Since Trini hasn't fought any monsters on her own aside from decapitating Bones, she has to settle with gaining her self confidence from remembering the time she saved Billy's scrawny ass and let a Putty fall to its death.
Trini's self confidence returns, and the rest of the Ranger Teens congratulate her while trying to shove her into the background where she belongs. Before they're able to, Trini notices Billy's beginning to disappear, as he's ashamed his scientific knowledge can't help the Rangers stop disappearing. Trini begs Quagmire to give her nerd friend some self confidence, which he tries to accomplish by prescribing Zoloft, but Billy's insurance doesn't cover it.
When that fails, Quagmire reminds Billy about the fight with Madame Woe. A fierce bout that saw the young man successfully fighting a nightmare queen and blue balls at the same time. Just like Zack, Billy remembers beating Madame Woe by himself, despite the fact the Rangers beat her using the Power Blaster. Tragically we had to lose my personal favorite scene of Billy triumphing over Madame Woe.
Jason high fives Billy, who flinches out of reflex. The leader of the Power Rangers then begins looking around for a way to get off the island, but since he's the only one who hasn't gone through some kind of illusion maybe he should be a little more wary. Goldar has the same idea, as he chastises Jason for not being a good enough leader to save his friends already. Also he dresses like a sissy.
Zack tells Jason not to listen to "her", after a trash talking from Goldar. Because originally it was Rita talking to them in the script but nobody proofread any of this shit. Jason starts to disappear because he hasn't done enough and he's not being the leader his team deserves.
This right here? I want more of this. Not Jason questioning his skills every episode, that'd be boring. I mean Jason addressing what it means to be a leader, what it means to be in charge of his team. We saw a bit of it during the Green With Evil episodes, but it's so rare for Jason to do anything but tell the Power Rangers to kill the monster they're fighting. The best part is what Jason's illusion is. He sees his whole team disappearing in front of him.
Jason's worst fear is losing his team? Holy shit that's really great stuff. Jason has so little personality you'd expect his worst fear to be falling asleep in class. This is having an actual affect on me. This show managed to turn a dumb little clipshow into establishing a character for a blank slate like Jason. Given this show's track record I'm going to assume this was all done on accident, but it's not worth complaining about.
Quagmire gives a voice over telling Jason to just concentrate. Thanks dad, I'll make sure to keep my head in the game too. Jason tells Rita she hasn't won yet and judging from her previous track record she never will. Jason recounts his memories of fighting King Sphinx, and how he was able to beat the evil monster by not giving up. It's great that they needed a fight to show how great Jason is solo, but they use the episode all about how he's not able to fight without his team. Guess that's what happens when you only have one episode focusing on the hero of your show.
Jason's confidence returns to him and his body stops disappearing. Now that all six of the Rangers have been through their trials, their Communicators and Power Morphers appear upon them. Because the learned how great they are or whatever. The solution to this Island of Illusion situation was literally "Our special powers were inside us the whole time!" It's as subtle as being stabbed to death, but if it gives kids confidence why bother making a fuss? Well Rita's sick of all this fucking self esteem and has one last ace up her sleeve. It's a pretty logical decision.
Rita island of illusion Maybe you should have done this part first
The Rangers realize they've been standing on a scale model this whole time and decide to morph the hell out of there. Rita uses her wand to blow up the entire fucking island but the Rangers escape by teleporting away. Wasn't there someone else on the island? Oh well, probably wasn't important.
The Rangers are transported straight into their Zords, and all of the foam that was coating them in the previous episode immediately dissolves. Did the Zords have to go through some trial and tribulation to revitalize themselves too? Or was the Power Rangers ability to believe in themselves enough to do it? Who gives a shit, because they combine into a new formation. The Megadragonzord. The reason I was so pissy about the Dragonzord in Battle Mode being misnamed? This right here. Pick a name and fucking stick with it guys.
Megadragonzord The Newest Formation: Megazord wearing Dragonzord's skin as a hat
Rita is absolutely livid she didn't blow up the Power Rangers and demands Mutitis to attack. Remember Mutitis? He's that monster who was barfing up a bunch of foam last week. Well now he's back to take on the new Zord formation. The Megadragonzord blasts him with energy, walks through his attacks without flinching, and does cool stuff you'd want to see a new toy do. It finishes the fight with a pretty cool final move though.
Wait till next year, they'll use the GT energy ball and everyone will hate it
The Rangers aren't done yet though, because Lokar's still here. He may only be a floating head, but he's also apparently strong as fuck. We can mock him for being just a floating head if we want, but let's not forget the Rangers boss is a head in a big jar. Who knows, maybe the writers were drawing parallels between Lokar and Zordon. On second thought, no they weren't.
The Rangers call on Titanus to form the Ultrazord in the hopes they can wipe Lokar off the map and while he's got a strong poker face, you can tell he's sweating in his wig a little bit. We get a lot of glory shots of the Ultrazord coming together and it's absolutely spectacular. There's nothing more gratifying than seeing all these special machines come together to make something that looks as rad as the Ultrazord. Lokar roars at the Zord fleet because he's an intergalactic space demon, what does he give a shit about some dinosaurs? Well let's see how that works out for him.
Ultrazord Lokar I HAVE TO GO NOW, MY PLANET NEEDS ME
Kim informs her friends that Lokar ran away like a punk ass bitch, but the rest of the Rangers say they'll definitely get him next time. For as saccharine as these teens are there seems to be a nice bit of bloodlust underneath all this superhero stuff. Rita has had absolutely enough of all of this shit and teleports away while screaming. There's no "I'll get you next time Rangers!" It's her screaming her fucking head off at how badly her plan ended. It's beautiful.
Now do you recall what Part 1 of Island of Illusion was about? Without looking. Give up? That's right it's a dance contest! Zack was nervous he'd totally beef it and look silly against the stiff competition. Know who that competition is? Take a fucking guess.
Bulk dancing Even Bulk's dancing looks like he's falling down.
We don't know if Zack knew who he was dancing against ahead of time, but if he did then the entire plot of this episode falls apart. Who would be intimidated by Bulk ever with regards to anything? He can't move two steps without falling into a bowl of chili. You're concerned he might show you up? Skull tries to dance too, and busts out some weird classical moves before Bulk throws him off stage for trying to add depth to his character.
Zack's still nervous about what's going to happen for some inexplicable reason. We've only seen Bulk and Skull dancing, if you get a positive score you're going to win. Zack goes out onto the dance floor, he believes in himself or something, he gets a perfect score, and Bulk gets served. What did you really expect? Well here's something you might not have expected.
YEP! He survived! How? Who cares. See ya next time.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: The Minimum Wage
Personal Thoughts
This episode is one of my favorites for sure. It's not an amazing episode by any means, but it holds a special place in my heart. There's very little fighting but it's kind of fun to break the typical Power Rangers mold. They could have done more with the self doubt concept, but for what it is this is a pretty fun little two parter sandwiched in between two really lame episodes. Though I don't want to talk too much about next week already so I'll hush up for now.
We can talk about Wheel of Misfortune a little bit though. I mentioned being disappointed that Power Rangers didn't use a great opportunity they were given by the Japanese version, and by that I mean debuting the Ultrazord against Lokar. Premiering Ultrazord against the Wheel of Misfortune is such an odd decision that makes no sense to me. I don't mean Power Rangers should follow the framework of the Japanese version completely, but Lokar is built up far more. He's presented as something dangerous.
We also get extra shots of the Ultrazord to show it off a little more when it's formed this time around. They're trying to show you how fucking cool it looks. On top of that, the Megadragonzord is a critical piece of the Ultrazord formation, but that doesn't get a proper introduction until this episode. Someone wasn't using their thinker, or they just really wanted to get rid of that Wheel of Misfortune footage as soon as possible. It's just a particularly underwhelming introduction to what is easily the coolest part of the Rangers arsenal.
While he's a total afterthought here, I wanted to touch on Mutitis just a little bit more. I'm not sure if they could have really built him up any better than they did with the plot they went with, but I guess they felt fine with that since he showed up in a bit of Power Rangers merchandise. Specifically being the penultimate boss in the Super Nintendo Power Rangers video game. He also had a spin fighter, which apparently wasn't looked at too carefully.
Thornos?
While this episode was great, I was looking over the script and found that originally Bulk was supposed to rip his pants in the dance competition. Tragically that wasn't the case because we might have gotten another scene with him in his pig bo-
...What? There was a scene of Bulk wearing boxers WITHOUT pigs on them and it was cut from the episode? You had a chance to give the guy literally any amount of dignity in his character's choice of underwear and you cut it. Holy shit.
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