|
Post by sbtbfanatic on Sept 6, 2015 13:54:44 GMT
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Episode 60: An Oyster Stew
Homeless Peddler Regales Teenager With Stories of Long Dead Wife Oyster Ejaculates Acidic Pepto-Bismol
Sorry to say everyone, but this week marks the final episode of Power Rangers first season. I can't tell you guys how proud I am to be this far. Although it feels like only yesterday I was informing you guys about how Bulk is fat and Skull is an embarrassment to humanity. My how time flies!
Today's episode starts with Bulk being fat while singing and Skull humiliating himself on guitar. The two come up with lyrics describing women as appealing by comparing them to porcupines and mud. For some reason, these similes don't get Kimberly sloppy as she heckles the two morons for being unable to find a word that rhymes with "mean." Bulk and Skull promise they're going to an audition today that will make them so famous, she'll be begging to partake in history's most tragic threesome.
Zack and Tommy lift weights while Zack spots Angela doing some sensual aerobics. Zack goes from six to midnight while he talks about some ridiculous scheme to surprise Angela on her birthday with a bunch of romantic garbage. You know who you can surprise on their birthday with a romantic gesture? A girl you're dating. You don't give diamonds to some girl you want to take on the bone trolley and expect her to follow up on it.
Tommy tells Zack he could try sending Angela some flowers which wouldn't make him look like a crazy ass stalker, but Zack says that shit is old hat. He needs to get Angela a nice juicy pair of pearl earrings the same size as her luscious bosoms. Kimberly suggests something that won't put Zack in the poorhouse, such as a singing telegram. A singing telegram? Is Kimberly trying to cockblock Zack? It's common knowledge singing telegrams were instituted in 1853 by the "Abstinence Committee" to prevent anyone from getting laid for the rest of time.
Zack takes all of these shitty ideas and combines them into one REALLY shitty idea. He'll take Angela to a fancy restaurant where he can surprise her with a singing telegram before he busts out some gorgeous pearl earrings. Well, Zack may not be able to go to college but at least he might have a chance at getting a pity-fuck from a girl who tolerates him.
Rita realizes Zack's love is making him mushy and weak and a perfect target for one of her inevitable failures of a scheme. She defers to Goldar for the umpteenth time who suggests that Rita should use her Ecocide Pearl to summon the Oysterizer monster who can pollute the sea and control the world. Guess Rita forgot her own demands last week for "no more seafood." I have to give credit to the writer of this week's episode; Oysterizer is a top shelf monster name. Right behind the Two Headed Parrot that belongs in the garbage.
The next day at school, Zack takes a deep breath and starts making his move on Angela. He awkwardly informs her that he knows her birthday is coming up and he wants to take her out to dinner where he's got a big surprise waiting for her. Ladies at home, this should be triggering all of your danger sensors. Even Angela realizes what a creep he is with a stellar reaction.
A look that says "Did this fuckboi just try to touch me?"
Zack manages to convince Angela by saying the restaurant he's taking her to is a French cafe. For whatever reason this makes her think that Zack is much more sophisticated than she initially believed and she can totally trust going to dinner with him. Why be with friends and loved ones on your birthday when you could spend time with some guy you don't really like who's trying to lose his class ring in you.
Rita awakens her Oysterizer monster whom she communicates with through her crystal ball. The monster and his big disgusting clam face start bowing as he mentions his devious Pearls of Stillness. Rita thinks they'll make the perfect gift for Zack to give Angela and totally ruin their date. Y'know if you're not using the greatest magical powers in the universe to ruin a teenager's boner jam, you're not using it right.
Can't decide between an innie and an outie? Why not both?
An Oyster Stew thankfully avoids some dumb scene of Zack shopping for pearl earrings that ends with him getting laughed out of the store. All the show gives us is a shot of him walking out of a jewelry store muttering about how expensive pearls are. That still doesn't make up for what an atrocious idea it was for Zack to promise Angela a mind blowing surprise before he actually bought the earrings. Now for her birthday Zack can give her a nice beautiful box of broken hopes. Good luck getting laid now dick.
Zack wanders his blue balls back home as he bemoans the fact that things cost money. Lucky for Zack he just happens to wander into the man who can solve all of his problems. A homeless wino in a trench coat peddling cheap crap.
Those leggings are just for show. He ain't wearing pants.
The drunken man sitting on a park bench promises Zack he's got the answer to all of Zack's problems. Zack immediately starts listening intently to what this vagrant has to say. In case you had forgotten; this is a show for children that has one of its characters listening to a homeless stranger offering to make all of a young boy's dreams come true. If these scripts weren't all written in 3 hours, you might have time to review them and see what terrible ideas they could give children watching.
Nameless Hobo reveals a pair of pearl earrings to Zack and tells him they're his patented love charm. For some reason Zack takes the time to ask this guy if his wares are stolen, so this show wants kids to be conscious enough to not buy stolen goods when they approach men in the park that reek of gin and child caskets.
Ol' Mi Casa Es No Casa tells Zack these pearls used to belong to his wonderfully deceased wife Edna. Zack likes the idea of owning a dead woman's jewelry and hands the man some wadded up bills that are apparently enough to buy a priceless memento from an old drunk. The peddler then informs Zack that these pearl earrings are only complete after he gives Angela a wonderful pearl necklace to match. Zack thanks the kindly old pervert before running away and calling the police.
No need though, as it turns out the old man was actually a Putty in disguise! I should have known! Angel Grove's been turning the homeless into dog food for years now! Funny enough the Putty still keeps Zack's money. Even if Rita's plan goes belly up today at least she can rest easy knowing she used a high schooler's money to buy a bottle of hooch.
Zack and Angela arrive at the French restaurant, with Kimberly and Tommy tagging along for a double date. When Zack reads the menu he comes to the shocking conclusion that the menu is all in F-F-F-FRENCH! How's Zack going to know which item on the menu is the calf's tongue and which item is the cow's brains?
Zack calls over a snooty French waiter fresh off the set of the latest Rodney Dangerfield film to order for the table. He takes the liberty of ordering for everyone, and opts to do it in French to impress some girl he wants to bang. Did someone with the script for this episode bump into someone with a Growing Pains script and get all the pages mixed up?
Jason, Trini, and Billy meander around the park because the script forgot to give them anything to do, and they're suddenly harassed by some Putties. Maybe it's just because I've been so hungry for action but this Putty battle actually gets me interested. There isn't a whole lot going on, other than Jason spin kicking a Putty about twenty times until it slams backwards into a tree. Though it's still some reject dressed in monochrome getting the piss beaten out of him. A little more interesting than Zack being unable to speak French.
Zordon comes to the realization that Rita has awakened her devious Oysterizer monster and his Ecocide Pearl. This magical weapon has the ability to destroy all ocean life if left unchecked, and Zordon's got a hot date at the seafood buffet next week. Alpha mentions the Oysterizer's dreaded Pearls of Stillness that will freeze anything they touch. You connecting the dots out there audience?
Zordon tells the three Putty pounding Rangers about Rita's evil scheme and Jason immediately puts together that Angela's pearls are these Pearls of Stillness. If Angela puts those things on then it's going to render all life forms motionless. Wait Zordon which life forms did you say would be motionless? All of them? Okay just wanted to double check.
Thanks to Zack removing Angela's autonomy from her in a shitty misguided attempt at impressing her, Zack and Angela have gotten absolute garbage food they have no interest in eating. Zack picks at some frog's legs that he lies about enjoying while Angela rolls her eyes at how full of shit this guy is. It comes with the territory when you're dating a magician.
Snooty French Waiter asks which member of the party is a mademoiselle Angela, and delivers the news that she has a singing telegram waiting for her. Scratch that, singing telegrams.
Nothing gets me in the mood quite like being serenaded by two idiots in red tights.
Skull doesn't want to serenade Zack because that might mean Angela won't accept one of the 48 voicemail messages he left for her, but Bulk says it's their duty as singing telegrams to play music and drop some panties. Tommy gets a beautiful dig in by telling the pair their audition clearly paid off. That's when the boys start singing horrendously and manage to render everyone in the vicinity sterile. Why does Rita need those Pearls of Stillness? Zack's ruining his date without any help from her at all.
Zack realizes how shitty everything is going and goes for his Hail Mary play with the earrings. Angela assumes with as awful as the evening is going it's a box of Anthrax, but Zack convinces her to open them. In spite of how terrible everything else is going, the sight of these pearls completely convinces Angela to fall head over heels for Zack. If only she knew they were stolen straight off a corpse.
The two lovebirds prepare to kiss across the table until Bulk and Skull stupid their way into knocking a cake onto Zack and Tommy's laps. The two break the table the Ranger Teens have been sitting at because they're clumsy assholes, and Bulk gets a mouthful of frogs legs. Skull gets stoked to see one of his favorite meals and rips them out of Bulk's mouth while complaining he wanted them. Would you believe me if I told you Skull's love of frog's legs actually has precedence? Neither would I.
Now that Zack's pants are covered in creamy white gunk, and also cake frosting, he and Tommy head to the bathroom to clean each other up. Don't wait up ladies! After the boys leave Angela decides to put her earrings on so she can show them off to men who she's actually interested in dating. Just as she's putting on the earrings; Jason, Billy, and Trini run in to try and stop her. Unfortunately Angela's lust for beautiful jewelry is too strong and she puts the earrings on before causing this to happen to the entire restaurant.
When I think evil spells, I think a shitty gray photoshop filter.
Soon enough, Zack and Tommy come out of the bathroom. Thank God this French restaurant decided to line its bathrooms with reinforced titanium or the spell might have gotten to them too! Zordon never gives a limit as to how wide the reach on these pearls is, so let's just say the show is being incredibly convenient by not having them affected. All I really want in this scene is everybody in the restaurant frozen in stone, and then Zack, Tommy, and some extra come back from the bathroom. The extra sees everyone frozen in discount Carbonite and slowly backs out of frame.
Zordon alerts Tommy and Zack to the severity of the issue. The Oysterizer has blueballed both of them and if they don't act quick, Zack's going to lose his table at the French cafe. Zordon says Tommy's powers suck balls and will probably fail him in a fight against a giant clam, but Tommy's willing to take the risk and morphs alongside Zack to take on the Oysterizer.
As soon as the boys arrive, Tommy heads south to try and find where the Oysterizer might be located. The second Green Ranger gets out of earshot, Oysterizer emerges and punches Black Ranger in the chest. Zack tries to talk a big game against the monster before being attacked by one of its most powerful skills.
I think Rita's taking some liberties with the animal kingdom.
That's right, acid gel! That's what Zack calls it anyway. But I know frothy pink jizm when I see it. Zack rightfully complains that Zordon didn't say word one about this shit and it's burning through his suit like a raging fire. This monster's been fighting for less than a minute and he's already given Zack Gonorrhea. Just another big surprise for Angela tonight!
Just as the monster descends on Zack, Tommy jumps into the fray and slashes him away. Tommy asks Zack what's going on and Zack shoves him away so he doesn't get burnt by the acid gel. Tommy thanks Zack for his endless gratitude and transfers his Dragon Shield to the Black Ranger. Tommy assures him that the shield will give him energy and protect him from another oyster spewing.
It also looks kickin rad.
Oysterizer rises and angrily spews more jizz all over the unshielded Tommy. Zack tells Tommy to guard himself as the Black Ranger goes on the offensive and punches Oysterizer back into the ocean. Zack decides that should be enough to break the spell. Where the hell did he get that idea? Zordon said they had to defeat the Oysterizer, not give him a love tap and send him for a swim. If the Ecocide Pearl is his power source then shouldn't placing him closer to it underwater make for a stronger spell?
Well nevermind all that shit, because the spell has indeed been broken. Back at the restaurant, everyone who was under the spell of stillness is unfrozen and left perplexed by what just happened. Angela realizes her earrings are disintegrating and assumes that Zack decided to play a prank on her by giving her EVIL DISSOLVING MAGICAL MEDUSA EARRINGS. Someone must have given Angela a Jump to Conclusions Mat for her birthday.
Zack runs in to try and diffuse the situation but it's too late. Angela tells him to shove any other presents right up his cornhole and storms out. Zack shrugs off his decaying love life and tells the other Rangers they need to deal with the Oysterizer. Kim asks why Tommy isn't with Zack because her character is slowly becoming a one note object. Zack says he just left Tommy at the beach and the Green Ranger should be fine. Yeah he looked fine when you left him there.
I NEED MY GODDAMNED SHIELD BACK
Zack says they'll need to use the Megazord to fight the Oysterizer underwater which Billy says will be a new experience for their Dinozords. Zack tells him to spare the sciency bullshit for once because he's got a hard-on that could sink the Titanic and if he doesn't shut his mouth it's gonna capsize Billy's tonsils. The five Ranger Teens leave the restaurant before morphing and summoning the Megazord under the sea.
The Megazord waddles around underwater while it tries to find the Ecocide Pearl. Since the set dressers didn't feel like making a very big area of "undersea" for the Megazord to explore, the Rangers find the Ecocide Pearl almost instantly. They use the Megazord's Cranial Laser attack to blast the Pearl and blow it to smithereens. The Oysterizer moseys on up and realizes he shouldn't have been off taking a smoke break because the Power Rangers just blew up his precious baby.
Oysterizer becomes enraged that he's such a goofy dumbass and starts smacking the shit out of the Megazord. The Rangers soon run into trouble when they realize their Zords handle like dogshit in the water. Jason concludes he and his team are getting rammed by this ugly mug and tells Kimberly to contact Tommy.
For once there's actual logic to this decision though. It isn't just "We sure do suck and need the super cool Green Ranger to save us." Jason specifically notes that Megazord wasn't meant to work underwater but the Dragonzord is. Which makes total sense because the Dragonzord lives underwater. It's a logical explanation for why they need some Green Ranger power this week.
Tommy stumbles around the beach, still weak after being abandoned and coated in goo, and is told his team needs his help. For some reason he's still willing to help the guy who ditched him to go patch things up with Angela and summons the Dragonzord to bail out his teammates.
Oysterizer gif Dear Scientists: Please explain how that just happened. Thanks in advance.
The Oysterizer is brought to the surface by the Dragonzord's mighty strike and lands on the beach shore. Dragonzord emerges to finish the fight with the monster who goes back on the offensive. Unfortunately the Dragonzord is left at a disadvantage without the element of surprise on his side. The Oysterizer materializes a ball and chain weapon to tie up the Dragonzord. Unable to fight back, Dragonzord is soon splattered with Oyster goo and left looking like Bree Olson about to get a sweet paycheck.
The Oysterizer moves in for the kill when suddenly the Megazord cuts the wire binding the Dragonzord with the Power Sword. The Rangers then see their comrade has been slimed and use the Megazord's rarely utilized healing properties to zap the Dragonzord and remove the acid gel from it. The Oysterizer charges to attack but is knocked back by the Dragonzord missiles. As the monster reels, the Megazord finishes him off with the Power Sword. Now he doesn't need pearls to remain still. He can stay that way forever.
Back at the Youth Center, Zack tells Trini he learned something today. Never try to impress a girl with money. Unless you actually have a good deal of money and aren't reduced to buying shitty fake jewelry from a haunted homeless man in the park. Trini gives Zack some flowers and pats him on the back to try one last time to get in Angela's pants. Zack then thanks this kind stranger for her advice and hopes they'll meet again someday.
Bulk and Skull arrive to back Zack up and apologize for being late. They had to wash the dishes at the cafe because the French only enjoy physical comedy from Jerry Lewis. Zack tells the two not to sing this time, or ever again, and takes the duo over to Angela.
Bulk and Skull play their instruments while Zack starts singing a song about how he's been such a fool by trying to be cool. It comes so completely out of nowhere that it's really laughable. Walter Jones doesn't have a bad singing voice by any means, but the whole scene is so goddamned hokey. It just represents the entropy of Power Rangers. Enough solid shit to sort of offset all the incredibly stupid shit.
Zack apologizes after his ridiculous impromptu song and Angela apologizes as well. Why? Because she claims she's been so materialistic about things. What the fuck are you talking about show? Angela was offered a gift someone wanted to give her and enjoyed it. When was she being materialistic? She got invited out for her birthday and accepted it. What in the blue fuck hell does she have to be sorry about? Oh well whatever she's in the wrong too so now Angela and Zack can be in love. Yay!
Bulk and Skull watch and prepare to practice on each other.
Tragically as soon as Angela left the Youth Center she was killed in a car crash and then some wicked space aliens came by and blasted Zack with a memory erasing ray causing him to forget she ever existed. Oh well!
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Angela
Personal Thoughts
Honestly? This episode isn't horrible. It's just difficult to be crazy about it when you realize this was the last episode of Power Rangers that audiences would be seeing for quite a while. This is the season finale? It seems like such a weird choice. Granted this show is really episodic, but nothing about this episode feels very exciting. There's no super powerful monster, no Ultrazord, and a really ill defined attempt at a ticking clock. I really don't know what would have worked better, but I'd say Mighty Morphin' Mutants would have been a solid finale.
Another reason to feel iffy about this episode is foresight. There's a good explanation for it, but this will be Angela's last appearance in the show. It just makes me feel even less okay with this as a conclusion for Season 1. It finishes out a plotline that was ongoing throughout Season 1 and that's great. Unfortunately it also concludes that same plot when the indication was that there would be more to come.
I was amused to see that the actor who played the bum who sells Zack his dissolving jewelry was played by the same guy who played Monty, the host of Trick Or Treat. Usually Power Rangers doesn't resort to reusing actors they put in front of the camera, so someone at Saban must have been in awe of this guy's talent. He has such range he can play either a vampire or a drifter. He must feel honored.
Now we get to finally talk some nitty gritty about Zyu2. Why specifically for Oysterizer? Because his complete set of footage has been released by MMPR stunt coordinator Jeff Pruitt a.k.a. a total saint on Earth. This is the first of 9 Zyu2 monsters who have had their footage revealed via Jeff's Youtube channel. Currently I have my fingers crossed that we'll get a chance to see some more of the monsters posted to answer all my burning nerd questions.
I'll link the video that contains Oysterizer's raw footage here, but proceed with caution! It contains some footage that will be used next season as well and if this is somehow the first time you're finding out about this shit then it's going to spoil you. I just couldn't bear spoiling this 20 year old show for you guys.
Now we get to have a little bit of fun because we can observe what was missing from the episode that the raw footage included. First and foremost is the first shot we see of the Oysterizer that wasn't included in the episode. For pretty obvious reasons.
Just in case you creeps were aroused, this oyster is only 16 years old.
I mentioned a few weeks back in Football Season that Rhinoblaster was referred to as Rhino #17. While this didn't make a goddamn lick of sense when the script was posted, it became clear with the release of the Zyu2 footage. Each of the monster costumes was shown with a piece of paper it was either holding, or had taped on its body. The highest number we've seen on a Zyu2 monster is 24, and since there are 25 Zyu2 monsters it would stand to reason this number system is counting all 25 of them in some order.
So what do these numbers mean? Is it the order they should be used? The order their costume was produced? Some sort of tragic event where each Zyu2 monster had been kidnapped and had to give proof that it knew what numbers were? Well the answer is quite obvious. I have no fucking clue. We'll probably never know for sure but it's really interesting to speculate what these numbers were meant to denote. It's like The Da Vinci Code except dumb and boring. So I guess exactly like The Da Vinci Code.
Enough number speculation, let's get into what footage we didn't get to see! Honestly there isn't a whole lot of stuff that was left on the cutting room floor for the Oysterizer. There are only two major cuts worth pointing out. The first of which is at the very beginning of this section of footage.
Apologies to those who worship at the Church of the Shitty Fake Pearl
This helps explain what all those shots of him bowing to Rita in her crystal ball were all about. Originally I guess he was supposed to be worshiping the Ecocide Pearl as some kind of God. It's sort of intriguing and it makes his anger at the Rangers destroying it make even more sense. Otherwise it's not really anything to lose sleep over. Just some footage that didn't really fit the show.
The second interesting bit of footage that was lost involved Zack on the beach waiting for the Oysterizer. Originally it turns out that the Black Ranger was originally doing a little more than that.
That timecode is making this look much less impressive.
No this isn't some magical ability that only Zyuranger had going for it. This is some concept Zyu2 was invoking to live up to the more "technical" aspects of Power Rangers mythos. Unfortunately Saban didn't give a shit about it and hacked it right out of the episode. Sorry you did all that work for nothing idiot. Your stupid mammoth vision sucked and nobody cares.
Also interesting is that originally Tommy wasn't present with Zack at the scene of the Oysterizer fight. His arrival to save Zack was the standard Green Ranger saving the day shtick in Zyu2, but the American version made it seem like the two arrived together. Personally I don't mind them changing things up a bit like that. It gives a little variety to Tommy and makes him look less like a lazy dick who doesn't feel like showing up to fight a giant clam monster.
The last bit of Zyu2 blathering I'll do today was how cool it was that the Black Ranger got to wear the Dragon Shield. The Red Ranger only did that twice in the original Zyuranger, and it was never indicated any of the other Rangers were able to do so. So for all intents and purposes, Zyu2 invented a new power-up mode for one of the Rangers. Maybe it's just me, but I find that really fucking cool.
So watch the raw footage and compare it to the aired episode. It's got a few other cuts here and there but nothing too significant. Let me know what you guys think!
|
|
|
Post by loveastro on Oct 12, 2015 12:19:46 GMT
Spells To Make A Man Divorce His Wife Spells to make a man divorce his wife are the magical, supernatural spells that are carried out in a practice to make a husband get rid of his wife. These spells plays a very helpful role in cases when any husband is suffering from the disturbances in its life due to the daily rude and disgusting behavior of his wife and as a result the whole day routine of that person suffers adverse. Contact Us: Molana Hafiz Khan Email - molanahafizkhan@gmail.com Mobile : +91-9783948499 www.duaforsuccess.com/spells-to-make-a-man-divorce-his-wife/
|
|
|
Post by sbtbfanatic on Nov 16, 2015 1:20:29 GMT
Top 10 Worst Season 1 Power Rangers Episodes
Alright everybody, I'm in the mood for a nice juicy top 10 list. It's one I've been mentally filling out over the course of this blog. Which episode is it in Season 1 that manages to transcend all others and be the lousiest episode of all? There's a lot of heavy shitters this season, but only a few worthy of eternal scorn and derision.
It goes without saying that this list is obviously only my opinion so if you want to contest my choices, lemme know what you think sucks harder! Or if you think one of these episodes belongs on a "Top 10 Best Of" then...you're going to need to explain that one to me. Please include graphs, charts, and no fewer than 5 citations from reputable sources.
The one rule I have for this list is any multi-part episodes I may or may not include will be ranked individually and not as a set. Different parts of multi-parters tend to vary wildly in quality. It wouldn't be fair to compare episodes like "MMPR 94: Lokar's Return Part 1" with episodes like "MMPR 95: Lokar's Return Part 2: Billy Goes to the Zoo." Unfortunately that's not till Season 2 so let's get on with the list.
10: Different Drum
I don't think this episode is complete irredeemable garbage, but at the same time it's entire length consists of either dancing or weirdness. This show is no stranger to being weird, but this episode is weird in a way Power Rangers usually manages to explain. Specifically I mean the dumbass scene of Gnarly Gnome turning invisible while he's putting his stupid boots on. That couldn't have possibly meant less. Not to mention Gnarly Gnome morphing into a building with his accordion, eating a meal made of bouncy balls, or turning into rocks when he was hit with the Power Blaster.
Other than that we get to replace any other semblance of a plot with scenes of people dancing. You wanna know about these characters you tuned in to watch? Fuck you.
This episode probably should have come later in the season when you already have a good feeling for who these characters are, not 5 episodes in when you're still getting new viewers trying to get engaged in your karate dinosaur show. The viewers might not have known what stereotype each of the five Rangers were supposed to be yet.
Instead we get an obese pedophile stealing young women and making them dance for him. Then a deaf girl hits on Billy because she's the only one who can tolerate his bullshit science jargon. Make sure to tune in next week when we have a pig in a gladiator helmet rolling around on a picnic blanket while pretending to eat things.
9: Two Heads Are Better Than One
Yep, not even my precious Zyu2 could escape this list. Two Heads Are Better Than One hits a depressing lull in the back half of the Power Rangers season. The whole Ranger team is together and ready to fight a new monster. It's a big scary parrot with two faces. Cool. How interesting. I'm nothing but pumped.
What's the B-plot of the episode? Jason and Tommy discuss that two heads tend to be better than one. Then Bulk and Skull get assaulted by two moms and we end on the limpest line all season: "Two moms are better than one." Even as a kid that was cringe inducing. Who writes this hogwash?
The action is really tepid, there's not enough karate to keep me invested, the sub-plot beats you over the goddamned head about two being mathematically higher than one, and it becomes a chore to sit through. It's just Jason and Tommy teaching people how to do karate while talking about it. What part of show, don't tell do you guys not understand?
The episode's climax has Jason breaking his own rules about working together and getting beaten by the monster. Is that going to relate to anything we've seen in the episode? Sure isn't. We get maybe half a second of Tommy chiding Jason for going against their teamwork philosophy, but it's immediately forgotten when Tommy starts hunting for fruit to throw at the monster. We could explore what it means to truly work as a team, or we could have a parrot monster yelling about a vomit covered pineapple. Tough call.
8: Wheel of Misfortune
The only thing keeping this episode from a higher rating on the list is that I actually enjoy the conceit of the Ranger Teens being part of a play. Granted only Kimberly and Jason are part of it, and the actual play only seems to last for 2 minutes. Even with that in mind it's sort of a fun sub-plot and helps elevate the rest of this dumb episode.
The story of Kimberly being afraid she'll break her stupid grandmother's old piece of garbage relic that belongs in a landfill fails to engage me. She mentions it once or twice before they go into battle and then the rest of scenes that could feasibly be spent discussing the situation are relegated to watching Tommy wriggle around after getting bound by Putties. Not only that, but we don't get to see the Putties give Tommy a spanking. Totally lame.
You know what else is lame? Making an enemy out of a giant wheel. A wheel that's supposed to destroy anything it touches. A wheel that then touches the Zords and just makes them burst all sparkily without doing shit. The wheel's supposed destructive power is just a lie meant to engage the audience. Then as soon as the wheel shows up and doesn't destroy them, the writers hope we forgot what they just built up.
Not to mention the fact they premiered the Ultrazord against a big floating hunk of garbage. You want me to buy your brachiosaurus toy? Try using it against something other than a spiky wheel held up by fishing wire.
Who am I kidding? I already bought it.
7: Rita's Seed of Evil
I had a tough time deciding if this episode was worse than Wheel of Misfortune, but what tipped the scales in its favor was the fact this was the first episode kids would see months after Doomsday aired. We follow up on a really awesome pseudo-finale with a really shitty batch of recycled footage.
The Octoplant is such a shitty monster. We spend 15 minutes cooking her up and talking about how once she sprouts she'll crush the planet. Then she grows into some Peter Pan looking loser. Then she dies because she was secretly vain this entire time. Glad we didn't spend any time building up to this weakness and just had it happen out of nowhere. If we did that how would we manage to squeeze in that 9th Putty fight?
The worst part of this episode? The Bulk and Skull scenes are just straight lazy and disgusting. Cram them in a porta-potty and they yell about how it's stinky and they have to take a dump. It's fucking gross, I don't want to ever think about being stuck inside a porta-potty, and all you're doing is putting me in there with them.
6: Big Sisters
Hey cool, it's our standard episode of the season that has the girls get the spotlight while the boys are out jerking off together. What should we have them do?
How about hang out with a shrill child actor who gets into all sorts of stupid hi-jinks before getting kidnapped by a chicken?
This episode introduces a few interesting enough ideas. The Power Eggs, a supposedly mighty source of power, and Billy's invention, the RADBUG. Unfortunately both ideas completely fizzle out, as one is completely forgotten before the episode ends, and the other is used a handful of times until the writers forget about it.
If I wanted to watch an obnoxious kid act sassy while adults put up with it, I'd go watch the newest Marvel movie. Otherwise why not stick to focusing on the characters I'm supposed to give a shit about? Like those people wearing the magical rainbow clothes to give them robot dinosaurs? How about giving us a second note to one of our main characters before introducing us to shitty one off characters who do nothing but grate on the audience?
5: Switching Places
You know what I tune into this show for? D grade sitcom conventions. If you had 1,000 dollars to invest in 1990, your best bet would either be the internets, or terrible body swapping episodes of sitcoms.
After a long string of Billy and Kimberly episodes, the show is dumb enough to use them in a body switching plot while Zack, Jason, and Trini remain ignored. Oh well, I'm sure those three still had an awesome time making the show!
The episode tries to string me along with a promise of Bulk and Skull switching bodies and providing all kinds of comic goofery. Instead of that we get a single scene of Skull eating things and Bulk being timid before moving on to the complete afterthought of a monster this week; the Genie.
The only wish this motherfucker granted was a cure for my insomnia. All he does is show up, throw some spider webs, then grow giant and disappear when Alpha fries his dumbass lamp. The fight against him feels really goddamned boring and is so disconnected from the body switching plot that I can't bother caring about either of this week's predicaments.
Either give me an evil genie monster wreaking havoc on the city or give me a bunch of stupid body swap wackiness. Don't waffle so goddamn badly that you refuse to satisfy me on either front.
4: The Rockstar
Hey audience! You want an episode about Jason? The guy on the front of all the merchandise? Too bad. Here's his boring cousin Germy doing everything instead.
But wait! The Rangers get to do something. They fight a big scary pile of boulders who manages to no-sell a few flimsy attacks from Trini's Power Daggers. Then that same monster gets unceremoniously murdered by looking in a laser mirror. That sure would have been cool if the monster had been hyped up other than just not taking damage from weapons for a hot second. You know what other monster didn't budge after getting hit once or twice? Fucking all of them.
What follows is a dramatic resolution when the Megazord steps on Goldar's foot, and then they destroy a mirror. Truly left me on the edge of my seat.
Oh yeah and we get to see Germy go fishing. Then at the end of the episode he asks Jason why he disappeared when the Power Rangers showed up. Then Jason nervously chuckles as the episode ends. If that didn't sound like a satisfying ending to something, then good news to you! You have some form of standards.
3: For Whom the Bell Trolls
Yep, my old pal Ticklesneezer was essentially guaranteed a spot on this list. If you have the gall to actually end your dumbass episode with "And it was all a dream" then you can go fuck yourself right off the bat.
But no, the episode was so stupid that ending was only the icing on the cake.
Ticklesneezer is one of the absolute worst monsters all season. He stammers and sputters about collecting goodies while stumbling around like the king of the goofballs. Then when you expect Trini to be bummed out about losing him, she shows little to no emotion about what's supposedly the most important thing in her life. Then her beloved doll captures her in a jar and doesn't realize why trapping living beings in bottles isn't a smart idea because he's some kind of psychopath. There's no moment where Trini ends up fighting her former doll because who cares about that? Just shove her and Billy in a bottle and forget about it.
At least we got to learn about Zack's frequently referred to love of skiing, Billy's lust for model volcanoes, and Bulk and Skull have a flea circus or some stupid thing because they live in garbage and try to make the best of it. Sorry if you didn't know about that part from my write-up of this shitty episode, I couldn't stand writing about it back then and I'm already tired of writing about it now. Kiss my grits Ticklesneezer. I can't wait till they hack up your corpse and display it for the children on Christmas.
2: Crystal of Nightmares
What's better than a clip show? A terrible clip show that negates character development that was gained in a previous clipshow that wasn't complete dreck.
Speaking of which, maybe one fucking clipshow in a season is enough. Especially when they end up using one clip in both episodes because who's paying attention? I was. I ALWAYS WAS!
Bulk and Skull, who can usually act as the saving grace to an episode I'm having no fun with, get some of the shittiest material they've ever had. They dress up in drag because it was the 90's and that's the joke. Why write something? Why not just dress your male characters as French maids? Don't worry about writing a reason for them to in the context of the episode. Just put 'em in frilly pink dresses and laugh. Hyuck Hyuck Hyuck they're dummies! Now back to Goldar watching an all dude pillow fight and jacking off all over the Crystal of Nightmares.
In fact this episode is so lousy it was really close to hitting the number one spot. However, Crystal of Nightmares at least did one thing kind of interesting. The Ranger Teens getting petrified before fighting the Putties led to a slightly more interesting Putty fight. Not only that, but it would feel pretty shitty to end this list on a clipshow. No, there was an episode I hated much more than this one.
1: Green With Evil Part 3: The Rescue
You have the Green Ranger looming, you have Goldar ready to murder Jason, you introduce a brand new villainess in Scorpina, and you manage to do fuck all with any of these concepts.
This episode was so disappointing to me. I'm rewatching Power Rangers, I get to the Green Ranger episodes, then I hit this complete disgraceful waste of time that drags everything down. When I think back to this episode the only image I can see is Jason rolling around on the ground while Goldar growls and tries to find him. Now put that on loop for 20 minutes and you've got a perfect summation of how little actually happened.
Every single scene in this episode, outside of Scorpina's birth, smacks of nothing but filler. Not fun action-y filler or anything that you could actually enjoy. Nope! Just the same scene repeated, then the show pretends it's going to do something different. Instead it goes right back to extending the previous episode's cliffhanger into a tedious bunch of bullshit that leaves you doing nothing but twiddling your thumbs and waiting for anything to matter.
Then Goldar grows and the credits roll. That's when it sinks in that all of this was for nothing. Scorpina was born and began to fight, but then she was pulled out of battle with the flimsiest possible reasoning. Green Ranger, who is ostensibly why you're watching these fucking episodes to begin with is given a spanking and put in time out. Thanks for taking absolutely anything that could have been interesting in this episode and throwing it right in the dumpster.
There they are. My least favorite episodes of one of my favorite seasons of Power Rangers. Sometimes it's nice to look back at my nostalgia laced past and realize the shittiness of what I've enjoyed. Though sometimes it's also soul crushing and despair inducing. So maybe just pretend all of what you liked as a kid was super perfect and never question it. You'll live a longer life.
So what are your top 10 least favorite episodes? Let me know in the comments what made you look at the DVD player and wonder what you were doing with your life. Or maybe just list the episodes that even as a kid couldn't keep you entertained. I'm curious to know what you guys think.
Tune in next week when I post my Top 10 Worst Blog Entries. (Spoilers: It's a 60 way tie.)
|
|
|
Post by sbtbfanatic on Nov 16, 2015 1:21:29 GMT
Top 10 Best Season 1 Power Rangers Episodes
No more fussing about episodes I don't like this week. It's time to get into some of the real cream of the crop. The episodes you can show your kids, your nieces and nephews, your grandparents, and your racist neighbors to get them engaged in the cultural phenomenon that is Power Rangers.
I'll reiterate my rule from last week: Multi-part episodes are judged separately and not as a package deal. They vary so much in quality it would be a disservice to the individual episodes to group them together.
I'll be honest in saying this list was difficult to make. Every episode I've listed has changed positions at least once, but I think they're in the proper order now. Granted if you asked me a year from now what my top 10 favorite episodes are in Season 1, I could change it around a bit.
Let me know your top 10 best Power Rangers episodes and we'll see how it compares with mine! In the meantime, let's get on with my jibber jabber.
10: Island of Illusion Part 2
It may seem weird to put a clip show on the best of list, but allow me to back up my choice.
Unlike Crystal of Nightmares, this is a clip show that builds to its main premise. The Rangers are forced to confront bizarre unreal things that make them doubt the fact they can ever defeat Rita. We turn our rad 90's teenager stereotypes into human beings for a glorious moment. Instead of embarrassing themselves against some Putties while getting all spooked.
Not only that, but Island of Illusion Part 2 introduces the Megadragonzord, as well as gives us a much more satisfying use of the Ultrazord than Wheel of Misfortune provided. Compare that to the big climactic finish of Crystal of Nightmares. Some old footage of Scorpina and Goldar getting beat up. Yippee.
Unfortunately at the end of the day this is still a clip show. Although it's good that all six of the Ranger Teens go through their own trials, it becomes quite a drag when all the characters have to go through the same process until the episode is nearly over. It almost felt like seeing the same scene six times. When this episode is an excuse to show off old episodes, the last thing I want is to see something repetitive.
But ultimately, this is one of the better examples of a clip show I've ever seen. It has just enough to keep you invested in between scenes of people regaling their old misadventures. Now THAT'S what I call a sticky situation!
9: Birds of A Feather
Sometimes you don't care what happens when you tune into a show and just want some mindless action. That's what this episode is all about.
What's the sub-plot? Kids in a karate class beating the shit out of each other. What's the main plot? A big monster that trashes the Megazord while it keeps getting stronger. It's satisfying as all hell and gets your adrenaline going something fierce. So long as you're a kid and it's acceptable for a children's action show to get you pumped.
So why is the episode ranked so low? Well maybe I'm just a nitpicking whiner, but how many times do the Ranger Teens need to be told that the Hatchasaurus isn't going to die? You can't tell them right off the bat that the Cardiatron has to be defeated before Hatchasaurus is finished. Not if you're going to use the footage of the Rangers unceremoniously killing him repeatedly.
Also it feels odd how Tommy was banished to the Forbidden Zone literally one episode before this and there isn't one word said about him. He's immediately forgotten while Zack teaches some kid to stop stinkin' at karate.
So while the action is amazing, there's a bit of trouble making the rest of the pieces fit together. Still a great episode, just needed a little more oomph to stick the landing.
8: Something Fishy
The introduction to Zyu2, and what a hell of an introduction it is.
The reasoning for Billy's fear of fish is comically done, but the exploration of his fears are a lot more interesting. Kimberly tries to coax him into being less afraid, Jason offers to take Billy swimming to show him there's nothing to be afraid of, but at the end of the day his friends are okay with him being afraid when he shows he isn't comfortable yet.
It's a respectful way to address a friend's phobia. Try and start slowly with them and move them out of their shell bit by bit. The resolution of Billy being brave and fighting the Goofish doesn't really pay that off, but it's Power Rangers. Every problem in this show can be solved in 20 minutes.
The battle scenes with Goofish are also really enjoyable. Goofish himself is a really sinister sounding monster, being played majestically by Robert Axelrod. His taunts to Billy about being the "weak link of his pathetic team" have some major brutality to them. His handful of fish throwing maneuver also never fails to put a smile on my face. Top it all off with him using his kickin' rad swordfish lance on the Megazord and you've got one hell of a nice fight going.
The unfortunate weak point of this episode is how tepid a lot of the Bulk and Skull material is. They catch onto their own pants with fishing hooks and fall into the water, they fish up a no fishing sign, then trip on a net. Even scenes in the first few episodes had better Bulk and Skull shenanigans, so why'd they have the B team write their pratfalls this week? It's nothing obscenely bad, just forgettable. So I can give it a pass.
7: On Fins and Needles
What happens when noted best buds Tommy and Jason are turned into rivals by a shark-man? You get a damn fine episode that's what.
It's so rare on this show for the protagonists to experience any internal conflict. When we actually get some of that, even when it's caused by a magic spell, it resonates more than a bunch of teenagers being best pals all the damn time.
The moment in the Youth Center where Tommy and Jason are about to throw down in front of an audience is an excellent boiling point. We get some Wasserman rock while the two titans square off ready to kick each other's asses. We don't get that fight but the build-up is enough to satiate my inner conflict hunger.
This episode truly rocks. Other than the Power Blaster sequence being superimposed on Slippery Shark growing, I can't think of any questionable moments. Spot on effort all around.
6: Return of an Old Friend Part 1
In a show where the good guys always win and everything is all sunshine and smiles for them, nothing hits harder than an episode where they lose absolutely everything.
Is it a little cheap for the writers of the show to introduce the Ranger Teen's parents just to kidnap them, but I'll be goddamned if Goldar's ultimatum to the Rangers isn't powerful. Give me what makes you most special or I'll kill your parents. Then as soon as they make the decision he just laughs in their faces and disappears. It's ice cold and one of the best moments of the season.
For as much of an action fiend as I am, this episode manages to keep me engaged with next to no fighting. An incredibly brief and meaningless battle against the Dragonzord, and a Putty fight or two.
Otherwise it was all building to Goldar being a huge piece of shit and that's all I need in my life. I'm a simple man, what can I say?
5: A Star Is Born
An episode that tries desperately to shoehorn in two unrelated monsters, plenty of karate action, and a scene of Bulk sunbathing. Color me surprised they managed to pull all of that off so well.
It would be a lie if I didn't say I loved this episode for so long just because we got to see the Power Rangers fight two monsters in one episode. However now that I can look back with an adult's mindset, I can see what else worked really well. Like the scene of Bulk getting slathered in mayonnaise.
The episode seems like a Bulk focus and as such it has a lot of really funny material early on. Then when the plot switches to the karate commercial audition, the Ranger Teens battle some monsters while Bulk humiliates himself by flinging papers around. It's fascinating to observe a man who epitomizes a complete lack of dignity while at the same time appearing confident in himself.
Oh yeah and Tommy is in a commercial, but who gives a shit about him?
One last thing! I have to correct a mistake I made. When I mentioned those stupid Thunder Slinger weapon that never showed up again, I said they were only used three times in Zyuranger. Once in the episode we got as Gung Ho, once in an episode that became Island of Illusion, and once in the fight against Madame Woe. I forgot that in the Sentai scene of the Rangers escaping Weaveworm's cocoon they were using the Thunder Slingers.
There we go, now I can finally sleep at night.
4: Life's A Masquerade
Oh yeah, my main man Frankie. How could I keep him off the top 10?
Call me shallow, but all I need is the Rangers getting their asses fucking BEAT. Sometimes you just need to see an absolute unrepentant whooping. Is that so wrong?
The civilian plot involving the Ranger Teens going to a costume party at the Youth Center works well enough with me. I used to just be sitting on my thumbs waiting for the Frankenstein monster to start beating some ass. As it stands now I still don't love these scenes, but seeing Bulk and Skull roughed up by a growling mongoloid monster is still worth the price of admission.
All I really need to say is that this episode was ranked lower before, but every single time I looked at that gif of Frankie using his pecs to deflect the Power Sword I realized how much better it was than I remembered. If that's wrong then I'll live my life as an outlaw.
3: Green With Evil Part 4
Green With Evil is beloved by many fans for a lot of reasons, so what makes Part 4 the best in my eyes? Aside from it not being Part 3, it had one of the best reveals in all of Power Rangers. The Giant Green Ranger.
Nothing is more satisfying then the Rangers about to escape a lethal battle with Goldar and Scorpina only to be met with a giant sized Ranger. Something you as an audience member didn't even know was possible. Then the three villains all serve the Megazord a devastating defeat. It's utterly glorious in every way.
The rest of the episode? Pretty good. Giant Scorpina shows up, Bulk and Skull are trapped on a bus and Skull expresses his desire to pork Bulk's mom, and the Megazord falls into a volcano. The only down spot is how long it takes the Power Rangers to just get into the goddamned Megazord to fight Goldar. Still worth checking out for sure though.
2: Mighty Morphin' Mutants
Nothing quite like a mirror match episode. Especially one that pulls the concept off as good as this.
This really could have easily taken the number one spot, but that lame moment of Zordon "improving" the Power Weapons by giving them identical copies stuck in my craw just enough to kick this one down a peg.
Don't think that means this episode isn't incredible, because it totally is. Incredible action, addressing a character's flaws without miraculously solving them, and a fun dopey little scene with Bulk and Skull to wrap everything up.
This is some of the best Zyu2 we've seen so far, and it has so many cool little flourishes to it that I can't help but be charmed every time I watch it. I don't think there's a more accurate word to describe this word than "satisfying." It may sound like a backhanded compliment, but I mean it honestly.
Just about every scene in this episode leaves you more than fulfilled. It gives you more than what you wanted and provides you with a really satisfying feeling. It's exactly the sort of thing that you want out of Power Rangers. Though there's one episode I liked just a little bit more than this one.
1: Doomsday Part 1
The potential finale for Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I'm thankful that this wasn't the last set of episodes we got but it sure would have been a good note to go out on.
Seriously, this episode is so much fun I barely know where to start. The Rangers go head to head against Cyclopsis and are trashed so thoroughly in a way that feels so much more dangerous than any threat they've encountered before. Everyone in town is whisked off to another dimension where they could all be murdered if this wasn't a show for babies. The Ranger Teens have to figure out a way to defeat their most deadly adversary yet and save their city.
I use the word "stakes" a lot in my reviews; mostly because it's what separates a good episode of Power Rangers from a mediocre one to me. This episode exemplifies what I want out of Power Rangers. You can throw a monster at me and tell me how terrifying it is, but you're doing the same thing to me every week. If you can't diversify the danger one of Rita's threat presents then it's going to become pretty clear how formulaic this show really is.
So when you up the ante by kidnapping every person that the Ranger Teens know and love, you can consider me engaged.
Part 1 of Doomsday feels like a much tighter package than Part 2. I explained why previously, but really it's just hard to top how utterly fucked the Rangers seem at the end of Part 1. Lokar is back, Titanus is gone, and Cyclopsis has just been reformed after seemingly being destroyed. It's one of the lowest points we ever see the Rangers at and there's really little chance that Part 2 can pay that off as well as Part 1 sets it up. Not that Part 2 is a bad episode, just not quite as good as this one is in my book.
Of course the cherry on top is Zordon's summoning of Titanus. What an excellent moment. Just further proves what a solid time this episode is. Can't recommend this one highly enough.
So that's all 10! Lemme know what you think and what your top 10 would consist of. I'm curious if anybody else out there has the same list as me. Thanks again for staying tuned, and keep paying attention. I've got other stuff planned until we start up with Season 2 soon. Take it easy pals.
|
|
|
Post by sbtbfanatic on Nov 16, 2015 1:21:45 GMT
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Season 1 Overview
The past two weeks I wanted to look at this totally bonkers T.V. show on an episode by episode basis. It let me look at what made the show fun to watch and what made it a complete chore. This week I'm going to look at Mighty Morphin Power Rangers on a more macro level. I want to pick out the bits and pieces of why this show functions when it does, and what makes the show suffer when it doesn't.
I blab a lot about what I love in the Japanese Sentai footage, but during this post I will only discuss Sentai stuff in how it relates to Power Rangers. In spite of how much they share they're two different shows after all. So take a look with me and see if you agree.
What Worked
Makes sense to start at the beginning with the pilot and how well it laid the groundwork for Power Rangers. Though I was remiss about including Day of the Dumpster on the top 10 best episodes list, I can't deny how good it was at telling you as an audience member the kind of wild ride you're in for.
The Ranger Teens act as audience surrogates who get a big exposition dump from Zordon about how an evil space witch is sending clay monsters to their planet. The only way to stop her is to use toy shaped dinosaur robots to kill anything she brings at them. All of this is told to our heroes without skipping a beat. Get onboard everyone, because this show is going to get bugnuts and we're not held responsible if you fall off the crazy train.
Everything was there in the pilot. A bunch of karate mumbo jumbo, Rita's Moon Crew and their varying abilities, each of the Rangers stock personality traits, the Putties being fought both in and out of Ranger suits, the Zords combining to fight Goldar, and even Bulk and Skull.
Now Bulk and Skull? Holy moly that's a topic in of itself. You want something that worked? These two clowns. Week after week they managed to somehow be the most endearing goddamned thing in this show.
How in the hell are two accident prone bullies so entertaining to watch? After all these years I'm still not sure what the answer is. Maybe it's just the fact that Power Rangers is a universe where assholes are routinely punished via karmic cake splatterings, but also the way they play each humiliating situation they get caught up in like they never saw it coming. As though everything in their lives up until now has been incredible, but this one embarrassment they just endured ruined their whole existence.
Man maybe sometimes you just need to see a guy get a pie in the face. No shame in that.
While I'd be hard pressed to say any of the Ranger Teens characters deserve praise, I can't ignore the fact that Billy had an everloving character arc. It fizzles out around the 2/3rds mark of the series because the writers were ostensibly wrapping the series up. However, the idea that any of these cardboard cutouts changed at all throughout this show seems inconceivable.
Billy's actually given room to improve. He's not a star karate champ who does science on the side. He's a big dweeb who doesn't know his ass from a kickflip and wants to learn how to be better at karate. It coincides with him being a Power Ranger so we can watch his growth as a hero outside of the suit. It's not Billy trying to live up to being a Ranger, but him genuinely wanting to better himself and be the type of person he looks up to. I actually quite enjoy that Billy doesn't go out of his way to compare himself to the Blue Ranger, he just wants to be cool as who he is. Even if he's some tone deaf dweeb in overalls.
Apropos of tone deaf dweebs, I fucking love the music in this show so much. Some people in this world swear by KISS, Guns and Roses, The Beatles. Friends, my musical muse is Ron Wasserman. It's the 90'sist rock music that ever came out of the H.W. Bush primordial ooze, but it fucking speaks to me. It puts me in a cheery mood and shuts down the outside world. I dream of the day the evil Rita Repulsa is finally defeated. Then my family tells me they're worried about me and I shoot at them with my Blade Blaster and tell them to go tell Goldar I'm not falling for his tricks.
Let's be realistic here. If you've heard the theme song to Power Rangers, you've gotten it stuck in your head. It's fucking catchy, how can that even be denied? Wasserman managed to make a theme that resonated with every human being in possession of eardrums, and he did it with a song that only used 6 different words. That man produced some goofy ass 90's rock and to this day it's some of my favorite music to cure the blues. Suck a dick Beethoven, you can't play Moonlight Sonata over Pudgy Pig getting Power Blasted.
Finally I want to commend the editors on how they utilized the Sentai footage. For the most part.
Zyuranger had kids involved in almost every week's plot. A lot of those kids ended up in scenes with the Rangers themselves, rendering select scenes unusable for MMPR. Somehow the show was able to still create interesting and engaging battle scenes after cutting out moments with Japanese actors which could otherwise have looked second-rate and half-assed. By no means was this approach always done flawlessly
but they still did their damndest to make it work. I actually enjoy the moments with Japanese extras obviously in the scenes. You can feel the editors gritting their teeth hoping the audience won't notice as they take a deep breath and submit the footage. You don't even want to mock the show for it, you just want to pat the editors on the back and tell them they did their best.
But honestly, the editors at Power Rangers made some smart decisions. Mostly what I mean is the sorts of things they were smart enough to exclude. One of the goofiest things in Zyuranger (a goofy ass show as it is), was that the Putties would sometimes emerge as terrible looking hand puppets. In a show that's riddled with cheap effects and costumes, these things take the cake and I can't say how glad I am they were excised.
Another set of silly scenes erased from Zyuranger were moments that Rita would lead her cronies in singing a jaunty song with her before they would plan out a scheme. I'd love to say how dumb and awful these moments are, but if you can watch this video without at least being interested in what the fuck is going on, Tokusatsu might not be for you. Also, please enjoy the end of the song where everyone is very clearly just mouthing their lines and it becomes a glorious mess.
Oh who am I kidding? This scene is incredible! How could they have cut it?! Okay I apologize guys, maybe there are a few things Power Ranger goofed up after all.
What Didn't Work
Since we were just talking about Rita, let's play a quick little game. Tell me one thing Rita Repulsa did after Doomsday Part 2. Something that didn't involve barking orders at her minions or appearing in stock footage to make the monster grow giant. Give up? Might be because Rita became completely superfluous near the end of the season.
You've built Rita Repulsa up to be the main antagonist of your series, you've had her summoning giant demon beasts and mutant heads that yawn at people. Then once all the footage from Zyuranger runs out all she does is ask Goldar to tell the kids at home about her monster this week. I understand all they could really do with Rita at that point was nothing but recycled footage of her on the Moon Palace laughing or getting pissy, but that still doesn't change the fact the show's main antagonist becomes a complete non-entity near the end of the season.
As soon as we got into Zyu2 material, there was little left for Rita to do. Everything interesting she used to do was given to one of her minions, likely because it cut down on the difficulties of dubbing over her Japanese actress's dialogue. Matching up mouth-flaps for a human being is significantly more difficult than matching the mouth-flaps of a blue hobgoblin whose mouth barely moves as it is.
On the subject of Squatt and his buddy Baboo, sweet Jesus what a pair of worthless characters. All they do is sputter out some shitty one-liners before completely vanishing from the episode. They don't give exposition like Goldar, they don't make the monsters like Finster, so we're just stuck with two bumbling half-wits the writers had no use for. In the first episode review I posted, I wondered if I would enjoy these two more now than I had before. Well gee golly willikers I sure don't. I enjoy them even less than I did as a kid. Kick rocks you fucking goobers.
At least Scorpina had the decency to just vanish when there was no use for her in an episode. Squatt and Baboo were in so many background shots of Rita's palace the writers were nearly obligated to use them in some way. Unfortunately all they were good for was shoehorning in cornball jokes. I appreciated the fact that two episodes actually tried to do something with these clowns, Reign of the Jellyfish and Enter the Lizzinator. It was by no means entertaining, but at least they were given some reason to actually exist in two episodes out of the back 20 of the season. Come to think of it, that's a better track record than Trini got.
To be fair, it's easy to say how one dimensional each of the Ranger Teens are but holy shit it needs to be addressed. I dish on Trini a lot not because of the character, or the acting, but the writers steadfast refusal to do a goddamn thing with her. She's just symptomatic of the show's issues with character development. Billy gets something to do while everyone else is just generically good and friendly. Those are awesome things you can show kids to give them positive role models to look up to, but you're doing so at the expense of depriving them of humanity.
Bits and pieces of soul would shine through these chunks of unvarnished wood, but so often it's things that you would want to see followed up on but get no payoff. Things like telling me Zack loves to go surfing. When you tell me that, I need a scene of that motherfucking hanging ten, and you fail to give it to me.
Introducing developments like Kim's parents being divorced and having her discuss how that makes her feel is organic, it's welcome, and it works. It's expanding the show's universe with knowledge that the audience doesn't necessarily need, but makes the characters feel more real. It'd be like if Trini were adopted or Jason's granddad was a fighter pilot in WW2. Things we don't particularly need fleshed out or referred to, but something to make them seem like actual characters.
It makes sense in some way that the characters aren't given a lot of room to grow, because the show has to portray them as Japanese superheroes as well as your standard high school teenagers. Half of each episode is going to be unable to develop them as anything but run of the mill paragons of justice who act practically indistinguishable from one another. If they weren't wearing different colors you wouldn't have a goddamned clue who was who.
The morphed footage takes up roughly half of the episode and gives you next to no opportunity to develop characters. So when the first half of your episode has to also tangentially relate to whatever monster attack is happening in the second half, you're left with very little time to actually give your character something unique to do. So I can at least meet the show halfway in why it let the characters remain so stock. Otherwise it may not be able to blend in with the morphed footage.
What I will take objection with is when you give the Ranger Teens hobbies we'll never see them doing. It's just ignoring the fact you have purported human beings in front of the camera and dive out of the way of letting them change or be different at all. How will Tommy change by playing football? Why would he want to play football? What effect will it have on him? I unno, but he wants to play football so that's what the episodes about.
Earlier I brought up Billy changing as good characterization, and I can stand by that. Those who have been reading these summaries up until now might recall that Kimberly and Zack were both involved in semi romantic relationships over the course of the first season. So how can I say they didn't develop in some way? Well Kimberly and Tommy were a fine couple, they both...had emotions for each other I guess? Unfortunately the relationship with Zack and Angela runs straight back into the character problem again.
Zack's crush on Angela makes her look less like a character and more like a satellite that orbits around Zack. Angela cannot possibly exist unless Zack is also there. She will only ever interact with him or possibly Bulk and Skull. You aren't going to see Trini or Angela talk to each other because they aren't characters and would have nothing to talk about. It just showcases how flat this amazing magical world can be when the writers want to keep things so binary. 0=Talk to Zack. 1=Bulk and Skull aren't worth fucking.
All I want to say is that there's nothing wrong with simple storytelling. Easy to follow, keeps you engaged, and can still be a lot of fun. The only problem is when your show runs for 60 episodes and stays that simple. You start to yearn for more than that and it's frustrating to watch how little change really occurs.
Now Tommy, for better or worse, changes the scope of this show. I'm not going to say he's a negative in of himself, but it's hard not to notice Power Rangers shifting gears with his presence. Just about every episode after Green With Evil required a scene of Tommy being interrupted or given reason to be away from the action so he could show up later in the footage. The problem with this is that no other character got that level of focus. Everything become heavily weighted towards Tommy which only further shoved the other Ranger Teens off to the side.
Of course the Green Ranger is cool. We all understand that. But the show slowly started becoming Tommy Oliver and his Five Friends and this was an issue that would remain for an unfortunate amount of time.
So that's way too many words about what I thought about this kid's show from 20 years ago. If any of you find a time machine please inform Saban Brands so they can fix all these problems. Otherwise their multi jillion dollar franchise might not be able to live up to its full potential! Leave a comment below and lemme know what you think the show's strengths and weaknesses were. I feel like I'm missing quite a bit so I want to hear what you good people think too! Also feel free to disagree. Sometimes when I get this analytical I tend to ramble and babble. Hopefully this post is at least 80% content and 20% rambling. If not? Oh well. See you fuckers next week!
|
|
|
Post by sbtbfanatic on Nov 23, 2015 13:39:03 GMT
MMPR Season 2 Episode 1: The Mutiny Part 1
Chocolate Sauce Used to Power Motor Vehicles Wicked Space Empress Turned Into Action Figure
After a little hiatus, we're finally back with the Rangers where we were meant to be. It's been a whole season of them defeating Rita Repulsa's evil schemes and triumphing over the forces of evil, so what adventures will they get up to in Season 2 you ask?
They're gonna ride dirt bikes for charity and raise money for children's hospitals. See you guys next week!
That sounds like something I made up to make fun of this show's goody two shoes characters, but hand to God that is what they're doing.
The plus side to these scenes of the motor rally is that they actually look like money was spent filming them. Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers is a show that enjoyed doing things as cheap as possible, so when you're given a relatively big crowd of extras you start to feel more engaged. You have a crowd of people watching the rally, a number of people working on four wheelers and preparing for the race, and assorted people walking around in the background. It doesn't sound like much but this is rectifying a problem I had with Season 1 already.
In Season 1, most crowd scenes felt really claustrophobic and afraid to have more than a dozen extras in them. It made a show about space alien punching superheroes feel boring and barren. Right off the bat "The Mutiny Part 1" has me engaged by showing me scenes shot much more competently and using their extras in a way that fills out the screen in a way that's satisfying to look at.
The last time I remember this show having this many people on screen was all the way back in "No Clowning Around." The difference being that episode just looked like it cloned a bunch of fat white people and had them wander around aimlessly. This episode already looks sharper than a lot of Season 1 did in the first two minutes, and I'm impressed. Then my heart sings a song of joy as we see what I've been missing for so long now.
Test footage for Fury Road 2
Bulk and Skull tell the Ranger Teens they're going to be eating their dust, because this season their gimmick isn't being human trashbags anymore. Billy and Kimberly politely ignore them because they can still hear Bulk and Skull's hilarious theme song playing, they know those two are doomed to a life of being the biggest fuckbois on the planet.
Kimberly tells the bullies that this race isn't about winning or losing, but raising money for a great cause. I'm sure that's the case, and will continue to be the case when the Rangers Teens have a six way tie for first place and go out for free pizza at Ernie's.
Though the Ranger Teens are ready for a fun day of charity dirt biking, Rita Repulsa notices that her hated nemeses are all gathered together ready to be wiped out in one fell swoop. As opposed to the numerous times the Ranger Teens aren't grouped together like a swarm of lice. Scorpina says this is finally their opportunity to get the Rangers, which she hasn't been able to do for the past 15 episodes because she's been tending to her sick mother off-screen.
Suddenly, the Moon Palace shakes with lightning as an unseen figure cackles, Rita demands to know what's going on. Goldar replies that this must mean the real emperor, Lord Zedd, has finally returned. While we in the audience don't have a clue who this dude is, Rita clearly does. She responds with a genuinely horrified "Oh my gosh..." which is the Power Rangers equivalent of saying "Holy fucking shit."
Principal Caplan officiates over the charity four wheeler race because he's a recognizable character and we're already paying his actor so why hire a girl in a bikini and jean shorts? Just give that job to the old man in a shitty wig. He waves a flag and announces the race's start, leading all the racers to start driving. Impressively enough there are actually more racers than just the six Ranger Teens alongside Bulk and Skull. Plenty of randies are in the race too so that it feels like an actual competition and not our actors dicking around on set.
A new piece of Wasserman rock plays over the scene entitled "Ride the Machine." By no means is this song bad, but it's a little too on the nose for my tastes. What should we call a song about characters riding on machines? Why not Ride the Machine? Cut. Print. Perfect. I'm one to talk though, my favorite song in this series is called "Fight".
Meanwhile, this mysterious Lord Zedd character appears from the clouds and starts trash talking Rita. Which isn't too tough for him considering he's got a literal gutter for a mouth.
The only thing Lord Zedd can eat are graham crackers.
Zedd tells Rita she has failed at the task assigned to her and will be stripped of her command so he can take over. All I can say? Fucking finally.
Rita has been the most incompetent evil empress I've ever seen. We never knew she had upper management she had to report to, but the only way he hasn't been calling her onto the carpet until now is her using that magic to cook the books something fierce. How is she spinning 60 straight weeks of complete failure as anything other than getting paid six figures to sit on her thumbs and moan about teenagers not being dead?
Zedd commands the Moon Crew to prepare the palace for his return. God help them if anyone ruined his favorite chair's ass groove. Lightning strikes the palace as Rita complains that she's got a headache. Goldar tells her she can deal with it herself because he's off to meet his boss. Man Goldar you don't have a spine to speak of. The second another leader comes around you turn coat to go lick his boots instead. No wonder Scorpina doesn't look you in the eyes during lovemaking anymore.
Lord Zedd's violent space thunderstorms attract the attention of the Ranger Teens who pull their four wheelers off the mountain trail to discuss what the hell is going on. Maybe Rita made some dumbshit monster out of an electric eel, in which case they've got nothing to worry about. Zack decides they should keep an eye on their Communicators in case Zordon has some new reason to bitch at them. Maybe I don't understand the concept of senses, but are you likely to hear a tiny beeping if you're on a big noisy ass off road vehicle?
When we transition back to the Moon Palace, we see that Lord Zedd has redecorated it a bit to suit his tastes.
I said I wanted my face on a raven on the eastern wall you idiots!
Goldar enters Zedd's throne room to welcome his emperor back after his lengthy absence. Squatt and Baboo watch from atop a platform before immediately teleporting away. Now here's where Power Rangers leaves me with an issue.
Why on Earth is Zedd so angry with just Rita? Sure she's a total blunderer and didn't accomplish anything you wanted her to do, but have you not seen ANYTHING Squatt and Baboo have done? There isn't a better personification of the word useless than those clowns. They're absolute deadweight to this operation. These comic relief assholes should have been tossed into space eons ago.
As Goldar approaches, we get to see more of Zedd and all his wacked out body mods.
He's got Bugles on his fingers.
Immediately after that though, we get one of the craziest goddamn displays of magic so far. I don't even know what the purpose of it is, but check this shit out.
Zedd's anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun.
Goldar ignores the fact his master just turned a goddamn snake into a staff as Zedd asks the golden monkey man to identify himself. Goldar chuckles politely because of course Zedd couldn't forget his most loyal and handsome servant. Zedd refers to Goldar as "the groveling one" and says his "spineless sniveling attitude will serve me well." Yeah all that smack talk came from Zedd's mouth. Just in case you needed to know why I'm swooning right now.
To thank Goldar for his years of whimpering cowardice, Zedd zaps him with energy from his Z-Staff that causes Goldar's wings to reappear on his back. He refers to them as "what was once taken away from you", though Goldar had them early in Season 1. Did Rita get his wings clipped when she took him in to get neutered? Did Lord Zedd give Goldar his sack back too? Though he didn't need his magic for that, he just asked Rita to take them out of her purse.
Rita takes this opportunity to mosey into Zedd's quarters so she can try and butter his buns. This scene transitions into something I've been wanting in Power Rangers for a damn long time. Lord Zedd is very clearly threatening, and even Rita is unnerved by his presence. She humbles herself before him and begs him to be merciful to her. Zedd is being built up as an insanely powerful, dangerous, and merciless threat. It's everything a boy could ask for and more.
When Rita tries to defend herself, Zedd chastises her for being defeated by children. The great emperor chews her out for being such an inefficient lump of shit for so long and Goldar chimes in that he's always said the same thing about her. Rita snaps at Goldar and starts giving him some big time sass mouth for being such a two faced pecker, and this is more of what I wish we had seen from Rita in Season 1. Genuine attitude and not putting up with any shit. Unfortunately now that Zedd's around all she can do is kiss his feet.
I meant that literally.
Squatt and Baboo hide behind a wall, watching Zedd through a peephole like he's about to start diddling himself for the boys if they put in another quarter. Baboo observes that Lord Zedd's chamber fluctuates in color with Lord Zedd's mood. Or it would if the show weren't so cheap and did nothing but add a red glow around Zedd when he's pissed.
The Command Center's alarms start blaring as Alpha 5 asks what the hell is going on, and Zordon tells him to turn on the intergalactic scanners pronto. Even though Zordon is mostly a monotone asshole, you can tell if he had a dick he'd be pissing in his tube right about now. Another reason to believe that this Zedd guy isn't just a bunch of blustering bullshit.
Jason answers Zordon's emergency call and signals the rest of the Ranger Teens to pull their bikes over. Then Power Rangers does something that surprises me. Before the Rangers teleport to the Command Center, Jason asks Tommy if they're clear. Tommy takes a minute to observe their surroundings and tells Jason they're good to go.
That's right, one of the Power Rangers actually remembered they're supposed to keep their identities a secret. It's the tiniest attention to detail, but it means a lot to me. There were so many scenes previously where the Ranger Teens would morph and teleport from the Youth Center or the High School. It's like the show didn't care and just wanted to move to the monster stuff as soon as possible. Now you get an actual feel that the Ranger Teens are being cautious about their identities. Well played guys.
When the Ranger Teens show up, dramatic music swells as Zordon tells the Ranger Teens his worst fears have finally come to fruition. The evil Lord Zedd has returned. Then Billy lets all the air out of the balloon by asking "....Who's Lord Zedd?" It's great. All this amazing swelling emotion and all Billy can say is "Never heard of the guy. Why am I sposed to give a fuck?" I mean I don't know what Zordon expected Billy to say to keep amping up that tension. "OH NO! NOT LORD ZEDD!!" Way to ruin the moment Billy you four eyed jackass.
The big blue moron clarifies and says Lord Zedd is the master of all Rita's goons and he's been busy in another galaxy while Rita was battling the Rangers. Now that Rita has proven so frequently incompetent he's come back to serve up some Zedd style justice on those Power Rangers. Tommy asks if they can beat him, or if he fucked up royally taking his Power Coin back. Zordon, ever the optimist, says he's not sure they can and their Zords may not be able to defeat Lord Zedd's magic. Listen closely to that last part you kids watching at home. It's very important.
While Zedd enjoys the view of his new palace he seems bemused by the fact Zordon is still alive and kicking. Well...alive at least. Goldar offers his sage advice and asks Zedd if they should send down a group of Putties to attack the Rangers. Zedd mimics my reaction by laughing right in Goldar's dumbass face. He informs the gold plated chimp that "your Putties are as useless to me as you are." I think I'm in love. So what does Zedd summon in their steed? A group of his own Putties with unbelievable strength.
Ahahaha no seriously Zedd where are the new Putties?
Back at the rally, Bulk and Skull take notice of the Zedd thunderstorms, and while they're distracted manage to crash their bikes into a big rock. The idiots go flying into a tree where the birds will only vomit on them in disgust, not for feeding. Bulk and Skull survey the damage to their bikes only to find them leaking chocolate sauce motor oil. Skull swipes his finger across the trail, dips it in his mouth, looks at Bulk confidently and says "Yep, I think this is oil."
I missed you two.
Rita begs Lord Zedd for one last chance to send down a monster to stop the Power Rangers, because she has the same mentality of a destitute gambler. She's been pumping monsters into those Ranger slots for over a year and they're bound to pay off soon! Zedd has heard enough of her shit and disintegrates her wand with his staff. Zedd commands his Z-Putties to bring in Rita's traveling vehicle which is, of course, a tiny little space dumpster. Zedd zaps Rita with energy from his wand and banishes her from the palace, and from his sight. He doesn't kill her though, no he does something far worse!
BUY YOUR VERY OWN RITA REPULSA TODAY, ONLY 19.99! COMES WITH ASPIRIN BOTTLE AND RESTING BITCH FACE
The Z-Putties hurl Rita's dumpster into the farthest reaches of the galaxy. Which is probably how items work when you throw them in space, why not? Inside her prison Rita promises Zedd that he hasn't seen the last of her, though he can't possibly hear her at this point so that one was just for her.
See ya Rita, it's been a hoot. Now never come back you screechy old hag.
Out on the mountain trail, Bulk and Skull run into the Ranger Teens abandoned four wheelers. Intent on stealing them so they can win a charity race with no actual prize, the bullies prepare to pull off the most pathetic heist in history. Unfortunately they're soon met by the Z-Putties that waste no time encircling the comic relief idiots. Lord Zedd has produced creatures of unspeakable evil.
The Ranger Teens watch as Bulk and Skull prepare to die while they decide whether their lives are worth saving or not. Kim notes that these Putties don't look like the average gray pajama variety and Zordon informs her that these Putties are Zedd's personal army and will be much more difficult for the Rangers to defeat. The Ranger Teens take this precaution seriously as they morph to combat to Putties.
Yeah you read that right, they morph to fight some Putties. I barely believe it and I'm watching this right now.
The Rangers show up to combat the Z-Putties as Bulk and Skull flee behind some bushes while singing the Rangers praises for saving their degenerate asses. What follows is a particularly great fight against Zedd's Putties where the Rangers are at a severe disadvantage. They can kick the Putties around a bit but the clay blobs keep getting back up and hitting even harder. All I really need to say is this episode managed to get me invested in a Putty fight. Those have been like celluloid Valium to me for the past 50 weeks.
The Rangers fail to make any finishing blows against the new clay brigade, and when Tommy tries to find a way to beat them his powers start weakening. A pair of Z-Putties toss him aside like garbage as one prepares to finish Tommy off. Jason intercepts the blow and discovers that the Z-Putties have a weakness to exploit. Striking the Z insignia on their chests.
Z Putty Lord Zedd didn't foresee an issue giving his soldiers easily accessible self-destruct buttons.
Jason alerts the other Rangers about his discovery and assumes it wasn't just dumb luck that killed that Putty. His hunch proves correct and the other Rangers are able to take down the remaining Z-Putties by hammering punches into their Z's. Congrats Lord Zedd, you took Rita's flimsy ass Putties and added a big fat target on their chests. Maybe you're not the messiah I've been hyping you up as.
Red Ranger calls to Bulk and Skull and asks if they're okay, aside from their permanently pissed pants. The duo act nice and cool for the Power Rangers who teleport back to the Command Center. After hearing one of the Power Rangers speak to them, Bulk comes up with a foolproof plan. Meaning a plan that's proof it was concocted by a fool. He decides to uncover the Power Rangers secret identities so that he and Skull can become famous. Sure beats touring as the Sons of Abbot and Costello.
Zordon commends the Rangers for realizing the big noticeable target shape on the Z-Putties chest was their weak point, and says he truly hired the best and brightest teenagers Angel Grove could have offered him. The Rangers aren't particularly proud of their accomplishments however, as they realize Lord Zedd certainly has more in store for them than just a battalion of Putties. Zack then says "Got a feeling it ain't Pudgy Pig." Holy moly is this show actually making fun of that fat nobody? Is Power Rangers becoming self aware? Spoilers: No.
Lord Zedd decides to create a monster of his own by blasting lightning out of his staff at a nearby river. Creating the newest threat against the Power Rangers. Pirantishead.
That lightning just wiped out 4 species of fish.
Zordon alerts the Rangers of the new monster that has been created out of a piranha in an Angel Grove River. Unfortunately with Zedd on the loose the Rangers don't have time to deal with whoever is dumping South American fish into their waters. Zordon tells Tommy he should sit his green ass out of this one since his powers were failing him so badly against a bunch of chickenshit Putties.
The rest of the Rangers teleport to the city where they see Zedd's monster completely demolishing buildings just by blowing on his fish nunchucks. Keep in mind the monster isn't even giant yet, he's just standing on top of a building blasting the business district a new asshole.
Realizing how bad things are going, the Rangers decide this is a fight worth escalating before it gets worse. They summon their Dinozords to try and stop all the damage the monster is doing. But Pirantishead just laughs and starts blowing on his flute-nunchucks again. This time producing an icy blast that freezes the Sabertooth Tiger, Triceratops, Mastodon, and Pterodactyl Dinozords in place. So what can the Rangers do to stop him now?
Absolutely fucking nothing. Hail Lord Zedd.
TO BE CONTINUED
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: The Letter Z
Personal Thoughts
There's so much to dissect here so let's cut the intro here short. This is an excellent episode that throws so much new stuff into the air. It manages to lay so much groundwork for what's to come in the new season in such a short amount of time that I'm actually impressed.
Let's start with the biggest new change, Lord Zedd. Sweet shit Lord Zedd. This guy is such an imposing presence that he almost feels like he doesn't belong in this show. He is the epitome of how you raise the stakes. He shows up, makes complete clowns of Rita Repulsa and Goldar, then ships Rita off while assuming command. While it's jarring seeing Goldar turn into a complete groveling worm, it isn't that unbelievable for Rita. She doesn't really feel like the head honcho. Just someone who's in charge of a handful of people less competent than she is.
The reason Zedd works so well is because he's not too big of a tonal shift. He's a much more serious villain but he's still as bizarre and unique as all of the Moon Crew was. Just that his weird features didn't include being a vampire bat wearing a monocle. His were glowing red while screaming at people and turning snakes into weapons.
I mentioned a few times in Season 1 that all of Rita and her clan were from Zyuranger footage, which was near completely used up when Season 2 came around. So how did Power Rangers plan on working around that? Well it seems like they were exhausted being tied to Sentai footage for their main baddie, so they opted to create a new villain that was completely unique to the Power Rangers brand.
So from here on out, the scenes in the Moon Palace would be 99% U.S. footage. It would give the show wiggle room to expand on their villains. Zedd could be flexible and different, and could show a variety of emotions. He could be something unique. They could do more than cut to shots of him yelling and whining about his headaches every week. I also find it funny that they made a villain who doesn't have a moving mouth, likely because the crew was sick of having to match the lip flaps of a Japanese woman for so long.
With regards to Rita, I'm actually kind of sad to see her go. I made fun of how annoying she was earlier, but starting with this episode she started to show a lot more spunk and energy than before. She would snap at Goldar and call him a traitor, she'd hysterically beg for Zedd's mercy, and she'd threaten to return while stuck in the space dumpster. She's got attitude, she's sassy, she's more than she was before. You wanted to see more of that out of her before she got literally shitcanned.
The reason they're able to do this with her is obviously because they were using a U.S. actress as a stand-in for Rita. Look up at the image of Rita kissing Zedd's feet and you'll notice an older Japanese actress has suddenly turned into a young Spanish actress. Though to the show's credit, the actress is almost only shot from behind or covering up her face with her arms as much as possible. You can barely ever notice it if you aren't paying close attention. Pretty clever filming I have to say.
Oh yeah there's another woman on Rita's crew isn't there? Scorpion something? Well forget about her because she's outta here like last year. Scorpina disappears from one commercial break to the next. She's there when Rita is plotting in Japanese footage in one scene, then when Zedd shows up she's completely absent. It's really bizarre they chose to have her present at all in that case. I'm sure they could have found Zyuranger footage that didn't have her front and center. It's only jarring because we cut from a shot of the whole Moon Crew in Japanese footage to a U.S. shot of everyone except Scorpina. It's a little sloppy but not worth pissing and moaning about.
I'd be remiss not to talk about the totally rad new Z Putties. This episode doesn't do a great job of showcasing what they're like through the series, mostly because it makes them look impressive. I'll try not to be a big baby about the fact that Zedd literally designed them with targets on their chests, it just feels a little too easy. Season 1 Putties didn't have some fool proof way to beat them. You just wailed on them for a while until they were defeated. I wouldn't say they're a bad addition just yet but they at least give us that nice stop motion clay explosion I giffed earlier. That actually looks pretty neat.
Just like their master, the Z-Putties are a completely original creation. In the Sentai series following Zyuranger, Gosei Sentai Dairanger, the foot soldiers were some waiter looking guys named Cotpotros. I'd imagine they weren't used because they don't look particularly threatening or worthy of Zedd's imposing presence.
You here to threaten me or get my drink order? Fuck outta here.
There isn't much to say regarding the monster this week quite yet, but it needs to be noted that Pirantishead is yet another Zyu2 monster. Though he's going to lead to a lot of interesting new developments with how they handle the remaining Zyu2 footage. So get hyped because I'm so ready to go ham on this geeky junk.
I mentioned quite a bit early in Season 1 which episodes I had recorded on VHS or not, but the Mutiny miniseries hold some of my fondest memories. These three episodes aired in prime time, once a week, to hype up kids for the upcoming season. It was so exciting and it felt like you were watching history in the making. Everything was changing and you were just along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure I still have the VHS tape with these three episodes on them somewhere. It was labeled "Power Rangers 7" because that's how many goddamn tapes I filled up with this shit. It's embarrassing to admit, but if I could find it I would probably still keep it. I'll likely never see a VCR again in my life but that tape represents the amazing memories of watching Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers at the wackadoodle hour of 7 PM. What a time to be alive.
Just so you guys can relive this with me, here's a video of the promos that aired during The Mutiny Part 1. They hold a special place in my heart so let me share them with you and imbue you with a bit of the spirit from the 90's. I'll see you good people next week. Thanks for reading!
|
|
|
Post by sbtbfanatic on Nov 23, 2015 13:39:34 GMT
MMPR Season 2 Episode 2: The Mutiny Part 2
Unprofitable Old Toys Turned Evil, New Toys Required to Stop Them Bet Over Pizza Goes Awry During Piranha Attack
Last week, everything got flipped turned upside down. Rita's boss Lord Zedd appeared and tossed her in a space dumpster for being such a clownshoe last season. Zedd called forth his new Putties that were narrowly defeated by the Ranger team. Zedd upped the stakes by creating a new monster named Pirantishead who froze their Dinozords and left the Power Rangers with no remaining defense. The Rangers were left completely at the monster's mercy with no chance for survival.
….Except for the Tyrannosaurus Dinozord which it turns out he didn't freeze last week. So that cliffhanger didn't mean shit if you were paying attention. Thanks for waiting a week for that one kids! All five Power Rangers call for the T-Rex to protect them from Zedd's fish flutist. In case you're just joining us, Pirantishead isn't giant yet. The Rangers are that afraid that Zedd's monster is going to trash them. Maybe you guys should try punching him in the chest. That seemed to work out pretty good last time.
Goldar begins whining that Pirantishead is a total jabroni and managed to leave the Ranger's strongest Dinozord out to protect them. Zedd says this is clearly not an oversight on his part but part of a master plan to buttfuck the Rangers so bad even their grandparents feel it. Zedd fires energy from his staff at Earth which prompts Pirantishead to play his flute nunchucks one more time. Big deal, he's going to freeze the Tyrannosaurus like he did with the other Zo-
Well shit
Yeah you know those gigantic machines the Rangers use to protect justice and the American way? Pirantishead is now completely in control of one of them. The Rangers have nothing to defend themselves. Just a gigantic fuckbeast ready to stomp them to death. I can not stress how incredible this was as a kid.
While the Rangers get doused by Tyrannosaurus carcinogens, Zordon charges Tommy's Power Coin with energy from his tube. Zordon tells Tommy he can't afford to give the Green Ranger any more energy, because he's given this little green beggar enough power to go spin kick Lord Zedd's head off and he's been wasting it fighting football playing rhinos.
Tommy teleports to the battlefield and asks his friends why a T-Rex is vomiting mist on them. Zack tells him to stop being an asshole and summon his Dragonzord before they all get massacred by their own death machines. Tommy kindly obliges and uses his Dragon Dagger to summon the Dragonzord. Then my life falls into shambles as it took me 20 years to realize Pirantishead playing a flute to control Zords is a parallel to the Green Ranger. Why did this take me so long to grasp?
The Dragonzord shows up to fight Tyrannosaurus and keep the Rangers safe from harm. The reptilian Zords do battle while the Rangers…sit around with their thumbs up their asses. They have no comment on this fight and no desire to try and actually battle Pirantishead. They just let things play out in the hopes that, I don't know, Tyrannosaurus will get killed and stop hurting them? It didn’t take the Rangers very long to give up any hope that this fight was salvageable.
Lord Zedd has other plans in mind though, as he fires more energy from his staff to take control of the Dragonzord. At least that's presumably what he's doing. He fires energy at the Earth, and we cut to Pirantishead doing his flute control thing. The monster doesn't seem to get energized by Zedd's magic, he just sits there and when Zedd flings some lightning at Earth, decides to get involved. You guys say what you will about Rita's monsters, at least she didn't have to charge their batteries to get them to do something.
Pirantishead tells the Zords it's not nice to fight with each other, and fires his fish beam at the Dragonzord, gaining control of it as well. Dragonzord and Tyrannosaurus turn their sights on the Rangers who now have no defense against their own Zords while Pirantishead chuckles at their plight. This is the moment, the Rangers have no hope. Zedd's got them cornered with their own Zords and they have no chance of escape. The usually confident Power Rangers are now reduced to looking like this.
Well Billy looks the same.
Zordon tells Alpha his worst fears have come true, which is a phrase that has lost all meaning when Zordon says it. His worst fear has run the gamut from multidimensional eggs being stolen to not having enough change for menthols at the 7-11 down the road. Thankfully Zordon has prepared for this apparent inevitability in what he calls Season Phase 2.
Lord Zedd has had enough grab-ass with his machine puppeteering fish and demands that those Zords bust some ass and pronto. Zedd fires a beam to Earth, and with it he concocts his most deadly spell of all. Really shoddy editing to fill up time.
For as impressive and fun as the episode has been so far, it hits a really steep nose dive when we reach this scene. Zedd fires lightning, and Pirantishead suddenly stops appearing. All that's on screen is the Tyrannosaurus Dinozord and Dragonzord going on a poorly defined rampage. While it seems like it shouldn’t be too hard to slap together footage of the Dinozords firing their attacks and then cutting to buildings exploding, Power Rangers manages to fuck that up completely by employing schizophrenic editing that can't decide where the hell it wants the scene to go. Let me break down exactly what happens in one moment to show what I mean.
Dragonzord and Tyrannosaurus are shown hovering in the air, a position we didn't see them get in and have no reason to be in at all. Both Zords land as Dragonzord arms its finger missiles. Tommy and Jason note that he's armed the missiles and they're pointed right at the Rangers. Then we cut away to the Tyrannosaurus preparing to fire its ground breath attack by looking down; then immediately cut away from THAT to see the Dragonzord stomping through the city, completely ignoring all that missile arming we just spent 10 seconds elaborating on.
To summarize what's happening here, "The Mutiny Part 2" is completely wasting your time. They don't have enough footage of Dragonzord and Tyrannosaurus attacking the Rangers to show you, so the show is simply implying what could be happening by stapling together a big juicy helping of stock footage from Season 1. It's incredibly choppy and shitty and drags down all of the exciting action we've just seen because it's all build-up and zero payoff. The Rangers don't even get blasted or harmed, they just keep noting things off screen that look dangerous but thankfully didn't hit them. This is going to be a running theme of Season 2 so if you don't like it here, tough shit.
The only benefit to all this footage recycling is when Dragonzord runs into an old friend in downtown Angel Grove.
So you want to recycle material Power Rangers? Two can play at that game.
After plenty too much dicking around, Tommy suggests that maybe the Power Rangers could try doing something other than cowering in fear of things that aren't actually hitting them. Jason says that plan might be crazy enough to work as Tommy plays his dagger in an attempt to regain control of the Zord.
The core five Rangers leap onto a rooftop to try and distract the Dragonzord while Tommy plays sweet nothings for its ears. Unfortunately for them Dragonzord arms its missiles yet again. Only this time it actually fires at them and blasts them right off the building. Tommy is unsuccessful in serenading the Dragonzord as the Rangers cower in fear yet again. Jason says he's had enough of this shit and they need to retreat to the Command Center and hope Zordon has some advice. Hopefully he has a better idea than "get shot off of a building."
The Rangers mope to Zordon that their Zords got stolen and they just got their asses beat real bad. Zordon responds in kind that they can fuck right off for taking his priceless ancient artifact of unlimited power and letting them get shitcanned by a piranha Kenny G. Zordon says those shitty old toys Zords will never have enough power to stay on the toy shelves forever defeat Lord Zedd. They're going to need new and more profitable powerful toys Zords to make a shitzillion dollars triumph over the forces of evil.
Alpha takes the Power Rangers outside to demonstrate these new Zords that are strengthened by the power of thunder. What does that mean? Stop asking questions fuckface, nobody cares. The Rangers look into the clouds that darken with images of their new Zords inside of them. Zordon introduces the Rangers to each of their Zords. Jason will be in control of the mighty Red Dragon Thunderzord.
Do all our new Zords need strings to hold them up Zordon?
Trini meets her new Thunderzord, the swift Griffin Thunderzord.
A Zord so amazing it left Trini speechless.
Zack's new machine is the powerful Lion Thunderzord.
Zordon you remember I'm not the Green Ranger right?
Billy is blessed with the power of the mighty Unicorn Thunderzord.
You lazy shit Zordon, you just repainted Trini's.
Finally, Kimberly is given the power of the agile Firebird Thunderzord.
Kimberly I got one word for you. Thundercougarfirebird
The Rangers are amazed by their new Zords and get ready to use them to kick Lord Zedd's skinless ass all over the place. However Kimberly notices that one of the Rangers didn't get a brand new Zord for Christmas and asks why Tommy got left out. Alpha 5 cuts through the bullshit and tells Kim he doesn't know if Tommy's powers are going to remain or not. So suck it up Kim, either enjoy this new phoenix we bought you or we'll give it to Billy instead.
Jason, Zack, Kimberly, Billy, Tommy, and all the rest sit inside the Command Center while contemplating what their next move is. Alpha says that to get these new Zords working they're going to have to regain control of their old Zords first. There's something truly beautiful about how blatantly the show calls the Dinozords the "old Zords." Power Rangers is taking you by the lapels, lifting you in the air, and screaming "BUY OUR NEW TOYS DIPSHIT" into your quivering face.
After some more pointless banter on how hopeless the Rangers feel, Billy proposes a solution. He'll concoct a device that can interrupt Lord Zedd's signal and regain control of the Dinozords. The way Billy explains this makes Zedd's powers sound less like he's a devious galactic sorcerer and more like he's broadcasting some shitty pirate radio channel that's brainwashing their Zords. Like a less malevolent Rush Limbaugh.
Trini tags along to help Billy program his Signal Blocker, and to admit her undying love for his surprisingly hunky frame. After Blue and Yellow leave, the rest of the Rangers can barely muster up even the smallest shred of confidence for this plan. Kim and Jason give a half hearted hope that this has any chance at defeating Lord Zedd, while Zack and Tommy remain silent.
It's actually quite a nice moment.
Here are these superheroes who are painfully extroverted and confident, completely dismantled by Lord Zedd's looming threat. A power they don't know they can ever vanquish. It's a sobering look at how low the Rangers are feeling even with the possibility of new Zords on the way. It reminds me of the more impressive scenes from "Green With Evil" when victory felt like a depressingly unrealistic impossibility.
While the Rangers contemplate suicide, Lord Zedd gloats in his Chamber of Command. Not just to Goldar, but to a small legion of Z-Putties as well. Um Mr. Zedd sir? You do know Putties can't talk right? I don't even have proof they can hear you. I think they're just being polite for you Zedd.
While Zedd talks himself off, Squatt and Baboo remain in hiding while giggling about how impressive their new boss is. Well that's what the show wants us to think, but I know better. This scene is solely here to remind us these two simpering man apes are still around and no matter how much you pray to whatever deity you believe in, they will never go away.
Squatt and Baboo giggle as they see another script they weren't cut out of.
At Billy's garage, he and Trini put together components for the Signal Blocker. Billy thanks Trini for her assistance and she replies that two heads are betteWE ALREADY DID THAT EPISODE TRINI. WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?
The Command Center's alarm starts blaring as the Rangers see Pirantishead has appeared down at the four wheeler rally you probably forgot about. With Billy and Trini still busy working on the Signal Blocker, Angel Grove is filled with nothing but sitting ducks for Pirantishead to chow down on. Jason says he'll take the other Rangers to go stop the monster but Zordon tells him to fuck right off. He put a down payment on those Zords and if Jason gets the pilots for three of those things killed he's going to lose some serious cash.
The Rangers aren't the only ones experiencing problems with machines today. Bulk and Skull drive their four wheelers around as they realize they don't have a goddamn clue where they're going. The boys argue for a little bit over which one of them is less stupid, with the only winner being the audience. Bulk says he has the instincts of a homing pigeon, and Skull tells Bulk "You have the homing instincts of a turkey!" With the two unable to come to a consensus, Skull suggests a competition between the two. The first one to reach the finish line is treated to all the pizza he can eat by the loser. Secretly Skull plans to lose on purpose just so he can witness this stunning display once more.
Some things were not meant to be put on film.
The Rangers refuse to wait any longer and risk civilian lives. While Billy and Trini try to speed up the progress on the Signal Blocker, the rest of the Rangers teleport to the rally in an attempt to slow down Pirantishead. Green, Pink, Black and Red look around and make the incredibly ludicrous statement that they CAN'T SEE THE ZORDS ANYWHERE. I understand not being able to see Pirantishead, he's a big dumb fish man. You know where you might be able to see 300 foot tall dinosaurs? From a mile the fuck back you nimrods.
Lord Zedd cackles at his own brilliance in somehow managing to hide two gigantic dinosaur robots from his two episode long arch-nemeses. He plans on luring the Rangers out into the open where he can summon some Putties as a distraction. Once they inevitably lose, he'll summon the Rangers' own Zords to finish them off. This all sounds like standard supervillain evil plotting, but Zedd wraps it up in such a calculating and wicked demeanor that it sounds like he's creating the Mona Lisa of evil schemes.
As the Rangers continue to search for the monster, their wishes are suddenly granted when Pirantishead appears in front of them.
He forgot to comb his fins today
Zack notices the monster and proclaims "In the flesh, or should I say scales!" Which might be the absolute shittiest piece of dialogue this stupid show has ever shoveled into Walter Jones' mouth. As the Rangers prepare to attack Pirantishead, he vanishes in a flash of white light and blue balls our heroes. Suddenly a group of Z-Putties emerge to keep the Rangers busy. They'll also eat up some more time so we can turn what should have been a 2 parter into a 3 parter.
A fight with the new and unimproved Z-Putties commences and there are just a few things that keep it from being as good as last week's fight. The hits on the Putties feel really soft. It looks like the Rangers are lightly tapping them around and not doing any real damage.
That's not to say this Putty fight is total garbage. You can tell the choreography is getting a lot better than before and it includes a lot of nice touches. The best part is midway through the fight, Black Ranger does a bunch of unnecessary showboating flourishes that are absolutely perfect for Zack's character. It's a little attention to detail that gives otherwise forgettable scenes life and it's incredibly refreshing. Compare that to the boring Putty fights that were littered in early Season 1 where you couldn't give less of a shit what was going on.
While the Rangers are preoccupied, Zedd alerts Pirantishead that there are intruders approaching and they need to be dealt with. You mean Billy and Trini are on their way and have to be taken out? No. The people Lord Zedd is concerned with are Bulk and Skull. Marking the first time in this show someone has cared about Bulk and Skull in any capacity.
Bulk and Skull ride around mocking their respective life mates sense of direction until they both run into each other, having driven in a complete circle. That's actually a pretty funny payoff to that gag, kudos Power Rangers. Suddenly Pirantishead appears behind Bulk as Skull spots the monster and asks Bulk "…Are we near a river?" A line that can only make me laugh when delivered by Jason Narvy or Paul Schrier. God bless these clowns.
Pirantishead blasts a bit of his flute magic at the boys' ATV's causing the bikes to drive themselves around in reverse at top speed. At least that's what the show wants us to think they're doing, because anyone with eyes can tell they just reversed footage of the boys driving their bikes really fast. In case you forgot this show was cheap.
The Putty fight concludes with some tasty looking punches to the Z Putties' weak spots and the Rangers congratulate each other on beating a bunch of fuckboy foot soldiers. Until Pirantishead reappears and activates the Zords he must have hidden under a 25 story blanket.
Tyrannosaurus and Dragonzord blast the Rangers with energy beams and leave them reeling. Jason asks Zordon if maybe they could use those new super cool death machines instead of getting their shit pushed in but Zordon tells them no, and to tune in next week for everything you actually wanted to see the new Zords do as opposed to hovering in front of a black background. Thanks for tuning in idiots.
Maybe you'll see these in action next week. But don't count on it.
TO BE CONTINUED
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Magical Machine Controlling Fish Nunchucks
Personal Thoughts
Absolutely not perfect, but ends up landing firmly in the "good" category. For as much as I complained about filler and padding, everything that wasn't shitty and time wasting felt organic and enjoyable. I remembered this episode being as obnoxious as "Green With Evil Part 3" with its repetition but I'm happy to say it doesn't even come close to that stinkfest. I'll discuss the padding a bit more in Part 3 but as for now, I'm content with this one.
I do take some issue with Lord Zedd firing energy into Pirantishead. Maybe I'm just a big baby about my precious sweetheart monsters, but it feels a little lame that Pirantishead is said to be able to control machines, but the control of Tyrannosaurus and Dragonzord is frequently referred to as Zedd's. If that's the case why is Pirantishead the one spewing beams at them and making them attack the Rangers? You muddy the waters of what this monster can do by saying Zedd has control over the Zords and Pirantishead doesn't. I understand they're trying to build up Zedd as a new super smooth badass villain, but you also take away from what his monsters can do when he has to hold their hand for them to accomplish their goals.
A handful of multi part episodes of Power Rangers would be fleshed out to go from two parts to three, and this is one of the less horrible examples. I don't enjoy the filler they pad this episode with and the T-Rex and Dragonzord "rampage" is completely ridiculous, but I understand why it's there. It's exciting and gets kids engaged, at least kids who didn't notice nothing was really happening. But you want to know something? I was totally one of those stupid kids who though that shit was amazing. I didn't know I was being hoodwinked. Now I do, and as God as my witness I will complain about it on the internet until my fingers fall off.
One cool thing Power Rangers started doing in Season 2 was including scenes of the Ranger Teens morphed in the Command Center, only without their helmets on. It was a cool look that made you believe these six teenagers were actually the ones inside the suits, and not just a bunch of Japanese martial artists wearing fake tits.
Now someone rip Alpha's helmet off.
There isn't much to say about the Thunderzords just yet, but it's worth noting they come from the Sentai series that followed Zyuranger, Gosei Sentai Dairanger. Since the Dinozord toys had already been on the shelves for so long, any parents who had wanted them had either already bought them, or told their kids Santa isn't real and that Clinton surplus hadn't hit their family yet. Saban saw the opportunity to make some more bucks on this juggernaut of a T.V. show and commissioned footage from Dairanger so he could keep the Ranger gravy train rolling. So now that we're into Season 2, the Thunderzords are our new mech fleet. For better or worse.
Though something really sad happens with regards to the Dinozords in this episodes credits. Instead of all the kooky wacky footage of various Ranger shenanigans, there's a slowed down montage of all five of the Dinozords while the credits roll. It's almost like the show is telling you to say good-bye to them. So now that we're into Part 2, we can talk about Pirantishead. A Zyu2 monster who left quite a few questions for us Zyu2 researchers, or "losers" as we're more commonly known. Well why continue asking questions when the Pirantishead footage is now readily available? Just like Oyserizer from Season 1, Pirantishead's Zyu2 material has been released online. In the same video as a matter of fact! I'll only be covering the footage covered in Part 2, so if you want to keep the rest of the material a surprise, stop the video at 30:08. Or don't, who cares?
Look into the face of true terror.
This footage begins with the Rangers running into the city that's been trashed. Not by Pirantishead as last week's episode would have you believe, but by the Tyrannosaurus. All the scenes of Pirantishead blowing his flute to wreck buildings were made to justify the Rangers summoning their Dinozords against him. The scenes of buildings being destroyed by Pirantishead were just footage of him playing his fish flute and cutting to buildings exploding.
Nope, in the original footage Pirantishead had gained control of the Tyrannosaurus off screen and the Rangers came on the scene to see he was wrecking shit with their Zord. None of that Zord freezing stuff from Part 1 happened in Zyu2, so you may be asking yourself where the other Dinozords were meant to be. Just so happens the raw footage gave us an answer.
A man betrayed by his own legs.
They were also controlled by Pirantishead! Just for another bit of trivia I made sure to show you good people that cut to black which is very common in the raw Zyu2 footage. Every time that black screen appeared, it was an indicator to the editor to insert stock footage. Usually the Zyu2 producers were smart enough to include a brief shot before or after the cut that made it incredibly obvious what footage to use. If the screen cuts to black and then the Megazord catches its Power Sword, clearly the footage is telling you to insert the shot of the Power Sword flying down from the heavens.
Other than that, there's a scene cut of Pirantishead briefly motioning his fish nunchucks to the Dragonzord and the T-Rex, and them leaving the city with him. This was the exact moment in "The Mutiny Part 2" that they cut off the Zyu2 footage and started gluing together a bunch of scenes of the Dinozords awkwardly jerking around in a flaccid rage. So while I don't really care that we lost this scene, it's only a shame we did because it was replaced by something significantly less comprehensible or enjoyable.
The final nothing of a scene that was cut were the four non Yellow and Blue Rangers encountering Pirantishead in the quarry before he summoned the controlled Dinozords. It also helps explain an issue I had with the Pirantishead monster. I know Zedd is this super evil hardass and just made a monster that's controlling their Zords, but the Rangers don't attack Pirantishead at all. In the raw Zyu2, they encounter him and he immediately summons the Zords to protect himself. Since "The Mutiny Part 2" has to pad itself out, we have too many scenes of Pirantishead standing around in the open while the Rangers trash talk him until he summons the Zords again. The show does a pretty lame job of proving how super strong this monster is when all he does is stand in a field like a total dipshit.
Next week wraps up the Mutiny miniseries! Tune in again and see if Lord Zedd finally kills those pesky teenagers. Or if they'll bring out some bitchin' new toys to totally spank him. Who knows?
|
|
|
Post by sbtbfanatic on Nov 23, 2015 13:39:42 GMT
MMPR Season 2 Episode 3: The Mutiny Part 3
Misplaced Batteries Result in Near Death Experience Imprisoned Galactic Empress Finds Comfort in Alcoholism
Last week, the Power Rangers were put on the defensive by the new villain Lord Zedd. His monster Pirantishead managed to take control of the Tyrannosaurus Dinozord and Dragonzord and used them to demolish the city. Zordon told the teens their only chance in defeating Zedd was to upgrade their Dinozords into the mighty Thunderzords; however they would need to regain control of the Dinozords from Pirantishead in order to power the Thunderzords. While Billy and Trini worked on a device to take back the Dinozords, the rest of the Rangers were being savagely beaten by their own Zords wondering if the end had finally come.
Well forget all that tension with the Zords attacking because this episode opens with the Black, Green, Red and Pink Rangers wandering around in a field asking themselves why the Zords aren't attacking them anymore. So our heroes nearly dying last week? That stopped happening off camera.
This trilogy of episodes has a lot going for it, but both this episode and last weeks have some of the most abrupt resolutions to cliffhangers this show has ever seen. I tuned into prime time for this shit, and this is how you repay me? Well jokes on you suckers, I already wasted my parent's money on your toys.
While the Rangers spit meaningless insults at a monster who could murder them with their own weapons in a heartbeat, Pirantishead gets tired of wasting time and reactivates the Dinozords and sics them on the rally participants you forgot about again. These eagle eyed racers evidently haven't noticed the big dick-off dinosaurs that are within walking distance of them. Just more evidence that the people of Angel Grove have the deductive skills of Inspector Clouseau.
Zordon asks Billy if he's been able to fix up that crummy looking box he calls a Signal Blocker yet, but Billy's been too busy begging Trini to give him the most pitiful pity fuck in U.S. history. Zordon then politely asks Billy if he at some point could consider finishing up this invention in the near future to maybe possibly prevent his teammates imminent and violent mutilation by out of control dinosaur death machines. Then Billy pouts and crosses his fingers that Alpha will be DTF tonight.
What follows is a scene of Zedd talking about how great he is and the Power Rangers don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of beating him. I mention this only because Zedd isn't spitting all this game with no idea what Billy and Trini are plotting. He specifically uses his crazy red eye vision to look inside Billy's garage to watch he and Trini tinkering away. Lord Zedd isn't sending Putties to mess with them, he isn't telling Pirantishead to attack Billy and Trini, all he's doing is letting them try to set up a counterattack while watching and gloating.
You remember how Rita was oblivious to everything going on around her? Well Zedd is actively observing people trying to stop him, but he finds them so beneath him he doesn't even bother. He even watches them try to stop him while he relishes in the futility of it all. What a glorious son of a bitch.
Lord Zedd always cheated when we played Outburst.
The Rangers go back to insulting Pirantishead despite the previous scene establishing that they planned on trying to stop the Zords at the rally. So what are they doing now? Who knows. They're just trash talking the monster because the episode feels the need to pad for more time. The only saving grace in this scene is when Jason finally brings up the elephant in the room: They can't beat the Dinozords, but they can still fillet his fishy ass and serve it with soy sauce.
I cannot tell you how annoying it's been watching three weeks of this miniseries without a single character even suggesting they try to fight the monster. Even if they don't end up fighting him, because that would cost more to film than people standing around threatening each other, I appreciate the show mentioning that beating Pirantishead should be like shooting a fish in a barrel.
Pirantishead deflects this reasonable tactic by telling his opponents they can't beat him because their Zords are protecting him. Which makes sense until the very next scene is the Tyrannosaurus and Dragonzord firing attacks at the four wheelers in the rally. They're either protecting Pirantishead or engaging in nihilistic violence. You can't have your cake and eat it too Power Rangers.
Oh I'm sorry did I say the Dinozords attacked the four wheelers? What I meant was that the Dragonzord fires missiles that make a stock footage explosion occur, and the Tyrannosaurus uses its ground breath attack to spew a bunch of dust all over the rally. All while the drivers say to each other "What's going on?!" Well this time of year I'd say it's either iron plated Paleozoic devils blasting laser beams from 300 feet in the sky or it's aurora borealis.
Thankfully while innocent civilians are getting dust kicked in their face by dinosaurs, Billy's found the time to get his overalls in gear and finish that piece of shit Signal Blocker. Billy says he had to rush completing it, but it should still be in working order. Yeah Billy I'm sure Einstein said the same thing about the A-Bomb.
Billy and Trini morph and immediately teleport to the scene with the Signal Blocker in tow. Billy tries to use his device to stop the Zords when…nothing happens. The Dinozords continue lumbering forward ready to attack. The T-Rex Dinozord stomps down and the Rangers narrowly avoid it, all while Billy frantically hammers the Signal Blocker's button wondering why this piece of junk he scraped together in 20 minutes isn't working right. Truly a question for the ages. Ah well. See you in Hell.
Jason tells his comrades the only way to salvage Billy's masterful botchjob is to buy some time and assemble the Power Blaster. It's at this exact moment that the show goes completely off the rails with what it's trying to make us believe.
Jason arms the Power Blaster and says it's going to be a diversionary tactic. We cut to Alpha and Zordon where Alpha specifically says that "if the Rangers destroy the old Zords they can't take control of the new Zords." Wait just a second here. The show is trying to convince me the Power Rangers are going to destroy the Zords? With the fucking Power Blaster? That thing could only turn Gnarly Gnome into a pile of fucking rocks. If the show wants me to believe they're going to try and destroy the Zords with the Power Blaster, why did they have Jason explicitly say he was only using it as a way to stall for time? Not that I would ever believe something that goddamned ridiculous in the first place, but at least try to synchronize the message you're sending to me.
Just as Alpha feared, the Rangers turn their weapons on the Tyrannosaurus and Dragonzord and aim the Power Blaster at them. Suddenly Jason commands his team to engage in their fake out routine. Which almost makes all that earlier bullshit worth it.
Why didn't we do this two weeks ago?
Man I adore that moment. Pirantishead just getting completely blindsided by a Power Blaster shot while he's busy playing his flute. It's great. Unfortunately because of all the filler, we had to get that scene of Jason telling Pirantishead they can beat him if they can't beat the Zords. While I initially enjoyed that, it takes away from the fun of the moment they actually surprise him here. It seems like the footage wanted us to think they were going to blast the Zords but nobody writing this episode cared enough to adjust the dialogue. C+ effort everyone.
Regardless, Jason commands Billy to fix the Signal Blocker now that Pirantishead is out of commission. Yes Billy please "fix" the Signal Blocker. Whatever is wrong with it surely can be solved in a matter of seconds before the Dinozords trash us. Billy takes one last emergency look at his gadget in the hopes that he can solve the problem when he finds out exactly what was wrong.
The batteries were in upside down.
Billy was in such a rush to finish the Signal Blocker that he put the batteries in the wrong way.
Okay Power Rangers you got me. That's kinda funny.
Billy matches up the plus and minus signs and stops the rampaging Dinozords from crushing he and his friends at the very last second. Naturally. So what happened to the Dinozords that Pirantishead froze? Doesn't matter. We don't have footage for that.
While the Ranger team cheers their narrow escape from death, someone on the moon isn't particularly happy about this. Lord Zedd is more pissed off than we've ever seen him before and is glowing as red as my face when I tell someone in real life about this blog. Without his monster controlling the Zords anymore, Lord Zedd fires energy from his staff to send the Dinozords back into the Earth and strip them of all of their power. His spell will also send toys based on them to the clearance shelves where the poor kids will finally be able to afford them.
A massive hole opens up in the bottom of the earth and the Rangers narrowly roll out of the way. Our heroes then watch helplessly as all five Dinozords are swallowed up into a fiery crevice deep within the earth. Each Ranger calls out desperately but it's too late, all five Dinozords are swallowed up and an enormous explosion triggers. Letting us all know that our old friends are gone forever.
Maybe Lord Zedd should have done that in the first place.
Zordon tells Alpha to get his ass in gear and start working to preserve as much of the energy from the Dinozords as possible if they want to get the Thunderzords in working condition. That's awfully optimistic of you Zordon, but you may have a hard time getting energy from Zords that Zedd just sent to the burning depths of Hell.
Though the other five Dinozords have been demolished, the Dragonzord has yet to be conquered by Zedd. Tommy takes the initiative to command his Zord to go back into hiding in the water before he gets charbroiled like the others. While things look less dire than before, Lord Zedd decides he has one more way to up the stakes as he throws a silver orb down to Earth. Pirantishead catches it and shows the Power Rangers how devoted he is to Zedd.
Allahu Ackbar
Just funnin' ya, that's one of Lord Zedd's growth bombs. As you might expect, it causes Pirantishead to grow sky high and threaten to eat his prey. Since they no longer have the Zords, our brave heroes wisely retreat to run and hide inside the Command Center. Hopefully Pirantishead finds more innocent civilians to kill instead of trying to follow us!
Jason says how terrible he feels for letting the Zords be demolished by Zedd, and now everything they've worked for is meaningless. Zordon tells them to shut the fuck up, what show do they think they're on? Everything always works out great for the Power Rangers and then the fat guy and the scrawny guy get covered in cake. Alpha found a way to recalibrate the burning chunks of Zord from the bottom of the Earth into the new and improved Thunderzords.
The only downside is that Tommy's powers are still far too weak to power a new Zord and he will be unable to join them in the Zord battle. Tommy's still able to morph but when the toys come out, he needs to sit his ass down and let the new toys take the spotlight. Sorry chump, nobody wants a Dragonzord anymore.
With the Thunderzords activated, the five core Rangers teleport into the mountains where they each summon their new Thunderzord. First by calling on the name of their Dinozord, then the name of the Thunderzord. I.E. "Mastodon Lion Thunderzord Power!" Which I only mention because hearing Trini's actress try desperately to say the sentence "Sabertooth Tiger Griffin Thunderzord Power" in a two second timeframe is one of the highpoints of my trash life.
All five Rangers call for the Thunderzords and we get an interesting scene of their individual Dinozords turning into their respective Thunderzord. Hope you didn't miss it this time though, we're only going to see it another nine hundred thousand times.
Filming actual toys leads to mixed results.
The Thunderzords then strut their stuff during a nice juicy transformation sequence. The Red Dragon Thunderzord flies through thundering clouds and roars while fire burns all around him. The other four Thunderzords roll through a mountainous valley while roaring and showing surprising articulation for what are ostensibly giant prop toys.
Then the Red Dragon Thunderzord converts to its previously unmentioned Warrior Mode. Before we can get a good look at it (and I can get a good screengrab of it), the Red Dragon Warrior Mode lets the other four Thunderzords equip to his body and create the Thunder Megazord. Or Mega Thunderzord as Zordon calls it. Stay on brand old man, you can't sell toys if you don't know what they're called.
Congrats Kimberly, you've graduated from chestpiece to skirt.
Here it is. Thunder Megazord VS. Pirantishead. Lord Zedd's newest evil beast fighting against Zordon's brand new fleet of Zords. The battle that you've all been waiting to encounter for the past three weeks.
Or at least it would be if it weren't a hacked together awful mess.
As I've already mentioned, Pirantishead comes from Zyu2 footage. Zyu2 monsters who would grow and battle the Dino Megazord. The Thunder Megazord comes from Dairanger footage. The bottom line is that neither the Thunder Megazord nor Pirantishead can be on screen with one another at the same time. Now take some time to imagine how impressive a fight would look if the most you could see is one person throw a punch then immediately cut to their opponent reeling from that punch. It's impossible for there to be any contact between the monster and the Zords in these fights. Leading to really messy and uninteresting battles.
Sound shitty? Welcome to Season 2!
The newly formed Thunder Megazord poses a little bit before unsheathing its Thunder Saber; then powering it up with surges of electricity while Pirantishead charges at the Megazord. Nothing happens because these Zord fights are held together by staples and a prayer, then Pirantishead suddenly backs away and starts playing on his fish nunchucks. It does nothing because they don't have the footage to portray it doing something, so it just makes Pirantishead look like a drunken buffoon poorly trying to play an instrument he's no good at.
Pirantishead slowly realizes just how fucking boring this whole fight is and tries desperately to spice it up by hurling one section of his nunchucks at the Thunder Megazord. It appears to tie up the Thunder Megazord. At least you'd think that if you weren't looking close enough to see the Dino Megazord is clearly standing in the explosion.
At least one kid saw this in 1994 and called foul. If you are that kid you have my eternal respect.
After Pirantishead sorely throttles the Megazord, Jason demands that the other Rangers reroute the servos. Thankfully the crows and gypsies are still online or else they'd be finished.
Back in the Command Center, Tommy mopes about how cool his friends new toys are and how nobody gives a shit about him anymore. Alpha tries to make him feel better while patting him on the back and promising they'll try to find a way to get his powers recharged. Then Tommy holds Alpha in a tender lover's embrace and the two kiss. Zordon is unable to divert his gaze and watches as the two make passionate love on the Command Center floor.
While the Thunder Megazord is caught up in Pirantishead's flute, Jason powers up the Thunder Saber and electrocutes a monster that is definitely Pirantishead.
If they could find a monster that looks less like Pirantishead, I'd be impressed.
Pirantishead staggers from the attack as he tosses away his cut in half fish nunchucks. He threatens to wallop the Thunder Megazord with his bare fins. Sure you will ya lush, why not pick up that flute and play some more bullshit tunes and wait for the sweet embrace of death.
Speaking of death's bountiful warmth, the Thunder Megazord charges up its Thunder Saber with energy and kicks off the season right by slaughtering Zedd's monster like so.
Boy howdy I bet I'll never get tired of this finishing move!
With his monster defeated and his plans completely shithoused, Lord Zedd is furious. Not in the way that Rita got mad by bitching and moaning about a headache, but by glowing red and screaming at his underlings about how angry this makes him. Goldar bows and says he's sorry Zedd's plan failed, but Zedd has none of it and screams "I DIDN'T FAIL! YOU FAILED! JUST LIKE YOU FAILED BEFORE!" Obviously the great Zedd is projecting here, but that doesn't take away from it being a gloriously unjustified freak-out.
However the best moment of this scene comes when we cut to Finster inside of his lab looking through a small book. He's completely alone and away from Zedd's rage while he silently quips to himself "Well if he'd used one of MY monsters none of this would have ever happened." What a totally perfect fucking ice burn. God I love Finster. That line is just purified perfection. If you plan on watching this episode, please listen to that line one extra time just for me.
Back at the Command Center, Zordon congratulates the Rangers on an uninteresting hackjob Zord fight that still managed to convince kids to go buy some toys. Zordon promises that in time the Thunderzords will reveal even greater powers than ever before. Such as being on screen with the enemy at the same time, and having punches that physically connect with the opponent.
Kimberly asks if Tommy's Dragonzord will be able to fight alongside them anymore or if it's just as much of a limp dick loser as its owner. Zordon laughs and says the Dragonzord might have once been a grade-A pussy vanquisher, but now it's going to have to use its power sparingly before it shits out during a fight and dies like his name was Apollo Creed.
Tommy frowns about how everyone around him thinks he's useless but says its been fun while it lasted. Jason calms his friends nerves by telling Tommy he'll always be part of the Power Rangers. A sentence that would haunt Jason David Frank's nightmares for years to come. Billy says they might be able to reenergize Tommy's powers and looks at Trini while saying, "anything's possible right?" Trini responds by turning away from Billy while we watch his soul die from the outside. That sound like something I'm making up? Go and watch this one for yourself, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Tommy tries to distract himself from his waning powers by inquiring whatever happened to that musty old space hag Rita? Alpha 5 brings up her image on the Viewing Globe and sees her sitting all by her lonesome inside Zedd's space dumpster while singing "99 Bottles of Slime." Whatever you want to call it Rita, I'm sure you needed a lot of "slime" to take the edge off every week the Power Rangers beat the piss out of one of your dumbass monsters.
This moment is goofy enough, but we then cut to Zordon singing the song himself. Yeah that's right. Zordon. Singing. It's so fucking silly. I can't help but love it though. This stoic giant head in a jar singing an old bar song and giggling about it. What more do you need in life?
Alpha 5 suddenly realizes Pirantishead's magic spell hasn't completely worn off and is still in effect on Bulk and Skull's four wheelers. The Ranger Teens laugh at their supposed friends because they're sociopaths, as Trini suggests Billy help them out. She'd go do it herself but she's already used her allotted screen time this week saying three words. Billy and the rest of the Ranger Teens teleport to the valley where Bulk and Skull's bikes are going out of control, and Billy tunes his Signal Blocker. Oh I almost forgot to mention what the Signal Blocker looks like!
It looks like four dollars at a yard sale.
Now that Billy has perfected the art of putting in batteries the right way, he uses the Signal Blocker to stop Bulk and Skull's ATV's. Kimberly and Tommy do the polite thing and ask the boys why they were acting like such idiots and riding their bikes in reverse, and mercilessly laugh at the bullies while they tell their terrifying story of being hunted by a group of evil pasty faced golems and a fish musician.
Bulk proudly tells the closest thing he has to real friends that he plans on finding out who the Power Rangers really are, which Kimberly responds to with a touch of indifference and a tiny helping of caution. Bulk and Skull may be stupid, but the Ranger Teens teleport out of hallways all the time. Wouldn't be hard to slip up here or there.
The rest of the Ranger Teens bring up their four wheelers and say they've got a marathon to finish. Bulk and Skull hop on a spare ATV before all of our main characters and Trini ride through to the finish line. This episode gets a gold star for not inexplicably having the named characters come in first, but happily cross the finish line a little bit after everyone else. I also have to give credit to all the audience members for sticking this race out though. They managed to think so little of those enormous dinosaurs blasting racers that they stuck out the rest of the race. Kudos Angel Grove, you are breeding some brass balled champions.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall
Personal Thoughts:
This episode is a real whirlwind. We get the destruction of the Dinozords, the first official appearance of the Thunderzords and Thunder Megazord, and the first defeat of Lord Zedd's forces. For all the whining I did earlier I enjoy the majority of what this episode presents. It's a mostly satisfying conclusion to "The Mutiny" miniseries only weighed down by some filler early on and a spliced to shit Thunder Megazord battle against Pirantishead.
Before I get too far into the Megazord battle, I wanted to mention that Season 2 has now updated its credits sequence to include scenes of Lord Zedd, the Thunderzords, and the Z-Putties harassing Bulk and Skull. What I find most intriguing about the new credits is a quick shot of the teens morphing. Well, some of them anyway.
Where are the other two Rangers?
What an oddly random selection of who to spotlight in your opening credits. Ah well, probably doesn't mean anything.
I didn't want to forget showing off the new Thunder Megazord cockpit. It doesn't look amazing by any means, but it's completely American made so you can tell the show was trying their best to at least make something palatable. Let me know what you folks think.
The Rangers give it a thumbs up!
The sequence of the Dinozords getting destroyed doesn't come from Zyu2, but instead is repurposed footage from Green With Evil Part 4. More specifically the scene where the Megazord separates into its Dinozord components and sink into the lava. Interesting to note is that the script of this episode doesn't have a scene of Zedd sending the Zords to the depths, but follows the Zyu2 Zord fight with Megazord and Pirantishead pretty closely. The Dino Megazord would get one last brawl in before upgrading to the Thunder Megazord to finish off Pirantishead when the fight turned against the Power Rangers.
So what all were we missing from the Zyu2 footage? Well just like Two Headed Parrot and Lizzinator before him, Pirantishead ducks prior to growing. Only this time it comes from official unedited footage of Zyu2, and proves my fascinating theory that some 20 year old rubber suits would occasionally squat down.
This is the only thing I discuss with family at Thanksgiving dinner.
What footage did we lose after Pirantishead grows? Pretty simple. An entire fucking Zord fight.
Power Rangers still had 10 Zyu2 monsters left over after Season 1 wrapped up, so they decided not to lose money on that investment and use these monsters to transition into Season 2. Instead of introducing the Thunderzords later in Season 2 after exhausting the Zyu2 footage, Saban Brands wanted to premiere the Thunderzords as early as possible because this show is made to sell toys and don't you ever forget it. This meant splicing together the remaining Zyu2 monster Zord fights with the new Thunderzords and providing some lackluster and altogether unimpressive battles.
Not to mock the people involved in the show, because they made the best out of a bad situation. You're mandated to hack together some battles where two opponents can never be on screen together at the same time AND you have to show off some new toys we're releasing. Also you're going to edit this together using 1994 technology and we're going to air it on prime time so better not fuck up. That's not an enviable position to be in and I actually feel sympathetic for the editors of Power Rangers.
So enough babbling, what happened in the original Zyu2 Pirantishead Zord fight? For those who want to see for themselves I'll link the video right here, but I'll still summarize it for those who don't enjoy watching 20 year old action shows.
Pirantishead tried fighting Megazord by himself, but got his big fishy face punched in. When he realized how bad he was losing, Pirantishead used his fish flute to summon the Dragonzord to double team the Megazord. That explains the nonsensical scene of Pirantishead blowing on his flute against the Thunder Megazord for absolutely no reason.
Pirantishead ties up the Megazord with his flute and causes it to spark burst with energy. Explaining the image posted above where you can still make out the original Megazord. Then Pirantishead and Dragonzord try to go in for the kill together, but are stopped by Titanus blasting the monster with fireballs. Or at least a black screen representing stock footage of Titanus charging, same thing. This attack releases Dragonzord from the monster's control, and Ultrazord is formed to finish Pirantishead off once and for all.
In the script I mentioned above, the Dragonzord controlling was all present and accounted for, but it was the "Thunder Megazord's light" that freed him from Pirantishead. So you decide for yourselves which approach sounds better. The script with the original Megazord being upgraded into the Thunder Megazord, or Zedd eradicating the Dinozords and the Thunderzords fighting Pirantishead on their own.
But if you want to see what a Season 1 version of the Pirantishead Zord fight would have most likely looked like, check out this video my pal Zyuranger made. Especially if you're like me and get all giddy over previously unseen Zord fights.
Before we conclude I need to atone for one of the dumbest theories I've ever concocted. The shot of Pirantishead swinging his flute from side to side in the Zord fight seemed really weird to me as I observed Zyu2 footage long long ago, so I made the really bizarre and arbitrary assumption that this monster was supposed to be portrayed as a drunk in the Zyu2 footage.
I presumed his swaying around while goofily playing his flute and staggering around was supposed to be seen as comical and tipsy. What I didn't realize was this show was trying to make me sincerely believe in a fish monster holding a nunchuck to its mouth while twirling the other half around. In retrospect I think I should have known what the truth was.
In the meantime I've seen maybe one or two people mention "Pirantishead is a drunk???" as an actual idea behind Zyu2. I would like to apologize to anyone who actually heard this half baked theory that came freshly from the mind of some kid with too much time on his hands. Thankfully this wasn't the stupidest theory I came up with regarding Zyu2.
That comes next week.
|
|
|
Post by sbtbfanatic on Nov 23, 2015 13:40:33 GMT
MMPR Season 2 Episode 4: The Wanna-Be Ranger
Shapeshifting Gorilla Harasses Soccer Playing Robot Sociopaths Bemused as Automaton Is Punished For Several Millenia
With Lord Zedd now in control of Rita Repulsa's minions, the Power Rangers have found themselves in a difficult position. Our heroes realize the severity this new threat possesses after he proved his superiority by annihilating their Dinozords without a second thought. His powers could easily dominate them at any moment and unless they're cautious, he could annihilate all six of them in one fell swoop. With his reign of terror only just beginning, the Ranger Teens focus their efforts on being ready for his next plan of attack. They sharpen their bodies, minds, and hearts while preparing themselves for the onslaught of dangerous beasts he may send their way.
But all that happened off camera and now the Ranger Teens are shooting some hoops!
It seems so crazy that after the last three weeks produced such astounding developments, it's back to business as usual for the Ranger Teens. They watched their Dinozords burn to death in front of them and the very next week they're all shooting some b-ball outside of the school. Power Rangers goes through insane whiplash whenever it has some kind of serious multi-part miniseries because there's always guaranteed to be some episodic goofery following on its heels.
However, I have zero right to be shocked by what Season 2 is doing. A multi episode saga succeeded by an episode that begins with our heroes playing basketball and funning around the court? Well Season 1 would NEVER do something like that. It almost feels relaxing that this is how the show follows up all that drama from the previous few episodes. The Ranger Teens have a good time on the court and won't let Zedd get them down. It informs the audience not to worry, because even if the toys the Rangers are shilling change, their core attitudes will not.
Now give them all an actual character then we'll be cooking with gas.
As we watch the Ranger Teens play basketball, it becomes clear that only five of them are on the court. Apparently Zack didn't get an invitation to come play ball with the rest of them, because Jason's had a long day at school and the last thing he needs is to get clowned on the basketball court by his ex.
Billy, Jason, and Tommy all slam dunk the ball while the girls watch and cheer because their toys don't sell as well. While she stands on the sidelines, Kimberly is suddenly attacked by an extra from Time of the Apes.
The most well designed monster costume yet.
Just kidding! It was Zack dressed up as a gorilla playing a weird prank on Kimberly for no real reason. Zack says he was in the costume because he was using it to perform at his little cousin's birthday party. He's certainly not dressed like an ape because a bunch of old white people saw nothing wrong with dressing their one black actor in a gorilla outfit, what an absurd notion. The second hand embarrassment I felt for Paul Schrier wearing pig boxers? I feel triple that for Walter Jones being forced to wear a monkey costume.
Zack ditches the ape suit to play basketball and regain some dignity, but before he can get in the game Zordon calls the Rangers. He tells the teens to get their asses to the Command Center PDQ because there's an emergency they need to tend to right away.
The Ranger Teens teleport and ask what Zedd's up to now, but Zordon says the emergency has nothing to do with any actual danger or threat, but that he needs to recharge his head tube batteries because of a cosmic misalignment or some other bullshit sci-fi gobbledygook. That means Zordon won't be around to tell us that Zedd's newest monster is the most dangerous thing the world has ever seen this week, how will the Rangers survive?
There's one thing about this goofy nonsense explanation for Zordon's de-ionizing that has always stuck in my craw. We just finished the big introduction of Lord Zedd the past three episodes, he's a huge deal and clearly a major threat. Wouldn't it showcase how dangerous he is to tie his appearance to Zordon's need to recharge? Say that Zedd's emergence necessitated this recharging, or that the creation of the Thunderzords took energy out of Zordon that he needs to regain. Instead it's completely random happenstance that happens here because the writers don't care what happened last week.
Granted this is only getting into my initial point that this show has trouble making episodic plotlines flow with overarching multi-parters and I'm a petty enough nerd to whine about it. No need to thank me, just doing my due diligence.
Zordon shuts down after telling the Rangers to listen for Alpha's signal, and not to touch any of his stuff while he's gone. Jason asks the stupid little robot to alert them to any danger the second he notices something, which Alpha 5 happily obliges before the Ranger Teens head back to Angel Grove. After they leave, Alpha immediately begins to pout about how lonely he's going to be in the Command Center all by himself without someone to bark orders at him all day. Maybe when Zordon comes back the Rangers can help Alpha 5 through his Stockholm Syndrome.
Zedd sees a golden opportunity to strike now that Zordon is out of commission. His plan this week is to use a monster named Primator to make the Power Rangers destroy each other via unspecified means. Zedd fires an energy bolt at the body he wishes to give his new monster, Zack's monkey costume. The very same one that he was arbitrarily wearing so we could explain why the Rangers are fighting an ape monster today.
IT'S THE YETAY!
Instead of keeping an eye on anything that could be dangerous or threatening, such as the monster Lord Zedd made no less than 2 seconds ago, Alpha finds himself bored and begins observing the park through the Viewing Globe. The Viewing Globe shows an image of a scared little boy running around the park while holding a soccer ball and calling out for his lost mommy. Alpha begins to contact the Rangers before he comes to a brilliant conclusion.
Instead of staying put inside of the Command Center where he can observe actual threats to the world at large, Alpha can leave and go rescue some kid whose mom is probably off having a smoke behind the porta-johns. So to sum up Alpha's plan: He will leave the only place on Earth where he can be alerted to monster attacks, as well as the only place he can contact the Rangers to have them quash Zedd's plans. He's doing this not only because a child is scared, but because he's bored of standing around.
Alpha 5, this planet is about to get completely cocked sideways and it's going to be your fault. All because you didn't feel like reading a fucking magazine till Zordon got back. Thanks for nothing dickhead.
As Alpha goes through the teleportation stream, Bulk and Skull wander through the park holding microphones and headsets trying to listen for the Power Rangers. They stop for a moment when they think they hear something, only to be met with Alpha teleporting right in front of them. The morons start screaming and running away in fast motion because whoever wrote this script couldn't think of anything entertaining for them to do.
Alpha encounters the lost little boy named Dylan and says he's here to be Dylan's new mommy as she was probably murdered by one of the soulless demons that routinely attack their city. Alpha suggests that he and Dylan stay put and wait for his mom to find the two of them, and informs the young boy the most important thing to do when you're lost is to stay put. Also if any of you kids out there get lost, make sure to listen to any stranger you run into and do whatever they tell you to. They're just a friendly robot who works for superheroes and wants nothing but the best for you.
Dylan, happy to have a friend wearing a cheap looking robot costume, asks if Alpha wants to play soccer with him. Alpha 5 asks his new companion what the fuck that stupid shit is, and Dylan reads some cue cards off camera to inform the android that "soccer is a game where you kick a ball with your foot." I don't like to criticize child actors, but of all the lines you can't memorize, how the hell was that the one that gave that kid trouble?
While Dylan teaches a robot how to love, Primator shows up in the bushes and witnesses this unholy friendship. On Zedd's command, the Primator starts to strut his stuff.
Alright David in this scene you're going to beat your ch- David? Where are you going?
Alpha kicks the soccer ball the best he can, but it lands right into !Billy's! hands. Then comes the weirdest moment in this entire goddamned episode.
Alpha sees Billy has caught him red handed not inside the Command Center and gets nervous that he's in trouble. That's when !Billy! says, in absolute complete sincerity, "You are a naughty naughty little boy aren't you Alpha?" Shit I'm sorry everyone, I must have turned on This Ain't the Power Rangers: A XXX Porn Parody by mistake. So by now you must think I'm totally making this up right? Just taking the piss out of this old show by being a jerk?
Never doubt me again.
Alpha tries to defend himself but !Billy! screams at him for being so juicy and sexy. He demands that Alpha take him back to the Command Center. Alpha sadly bows his head, while !Billy! looks into the reflective surface of Alpha's chrome dome. His face morphs from !Billy! to Primator, which Alpha finds suspect. His human friends may just be glorified apes, but he doesn't remember any of them looking like that.
Primator suddenly drops the disguise and starts throttling Dylan. The young soccer player defends himself by stomping on the ape's foot which allows him to escape. Alpha tells Dylan to get far away while Primator starts assaulting Alpha instead. The monster demands Alpha tell him how to get to the Command Center, but Alpha 5 responds by tapping a bunch of buttons on his chest. Alpha's body slumps to the ground as the cyborg claims he's initiated his self-destruct sequence and now everything will be fine.
Yeah, Alpha's just going to commit suicide but everything will be hunky dory. All because some big ape shoved him and asked where the Command Center was. Oh well, at least you got to learn how to play soccer before you were sent to Robot Hell.
Lord Zedd angrily tells Primator to stop wasting time following his vague orders from earlier and go destroy the Power Rangers. Primator teleports away while silently cursing the fact his wishy washy emperor can't make up his goddamned mind what needs to come first. The monster appears in front of the Youth Center where he uses his transformation powers to morph into Zack. There he begins to seek out more cast members he can refer to as naughty naughty boys.
!Zack! heads into the Youth Center where he encounters Trini and Kimberly and tells them there's an emergency. Tommy's limp dick powers are failing him and Zedd's Putties are trashing him at the north side of the park. Instead of asking why Zack didn't stick around to help out and left their friend to die, Kimberly and Trini believe him wholeheartedly and run off to help Tommy. If Zordon ever picks a group of Power Rangers again, maybe it would benefit him to make sure they aren't naïve morons who believe everything they hear.
When Trini and Kimberly reach the park, they try to contact Jason and ask if he knows where Tommy is. Unfortunately, none of the other four Ranger Teens are able to respond as they are all in Billy's lab wearing big sound concealing earmuffs. What are they doing? Why looking at assorted science props of course!
Of all the days you guys chose to do this experiment you picked now? When Zordon explicitly told you to be watching for Alpha's signal? Even IF Alpha had alerted you guys to the Primator you fucking morons wouldn't have known it was on the loose. Alpha 5's impending suicide is now retroactively half your fault, congrats.
Having fallen for Zedd's trap, Kimberly and Trini are ambushed by the Z-Putties in the park. Kimberly reminds the kids at home that they need to aim for the Z, and the fight begins. The girls make up for their mediocre display on the basketball court with a pretty bangin' Putty fight which consists of some really sweet martial arts moves. It's a lot more satisfying than I expected from a Putty fight and you can tell the choreography in the show is starting to improve big time.
TiL: Yoga pants existed in the 90's.
The show abruptly cuts back to the Youth Center where the other four Ranger Teens are hanging out while Tommy shows off some super rad karate moves to the other three. What happened to that incredibly important science experiment you guys were conducting in Billy's lab a few minutes ago? Oh right that was an experiment on the atomic neutrino fields of plot convenience.
The girls run in and ask Tommy why he's doing karate after that definitely real story about losing his powers. Tommy says his powers are doing fine, and also he really likes to do karate in case they had yet to notice. The girls start getting pissy with Zack for lying to them about Tommy and his garbage powers. Zack is confused because he's yet to become privy to the 6 foot tall gorilla masquerading as him. Jason tells them to chill out their crazy female brains because Zack's been hanging out with the dude rangers all day and couldn't possibly have talked to them. Kimberly begins connecting the dots that the Tommy she was making out with earlier might not have been him either.
Tommy suggests contacting Alpha to see what the hell is going on, but receives no signal from their robot friend. Oh well I'm sure he's doing fine and the Communicators are just malfunctioning.
Back in the park, Alpha 5's body continues to shut down as the robot waits for his approaching death. Dylan holds Alpha's hand as he realizes he's going to lose his second mommy today.
When the Rangers reach the Command Center, Zordon reappears and asks them what in the blue fuck hell is going on around here. He left for 10 goddamn minutes and now the world is going to hell in a handbasket. Zordon informs the Rangers that his dumbass robot is about to blow itself up in front of a little boy. However that's not important, because some gorilla is down by the docks looking for a cheap hay-jay and that shit doesn't fly on Zordon's turf.
Upon learning of the Primator's disguising abilities, the Ranger Teens put the pieces together on what happened earlier and morph to combat the monster. Primator tries to act tough but the Rangers have seen through his shape-shifting malarkey and won't be fooled by him again. They perform a standard karate pose before seeing Zordon has added a new member to their team.
He was right in front of you. How did you idiots let this happen?
The writers break out into a cold sweat when they realize what this means. Two Trinis? We couldn't write a character for one of them. How the hell are we going to handle two? The rest of the Rangers try to discern which of these Trinis is fake. Tommy tries asking her what her last name is, and one of the Trini's proudly says that it's Kwan. The other five Rangers shift around awkwardly when they realize they don't know if that's true.
Jason comes up with a better plan that doesn't involve actually know something about Trini. Both Yellow Rangers will fight him, and then Jason will be able to tell whose style belongs to the real Trini. The rest of the Rangers agree. Before the fight begins, one of the Trini's realizes she can't possibly hurt her friend and stands down. The 2nd Yellow Ranger has no such trepidation and leaps to attack Jason when the other Rangers blast her with their Blade Blasters, causing her to morph back into Primator. Silly monster, you broke the cardinal rule. The real Trini would NEVER do something.
The Primator becomes furious and unleashes a double sided spear weapon to attack the rangers. The monster slashes at the Rangers with his weapon before Jason has enough of it and brings out his Power Sword. Jason hacks the monster's spear in half, prompting the Primator to charge through the Rangers like the stupid ape he is. The monster shows the Power Rangers exactly what he thinks of them.
Spank that butt till it's a big red baboon booty tho.
Zack finds this monkey smacking its ass at them absolutely disgraceful and leaps at the fleeing monster before it can escape. Primator and Zack have a brief battle on top of a tall ledge overlooking the harbor. During their battle, the two fighters fall onto the ground below while the other Rangers call out for Zack to be careful or he won't get the deposit back on that costume.
When the Rangers head down to Zack's location, they find the Black Ranger and ask if he's alright. He responds by sucker punching Jason in the face, and is soon called out by the real Black Ranger who emerges from behind some bushes. Fake Black Ranger runs away from the rest of our heroes before cycling through the other Rangers as disguises. The monster finally lands on the Red Ranger as his next guise and starts laughing like a madman.
I can't possibly put into words just how fantastic the !Jason! giggling is, but it's completely silly, insane, and balls to the wall crazy. The best part is that it's Austin St. John doing the goofy evil Red Ranger voice. This burly brawny grown ass man is giggling like an ape and talking like a high-pitched goofball, and it might be the zenith of the entire series.
Jason finds this mockery of his testosterone-ridden antics unacceptable and takes the fake Primator on Mano y Mono. The two Reds have a gorgeous looking fight that has the sun reflecting off the water in the harbor and shining on the twin warriors. It starts to impress you how a Japanese crew who was told "hey go shoot some stuff for us we don't care how it looks" managed to make something look so visually interesting when it could have been totally half assed.
One of the Red Rangers is kicked backwards and lands safely near the other Power Rangers who get in a defensive pose around him. The other Red Ranger alerts his friends that they're in fact standing alongside the bogus Red Ranger and we cut to a shot that makes absolutely no contextual sense where all the other Rangers are guarding a wounded Pink Ranger. Probably because something was cut and nobody bothered to fill in the gaps.
Zyu2 scholars everywhere furiously begin scribbling notes.
The Rangers realize they can't beat a monster who confuses them by deleting scenes and leaving them unsure of what's happening, so they teleport back to the Command Center to ask Zordon for help. Thankfully Zordon has been watching the scene of Alpha getting pummeled by Primator on loop to laugh at his dumbass robot slave and found a clue to the Primator's weakness. Whenever the monster sees himself in a reflective surface, he is unable to retain his illusion. Of course! He's one of those damned Reverse Vampires I've been hearing so much about. He isn't allowed to throw his shit around the room until you invite him in.
Kimberly tells the other Rangers she's stereotypical enough to help out this week, as she always has a mirror handy. The Rangers thank her for being a one dimensional image of what an actual human being who enjoys fashion and respecting themselves may look like. With the mirror in tow, the Rangers teleport back to the harbor to locate the Primator.
Upon arrival, Red Yellow and Blue find themselves separated from the other three Rangers while trying to find their friends as well as the monster. They encounter Tommy whining about his powers failing him and how he feels too weak to continue fighting. Jason responds by kicking him in the chest and telling him any Power Ranger who ever thinks about surrender will find themselves in front of a firing squad. Thankfully this Green Ranger is probably the Primator so it shouldn't be an issue.
Billy pulls out Kimberly's mirror (which oddly has the Triceratops symbol on it but don't pay attention to that), hands it to !Tommy!, and asks the fake Green Ranger how he looks. As soon as !Tommy! looks in the mirror his helmet changes to be half green and half red. Like he's some kind of abomination Christmas Ranger.
GokaiChristmas The fuck is this? Some VR Troopers bullshit?
In a rage, the Primator shatters the mirror before turning back into his ape-ish self. He tries to run from the Rangers when Black, Pink, and Green show up to block the monster's escape. Primator tries blasting all six Rangers with electricity, but that doesn't do much as Black, Yellow, Pink, and Blue all punch the monster in his big monkey face. Red and Green do nothing because it's been a long day and they just want to relax in each other's arms, far away from this goofy ass gorilla.
Lord Zedd is furious that his monster that only has one power is getting walloped so badly and throws one of his growth bombs to Earth. Primator becomes gigantic and the Rangers decide it's time to call on their Thunderzords. You guys know what that means?
Another shitty and unsatisfying splice job of a fight.
Though to be honest, this one isn't so bad, because the main five Power Rangers summon the Thunder Megazord while Tommy brings in Dragonzord. What this means is the Thunder Megazord can stand around off screen and pose while the Dragonzord does the actual fighting with Primator. A much more satisfying endeavor than last week's joke of a battle.
This isn't to say that the fight is perfect. It still has your standard editing goofs where the original Megazord wasn't removed completely, but it's an overall solid attempt.
It has been twenty years and I still don't know what those feather things on Primator's back are supposed to be.
After the Dragonzord roughs up Primator, the Thunder Megazord unsheathes its Saber and finishes off the giant monkey once and for all. All that shape-shifting stuff from before? He can't do that when he's giant, don't be silly.
With the monster defeated, the Rangers celebrate a job well done. Wait hold on, wasn't something else going on in this episode? Alpha was playing soccer or something right? Well the Rangers show up just in the nick of time to save Alpha from his own insane desire to kill himself in the face of even the slightest danger. Billy taps a few buttons on Alpha's chest panel, which manages to save Alpha 5's worthless carcass from being tossed onto the scrapheap. Jesus. If Billy knows how to fix Alpha's suicide protocol so quickly this must not be the first time Alpha decided life wasn't worth living anymore.
Dylan thanks the Power Rangers for saving the closest thing to a friend he's ever had before his mother shows up and asks where he's been for the past 10 minutes. Before Dylan can explain how he was accosted by a gorilla and played soccer with a robot, the Rangers teleport away with Alpha in tow so that lady can't start nosing around in their superhero business. Dylan wishes Alpha a fond farewell while stumbling over his lines because he's a child actor this show had the decency not to dub over.
Back at the Command Center, Zordon teaches Alpha a lesson about being a hero, which is to not be a stuttering dipshit and tell people when you're going to abandon the one and only job you have in your worthless existence to go play povertyball. Trini chuckles and tells Alpha that he's likely going to be grounded for a few thousand years. Haha what a funny concept, this sentient robot will be trapped inside this hellish prison while being bitched at by a giant head for THOUSANDS OF YEARS.
Every single one of the Ranger Teens will have long since passed away and become complete afterthoughts in the history books by the time Alpha 5 can step outside of the Command Center again. What a fucking laugh riot.
You people are sick.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Gorilla Buttcheeks
Personal Thoughts
For an episode that pays so much attention to the comic relief robot, I'm actually impressed how much I enjoyed this one. I have a really fun time with Primator being a big dumb monkey that spends half his screen-time beating his chest while making stereotypical monkey noises. Other than that, the action is really fucking great and some of the most enjoyably shot material Zyu2 produced. Easily one of my top Season 2 episodes, and we're barely even started.
While I often rip on the actors who play the Ranger Teens, I have to give credit to most of them this week. Five of the Ranger Teens (discounting Kimberly) are portrayed in an evil form by Primator. Trini, Jason, and Tommy during the morphed fights, while Zack and Billy are portrayed as unmorphed disguises of Primator. Thuy Trang, Jason David Frank, Walter Jones, and Austin St. John all seem to be having a fun time playing an evil version of their character. They deepen their voices and get all sinister while talking to the other characters. It's really great.
Unfortunately David Yost's performance as !Billy! is really uncomfortable and comes across like he wants to fuck Alpha to death. I usually enjoy what he does but this week? Woof.
Speaking of actors, Bulk and Skull are barely in this friggin' episode. They show up for half a second and promptly vanish when Alpha scares them off. Thankfully that void is filled by the fact that Paul Schrier does the voice of Primator. It's really cool to see one of the best actors on this dumbass show acting in a role other than the one dimensional fat bully.
Okay time to talk Zyu2 stuff. This week we have another monster whose footage has been released. For those who want to see the raw Primator footage, check it out here. Though stop when he's finished! There are four more monsters in that video that we'll be discussing very soon.
SEIJI GET THAT GODDAMN PAPER OUT OF YOUR MOUTH THAT'S TOEI PROPERTY
First thing to note is that Primator is labeled as number 6. That's the lowest number listed for the Zyu2 monsters that have had numbers revealed so far. Why's this important? Because more than 5 Zyu2 monsters have an absence of Green Ranger. That means the first five Zyu2 episodes weren't some sort of build-up to the reappearance of the Green Ranger, but just more episodic footage that might have Green and might not.
Is there some grand reappearance of the Green Ranger in Zyu2? Dunno. We may never have an answer. Our world will surely mourn the loss of some Japanese VHS tapes nobody but me and like four other guys might give a shit about.
The Primator Zyu2 footage was actually cut by quite a bit. It'd take way too long to detail every single cut, as many of them were just bits and pieces of characters exposition. Ultimately it might be the most fun to watch the episode yourself alongside the raw Zyu2 footage. Unless you think I can remain entertaining for the next page or so (I can't.)
After Primator is knocked out of the Yellow Ranger disguise and unleashes his spear weapon, the show cuts a little bit of him using the weapon on the Power Rangers. This is the first of a few edits that seem to be made to tone down on violence in this Zyu2 block. This seems baffling because nothing that happens in this particular block seems any worse than what we've seen on Power Rangers before. The script for this episode also noted that some scenes would need to be cut for time, so it's entirely possible these cuts had nothing to do with content, and were merely the easiest thing to clip to save time.
When Primator disguised himself as the Red Ranger and started talking about a bogus Red Ranger, originally he wasn't making shit up to trick the Rangers. They actually were standing with the evil Red Ranger who started wailing on all of them, hence Kimberly being knocked down in the shot above.
One of the goofiest little shots occurs when Primator as Green Ranger sees himself in the mirror. We cut a funny reaction shot of him touching his face as though he's unsure of what he's looking at, and then suddenly we see the monster's tail sprout from between Green's legs. I'm in a weird position because this absolutely should have been cut, but it's so beautifully stupid I wish it hadn't been.
Sentai Budget.gif
After Primator's transformation game is compromised and he electrocutes the Rangers, there was originally a really pointless sequence of the Rangers posing in front of a fountain or something. Then they leap up and punch Primator like in the episode. This was a really intelligent cut considering we already had a scene of the Rangers posing at the very beginning of the fight when Primator disguised himself as Yellow. There couldn't have possibly been a better scene to excise than this so I really give Saban Brands credit for ditching this dead weight sequence.
Unfortunately we also lost a pretty cool scene after Black, Pink, Blue, and Yellow punch Primator when Red and Green get in on the fun.
First thing my editor asked me was "Why do they freeze in mid-air?"
We also lost a follow up scene of the monster getting hit by the Power Blaster. It was pretty obvious a Power Blaster formation was about to occur if you were watching the episode though. The Rangers very clearly did their traditional weapon pose right before Zedd made the monster grow. So this marks one of the few monsters that we can confirm had a cut Power Blaster usage.
Unfortunately the majority of the Season 1 Zyu2 monsters have yet to have their footage released so we can only guess on who got Power Blasted there. Consider this my desperate plea for Jeff Pruitt to release more Zyu2 to satiate my nerdy desires. Thanks in advance you wonderful man.
YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW HIM UP!
As for the Zord fight, I'd be remiss not linking something I helped Mr. Zyuranger with. A re-imagining of the original Primator Zord fight with yours truly doing the voice of the main ape. Keep in mind the official Zord fight can be watched above in the first video I linked, and this one is just for fun. For my money, Zyuranger's Zord fight is a lot more interesting than what Zyu2 had planned. If for some reason you find my voice unbefitting of this monkey man, I apologize. Please just pretend it was a homeless man we fed a quart of gin to and asked if he could talk like a gorilla.
Oh right I promised an embarrassing theory. Oh…good. Well when I watched this episode I was looking for some explanation as to why the footage had Pink Ranger inexplicably guarding herself on the ground. Well earlier when Primator rushed through the Rangers, all six of them dove out of the way to avoid him. After that happened, Pink had her arms in front of her chest in a defensive stance.
In my 16 year old brilliance I realized the edgy scene that was too cool for lame stupid kids who watched Power Rangers like babies. Clearly in the Japanese version, the Primator grabbed her boobs and like totally copped a feel bro. It was like so mature and hecka cool and you nerds never would have even expected it.
I said this once. I can't take it back. And I have to live with it. I thought someone filmed that for a show that would be aired for American children. Let this be my penance, and let me find peace in the life I've led. Somehow. Please.
|
|
|
Post by sbtbfanatic on Nov 23, 2015 13:40:48 GMT
MMPR Season 2 Episode 5: Putty on the Brain
Friendly Gesture Met With Devastating Assault Billy Invents Another Piece of Fucking Shit that Doesn't Work
For those of you who have been reading up until now, tell me the two Rangers you expect to be hanging out together in a given episode. Tommy and Jason? Trini and Kimberly? Billy and Trini? That's odd, sure seems like someone's missing here…Oh that's right, nobody is hanging out with Zack.
It hadn't struck me until now how rarely any episode that focuses on Zack usually neglects the other Ranger Teens for all sorts of unstated reasons. The majority of Zack's focal episodes would center around his throbbing hard-on for Angela. Now that his once beloved gal-pal has been thrust into the Chuck Cunningham Dimension, Power Rangers doesn't have anyone to bounce Zack off of. This week is going to fix that problem. Zack's going to get to socialize with a fellow Ranger Teen and have a damn good time of it. Who does he get to hang out with this week?
Oh.
Zack's at a crossroads and doesn't know what to do. He's gotten saddled with Billy for an entire episode and there's nothing he can do about it. The only way to make the best out of this bad situation is to try and cool Billy up a little bit, so anyone who sees the two hanging out together won't think Zack's hanging out with the kid in blue overalls.
Zack has just the thing to hip up a 90's nerd stereotype, a flashy pair of shades he picked up at a swap meet. Zack's got a pair for both him and "Billster" (Zack's words, not mine), and says the sunglasses will help them in science class. Obviously this isn't a sincere suggestion from Zack, but an attempt to trick Billy into wearing anything that will make him less of a vagina deflector.
Though these shades may make Billy and Zack look like a couple of 90's heartthrobs, Lord Zedd decides these new accessories are just what he needs to take out the Power Rangers. Zedd uses his magic to infect the sunglasses with an evil spell that will taint the boys' vision, causing them to see their fellow Ranger Teens as Putties as well as the subliminal messages our alien overlords have planted in our media. Goldar finds this as good a time as any to bring up a small wrinkle in Lord Zedd's plan. What if the Ranger Teens take the glasses off?
Zedd immediately berates Goldar for asking such obvious questions. He informs his glorified dancing monkey that mere humans could be cured by removing the glasses, but his spell is fine tuned to interact with the Ranger Teens' powers and cause it to fuck with them even if they take the shades off.
Let the record show that Power Rangers just addressed a potential flaw in its own bullshit logic and was able to create a relatively reasonable explanation for itself. I'm…honestly really impressed by that. We're not even two minutes in and this show is answering questions before we need to worry about asking them.
Billy and Zack put on their kickass new shades to impress their only four friends, but become horrified when they see their friends have been replaced by embarrassingly ineffectual henchmen.
I didn't know they let THESE types enroll in Angel Grove High.
Before we get on with Billy and Zack's spooked reactions, I have to take special notice that the Tommy Putty chuckles and tells Billy and Zack he almost slept through first period because he forgot to set his alarm. While this would be a nothing line in any other character's mouth, don't forget this is Tommy we're talking about. A guy with a history of being forgetful. Are you telling me the writers for Season 2 didn't immediately forget everything that was written in Season 1? What a beautiful time to be alive.
Billy and Zack get into a defensive pose as the Putty versions of Tommy, Kimberly, and Jason start to engage them. Though the Putties speak with the voices of their friends, Billy and Zack still assume their school has been invaded by mystical space golems than only they can see. When Zack calls them Putties, Kimberly tells him to quit acting like such a goofball. Usually when my friends appear terrified to see me and begin guarding themselves as I approach, I too assume my colleagues are exhibiting some of that good old-fashioned nuttiness I've heard so much about.
Mr. Caplan interrupts his students to remind them he still wears a wig. He gets too close to the three Putty Rangers, which prompts Billy and Zack to leap at Caplan to protect him from their imagined threat. The boys knock their principal to the ground and are summarily promised a detention after school. Not for knocking Principal Caplan over, but for thinking the school would be an appropriate place to start dropping acid.
After Billy and Zack are sent to the trauma ward for screaming about being invaded by Putties, Bulk and Skull wander the hallways to remind us what their motivation is this season. Bulk says they're going to need to record the voice of any person they come across to test if they might be one of the Power Rangers. When Skull mentions they have to suspect absolutely anyone and everyone, we get a scene that can only work when performed by two men who so beautifully personify buffoonery.
Skull's look of suspicious disgust keeps me warm at night.
Miss Applebee catches her stupidest students in the hallway and requests they feed the class iguana for her while she goes to the teacher's lounge to wonder where it all went wrong. A life of teaching a couple clowns how to fall into cakes? Educating some goody two shoes dweebs about how important question marks are? Who gives a shit? Why not take off work early, go to the pub, and drown your sorrows in gin?
Bulk dumps a shitload of iguana food into the reptile's cage, as he has no concept of portion control for man or beast. Unfortunately, Lord Zedd has his eyes set on the iguana as the perfect candidate for his newest monster. As Bulk chuckles about the iguana's impending obesity, a bolt of Zedd Magic™ strikes the creature and produces Zedd's newest monster. The Saliguana a.k.a. a member of the reptilian world order.
This is what Libertarians actually believe.
Bulk turns to Skull and asks if he feels they overfed the iguana, and both boys run out screaming while the monster huffs and puffs now that its eaten its own body weight in Iguana Chow.
Later in the afternoon, Billy and Zack are still going through Putty Traumatic Stress Disorder as they see their friends as Putty Patrollers. Putty Tommy offers kind words to Zack before he takes his test, and Miss Applebee obnoxiously says "no talking during the test!" After that she asks Kimberly to hand out the exams to the rest of the class. So what are you bitching about lady? Students can't cheat on a test you haven't given them yet.
Zack watches in terror and confusion as a Putty Kimberly hands out tests to the rest of the class and slowly approaches him. As soon as she offers him a paper he can only offer a perplexed "Kimberly?" to his friend's hideous new form. Miss Applebee takes disgust with another human being speaking in her presence and tells Zack off for his continued existence. They're taking a geography test lady, slow your fucking roll.
After the test has been taken and Miss Applebee has gotten her peace and goddamned quiet, Billy and Zack spend their afternoon in detention alongside Bulk and Skull. Zack asks Billy why those Putties were in the classroom, and why Miss Applebee has a formaldehyde face. Without skipping a beat, Billy immediately assumes Lord Zedd must have put a spell on them. Really refreshing to have the episode not dick around with presumptions that we as the audience know aren't true. All we need are a few scenes of the guys in Putty related shenanigans, then we can move on to greener pastures with the concept.
Bulk and Skull, surprisingly cool as cucumbers after meeting with a gigantic lizard monster, ask Billy and Zack about their badass cool guy shades. Bulk, either put on those glasses or start eatin' that cupcake.
The morons put the shades on and immediately become infected by Zedd's spell. They look at Billy and Zack and are met with the most terrifying image known to man.
Aim for the Z, or knock those stupid glasses off his face.
The two dipshits become petrified by their classmates and toss the shades off immediately. Bulk and Skull haul ass out of detention and decide their crazy haunted school is no place to be. The only question I'm left with is this: Why aren't Billy and Zack seeing each other as Putties as well? Bulk and Skull had the magic in them and saw those two in Putty Vision, but for some reason it doesn't work that way when the Rangers wear their shades? Honestly this doesn't bother me all too much, and was something I only noticed on this rewatch. Chalk that up to the fact this episode has been good enough to keep me from picking nits.
After detention, Billy and Zack walk home from school and further discuss what to do. Billy again determines exactly what's going on and notes that this spell is causing them to see their fellow Ranger Teens as Putties. At that very moment a group of Z-Putties appears in front of the two and stand silent and ominous. Billy and Zack try to communicate with these Putties but are immediately met with a punch to the chest. Just because none of us give a shit about your doll collection is no reason to get so nasty Trini.
No of course these Putties are the real deal and attempt to take advantage of the boys' confusion. Zordon brings the other four Ranger Teens to the park in order to help Billy and Zack, but all that the boys are able to see is a giant Putty orgy on the playground.
Here's where the episode crosses its wires a bit. Billy and Zack go on the offensive and say the Putties blew their cover because the Rangers would never attack them. The problem with that statement is that the Putties were attacking them before the Ranger Teens showed up. None of the Putties were attacking Billy and Zack after the other four teens arrived to help. I think I understand what the show was trying to accomplish, but it still comes across as muddled.
A Putty fight ensues on the playground and it's a damn good one. Lots of Putties getting kicked into the sand and fighting on unique terrain. Kim fights a triumvirate of Putties on top of a balance beam before ending with a superfluous pose, Jason shithouses four Putties trying to get his goose, and Zack encounters a sinister Putty with an undying lust for violence.
STAND YOUR GROUND ZACK, HE'S GOT A GUN!
Luckily Zack realizes the Putty that was politely waving at him was actually Trini just before he kicks her right in the throat. Jesus, we're 9 minutes into the episode and the first scene Power Rangers can bother shoehorning Trini into is Zack trying to spinkick her head off? Way to give the girl some self confidence.
With the rest of the Putties defeated, Zack and Billy inform their friends about Zedd's spell causing them to see their friends as Putties. Zack clumsily name drops the episode's title and tells his friends that he's got "Island of Illusion Part 1." Zordon brings all six Ranger Teens back to the Command Center to give them the score. He describes Lord Zedd's spell in detail to kill some time while the audience goes to get some snacks.
Zordon follows up all that exposition with even more exposition on Zedd's Saliguana monster. The same one who's been a complete non-entity for the last five minutes. Zordon scans the beast and finds that it contains the powers of the mythical salamander, which can live in and breathe fire. It also has a non-mythical variant that makes a killer bottle of brandy.
Billy says the only way to stop the monster is by creating a device that will ice the lizard and chill its body. They could also try using a rock or ground type move for critical damage. Oh shoot, you could also try hitting it with your weapons. That usually seems to do the trick.
Zack and Billy head to Billy's garage to create a gadget to fend off the Saliguana while Alpha tries to find a way around Zedd's magic. Billy figures that an iguana's cold blooded nature will make it unable to stand something cooling it over, so an Ice Device may be just what they need. Alls I know is if nobody in this episode tells the Saliguana to "chill out", I'm going to break this DVD in half.
Trini teleports into Billy's lab and decides to test out Alpha's plan to circumvent Zedd's scheme. As soon as she shows up, Trini morphs into the Yellow Ranger and ceases looking like a Putty to Billy and Zack. Phew that was close, what were the odds that one of the Ranger Teens might morph during a stressful situation? Now as long as the other four Ranger Teens stayed morphed for the rest of their lives, Zedd's spell means nothing. Way to go Alpha!
Though one problem has been poorly solved, another has emerged. The Saliguana has appeared on the beach outside Angel Grove where we can assume he's attacking all the sunbathing beauties.
Jason instructs Billy to bring his new ice dildo or whatever to the battle. Billy whines that he hasn't tested it yet and it might not work, but what else is new with all of Billy's half assed science crap? Just make sure you check the batteries this time dickhead.
All of the Rangers morph aside from Tommy who says his energy is running too low to participate in the fight, so he's going to hang back and listen to Zordon express his views on other ethnicities for a while. The primary Rangers, as well as Trini, morph to the beach where they're greeted with a battalion of Z-Putties ready to clobber them. The Rangers wail on the clay clumps and it strikes me that I'm not as engaged in this Putty fight as I was during the first one.
Why's that? I'm not quite sure to be honest. It might have something to do with the plot of this episode revolving around Putties so heavily, that halfway through you're just ready to be done with them. Not only that, but the crux of this episode was Billy and Zack having to fight Putties without hurting their friends. Now that we're near the midpoint of the action that's completely dissipated and ceased being relevant. The choreography is good, the moves are fine, the karate and stunt work is juicy and ridiculous just the way I want it, but something about the presentation just can't stick the landing.
After Billy and Zack demolish the Putties, the Saliguana charges in and tells them they'd better hurry up or they won't have time to burn off some Sentai footage this week. Zack engages in a quick match with the overgrown lizard and knocks him onto his scaly ass. Billy warns Zack that Saliguana could unleash his fire breath at any given moment and toast the shit out of them. Zack shrugs this off because he's forgotten everything Zordon's told him in the past five minutes.
Saliguana becomes furious that he's being treated like such a forgettable nothing of a monster and spews flames from his maw. Billy and Zack are both toasted but roll aside before being turned into puddles of blue and black ooze. Zack tries busting out the Ice Device and sprays a stream of dry ice magical ranger smoke at the beast. Unfortunately it doesn't work at all and leaves the Rangers blazed and knocked to the ground.
Billy then tells Zack to try and figure out what's wrong with the device he created, because whoever was doing ADR this week didn't remember which Ranger was which. Billy defends Zack by leaping at the Saliguana and doing what he does best.
Getting his ass beat.
Zack realizes his buddy is about to be Iguana Chow if he doesn't do something so Zack jumps into the air and corkscrew kicks Saliguana off of Billy. With the monster distracted, Billy realizes the problem is that the techno elements of the warp core drive on the Ice Device were discharging at a subatomic rate, therefore ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
The long and the short of it is that Billy just needs to attach another dinky little microchip to the piece of junk he didn't build right in the first place. After doing so, the Ice Device manages to overwhelm the Saliguana's fire breath and infuriate the monster. Going to have to subtract a point from this episode though, Saliguana at no point tells the two Rangers he's going to beat them black and blue. Swing and a miss Power Rangers.
The other three Rangers show up and combine their weapons to finish off the weakened Saliguana with the Power Blaster. Unfortunately Lord Zedd throws his Growth Bomb to Earth to turn Saliguana giant sized before he can be killed for good. The Rangers summon their Thunderzords to combat the giant Godzilla wannabe.
Time for another lousy spliced together Megazord battle!
Thankfully, the Thunderzords don't immediately form into the Thunder Megazord. The only reason this is significant is because we finally get to see the individual Thunderzords do something outside of "be five toys, then become one big toy. Sold separately." The Red Dragon Thunderzord Warrior Mode gets torched by the Saliguana before joining the other four Thunderzords in a formation known as the Thunderzord Assault Team.
The other four Zords in their most impressive display yet.
The Saliguana tries again to blast the Thunderzords but their advanced agility proves too much for him and the monster becomes furious at his own miserable lack of strength yet again.
The Rangers bring their Thunderzords together to form the Thunder Megazord. Since Saliguana's dumbass fire attacks haven't worked, he instead tries to use his tongue as a lasso to tie up the Megazord. Sounds all well and good until you remember we're watching hackjob Zord fights that can't show contact between the two combatants. Instead let me try showing you the footage and you tell me if you can spot anything wrong.
Apologies to the colorblind readers who can't play along at home.
Credit where credit's due, this is the first time a Zyu2 VS. Thunderzord fight didn't have a clear shot of the original Megazord on screen being obscured by clouds of explosions and sparks, so at the very least they have that going for them.
The Thunder Megazord busts out its Thunder Saber and chops the Saliguana's multicolored tongue off. The monster, now with no tongue and no flame, tries to taunt the Rangers with his limited array of skills. Sadly the Rangers don't respond well to bullshit machismo and slash the big bitch lizard down with their Thunder Saber. Congrats Rangers, you murdered the class pet. At least we can blame it on Bulk and Skull feeding it to death.
Back at Angel Grove High, Billy and Zack see the rest of the Ranger Teens walk in and realize they still look like Putties. While the boys consider blinding themselves Oedipus style, Jason tells them to wear their super cool sunglasses one more time. Upon putting the shades on, a bolt of blue energy surges through the shades and vanquishes Zedd's curse. Alpha managed to transmogrify a light wave refractor to energ…it was magic. Alpha used magic to fix the problem.
And because things need to end on a less grim note, Miss Applebee's iguana shows back up and crawls up Skull's leg to say hello to its only friends. A single tear is shed by Bulk as he holds the reptile up to his chest and thanks the angels for bringing his son back safe and sound. If you want to judge this beautiful family then go ahead, but never question the love Bulk has for his lizard monster son.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Iguana Chow
Personal Thoughts
Mark this week as another pleasant surprise. I used to remember being lukewarm on this episode, but it turned out to be a lot more enjoyable than I recalled. While the Saliguana monster had little screen presence, most of the other bits and pieces of the episode were good enough to make for an altogether satisfying package.
When I was a young lad watching this episode, I remembered a question on my mind that I still have no real answer to. When the Ranger Teens are portrayed as Putties, we as the audience can still hear their dialogue as though they're regular people. Though if that were the case for Billy and Zack, why do they only react to the visual? Do they not hear their friends voices coming from these bizarrely ambivalent Putties? Were they just taken by surprise and rendered deaf? Were they unable to actually hear their friends and the show didn't convey that point? Am I thinking too much about this? Yes.
Lucky me, I get to take a tiny bit of a Zyu2 break this week, because Saliguana is one of only two Season 2 Zyu2 monsters not to have his footage released yet. That's pretty unfortunate all things considered, because Saliguana has the shortest runtime of footage out of any of the unreleased Zyu2 crew. Clocking in at only 3:17 of utilized footage. While there's no way to say for sure how long Saliguana's footage ran for, it's obvious that we're missing something. As for what? I can only speculate.
The Z-Putty fight on the beach could potentially mean there was a battle with the original Rita style Putties that was cut out, as they were obviously considered obsolete in Season 2. Replacing the original Putties with Z-Putties would be a recurring trend with Season 2 Zyu2 monsters. Did it happen here? Maybe. Who knows. I don't. Do you? Bullshit. Nobody knows.
What I'm most curious about is how we only see one fight with Saliguana. He's at the beach and scuffles with Billy and Zack before getting his fire breath extinguished and then Power Blasted.
A good deal of Zyu2 monsters have an initial battle with the Rangers where their powers are demonstrated, they beat the heroes, then the Rangers retreat. In this case there is no build-up battle against Saliguana. He's just a one and done. I suspect we may have lost an entire scene of battle against him. Granted there's no way to be sure, not unless Jeff Pruitt happens to release this monster in another Zyu2 batch. If you're reading this Jeff, thank you for making my formative years better by choreographing teenagers slapping around stunt actors in gray pajamas.
The last thing I wanted to note is the script of this episode. It mentions the Green Ranger showing up after the Saliguana grows. Why this interests me is because there is absolutely no indication that Green Ranger was in this batch of footage whatsoever. He didn't appear when the Rangers used the Power Blaster, he didn't show up to bring out Dragonzord, nothing. He was nowhere to be found in any of it. Maybe they wanted to have a scene of him fighting Putties but the script specifically mentioned him showing up alongside the other Rangers as they summoned their Zords.
So what the hell's going on here? We may never know. Now please cross your fingers with me my dear friends and hope the Saliguana footage will leak eventually. It gives me a reason to continue with this ridiculous life I've lived.
|
|
|
Post by sbtbfanatic on Dec 28, 2015 2:38:08 GMT
MMPR Season 2 Episode 6: Bloom of Doom
Middle Class White Girl Experiences Unsympathetic Problem Flower Monster Not Possessed By Devil, Riots Ensue
Today on the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, someone on the show's writing staff remembered that young girls make up a significant enough percentage of their audience that they should write an episode focusing on the two female Rangers. Just to show the kids at home that girls can do anything boys can do. Unless those girls want to learn how to have a personality, in which case they should be watching Blossom.
Today all of the Angel Grove High students that were given names are given the opportunity to start up a club about something that interests them. Zack's started up a Hip Hop Kido Club, Kimberly's started up a Botany Club, and Billy's hosting a club on Convincing Women to Let You Smell Their Hair.
While Zack and Billy have a smattering of participants in their clubs, Kimberly doesn't have a single soul willing to listen to her blather about flowers. The real shocker is that the club that has the most participants belongs to Trini. Probably because they want to know what that one girl who never says anything is into. As it turns out, Trini is all about playing volleyball, and the ladies of Angel Grove need to know the hot tips on serving balls in chumps' faces.
Kimberly starts sinking into a deep depression because nobody wants to sign up for her boring club for losers and everyone's hanging out with Trini instead. While Trini is excited someone on the planet took the time to notice her, Kimberly passive aggressively says "Yeah that's great….for some people." As if the world isn't Kimberly's goddamn oyster. Trini gets one thing going for her and instantly Kimberly throws a world-class hissy fit.
And that's exactly where I take issue with the episode.
You know who has absolutely everything going for her? Kimberly Hart. She's a cheerleader, she's got a hunky boyfriend who loves karate, and she gets two Christmases. Everyone loves her and thinks she's the grumble bees knees. Trini on the other hand? This might actually be the first time in her entire life something has worked out for her. The whole plot of this episode revolves around Kimberly getting jealous that her friend nobody cares about is happy. Forgive me if I have a tough time getting on board.
She just saw Billy's club members trying to sneak a sniff.
Lord Zedd notices Kimberly in a jealous panic and plans on using her human female emotions to destroy her team from the inside out. Zedd will use his magic to infect one of Kimberly's cactus plants. After she pricks her finger on the cactus, her mind will become consumed with jealousy and she'll turn into such a whiny brat that the Ranger's teamwork will fall into permanent disrepair. Squatt pops up to chime in that Lord Zedd's plan is completely brilliant. Personally if I were Lord Zedd I would take this ringing endorsement from a pot-bellied pedophile as an indication my plan needed a few more minutes to cook.
While Trini's sudden popularity has chapped Kimberly's cheeks, she also has to contend with the fact that Bulk and Skull's Unsolved Mysteries Club is experiencing a huge uptick in participants. Now that's some raw, juicy, unleaded humiliation for you. Being outclassed by Bulk and fucking Skull. Though I wouldn't be too jealous if I were Kimberly, because I think Bulk and Skull might be making up some of their members.
Did Proto's brother Mega sign up too?
Mr. Caplan drops by the Youth Center to complain about how stupid all of his ugly students are, and gripes that all the clubs sign-up sheets are scattered in various locations. He makes sure to mention he hopes everyone can find the right club, and immediately you know exactly what's going to happen because the Ranger Teens live in a perfect world. So if any of you kids go through what Kimberly is in this episode, make sure to let your problem become magically solved through plot convenience. What's that? People didn't join your club and won't show up at the end of the episode to make it all better? Take that shit to Sesame Street, we deal with real problems in Angel Grove.
Then we reach a moment in the episode I can actually enjoy. Kimberly becomes reasonably frustrated at the lack of support her club has, but instead of moping and bitching about how cool and awesome Trini is, she asserts that even by herself she'll be able to build the best damn garden this shithole city has ever seen.
I appreciate this kind of jealousy a lot more than Kim making pissy faces about Trini's newfound fame and fortune. Obviously since this is a karate show for babies we can't have Kimberly expressing her jealousy in a subtle way, but maybe building to that anger would have been preferable to Kimberly giving Trini a cold glare two minutes into the episode.
Unfortunately for poor little Kimberly, Bulk and Skull take notice of her crippling inability to run a club and start taunting her. Bulk astutely asks Kim if she's bummed out because her best friend got all the club member and left her with nothing, and Kim doesn't even have some snarky retort about the two of them being fuckless nobodies. She has no ammo against the two biggest targets on the planet, and it's really impressive to see these morons pull off a successful burn on someone without immediately falling into a tray of used heroin needles.
In Lord Zedd's Chamber of Command, Goldar produces a small vial of dry ice and cough syrup which we are assured is a powerful jealousy potion. Goldar dumps the potion onto a cactus being held by a Z-Putty who is then commanded to take the tainted plant down to Earth and swap it with one of Kim's cacti. Now wait a second, I hear you eagle-eyed readers saying, "How in the hell can a Putty manage to sneak into the Youth Center undetected?" Simple, Putties just so happen to be masters of disguise.
R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg
Kimberly sulks at the Juice Bar while talking to Ernie, and drops the bomb that the most popular club is Trini's volleyball extravaganza. Ernie looks puzzled and asks when Tommy took up volleyball, and Kimberly corrects him that she said Trini. Then Ernie looks stone-faced at Kimberly and tells her he's never met anyone by that name in his life.
The completely inconspicuous Putty Patroller swaps plants from Kim's table and makes a hasty escape before returns. Mere seconds after the evil cactus has been placed onto her table, Kimberly runs her fingers through it, having forgotten that cacti tend to be sharp, and instantly pricks her finger. As soon as Kimberly starts sucking on her prickly finger, a tiny cloud of green energy starts swirling around her finger. The energy causes Kimberly's eyes to literally turn green with envy. If you folks at home heard something, that would be me throwing my laptop across the room.
Having been overcome with magical jealousy, Kimberly begins to exaggeratedly scoff and huff before bitching her way over to Trini's booth. Now that she's been jealousified, Kimberly feels the need to unload on Trini for hogging all the warm bodies for her dumbass volleyball garbage. Trini politely responds that she can help Kim find some losers at school who would be interested in looking at rotting weeds, but Kim tells her to buzz off. Which is the Power Rangers equivalent of telling someone to go suck their dad's dick on Christmas.
Kimberly storms off and takes her pricked finger anger out on Bulk and Skull. As soon as they're confronted, Skull accidentally blurts out that the people who joined their club had to be bribed with free food. You're kidding me, you mean Proto wasn't interested in unsolved mysteries? Next you'll tell me he was lying about his name too.
Bulk tells the angry Kimberly the first mystery they'll be solving is the identity of the Power Rangers. Since the two stooges heard the Rangers' voices, they just need to match what they heard to every voice in Angel Grove. For some reason this means Bulk and Skull need to carry around a shitload of equipment to record every single voice in Angel Grove instead of using those two little satellite dishes on the sides of their heads to discern what they heard. Not to mention the fact this whole club is predicated on solving the Power Rangers' identities, but none of those club members heard the voices you morons did. I'm starting to think Bulk and Skull made a poorly informed decision.
Skull tries to record Kimberly but is promptly rebuked by her jealousy fueled rage. After Kim flies the coop, Skull informs his beefy buddy that Kimberly is definitely not a Power Ranger. Get it? Because she is and they don't know. Hyuck Hyuck Hyuck.
Though that line was a real groaner, Bulk off-handedly replies "She's in a fight with Trini or somethin' I dunno." Which is delivered so realistically that it feels like an ad-lib. In fact it was so natural I had to go check the script to see if it was even meant to be in the episode, and surprisingly it was.
Somehow, Paul Schrier says that line with the most dismissive apathy for the situation that it feels like he's not acting, but summing up something he's vaguely noticed. It's easily some of the best acting this show's ever had. All in a human moment of disinterest.
Unfortunately, Kim's busy not acting like a human being and Tommy's getting upset. He could try talking to her about karate, but usually that just makes her frown and stop petting his hair. Ernie offers him a shitty looking plastic flower to cheer her up, and Tommy decides this will do the trick. Yeah, what girl wouldn't be brought to climax getting one of these beauties?
Why are you giving Kim an unrolled Fruit Roll-up?
Tommy offers the piece of cellophane to Kimberly and tells her he knows how it feels to be in a fight with his best friend, as he and Jason give each other a brief look. I'm impressed, season 2 is killing it in the continuity game. Sad to say Kimberly is much less impressed as she tells Tommy that she hates flowers and Trini is most certainly not her best friend. Kimberly then leaves after taking the flower she just said she hated because the episode's director wasn't paying attention to the scene's dialogue.
After Trini's first volleyball practice, Jason and Tommy arrive to inquire what got up Kimberly's ass. After she explains what's wrong, Tommy asks why Trini and Kimberly would be mad at each other because they're best friends apparently. The boys tell Trini they should head back to the Youth Center and talk this out, even though we last saw Kimberly leaving the Youth Center in a huff. Look, the director had a busy schedule that day and he'll be goddamned if he has to read the script to this cornball show more than once.
Bulk and Skull mosey on up to the three Ranger Teens and Bulk says these super losers could never be the Power Rangers. Yeah, why would people who are bizarrely proactive and do nothing but good deeds for the community while practicing karate ever be caught dead in costumes doing martial arts and saving their city? Then Bulk throws me for a loop when he stops his prejudice against the Ranger Teens and says they should get their voices on tape to cover all their bases. Also so they can get Trini's voice on tape for the first time in recorded history. Congrats dummies, you're starting to come up in the world.
While Kimberly pisses and moans that she has to dig up a garden all by her lonesome, Zedd takes the opportunity to create a ferocious flower of his own, the Bloom of Doom.
Who named this thing? Dr. Seuss? Fuck outta here.
Zordon alerts Jason, Trini, and Tommy about Zedd's newest creation. Tommy says he's ready to fight, but Trini asks Tommy if he should really be fighting with his dwindling power supply. Zordon tells Trini to mind her own fucking business because Tommy can make his own goddamned decisions and doesn't need some busybody volleyball dame getting all up on his jock.
After informing Billy and Zack of the monster, Zordon gives Kimberly a holler and tells her what's up. There's a pretty great moment when a clearly annoyed Kimberly puts on a fake smile and answers her Communicator with insincere pep. It's something you readers who work retail will know all too well.
Zordon tells Kimberly about the Doom Bloom and says the Rangers will need additional support to defeat the monster. Unfortunately Billy's been too busy getting nostril deep in some weaves to whip up a can of Ranger Amitrole, so Alpha's created a dinky little ribbon on a stick for Kimberly to hogtie the monster. Then all Kim will need to do is sheer off the numerous red penises on its body and leave the monster defenseless.
The Ranger Teens morph and stand strong against the mutant decoupage. Bloom maneuvers its creepy ass vine arms to summon a batch of Z-Putties. The Rangers make quick work of the Putties with some radiant Wasserman rock to set the mood. In fact the music is so awesome it keeps you from noticing that all of the Rangers get a scene of them beating the shit out of Putties besides Yellow. Remember how the plot of this episode is all about Trini getting more attention than Kim? What are you talking about? Who's Trini?
With the Putties out of the way, the Rangers challenge the Bloom of Doom. Before they can approach her, Bloom starts vomiting pollen out of her head blossom and catches the heroes in a storm of allergens. While the female Rangers manage to roll out of the way, the guys become caught deeper in Bloom's burning pollen and start freaking out and yelling out in pain. This also marks the second time Jason has screamed out "Ow it burns" ever since the night after he and Zack raw dogged it with Angela.
With the boys out of commission, Kimberly and Trini are left to fight the Bloom on their own. Kimberly wraps up the monster with her magical ribbon weapon which causes the flower beast to spark and burst with explosions. Trini, ever the showboating impetuous glory hog we know her to be, decides to take matters into her own hands.
If ever there were a time for Dagger throwing this would be it.
Kimberly becomes reasonably frustrated that her fellow Ranger cocked this battle up so badly and gripes to herself how Trini has once again fucked us all. Watching this scene of her cutting the ribbon only makes me wonder what the hell this episode is trying to do. Kimberly is jealous of Trini and has gotten frustrated with her, and that's completely believable and makes sense. So why is it that Trini makes a really stupid blunder that allows the monster to escape, and Kim getting mad about it is supposed to be in the wrong?
I understand this is Japanese footage the writers had to work with it, but if you're going to make this plot about Kimberly being upset at Trini and how that's a bad thing, you might not want to include a scene that has Trini do something worthy of that anger. If you're going to do this episode about girl power right, then you're going to have to include both girls as main players in the plot. Kimberly is mad at Trini, Kimberly turns jealous, Kimberly becomes frustrated and bitter, Kimberly throws a hissy fit about her club having no turnout. All of this is fine, but then you have no basis for Trini's actions.
If you relegate Trini to a passive observer then moments where she goes all gung-ho and attacks the monster by herself are completely ridiculous. I know Power Rangers wants desperately to shove her in the background, but this is one of the few times they can't get away with it. This episode is begging to focus on both girls at once, but sees fit to only keep Kimberly in the starring role. Girl power my ass.
Kimberly tries using her ribbon weapon once again, but Trini cut too much of it off and there isn't enough to wrap Bloom up. The monster easily hurls Kimberly through the air and creates a cheap looking kaleidoscope effect focusing on the monster's eye. The kaleidoscope circles around Kimberly and begins to disorient her until both she and the monster are transported to Bloom's poorly decorated personal dimension. Though I'm no interior decorator, so judge for yourselves.
You know what this place could use? Some red cacti.
The rest of the Rangers head back to the Command Center now that Kimberly and the monster have vanished, and little do they know how badly she's getting stomped. Bloom spins her vines and produces more pollen to burn up the Pink Ranger. With Kimberly stunned, the monster tosses one of its vine tentacles to lasso her. Just in case you forgot Japan made this. Quick Trini! Slash Kimberly's bindings then look around all confused when she escapes. It's our only hope.
The other five Rangers arrive in the Command Center and all start rubbing their eyes. Even Trini, who was clearly shown not to be affected by the pollen during the fight. Congrats to the director of this episode for achieving the "I don't give a shit" hat trick. Zordon alerts the Rangers that Kimberly is trapped in Bloom's dimensional warp and has been overtaken by a jealousy spell. Thanks for the input Zordon, might have helped to hear that a few minutes ago.
Billy does some calculations by slapping his fingers on a bunch of prop buttons in the Command Center and comes up with a solution. If Trini throws her Power Daggers at a 90 degree trajectory, they will be able to rescue Kimberly from Bloom's shitty dimension AND break the jealousy spell. That sounds just implausible enough to work. Not to mention the plan involves throwing your weapons like a total goober, which is Trini's specialty.
While Bloom continues her assault on the Pink Ranger, she's interrupted by Trini's Power Daggers flying into the dimension and striking her. What do you expect when you keep your dimension at a 90 degree trajectory? That's asking for trouble. Trini tells Kimberly she's here to help, and not by completely fucking everything up this time. With the jealousy spell having apparently been broken, Kimberly thanks Trini for saving her and promises they'll be friends until one of them quits this garbage show forever.
The girls team back up and attack the monster; first with a flying kick from Trini, then a trio of arrows shot by Kim's Power Bow. Bloom of Doom is sent reeling from the attacks and tries to recover as the other four Rangers show up. Though Bloom tries shit talking the Rangers, they're no longer intimidated by a deflowered chump like her. Kimberly commands the rest of the Rangers to assemble the Power Blaster. With one shot, the Bloom of Doom is obliterated by the Rangers weapons. Weren't Lord Zedd's monsters supposed to be stronger than Rita's? Not when the episode's running out of time they're not!
Watch out for that crash mat down there!
With his monster defeated and his magic dispersed, Zedd becomes infuriated at today's loss. He blasts tiny bolts of lightning at the Earth and threatens to turn the members of the Moon Crew into snakes, which would be quite an improvement for half of them. Goldar tries to diffuse the tension by telling Lord Zedd that his plan was perfect and it's all their fault for being such inefficient losers. Hopefully Rita comes back soon to give Goldar his spine back.
Back at the Youth Center, Kimberly talks with a big group of her nameless mute friends that didn't know where to sign up for her bullshit flower club. As was so masterfully foreshadowed earlier when Caplan explicitly spelled out what would be happening later. Well thank God that crisis was averted, how would we be able to sleep at night if Kimberly didn't have members in this club that will never be referred to again?
Kimberly apologizes to Trini for acting like even more of a stereotype than usual and asks if her friend will ever forgive her. Since Trini has even less personality she's plenty happy to accept Kimberly's apology. Tommy happily says it will take a lot more than Zedd to break up their team, and anyone within earshot of the Ranger Teens now knows of their secret identities. Way to go Tommy, no wonder we gave you the shitty Power Coin.
Bulk and Skull show up covered in mud and branches, having completed another glorious afternoon of public fucking. The bullies reveal that they've uncovered the Power Rangers' secret identities with the help of their crew of randos. Skull tries playing the tape recorder but it's been jammed with a mix of semen and what's hopefully mud. The rest of Bulk and Skull's club become disgusted at the bullies' horse-assery and ditch them. See that you two? You just lost Proto's respect, and that's something you can't regain.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Flowers Made From Discarded Candy Wrappers
Personal Thoughts
Bleh. Just not that great. A really middle of the road episode without much to keep me invested. Bloom of Doom isn't as bad as some of the worst episodes in Season 2, but it's mediocre enough for me to not recommend it. The performances are fine, the action isn't bad, but there's not a whole lot of substance to this one. Primarily because the writers refuse to involve Trini in a goddamned thing.
One thing I find rather strange is that only four of the Ranger Teens are starting up a club in this week's plot. For some weird reason neither Tommy or Jason get to create a club of some kind. If I don't miss my guess, it's probably because the only thing these two have is karate, and it would make the writers look lazy if two characters both opened a karate club. So the show decided to exclude both of them instead of letting one character open a club and have the other inexplicably not involved. I appreciate this show's willingness to not give characters traits other than whatever four things were written down in Season 1.
For as bland a monster as Bloom of Doom is, there's quite a bit of Zyu2 lore to be mined from her, so strap in because we've got a bunch of junk to talk about. First and foremost is that Bloom of Doom is one of the many Zyu2 monsters with her footage released. You can watch the footage of Bloom of Doom at this link. Though hey…stick around and listen to me talk about it. It gets lonely around here sometimes.
All of Zyu2's ideas were later stolen wholesale by director Wang Xiaoshuai
Right as this Zyu2 block starts, we get a bit of unseen footage showing off the monster's body. These shots are pretty common in Zyu2 footage and look pretty damn cool. The problem is that Bloom's looks kinda shitty and shows…well two petals and a foot?
Even the cameraman doesn't know where this thing's face is.
After that happens, Bloom does her petal spewing junk all over the place until she gets hit by a blast from off camera. I don't have the foggiest what's meant to hit her, but the Rangers all leap forward immediately afterwards. I assume that Power Rangers was meant to insert stock footage of a Blade Blaster firing or some such thing, but who knows for sure?
After the blast, Bloom starts taunting the Rangers and summons a batch of Putties, of the Season 1 variety. This was replaced with U.S. footage of Bloom calling on some Z-Putties to fight the Rangers for her.
I miss these tiger striped idiots.
U.S. footage Bloom just isn't feeling it today.
The Putty battles are relatively similar, and it almost seems like the U.S. stunt crew was trying to replicate some of the action from the Zyu2 material. Though Trini gets to fight some of the Putties in the Japanese stuff so maybe they filmed her fighting Z-Putties and it got cut?
After the Putty fight concludes, the Bloom of Doom footage continues pretty much uninterrupted. That is until the Power Blaster gets fired. While Power Rangers might have you think this is where the battle ends, that's not quite the case.
When photosynthesis goes too far.
That's right, there was a Zord battle with this monster that went completely unseen for nearly 20 years. However, before we get into all that I need to bring up a bit of speculation that occurred before this footage was revealed.
While many monster costumes would remain in good condition and be reused during later episodes, other costumes would be repainted and slightly redesigned to be used as monsters in various background scenes during later seasons. This leads to the main point, a very familiar looking monster showing up in a later season of Power Rangers.
Debloom Bloom of Doom Honey...you got real ugly.
This monster is pretty definitely a repurposed Bloom of Doom costume, I'd recognize those dicks anywhere. For those who might be skeptical, this creature was sold under the name Bloom of Doom during an auction of Power Rangers monster suits, despite not being the original costume. This creature was referred to by fans as Debloom, and some fans thought it looked a bit more complex than a standard monster dye job. A high profile fan who went on to become a script writer for Power Rangers discussed this monster at one point and said that not only was Bloom of Doom supposed to have a Zord battle, but she would be powered up by Lokar and become this terrifying new monster.
Zyu2 nerds such as me, myself, and I were in a tizzy over something like that happening. This monster must be so powerful and will have all sorts of cool abilities! Who knows what this Debloom creature could do!
Well nothing, because that was all a bunch of bullshit.
The Zord battle with Bloom of Doom has no Lokar, no Debloom, nothing of the sort. Just a standard battle against Dragonzord and Megazord ending as many of them do, with a Power Sword finisher.
Glad I waited 20 years for this.
Why did this Zord battle go unused? Couldn't tell ya. The script for this episode included a Thunderzord battle, but it's possible the giant fight was cut for time. Oddly enough the script also indicated they should cut out all traces of the Dragonzord, which would be pretty goddamned stupid considering they'd lose a perfectly good scene of the Dragonzord tail-slapping Bloom.
It's entirely feasible the editors thought this Zord battle would have been too much of a hassle to edit because Bloom is so often on camera with the original Zords, but honestly this one doesn't seem like it would be very difficult to edit. Don't take my word for it though, check out this video that Zyuranger made illustrating that point.
So as it turns out, Debloom really was nothing but a repainted monster costume. All the fan theories and speculation about Lokar showing up amounted to nothing but our overactive imaginations getting the better of us. It's more likely that the Bloom of Doom costume was in bad condition and re-skinned to make Debloom so that her bits and pieces didn’t go to waste in a wood chipper.
Though no matter what we learn about Zyu2 now, it doesn't take away from how fun it was to theorize about all the stuff that could happen in this unreleased footage. There's a few more Zyu2 creatures left to see in Season 2, and there's some other fun stuff to discuss after that. Until then, enjoy yourselves boys and girls, and just this once why don't you let the Trini in your circle of friends have a day in the spotlight?
|
|
|
Post by sbtbfanatic on Dec 28, 2015 2:38:39 GMT
MMPR Season 2 Episode 7: The Green Dream
Cybernetic Lamb Threatened With Hug Top Secret Weapon Introduced, Immediately Ignored Forever
Those of you who have been watching Power Rangers since late Season 1 might recall that Tommy Oliver's powers are running out. If you've forgotten, the show has been gracious enough to remind you every single time Tommy has been on screen for more than 6 seconds. However for all the bluster and hullabaloo the show has given us about how Tommy's on the way out, all that we've been doing is paying that particular problem lip service. Someone says they're worried about Tommy, he assures them he'll be fine, he goes into battle, nothing goes wrong. Well today's going to change all that, we're finally going to take a long hard look at the Green Ranger's weakening power supply.
For the next four goddamned weeks.
We join Tommy as his English class wraps up and Ms. Applebee reminds the students they have a 500 word essay on a topic of their choice due this Friday. A portly student with glasses sitting in the back smiles and turns in his work early, a 4000 word essay on the episode of Power Rangers where Kimberly fights a vagina shaped flower.
Skull and Bulk become frantic when they realize they haven't started writing anything yet. Skull tries to think of a subject that interests them that they can write about, and offers suggestions such as "Slugs, Ejaculating on your best friend while he's asleep, and Sweat." Bulk decides those bush league topics aren't going to cut it this time, and they need to write about something that's really going to knock some socks off. They're going to write about the one motivation they've been given this season the secret identity of the Power Rangers. Yet again leaving the foremost essay on slugs unpublished by the men most qualified to do so.
Kimberly drops by Tommy's locker after school and inadvertently startles him. It turns out Tommy hasn't been getting much sleep at night due to a recurring nightmare he's been having. A nightmare where Tommy loses his powers, which culminates in him and Jason going to a big karate tournament and hugging each other really close. Then they talk about how good they are together, and then when Tommy wakes up his mom's really mad she has to do an extra load of laundry.
On the Moon Palace, Lord Zedd cackles at Tommy's fading confidence and mentions that the worst is yet to come. Zedd doesn't specifically say he's causing these dreams to manifest in Tommy, but it seems to be implied that's the case as he's closely monitoring their effect on him. The only thing that makes me doubt that is it's much more subtle than anything ever attempted in this show outside of scenes where Bulk doesn't fall into a cake. Zedd mentions that with Tommy's fears becoming a reality he'll soon be able to get his hands on the Sword of Power. With that weapon in his hands he's a shoe-in at the "Laziest Name for a Macguffin" contest!
Oh I see a few of you scratching your heads out there at this Sword of Power development. That was the original Megazord's weapon wasn't it? N-no that was the Power Sword. Easy to mix those two up b-…no now you're thinking of the Red Ranger's weapon which is also named the Power Sword. This Sword of Power is a unique weapon that the Rangers have access to when all six of them are together. You might remember it from all the times the Rangers used it previously, like in the fan favorite episode #87 "Weekend at Ernies."
During the interim of Lord Zedd's desire for things we've never heard about before, Billy's been working on another piece of garbage that's sure to malfunction as soon as someone breathes on it. It's a scrambling device that can block electronic signals up to 20 feet away, and it's entirely unique to the device he made 4 episodes ago that did the exact same thing. Trini informs Billy his device is terrific, but Billy tells her to stop fucking yappin' all the time because Tommy and Kimberly are here and she might have talked over something they had to say.
Tommy tells his friends he has to write a whole 500 word essay on a subject that interests him. His paper is going to be on mythology, because Ms. Applebee threatened to flunk him if she had to read one more cocksucking paper on karate. Thankfully Tommy's selected something easy to write 500 words about like the very narrow topic of "Mythology." While Tommy seems confident in his ability to make things up for a page of material, Trini seems to find this assignment rather daunting.
She hasn't said 500 words in 60+ episodes
Bulk and Skull show up to ruin everyone's fun dressed to the nines in their Ranger Hunting Gear. Bulk fidgets with a cheap looking gadget he bought from a man wearing a tinfoil hat that only cost a handful of french fries. This hunka junk is supposed to be able to locate strong energy signatures, which should make the Rangers easy to find since they've been soaked in enough radiation to wipe Somalia off the map. That's when this show does something that actually surprises me. This dinky little piece of shit that Bulk has actually starts working and zeroing in on the Ranger Teens.
Credit where credit's due, that is absolutely the last thing I expect when you give someone such a trashy looking prop. We cut to each of the Ranger Teens looking uncomfortable that they're about to be outed by their dearest friends Bulk and Skull, but Billy realizes the solution is right in front of him. He turns on that worthless signal blocker he mentioned 45 seconds ago and it scrambles Bulk and Skull's device. The boys follow the now malfunctioning signal straight to the most likely candidate for Power Rangerdom, Ernie.
Then the show gets its monthly legitimate laugh out of me when Ernie reacts to the accusation that he wears colored spandex and fights fire breathing lizards on his off hours. I expected Ernie to roll his eyes while Bulk and Skull sadly piss their pants, but instead Ernie makes fun of their spurious logic by striking a mock karate pose. When this show gives ancillary characters things to do other than the four generic things they're given every week I automatically dole out some bonus points.
Could have done without the buck teeth though.
Jason laughs at Bulk's misfortune and asks Bulk if he spent a lot of money on that piece of shit. Bulk silently chuckles while he looks at his broken device and realizes he's never going to college.
Tommy heads off to the library to rent more books on mythology that someone can read to him. On his way there, Zedd ambushes him with a handful of Z-Putties meant to capture the Green Ranger while he's alone. Tommy gets into a nice brief battle with the cretins but something popped out at me before the fight even began. The Putties leap onto the scene to challenge Tommy but before any actual fighting can begin we see one Putty holding another one as though they had been attacked. Maybe you guys should wait to be hit before you start doing your exaggerated buffoonery.
Can love bloom on the battlefield?
Unfortunately Tommy is distracted by this tender display of affection and is swiftly kidnapped by the Putties and brought to Zedd's Dark Chamber. Well the show informs me this is a Dark Chamber, but as a human being with working eyeballs I'm able to discern it is actually a "Cave With a Fog Machine On the Floor."
Goldar appears in front of Tommy and welcomes him to Zedd's humble chamber. Tommy wonderfully taunts the villain by asking "Goldilocks" what he's planning. Goldar tells Tommy he wants anything that Zedd wants and that happens to be Tommy. Maybe you missed the memo Goldar but Tommy is in a committed relationship with Kimberly that has just become Facebook Official. For realsies.
Zedd's staff teleports into Goldar's hands as the villain prepares to use it to brainwash Tommy into becoming a servant of evil. Why is Goldar taking Zedd's weapon to do this instead of Zedd getting off his ass and doing this himself? Shut up. Tommy has to be turned evil now. Just as I'm about to make fun of the fact this is well traveled territory, Tommy declares he'll never turn against his friends again. Oh, looks like someone in the writing room has working long term memory. You know I love it when you pay the tiniest attention to detail Power Rangers.
Goldar blasts Tommy with a wave of energy that causes his eyes to blink red like he left his turn signal on. The now evil Green Ranger vows loyalty to Goldar and Zedd after promising to take Squatt out for walks every night. Goldar then starts rifling through Tommy's book bag to see if the teen's got any titty mags only to see one of Tommy's mythology books opened up. The pages have pictures of mythological creatures on them, but no words to be found. Another indicator that Tommy is hiding his illiteracy.
Goldar spies an image of a goat-like warrior and submits it for the approval of the Midnight Society Lord Zedd. The evil emperor finds this creature just stupid enough to make an interesting looking monster, and blasts Tommy's book with energy to create the fearsome Robogoat.
Did you hear the story about the Blue Ranger and his two brothers lying to this monster? It was called Three Billy's Goat Bluff.
Alpha whines and complains the scanners are detecting a new monster with high levels of electromagnetic abilities. Don't worry Alpha, if you keep him away from your credit card and it'll be fine. Zordon contacts the Ranger Teens and requests their presence so he can discuss Lord Zedd's newest robotic farm animal with them. Just before they teleport to the Command Center, Tommy drops in and informs them that he's feeling particularly not evil today.
The Teens drop by the Command Center and witness footage of Robogoat on the Viewing Globe. They see the monster holding what will soon be introduced as the Sword of Power, because whoever was editing this footage fucked it up and used a scene from later in the episode out of order. Tommy mugs at the camera while his eyes glow bright red and an obnoxious sound effect plays just to remind anyone who missed the last minute of the show that Tommy is now in league with the bondage clad Satan known as Lord Zedd.
Tommy says he's up to fight this monster but Kimberly says he needs to conserve his powers in case Zedd decides to make an even stronger monster out of a horse or something. Tommy suggests that the Rangers could summon everyone's favorite mainstay of Power Ranger lore, the Sword of Power. This weapon could potentially give Tommy an energy boost to sustain him through the fight. Zack quietly mutters about not knowing anything about all this Sword of Power business, but it's his own damn fault for not going through all the information Zordon gave them during their Power Ranger onboarding.
The Rangers put their hands together like they're trying to summon Captain Planet, but instead summon some janky ass looking sword, which is apparently the most important part of their arsenal that we've never heard about before. As soon as the weapon is summoned Tommy swipes it from the team while cartoonishly cackling and twirling his mustache. He informs his former friends that they'll soon be murdered by the devious might of the great Lord Zedd and his equally handsome assistant Goldar. Tommy teleports out of the Command Center with the Sword of Power in tow, and Billy tells Zordon that their friend Tommy seems to be acting a little different today.
The Ranger Teens kick themselves for not seeing through Tommy's hammy acting as the Green Ranger arrives inside Zedd's Dark Cave Chamber. Tommy offers the Sword of Power to Goldar, but is instead told to give the weapon to Robogoat who Goldar calls "a friend of mine." Aww, it's good to see you making friends outside of the office Goldar. It's been a tough year for you buddy, but I think the two of you are gonna get along great.
As soon as Tommy hands the sword to Robogoat, the spell over him is lifted because the script wanted a convenient way to un-evilify Tommy since his toys sell the best. Robogoat then laughs his goaty laugh and tells Tommy his powers will be the first to be demolished with the Sword of Power in his grasp. Now back to his senses, Tommy attempts to attack Robogoat by bringing his arms together near the monster's midsection. I don't know much about karate Tommy, but here in the real world we call that a hug. Before Tommy can give a loving embrace to the monster, Robogoat teleports out of the cave before telling Goldar they can meet up at his place for Scrabble at 7:30.
Goldar taunts the Green Ranger by reminding him how weak his power reserves are. This leaves Tommy confronted with the fact that challenging Robogoat to get the Sword of Power back will be wasting his remaining energy and playing right into Lord Zedd's hands. Suffice to say Tommy isn't too bright of a guy and doesn't spend any time contemplating this situation. He immediately morphs to confront the monster. If only there were four perfectly powerful Rangers and also Billy who could go and fight in your steed Thomas. Ah well, c'est la vie.
The Green Ranger arrives in a vacant canyon where he soon spots the Sword of Power jammed into the ground out in the distance. As Tommy approaches the weapon, massive explosions trigger around him as though he was waltzing through a minefield. Ignoring his Da Nang flashbacks, Tommy rolls out of the way of the balls of flaming death as Robogoat leaps onto the scene. The bleating creature informs Tommy that he's not going to allow anyone to retrieve this amazing weapon that he carelessly left out in the open. Tommy and Robogoat then square off and at this moment Power Rangers manages to astound me and prompt the creation of a sentence never before created in human history.
"Maybe I should stop watching this show for babies and focus on planning for the future instead of clinging to nostalgia."
Wait, no, not that one. The other one.
"The choreography when the man in green spandex fights the robotic sheep is excellent."
No seriously, the fight with Robogoat and Tommy is actually really good. It's fast paced, it's foreboding, and it's one of the few times in this show you feel like you're watching a fight between two opponents on an even keel.
Check out that ram rod.
Tommy keeps his eyes on the prize and leaps past Robogoat to grab the Sword of Power. Tommy unsheathes the weapon and prepares to use it to make some nice juicy lamb chops, but Robogoat shows no concern and laughs at the Green Ranger. Just as Tommy pulls the sword out, it abruptly transforms into a rusted over, bent up, inanimate carbon rod. Tommy, along with the rest of the audience, balk at the sudden inexplicable turn of events, and Robogoat strikes the Green Ranger with his staff, sending him plummeting down a rocky hill.
Robogoat pulls the real Sword of Power out of a tiny crevice on the hill and wishes Green Ranger a fond farewell as he attacks him with the mighty weapon. Tommy goes flying even further down the cliff where he realizes how badly his powers are fading. Not only that, but Robogoat appears to have stolen Tommy's Power Cup as well.
Tommy was offered a shield over his chest or a shield over his junk. He's stood by his decision.
Alpha locates their AWOL Ranger in the mountain range and alerts the other teens that Tommy is no longer under Zedd's control. He now needs the other Rangers help desperately because his powers and dick are going ferociously limp. Instead of being at all upset about the fact Zedd used Tommy to get to them or feeling a slight disappointment in Tommy for allowing this situation to escalate instead of asking them for help, the rest of the Ranger Teens nod dopily and say they have to help their best pal Tommy because he looks like he slid pretty hard on those rocks.
The other Rangers morph and confront Robogoat, who flaunts the Sword of Power. The monster uses its newfound weapon to blast the Rangers with massive explosions that leave all five of them knocked to the ground. Barely able to stand, the Rangers try to get back up to challenge the beast, but Robogoat cackles at how pathetic they are. While I'd be hard pressed to say an actor recording lines while bleating like a sheep sounds pretty badass, Robogoat comes as close as you can to proving that idea wrong.
Robogoat decides to have a bit more fun in a one on one match and digs the Sword of Power deep into the ground. Its energy produces a crevice that the Blue, Pink, Black, and Yellow Rangers all fall into. Jason reaches out in vain as he sees his closest friends swallowed up in front of him. Tommy is on his last legs, the other four are now apparently in the bowels of Hell, and Jason is left standing solo against Robogoat.
I don't care what anyone says. I love that tension. I will look you straight in the eye and tell you this sheep monster is a threatening force and I won't hear word one against it. GET BACK HERE SANDRA, I'M NOT DONE TALKING ABOUT ROBOT GOATS YET.
Jason tries trash talking Robogoat by telling him even one Ranger can sheer the shit out of him, but this mystical creature is well versed in the art of smack talk. He responds by telling Jason to "Ask your friend the Green Ranger how easy it was." That right there? Bonafide verbal annihilation. I've ostensibly murdered four of your closest companions and now you think you can beat me? Try asking your buddy who just fought me one on one. Oh that's right. You can't because I left his sorry green ass shivering at the bottom of a mountain.
Another exquisite one on one battle takes place between Robogoat and Jason. Both warriors use their swords and neither fighter gives an inch, though Tommy had an inch to offer earlier. It's another shockingly great battle that manages to showcase just how fun this show can be. Sometimes all you need in life is a nice sword fight between a ram and a high school karate jock. Set the stakes high enough, and anything can be entertaining.
For all you Swordsmen out there, how often do you spin kick your opponents in the face?
Jason finally gains the upper hand by sliding his Power Sword's blade across the Sword of Power (confused yet?). The attack causes the Sword of Power to spew smoke and transform into the same crooked rod Tommy was holding earlier. Why's that? Jason says it's because Zordon teleported it back to the Command Center where it will safely remain in storage and never be seen or heard of again. How literally any of that happened is beyond me, as is the fact Tommy's fake sword took the same shape Robogoat's did when Jason slashed it but whatever. This ends the reign of an episode long macguffin with ill defined powers and abilities that only existed to fall in the hands of evil and immediately be reclaimed. Thanks for nothing everyone.
Robogoat becomes furious at whatever the fuck just happened and tells Jason he's not going down without a fight. All my disappointments about the Sword of Power being a total bust of a plot point are resolved with another quick skirmish between Jason and Robogoat.
The monster busts out his red staff to battle the Red Ranger, but is soon overpowered by Jason's blade. Red slashes at Robogoat, which prompts four Ranger colored energy spheres to fly out of the monster and transform back into the other Rangers. It's almost like whoever made this fight forgot the Rangers fell into a crevice and needed a quick and easy way to bring them back to resolve dramatic tension. It makes zero sense, but neither does anything else that's ever happened in the entire history of this show so I'll give it a pass.
Though the five Rangers are ready to combat the Robogoat, Lord Zedd isn't willing to give up so soon. He hurls one of his Growth Bombs to Earth, turning Robogoat gigantic. Our heroes call on the Thunderzords which means it's time for everybody's favorite element of Season 2. Shitty Hacked Together Zord Battles Which Can't Show the Monster and the Megazord on Screen at the Same Time So Go Fuck Yourselves Viewers.
After a series of satisfying and visually interesting battles against Robogoat, we get to sit through a total snooze of a fight between two giant sized combatants. I find it ironic that the small-scale fights are able to be so much more visually dynamic, but as soon as everything gets supersized we're reduced to the combat equivalent of shotgunning a bottle of Nyquil.
The most satisfying part of a punch is when it doesn't connect right?
The Thunder Megazord whips out its saber and uses it to destroy Robogoat's Rod of Destruction. Well I hope you're proud of yourselves Rangers, that was a housewarming gift from his good friend Goldar. He had to stand in line for three hours to get that at Home Depot and now it's ruined. Shows how much you clowns understand the true meaning of friendship.
Now left without a weapon to defend himself, Robogoat begins firing electrical charges out of his hands, causing the Thunder Megazord to be caught in an (off-screen) flurry of sparks. It's at this point Tommy decides to wake up from his lack of power nap and answer his Communicator. He watches as the Thunder Megazord is repeatedly blasted by the monster and tries to summon the Dragonzord to help out his friends. Unfortunately, his dwindling energy leaves him unable to summon his Zord. Hey maybe Zordon could use the Sword of Power to give him a boost of energy. Psyche! We're not falling for that one again Tommy.
Tommy bemoans the fact that his terrible nightmare is finally coming to fruition, which all of us have already forgotten was supposed to be the through line of this episode. Tommy dreamt of losing his powers, but he only lost his powers when he was turned evil and made an incredibly stupid decision to try and salvage the Sword of Power by himself. Maybe Tommy should have a dream about controlling his impulsive nonsense.
Robogoat's energy blasts continue rocking the Thunder Megazord while the Rangers roll around in the cockpit trying to find a solution. Tommy stands off to the side while he and his depressing penis both frown at the situation. The Green Ranger asks Zordon to put him back in the fight, as though someone is purposefully not allowing him to join his friends in battle. Tommy's acting like a drunken frat boy who got his car keys taken away but guarantees he's still good to drive.
The Thunder Megazord gets caught in an explosion for the 48th consecutive time and just before you think we're going to get a Zord fight that doesn't leave in a clear shot of the original Megazord, you get a nice surprise from the editing department!
Nice zero hour botch guys!
While Tommy bitches and moans that his powers don’t work anymore, the Rangers find themselves in full control of the Thunder Megazord again. Not for any real reason, but the fight's been running so long they decided it's time to wrap it up. The Thunder Megazord pulls out its Thunder Saber and finishes off Robogoat. In case you thought it was going to do anything unique or interesting with your time.
Lord Zedd takes his anger out in a healthy and positive way by threatening Squatt and Baboo, informing them he should "Clip their ears and toss them in the trash just like Rita." Holy Christ, I see where Robogoat got his trash talking skills. The bumbling scraps of negative screen presence offer up the most succinct summary of their existence by informing Zedd "We didn't do anything!" Yeah, no shit. You didn’t do anything today just like you didn't do anything last week or the week before and I can guarangoddamntee you aren't going to do anything next week either. Get outta my face you clowns.
After berating the shitty wastes of molecules that occupy his palace, Zedd takes solace in the fact that this battle has taken a huge toll on Tommy's remaining Ranger Powers. Even if the battle is over today, the war against the Green Ranger will soon be won. Goldar solemnly nods in the background as he holds up a picture of he and the Robogoat, sharing a warm moment of companionship that neither of them had ever known before. For Goldar, there would never be someone else to fill that void in his heart. You're gone Robogoat, but never forgotten.
Tommy spends the next day at school sulking on the stairs with Kimberly and Jason who discuss his essay assignment. Tommy pays little attention to it when he addresses the Bulk in the room: his powers are at the end of their rope and he can't do anything to get them back. Lord Zedd has his sights on Tommy and will do everything in his powers to strip the Green Ranger of his.
While his friends try to comfort him, Tommy looks completely desolate and the episode ends on a particularly dour note. Honestly? I love that. If you want us to feel bad about Tommy's weakening strength, we can't end the episode with Bulk and Skull falling into a vat of liquid nitrogen. So I really appreciate this episode having some balls to admit things are getting bad fast, and are unlikely to get better any time soon.
Thus concludes my 4500 word essay on the Power Rangers episode "The Green Dream." Thank you.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Papers Denoted By Word Count and Not Page Number
Personal Thoughts
This right here? A damn great episode. Really helps you forget about the mediocrity that was "Bloom of Doom." Tommy turning evil isn't anything particularly unique, and the whole concept of his dreams foretelling his inevitable fate doesn't quite stick the landing for me, but it's still really entertaining. Aside from how dumb that Sword of Power nonsense was.
Usually whenever this show introduces some kind of item that acts as a plot point, they have the common courtesy to act like it was something none of the Power Rangers had heard about. This week, all of the Ranger Teens behave as though the Sword of Power is some well known weapon in their cache that's been there from Day 1. If this script had been re-read one more time I guarantee you someone would have caught how awkward this thing is.
One final note about the Sword of Power, before we all forget it ever existed, is that it's a recycled prop from a Tokusatsu movie that was in production at the time called "Super Sentai World." This film was being shot around the same time the Zyu2 footage was filmed, which is certainly not the only time that Zyu2 would reuse old Sentai props as some kind of set dressing. I can't quite explain what it is, but I have a really fun time keeping my eyes peeled for instances of Sentai shows reusing old props in the hopes we wouldn't notice. Maybe I should get some different hobbies.
Billy courageously attempts to use Kimberly as a human shield.
Now that we're onto the topic of Zyu2, we can discuss our old pal Robogoat. He's yet another monster that has had his full block of footage released. Which is all I ever needed in my life because holy moly does his "episode" rule.
Seeing monster costumes with no one in them is weirdly disconcerting.
As soon as Robogoat shows up in the footage, there's a scene cut from the Zyu2 footage that shows off parts of the monster's body. Much like the footage that was cut last week with Bloom of Doom. I can sort of understand why this was cut though, because not only had the U.S. audience already seen the monster, but the choice of body parts to display was quite underwhelming. Though why they chose not to use this in the Viewing Globe instead of that scene where he was holding the Sword of Power I don't have a clue.
That giant gold shield on his chest looks cool. Nah let's just zoom in on his stubble.
As it turns out, we lost some of that delicious fight scene between Tommy and Robogoat. It feels really enjoyable to watch and it's a real shame they had to trim any of it, but it's still a really good looking battle even in an abridged format.
After Tommy is defeated by Robogoat, all of the scenes where he sits at the bottom of the canyon and complains are US scenes to assure kids that the Green Ranger wasn't just murdered by a sheep. These scenes are also used to further delve into the idea that Tommy's powers were wavering which was solely a product of Power Rangers and doesn't seem to be the case in Zyu2 at all.
After Jason defeats Robogoat on the ground I always assumed there was a scene of the Rangers assembling the Power Blaster to attack the monster. As it turns out this wasn't the case, but we did get another one of the things I love blabbing about, a good old fashioned duck n' grow.
If I don't gif one of these I may as well shut this goddamned blog down.
As soon as Robogoat grows, we lose one of the best Zyu2 Zord fights on record. Instead of moving around sluggishly like a majority of the Zyu2 monsters do, Robogoat moves around with an astounding amount of agility for a guy dressed up in a rubber lamb suit. Megazord follows suit and actually manages to keep up with the monster in a rather impressive display. As much as I'd want to gif the entire battle, it'd be a little more logical to show you another one of Zyuranger's re-imagining videos. Just like the battle it captures, it's a damn good one!
When all I had to go off of was the Thunderzord VS. Robogoat battle, I was at a loss for what kinds of stuff we might be missing. What I found most interesting was that the Megazord was shown using its Power Sword when it was caught using the explosion shown in the gif above, but the finishing move used to beat Robogoat was clearly an Ultrazord explosion. The Megazord using its Power Sword but then finishing a monster as Ultrazord hadn't happened in any Zyu2 footage up to this point so I deeply wondered what else was behind the scenes. Well as it turns out, the only other cut scene was Tommy summoning the Dragonzord to drop by at the very end of the battle. We don't see D-Zord do anything, but if this were a Season 1 episode his presence would have been required to summon Ultrazord.
The one thing I'll give the editors credit for during the Robogoat Zord fight is using a particular shot to act as though the Thunder Megazord was approaching Robogoat with its blade drawn. It's very obviously the Megazord's Power Sword and not the Thunder Megazord's Thunder Saber, but it works well enough that you don't really think about it unless you're paying close attention.
Or you're a turbo nerd like me.
Only five more Zyu2 monsters left to discuss everybody. I hope you've had as much fun reading about all this stuff as I had obsessing over it. Thanks as always for reading, and see ya next week!
|
|
|
Post by sbtbfanatic on Dec 28, 2015 2:50:25 GMT
MMPR Season 2 Episode 8: The Power Stealer
Squid Slathers Ancient Artifacts with own Vomit Power Rangers Crucified, Refuse to Die For Our Sins
This week on Power Rangers, our heroes are going to clean up some totally bogus pollution because it's the 90's and protecting our planet isn't a completely lost cause yet. The Ranger Teens get interviewed by a local Angel Grove television anchor, as it was a slow news week and Clinton hadn't gotten a beej yet.
Zack, Billy, and Trini are interviewed by the woman about how much they love cleaning up their boring city full of shitty upper middle class white people with sticks up their asses. Zack is the only one of the three to say much during the interview, and I instantly become annoyed that Trini is shoved into the background with nothing to say.
Yeah I know she's never given any bit of business to do whatsoever, but this episode's plot is about environmentalism. In two of the very few episodes that used Trini as more than window dressing, she was vocal about pollution and recycling. That was one of the things they gave that character to care about. This wouldn't be such a big deal if the Ranger Teens weren't only given one sole character trait for us to give a fuck about. That would be like if Zack went to the science fair while wearing overalls and talking like a human thesaurus, or if Kimberly did ridiculous hip hop karate like an embarrassing racist stereotype, or if Jason liked karate and had no other discernible characteristics.
While the three Ranger Teens discuss drinking their milk, taking their vitamins, and saying their prayers, we see an act of majestic foolishness that rests my nerves for the incoming episode.
Both the viewer and Hulk Hogan now know the feeling of too much pork.
The reporter informs our beloved heroes that she's heard a rumor circulating that the Power Rangers will show up to help clean the park with everyone else. Billy stammers like he's Fuckboi Prime and awkwardly informs the viewing audience "I've never met 'em!" Billy follows this up with a nervous chuckle while every human being with two functioning brain cells watching at home turn to their significant others and say "Well that kid is obviously a Power Ranger. Probably that chickenshit loser Green Ranger who doesn't even have a new Zord this season."
Bulk and Skull miss the incredibly obvious clues that Billy drops and start wondering who those damn Power Rangers really are. The bullies notice all the camera equipment and come up with a foolproof plan to uncover the mystery of which six obnoxiously extroverted teenagers who are good at karate are also good at karate whilst wearing spandex. When the Rangers show up to clean up the messy park, which might not actually happen and could be made up by a ratings hungry reporter, Bulk will sneak up on the Power Rangers and yank their helmets off in front of the camera for all to see. Bulk assumes this will make him really famous, and if that fails he can just murder John Lennon.
Let me go through Bulk's plan one more time for those of you in the back row.
He, as an approximately 800 pound man, plans on sneaking up on a group of agile superheroes and pulling off all six of their helmets simultaneously. He will do so on Tom and Jerry tippy-toes and somehow manage to miraculously reveal the identity of six unstoppable superpowers that apparently won't hear his heavy breathing approaching them. None of the Rangers will be able to stop him as he Of Mice and Men's their helmets in front of millions of people like a complete fucking crazy person. Wait, actually now that I say it out loud it makes perfect sense.
At Lord Zedd's compound, the skinless metal lobster decides to use the Rangers' recycling efforts against them. I have to give an enormous amount of credit to this episode for not arbitrarily blaming Zedd for all the pollution that's sprung up. In Season 1's episode "Teamwork", the writers had the balls to tell us that Rita Repulsa was responsible for a filthy waste dump in downtown Angel Grove. In a show as stupid as this, you walk a fine line between entertaining me and losing me every week. As soon as you tell me some space hag is taking out a mortgage on Earth in the hopes some high school girls are going to go there at some point, you've done nothing but shove a middle finger so far up my ass I won't be able to close my mouth without chewing your fingernail.
Zedd plans on changing up the status quo by doing something unheard of in this show. He's going to create a goofy looking monster that attacks the Power Rangers. The creature he's prepared is the Octophantom: half octopus, half elephant. A portmanteau as brilliant as it is stupid. The monster will use its magical jar to capture all of the Rangers and drain their multicolored powers. Zedd singles out the Green Ranger as the Octophantom's primary target, because he wants an easy win to make up for how bad he's been getting disgraced by these clownshoe pussy teenagers.
Kimberly, Tommy and Jason clean up all the shit some unpaid intern had to dump all over the park. The film crew from Angel Grove Live, or whatever it's actually called, interview Tommy about the virtues of cleaning a park your film crew just dirtied. Tommy stumbles over his words as he tries to find a way to segue his answer into a discussion on karate, but is interrupted by the appearance of some Z-Putties.
Jason tells the cameraman to get the other civilians out of harm's way. Bulk and Skull take the hint they should get out of dodge as well, and make sure not to notice the three characters who stayed behind to fight the evil space creatures that just emerged. Jason, Tommy and Kim battle against the Z-Putties as we cut back to the cameraman's discarded camera still recording. I mean I assume it's recording, it's got a little red cylinder on top of it beeping like a bomb that's about to explode. If you've got a better way to illustrate a camera recording I'd like to hear it.
Midway through the Putty battle, the Ranger Teens are surprised with the sudden appearance of Zedd's ferocious new monster, Octophantom.
There are monsters with fuckable mouths, and there is the monster with the MOST fuckable mouth.
With the arrival of the monster, Tommy exclaims they're caught in a trap. All Zedd did was send down some Putties and then a monster. You're being dramatic about this Tommy and I have no time for it. The Ranger Teens morph to combat the Z-Putties while the Octophantom…stands idly by in the background. Usually when a monster appears they get involved, you feel like joining us today Octophantom? You lazy sack of dogshit.
And just so we're clear, right after the Ranger Teens morph we get a shot of the camera beeping like it's about to blow them all sky high. While this sounds like it would be incredibly annoying, credit to Power Rangers for only cutting back to that camera once or twice. They manage to show it to the audience just enough to let you get the point without it being insultingly obvious.
Green, Pink, and Red manhandle the Z-Putties with some juicy karate. There aren't any super sweet flying kicks, but the episode has only been on for five minutes, you got to build to that shit. While Tommy wipes out a few more Z-Putties, a pair of them sneak up behind him and pin him down. Octophantom finally decides to get off his squidy ass and do something, so he opens his jar in front of the downed Green Ranger. A wispy cloud of energy begins to absorb Tommy into the monster's jar and Jason and Kim race to his rescue.
Hey Tommy it's me Kim!
Octophantom bottles up Green and tells Jason and Kim he'll be back for them sooner than they think, but probably within the next 20 minutes since this isn't a two-parter. Kim and Jason lament their lost lover and race back to the Command Center to figure out what's up. Billy prints off some statistics about the monster and uncovers that it's half elephant and ha-NO SHIT BILLY WE ALREADY KNOW THAT, ZEDD TOLD US THAT FIVE MINUTES AGO YOU LAZY ASS NERD.
Back at the park, Bulk and Skull show up and realize that camera from earlier was running the entire time the Putties were on the scene. The two stooges surmise that they can see how the Rangers showed up to fight the Putties, and maybe discern where they came from with this footage. Then after they're all finished with that, they can loan the camera to their uncle Bob Crane who keeps asking the boys about filming things with him.
Inside a cave in the middle of nowhere, an image of Lord Zedd taunts the Green Ranger who has been chained to a massive post. Tommy weakly tries to backsass the evil emperor to no avail, as Zedd promises his pals will be joining him soon enough. It's at this point we get one of the weirdest act breaks I've seen in any television show in history. Tommy appears completely defeated as he bows his head down in dismay, and hopes Zedd won't hurt his dear old buddies.
Then as soon as we cut back from commercial, the previously distraught Tommy raises his head back up and threatens Zedd not to hurt his friends. You'll only notice how weird it is watching it on DVD, because we cut to black on Tommy's head lowered, then cut back to the exact same shot and have Tommy start acting confident. Likely because the director filmed the scene of Tommy feeling defeated, and when they realized the show needed an act break they overlaid some ominous music and had Jason David Frank dub over some exhausted grunts.
All I'm trying to say is I love seeing the strings holding this silly ass show together.
Zedd sends the Octophantom back down to lure out the Rangers. How does he do so? By vandalizing a bunch of moai monuments in the middle of Japan Nowhere. If that doesn't sound ridiculous enough, he corrupts the statues by daintily hopping past them and scrawling on them with a tiny little paintbrush. A child sized paintbrush which he holds in his beefy squid arm to scribble all over moai statues.
Your weekly reminder as to why this show is the best thing ever broadcast.
The Ranger Teens morph and leap into the battlefield. When they demand to know where he's put their most profitable teammate, he responds by hucking a handful of exploding globs at the Rangers and blasting them backwards. While four of the Rangers charge to attack the monster, Billy tells them to wait because the Octophantom is obviously trying to lure them into a trap. Also he's a pathetic coward and will take the easy way out of any battle he can.
Black, Yellow, Pink, and Red get knocked onto their asses and Octophantom descends upon them. Just as he's about to strike, he catches a glimpse of himself in a nearby mirror and starts talking about how goddamn fine he looks.
I'm an orange Homer Simpson with dreadlocks. Who wouldn't fuck me?
As ridiculous and absurd as this sounds, the voice actor for Octophantom totally sells it with how he plays this scene. He does a typical gruff and stern threatening tone of voice as he tells the Rangers they're finished, and as soon as he catches himself in the mirror he starts going up in pitch about how great he looks. It's charmingly well done.
After Octophantom gives himself a gooey octo-chub, he busts out his jar and produces an energy cloud to capture the Rangers. Jason rolls out of the way at the last second, while Octo spirits away Kim, Trini, and Zack. As Jason tries to protest, the monster challenges him to a duel at the quarry and vanishes. Billy contemplates what they can do to stop this evil creature, and how he can continue to remain relevant without participating in the battle.
Inside the Command Center, Billy and Jason discuss what they're going to do about the Octophantom. Alpha offers some helpful advice by telling the boys, "Ay-yi-yi-yi. What are we going to do?" You know I never thought about it like that Alpha, thank you for keeping a stiff upper lip during these trying times.
Billy informs Jason that he has discovered Octophantom's weakness: His vanity. Jason thanks Billy for observing the exact same thing Jason saw because it happened right the fuck in front of him, and asks Big Dick Billy what they're supposed to do about it. Billy proposes creating a gadget to take advantage of the monster's vanity, but Jason says they don't have time to wait around. He asks Billy to stay behind and work on this new gadget, and he'll go battle the Octophantom.
The Red Ranger arrives at the quarry where Octophantom soon greets him. Jason spots the other four Rangers tied to stakes where the monster is keeping them prisoner.
Kim's looking a bit more…adult.
Jason becomes furious all of his friends, as well as Trini, have been tied up and he can't fuck a single one of them. He leaps forward to battle the Octophantom with his head clouded by rage. The monster easily fends off Red Ranger while slapping him around a bit.
After a complete humiliation, Octophantom has Red dead to rights. Squiddly Diddly busts out his magic jar and prepares to suck up the Red Ranger in order to steal his powers as well. Jason is unable to fight back and rolls around on the dirt while he waits for the beautiful embrace of death to take him.
In a flash, Billy's Power Lance flings forward and slashes the hideous monster in its adorable snout. Octophantom starts calling bullshit on the Blue Ranger doing something impressive as Billy runs in with his new weapon. A shield that has a mirror built inside of it. In case you're curious who made it, don't worry, Billy made that abundantly clear.
Remember the other monster of Zedd's who was bested by mirrors? Me neither!
Jason takes the shield from Billy, because Blue's too pathetic to win a fight with a monster all by himself. Billy says he'll make himself useful by freeing the others, but we soon realize they're being held captive by a battalion of Z Putties. Billy prepares to retreat so he can build another device to do the fighting for him, but Jason tells him to get the fuck up there and go save the real Rangers.
Jason takes the Triceratops Shield and begins battling Octophantom once again. Instead of immediately opening up the shield to use the mirror against Octo, Jason gets into a skirmish with the monster and uses his shield as a battering weapon. Probably because the crew behind the fight didn't want to have Jason win immediately, but at the same time had no idea how to make a character on the defensive look visually interesting. That means you get some poor stuntman who has no idea what he's supposed to be doing flinging a big hunk of plastic around a squid man's punches.
While Jason flings his shield like he's Captain America, Billy leaps up to the cliffs above to battle the Z-Putties guarding his friends. After every successful punch he lands, he looks back at the other Rangers to see if they're impressed with his mediocre display of karate. The other Rangers, naturally, remain silent.
Octophantom produces a large beaded staff to finish off the Red Ranger, and zeroes in on the downed Jason. Just before Octo lands the killing blow, Jason gets the mirror shield into position to stop the monster in his tracks. Octophantom gushes about how bad he'd fuck him and tosses his weapon off to the side in his excitement. Proving that no matter how strong Zedd makes his new monsters, he can't prevent them from being unfathomably dumb.
With the Z-Putties defeated, Billy frees his comrades from their bindings and realizes Tommy's powers are noticeably f.a.d-ing. Even though the green of Tommy's spandex is graying out, the Green Ranger tries to stand strong and offer his help in the fight. Billy says he's too weak and sends him back to the Command Center. Billy then mutters under his breath that no karate freak is going to upstage how cool he looked today.
The primary five Rangers regroup and bust out their Power Weapons, ready to finish off the Octophantom. Before the monster can get his shit pushed in any further, Zedd tosses a Growth Bomb to Earth which turns Octo into a giant. The Rangers summon the Thunderzords and form the Thunder Megazord. So that means we get to enjoy another tedious awful splice-job of a Zord fight from Season 2.
But wait, what's this? It appears Season 2 has another trick up its sleeve. While Season 1 of Power Rangers didn't have any of the Dinozord costumes from Zyuranger, Season 2 has the Thunder Megazord's suit available to film U.S. material with. That means they aren't restricted by the Sentai Zord fights and can shoot something unique and dynamic. Power Rangers can create new footage, and do more than hack together footage to create a sub-standard battle. Finally we can see some hits connect again! All because Saban can shoot some brand new footage.
Too bad it looks like fucking shit.
Loving couples punch each other more playfully than this.
That gif may not showcase just how lame these shots look, but I want you lovely readers to do something for me. Please lift up your dominant hand and ball up your fist. Now, gently move your elbow backwards, and lightly move your fist forward in a straight line. Now look at how unthreatening that motion you just made looks, and imagine it being filmed and used in an action sequence for public consumption.
This floors me. Most of the U.S. footage fights with the Putties and some of the monsters look pretty good. Why is it that the U.S. Zord battle footage looks so awful? Octophantom and Thunder Megazord look like two past their prime boxers trying to throw punches while the audience waits for one of them to drop dead from a heart attack.
To be fair, this is only a brief snippet from the Zord battle. The majority of this fight is more stitched together Dairanger and Zyu2 footage, which honestly I'm fine with watching if it means we don't get more sloth speed punches that are supposed to look devastating. This scene simply stood out to me as a sign that the show realized how insufficient the Thunderzord battles have looked so far, and tried to rectify that by showing two opponents actually visually hit each other. As much as I bitch and moan, this was the budget Power Rangers had to work with. We have to sell new toys so either get on board or fuck off.
And you folks know well enough I'm in too deep to ever get off this crazy train.
The Thunder Megazord engages in an admittedly not bad splice fight with Octophantom. It's as good as a battle between two combatants who can never be on screen at the same time as one another can be. After a few more backhanded compliments, the fight fizzles out when the Thunder Megazord uses its Thunder Saber to finish off Octophantom. He was truly too beautiful for this world. Rest well Elepus.
Back at the Youth Center, the Ranger Teens minus Tommy celebrate the middling job they did cleaning some stray papers blowing around the park. Zack stops the celebration dead when he asks all of his friends, "Where's Poochie?" Kimberly says his powers are getting weak but he'll probably be okay. Yeah, he's usually just fine when you guys leave him alone.
JESUS CHRIST IT BURNS FOREVER
All of a sudden, Bulk and Skull come a calling and tell the Youth Center patrons they have a video that will reveal the Power Rangers true identities. Skull explains that the video tape was inside the camera while the Putty Patrol attacked, and will surely provide them with evidence of the Rangers true identities. While you'd initially think this scene is nothing but Bulk and Skull being complete goofballs, don't forget that Tommy, Kimberly, and Jason were all caught morphing on that tape. For once, those idiots are actually on the cusp of uncovering something, which is a lot more refreshing than having them be nothing but ineffective gorillas all season.
Also interesting is that Bulk and Skull clearly haven't watched this tape, or they would find out half of the Ranger team's secret identities. So they were lugging this thing around to show it to a group of people without knowing what's on it? They didn't bother checking it at all? It's a bit of a cheat, but this episode's been fun so I'll let it pass.
Just as Bulk tries to insert the tape, Jason blocks its entrance with his beefy hand and says maybe they don't want to watch it just yet. Zack snatches the tape and says they can't watch the tape until it's been properly labeled. Bulk gets understandably angry that these goody two shoes assholes are messing with his tape, but Kim says they wouldn't want to lose something so important to them if it didn't have a label on it.
Man tell me about it Kimberly. If I wanted to watch the episode of Power Rangers where the Slippery Shark shows up, I'll have to go to my vast VHS collection and verify that I've correctly selected the tape labeled "Power Rangers 6" which of course denotes that the episodes captured within range anywhere from Episode 48-60. The tapes are further denoted by a tiny red strip of tape placed lightly along the strip of the VHS ca
Bulk plugs in the new tape and is left embarrassed when all that plays is some shitty looking Saban cartoon. Instead of accusing the Ranger Teens of obvious suspicious behavior, Bulk kicks proverbial rocks while admitting he isn't going to become rich and famous for his outing of some beloved superheroes. You would have been this generation's Martin Luther King Jr. Bulk. Maybe next week asshole.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Self-Destructing Cameras
Personal Thoughts
Certainly not as great as last week's episode, but "The Power Stealer" was a really solid experience. The pollution sub-plot wasn't as tedious as it was in Season 1's "Clean-Up Club." It was used more as a positive set dressing that didn't shove in your face how good and pure the Ranger Teens are. It was also nice to see multiple extras cleaning up the park in the background instead of relegating this duty exclusively to the Ranger Teens. It makes these scenes feel significantly more alive and almost creates the illusion Angel Grove has more than 20 people living within the city limits.
What I also appreciate is how this episode doesn't shove your face into Tommy's fading power supply. It's addressed when Octophantom captures him, but this episode focuses significantly less on Tommy than last week's episode did. Kim, Trini, and Zack are also captured and treated like they're in just as much danger as Tommy is. Green is just more susceptible because of his unique situation which is why he can't participate in the final fight with Octophantom. Well there's another reason he wasn't there but we'll discuss that in a little bit.
Octophantom is a fun monster. His vanity is infinitely more fun to watch than boring old Octoplant from Season 1. The show takes the time to build up to this weakness and treats it in an appropriately silly manner. The monster's voice getting high pitched and silly when he sees himself in the mirror is a funny enough turn that doesn't distract from the fact he captured 2/3rds of the Rangers by himself. For a weird looking octopus he's done a damn fine job impressing me.
Now we get into the Zyu2 material of our good pal the Octophantom. There's quite a bit to discuss here so let's strap right in and enjoy.
-10 points for not taping that paper on his mouth.
Before I discuss what's present in the footage, it's worth mentioning what's absent first. While there's a U.S. footage fight with Tommy getting sucked up by Octophantom, the Green Ranger is completely absent from this Zyu2 footage block. Any of the scenes with Green present in this episode are U.S. inclusions to shoehorn in the plot about his fading power, but it's done in such a way that it doesn't overtake the episode and obnoxiously turn this into The Tommy Show.
Right off the bat there's some footage that went unused in Power Rangers of Octophantom's painting spree. We lose a lot of him painting funny mustaches and glasses on the monuments and a bit of the actual painting process. It's funny stuff so I almost wish it didn't have to go, but it was also entirely superfluous so it's no surprise it did. I'm sure many of you are deeply curious where Octophantom got the paint to vandalize those statues, well lucky you! Zyu2 has an answer for ya.
I sure hope that's his trunk.
Ugh. I can imagine why they didn't use that moment. While nobody really assumed Octophantom would create his own paint, you can see his trunk is stained with black ink while he paints the monuments in the Power Rangers episode. Just goes to show no amount of paying attention to this shit is too much.
When the Rangers jump into battle with the monster, they dogpile on him with their fists out. The initial shot of them jumping looked really bright and I assumed it was U.S. footage. For some reason I acted like this was true based on the fact my face is planted firmly inside my own ass at all times. I wanted to take the time to admit how wrong I was as an 18 year old who was watching tapes of a 40 year old show nobody cares about. Why this gave me a superiority complex about squid monster footage I'll never know.
Not much is lost until Octophantom shows up at the quarry. I showed the image of the Rangers tied to stakes above, but that was a U.S. original shot. We see the Red Ranger reacting to something in the Zyu2 footage, so it seemed clear his teammates were up there in the Sentai footage as well. Initially I assumed this was re-filmed to include Z-Putties and the Green Ranger. Remember that Tommy wasn't originally in this Zyu2 block. As it turns out there was another reason the Japanese footage wasn't used in America. Try to see if you can guess why!
Americans love crosses right?
Ahahahaha yeah. Apparently when Saban ordered this Japanese footage he forgot to inform the producers that America frowns on characters being pseudo crucified. If I had to hazard a guess, this block wasn't used in Season 1 mostly because of the fact that half the Ranger team are dangling off of squid crosses for the latter portion of the battle. That's only my conjecture of course, but I'd imagine this episode was the elephantom in the writing room for a few weeks while discussing how to use Zyu2 material.
Jason Narvy, the actor who plays Skull, had told a convention audience about a scene of the Power Rangers hung up on crosses in some Japanese footage he had seen, and fans were perplexed because a scene like he was describing never appeared in Zyuranger, or Dairanger. A handful of smart cookies suggested what he saw was the Zyu2 Octophantom footage, and as it turned out they were right on the money.
Coincidentally, these scenes were re-filmed to insert the Z-Putties instead of the Rita era Putties. Originally the Rita Putties were holding swords to the three captured Rangers' throats, which probably wouldn't have worked out so hot in the U.S. version either. The scene of Billy battling the Z-Putties also replaces a similar scene in Zyu2 where Blue Ranger beats up the Putties holding his friends hostage while Jason fights Octophantom.
Speaking of Billy, we lost a couple shots of him trying to hold the Tricera Shield up, but physically being unable to because it's apparently quite heavy. I'm actually pretty glad they ditched these moments because they make Billy look particularly weak. Not to mention he's the one that made this goddamned thing, why would he make it too heavy to use in battle? It's a weird attempt at humor that doesn't really fit with Power Rangers usual style, and makes total sense to ditch.
That staff that Octophantom busts out near the end of the fight always perplexed me. The monster hadn't used this weapon throughout the entire fight, and as soon as he prepares to use it he tosses it away after a quick gag scene. What confused me about this was why the Zyu2 producers would create a pretty intricate looking prop for the sake of a joke when it had literally no other purpose. Well as it turns out, this weapon wasn't created exclusively for Octophantom and was recycled from a prop in the previous Sentai series, Chojin Sentai Jetman.
Imagine my surprise when I watched some episodes of Jetman a few months ago and saw that familiar looking weapon. For someone as nuts about Zyu2 and recycled props as I am, it was like the world wanted to give me one shining moment in this absurd life of mine.
As it turns out, I had another bit of Zyu2 revelation quite a long time ago when I watched the Octophantom footage. I mentioned briefly that the Rangers held their weapons in position before the monster grew, which typically seemed to indicate the Power Blaster would soon be used. Unfortunately there was no way to prove that since the Zyu2 footage was inaccessible for any of us nerds interested enough to care.
One day, I was feeling bored watching the tape and slowed down the scene of Octophantom using the Growth Bomb. All the audience can really see is an explosion overlaid on the screen, but as it turned out you could still notice the Octophantom's figure behind the explosion, which was proof enough that he was hit by the Power Blaster before growing.
It's...more clear when you watch the episode.
Upon the release of the Zyu2 footage, this proved to be true in what stands as the one accurate prediction I made about this shit I've spent significantly too long analyzing. Now it should only take me another 7 years before I accidentally stumble upon another Zyu2 factoid. Or I stop watching shows for children. It's a coin flip.
I've heard a few times that there were apparently more than one attempts at filming U.S. Zord footage fights with the Zyu2 monsters, but weren't used because they looked like trash. I'm not sure how much of that is accurate and how much is just fan hearsay, but it's interesting to speculate about.
How much lamer would those Zord fights have looked? Is that shot of Octophantom and the Thunder Megazord punching each other a holdover from those attempts at filming? Who's to say. Personally I'd stick with my friend Zyuranger's re-imagining of the battle from Zyu2 with the original Megazord. Take a look and enjoy your week friends. And don't forget, if some hideous ass squid monster can look in the mirror and be proud of himself, you can too!
*=Only applies to prepubescent boys, which is presumably 483% of my audience.
|
|
|
Post by sbtbfanatic on Dec 28, 2015 2:51:46 GMT
MMPR Season 2 Episode 9: The Beetle Invasion
Fictious Sport Confirmed to be Real, Nation Shocked Lethal Explosive Used to Revive Beetle Chunks
Uh oh everybody, it looks like there's trouble in Power Rangers today. Not with the characters or anything, they're WASPy twats they'll be just fine. No, the problem this week is in the writer's room.
You see, someone came up with a really great script for this episode. The only problem is it revolves around the Ranger Teens learning how to play a sport. What's the problem there? We've already had them play every sport imaginable in Season 1! Volleyball, Soccer, Football, Stilts, Cheerleading, Basketball, you name it and they've done it. So the only way we can get this script to make sense is to grab some obscure sport nobody could possibly give a shit about and have our characters play it. Something like Broomball, but hopefully they'll pick a more interesting sport to keep the audience engaged.
So Ernie shows the Ranger Teens how to play a cool new sport called broomball, which the Ranger boys can't get enough of. Good thing too, because the Youth Center in the city of Stone Canyon has challenged Ernie to a match. Even though Ernie doesn't have a team to play this Z-grade sport nobody gives a hot cup of piss about. Figures those dicks in Stone Canyon would play dirty.
Ernie's in some hot water this time. Where can he possibly hope to find a group of six impetuous, obnoxiously outgoing nerdlingers who would be amused by brushing a ball across the floor with a broom? Well for the first time in the history of this entire show, the Ranger boys show hesitation about playing this sport. Even if it's for the guy who gives them free drinks when they don't tip off the feds about his shady business practices. Gold star for not making these idiots be gung-ho about the lamest sport this side of dwarf tossing.
At least the Teens weren't interested until a couple of Stone Canyon broomballers dropped by the Youth Center. A boy and a girl (each aged 33) start talking some significant shit about how the Stone Canyon Beetles are undefeated. Yeah for a sport that no one else plays that 0-0 record is pretty impressive.
My favorite basketball team is the "Basketball Bulls"
The Stone Canyon preps instigate the Ranger Teens and start laying down some of that world famous Stone Canyon trash talk. They mock the boys for being hesitant to play a game they didn't know existed 22 seconds ago. Yeah these Angel Grove kids are a total bunch of losers for not playing fucking broomball.
Now that a couple douchebags from a town 200 miles over that they'll never see again lightly antagonized them, the male Ranger teens decide they should participate in this game for clinically depressed Swedes. Tommy tells his pals they better start practicing soon, or else they won't have time to squeeze in football practice, hanging out with annoying children, teaching karate to middle aged women who can't act, fighting galactic overlords and their endless legions of horrific monsters, homework, or excluding Trini.
Lord Zedd is on the audience's side this week, as he's having absolutely none of this broomball bullshit. He's got his sights set on draining Tommy's powers yet again, but this time we actually get a reasoning as to why. Zedd wants to get rid of the Green Ranger's powers because they were created with Rita's magic, and he wants no trace of her failures left in his presence.
I actually appreciate this little detail. Not only is Zedd focusing on Tommy because he's clearly the weak point of the group, but he has a personal vendetta against any reminder of Rita's piss poor middle management skills. It makes the transition from Season 1 to Season 2 feel significantly smoother than you'd expect from a show that can't remember the names of the toys it's selling half the time.
Goldar asks Zedd what brilliant and not at all convoluted plan his master has this week, to which Zedd responds by telling him to fuck off. Zedd spots the Stone Canyon jocks putting up a poster outside the Youth Center with their beetle logo embossed on the front. He finds this image perfect for a new creature and blasts it with energy from his staff to create the Stag Beetle monster.
Hoping for a more creative name? Too bad.
Inside the Youth Center, nobody notices the enormous goddamned beetle that just showed up outside and all of the Ranger Teens practice playing broomball. Well five of them do anyway, one of them is left out and take a big fat fucking guess who. Yeah that's right, Trini doesn't get to play Broomball with the others and sits on the bench by herself. Even though only the guy Rangers were invited to play broomball so it would make just as much sense to keep both Kim and Trini out of it. Nope, only Trini isn't allowed to join in on their reindeer games.
But to Power Rangers' credit, this is the first time I can actually admit they had a real reason for keeping her out of the plot.
During this scene of broomball practice, it's clear to see Trini sitting on the bench clapping along with the other Ranger Teens while wearing some kind of knee brace. I don't have all the information for what happened, but as far as I've heard Thuy Trang hurt her ankle while filming a stunt prior to this episode's production, necessitating her not running around playing an almost fictional sport. They don't bother addressing her sitting out from broomball or mentioning her leg at all. Probably because if they did, it would lead to some confusion when the Yellow Ranger is jumping all around without issue in Japanese footage later. Instead they just let her wear a knee brace on camera and hoped the audience wouldn't notice. This marks the one instance in this show's history that someone in the production didn't ignore Thuy Trang.
Coach Ernie tells the teens to give Billy a little more practice, because he's sucking wind at being a broomball goalie. Figures he's the goalie of their team. In the Rocket Power life these characters lead, Billy is the personification of Squid.
Billy bats a ball aside and it lands at the feet of a brand new character that everyone will fondly remember, Richie. Kimberly tells Trini he's new in school and will stay in school until the cast of this show puts up with their poverty wages with a smile on their face and like it. Trini says that he's very cute and looks dashing in red. In fact he looks so good in red, I'll bet he would make our current Red Ranger look like a total putz. Oh well, just another auxiliary character with no purpose other than to fill the background. No shady business in casting someone with a similar build to Jason no siree.
This week, Bulk and Skull have an ingenious plan to scout out the Power Rangers secret identities, and this time it revolves around yet another gag gadget. However this particular item might look a bit familiar to people who've been with this blog for a while now.
The Saigon whore who BIT MY NOSE OFF
Not ringing any bells? Let me jog your memory.
Somewhere out there is a pig in a gladiator helmet without a nose. If you can think of a sadder image I'd like to hear it.
This is the first, and certainly not last, instance of Saban Productions taking an old monster costume to the meat grinder for spare parts. Usually they'll be used in more creative ways, but for now just relish in the fact a heavyset actor was given a script where he was told to hold a pig nose.
Bulk's rapidly deteriorating ability to make plans is on full display as he plans to use Pudgy Pig's lacerated nose to sniff out all the Youth Center patrons. Kudos to Paul Schrier for reading that in the script and not immediately quitting. After sniffing civilians with his mummified snout, he'll match the scents he gets with the scent of the Power Rangers. While this idea may sound like the stupidest thing ever thought up, let's not forget Bulk is the one who came up with it. When everyone in your life smells like cheap gin, dried cum, and despair, you start to assume everyone you interact with has a distinct odor.
Kim and Tommy try to keep their broomball muscles stretched by going for a jog in the park where they're immediately ambushed by Z-Putties. Tommy pretends Kimberly is the audience and informs her she'll need to aim for the Z on their chest if they want to win. Unlike in the dignified sport of broomball where there are complex rules that must be followed at all times, battling Putties remains a simple yet barbaric undertaking.
Meanwhile, Jason and the other three Ranger Teens set up a poster to promote their team who has been name-pft AHAHAHAHAHAHA
This is what two minutes in the writers room looks like.
Kim and Tommy are soon surprised by the appearance of Zedd's Stag Beetle monster. They morph to combat the remaining Z-Putties while the dulcet tones of Ron Wasserman soothe me. Though I spring back up to ask myself why the Rangers morph when they see a monster if they're only going to continue fighting Putties? It's awkward having the monster show up, Rangers morph, then the monster stands in a corner off camera while some Putties get beaten up.
Sick of being ignored, Stag Beetle commands a small posse of Putties to grapple Tommy while she can drain Green's energy. Kim realizes she needs to make some quick work of these clay cocks and reveals some ludicrous karate.
Kimberly Putties Well you missed all of their Z's, nice shooting Kim.
While Kimberly congratulates herself on her absurd usage of gymnastics, the Stag Beetle finishes draining Tommy's green energy. Way to be Kim, your showboating just cost us Tommy's powers. You think you're an asset to this broomball team? You could be replaced in twenty five goddamned seconds do you hear me? I'll get the fucking girl with the leg brace in over you. If I see that shit on the court you are off my team and out of my sights.
The rest of the Ranger squad get a message from ol' "Too Little Too Late" Zordon who relays to them that Tommy is suffering from power withdrawals in the park. The rest of the Rangers morph and finish off the remaining handful of Putties while Tommy clutches his chest and informs Elizabeth he'll be coming soon.
Stag Beetle disappears with the Green Ranger's powers in tow, and the Rangers take their ailing friend back to the Command Center to figure out where they can ditch his carcass. As soon as they get to base, Zordon asks Billy what the deal is with Tommy, because as a magical giant god-head he's in a reasonable position to defer to the nerd who hasn't spoken to a 3D woman since he came out of one.
Billy uses some bullshit science to detect that while Tommy is physically fine, something is still wrong. Zordon surmises that the Stag Beetle did something crazy and they need to find out exactly what that was. Maybe there was something the creature said you can use as a clue, like "I've drained you of your strength Green Ranger." Though I might be taking that one out of context.
Zordon fears that the Stag Beetle will be much too dangerous to challenge now that it's in possession of Tommy's floundering energy supply. Billy suggests that instead of hiding like cowards from a big scary bug, they could try creating an energy transducer that will regain Tommy's powers for them, which would be far more interesting than an actual fight scene. Then maybe this time Tommy can try holding onto his strength for two goddamned weeks before some other monster steals it again.
While Alpha works on a device to help Tommy, the other five Rangers are alerted that Stag Beetle has reappeared in the mountains. Everyone but Green morphs to stop the monster and politely ask it to return their friend's only remaining hope of mattering in life. The Beetle rebuffs them and begins charging with its sharp claws. The Rangers retaliate with their Blade Blasters which the monster easily deflects, because those toys have been on clearance for months now and nobody wants to buy that shit.
Zack takes charge in the fight all the while reminding us that he can't stand bugs. Stag Beetle and Black Ranger have a brief skirmish that ends the way most one on one fights end in this show, with Zack getting slapped aside by a big meaty claw. Stag Beetle follows up with a blast of Green Ranger energy from her horns and decimates the Rangers. Jason refuses to surrender and commands his team to try and trap the Beetle so they can retrieve Tommy's powers. This goes how you might expect.
Using that booty so good oughta call her Bugnificent.
After blasting the Rangers again, Stag Beetle is joined by a group of Z-Putties to give em some old fashioned G-Rated genocide. Jason suggests a bunch of terrible battle plans that won't work but his team tells him they need to get out of dodge before they get turned into beetle juice. The other Rangers' body language indicates they're frustrated with Jason acting impulsive, but since this is an episode about Tommy we aren't going to do anything with that.
The Rangers retreat from the monsters' off screen onslaught by hightailing it up a cliffside, while Tommy watches in distress as his team is clowned by an overgrown boxelder bug. Alpha complains that he doesn't have enough time to finish the energy transducer, but manages to complete it in as much time as it took you to read this sentence.
Good timing too, because the Stag Beetle and her Putties have the Rangers cornered on the edge of a cliff. The monster threatens to blast the Rangers with green energy and send them hurtling to their deaths, but Jason eggs the creature on even though they're very obviously at an incredible disadvantage.
Then out of goddamn nowhere, Tommy teleports somewhere off in the distance and yells at his friends off screen to duck. The Rangers, clear over in Japan, hear his command and crouch down to avoid the monster's energy blasts. Tommy holds up the energy transducer, which absorbs the Stag Beetle's energy beams and declares that he's feeling recharged again. Yay all's well and good, crisis averted.
Unless you were one of the other five Rangers who had no idea Tommy was going to help them and just exhibited suicidal overconfidence against the monster of the week. Jason taunted the monster to attack them with zero knowledge Tommy was ready to drop in and help out, nor if his method of help would stop them from being blasted off a cliff. There's an explanation for why this part doesn't make much sense, but we'll discuss it in the wrap-up.
Trini wonders why the Beetle's attack missed them, and emphasizes that the green power blast didn't hit them. Even though none of the attacks the monster fired hit them, and Tommy absorbed every color of energy that monster spewed, not just the green stuff. Because whoever was doing ADR didn't feel like watching the footage this week. Jason says now that Tommy's powers are back, they don't have to allow the monster to murder them anymore. It's good to see Zordon is willing to put the primary five Rangers in mortal danger just so long as Tommy's rental powers can last for a little bit longer.
Jason commands the Rangers to assemble the Power Blaster to defeat the monster, because with Tommy's powers in check they can go ham on the monster now. The only problem is this breaks almost everything we know about how fights in Power Rangers work. They don't pull out the Power Blaster when they're losing and beat the monster. They usually outsmart it or slap it around first. This feels really jarring and makes you wonder why they wouldn't pull their weapons out first more often. It doesn't really fit with every other instance of the Power Blaster we've seen before and rubs me the wrong way.
Not to mention Stag Beetle is totally alone as soon as they shoot her with the blaster. Those Z-Putties she was with? Those chumps must have high tailed it to the bar because as soon as the Rangers bust their weapons out they're nowhere to be seen. Great continuity, A+. Whatever, the Rangers use their weapons and blow away the monster. Rest in peace Beetledick.
A one hit KO is definitely what I tune into this show for.
That's when Billy says the dumbest thing imaginable. He looks at the massive explosion that you see above you and says "I don't think he's done yet guys." He just fucking exploded Billy! How much more done do you need? That is one cooked beetle you moron, of course he's dead.
Then Lord Zedd throws one of his Growth Bombs to Earth and the perfectly fine Stag Beetle catches it. Billy retorts that Zedd's "potion" must have revived the monster. That's weird, if it's a potion that strengthens defeated monsters then why wouldn't he have used it to revive Bloom of Doom when she got Power Blasted? Why would you not just cut the shot of the monster exploding before transitioning to the Zord fight? Or make a US shot of the wounded Stag Beetle standing there after the explosion?
Whatever, Stag Beetle goes giant and the Rangers summon their Thunderzords. Now that the fight's shifted to the big leagues, we can all get ready for another boring splice job Zord fight that poorly illustrates the abilities of both combatants. The best part about this week's hacked together battle is the editors fuck something up when Stag Beetle first attacks. The absolute first moment of this battle has an editing screw-up. It's amazing.
Does the Thunder Megazord usually have four arms?
Then just when you think the editing has had enough of being ridiculous, the Stag Beetle knocks Thunder Megazord over. She approaches the downed Megazord and gives it a nice buggy kick to the chops. Unfortunately the editors didn't have any shots of the Thunder Megazord getting hit while on the ground so this had to suffice.
Stag Beetle Megazord I appreciate how little the original Megazord's legs resemble the Thunder Megazord's legs.
Sick of being involved in such a tedious fight, the Thunder Megazord whips out its saber and slashes Stag Beetle's pincers off. With the monster wounded, the Thunder Megazord finishes it off with a slash of its Thunder Saber. Shame too, Saban could have used this big bad beetle for a show he would be making only a few years later.
Back at Zedd's place, Baboo says something that doesn't matter and Zedd tells him to cram it down his cramtube. While the Beetle has been squashed, that doesn't change the fact that it wasted quite a bit of Tommy's power supply. With so little energy remaining, the Green Ranger will soon be a thing of the past and nobody will ever remember him when discussing this franchise.
Now to wrap up that dumbass broomball subplot nobody cares about. The Stone Canyon Beetles challenge our heroes on the Angel Grove Sweepers. Speaking of which, this scene is putting me to sweep.
Thankfully this episode manages to insert one good scene of Bulk and Skull using Pudgy Pig's nose to hassle a girl in the audience and demand to know if she's a Power Ranger or not. The image of Skull using a pig nose vacuum on a girl while yelling "ARE YOU A POWER RANGER" like he's Joe McCarthy is easily better than any broomball based material we've encountered today.
Oh and Tommy scores the winning goal after a tie game and everyone cheers because they had nothing better to do with their mundane lives than watch this tripe. The Stone Canyon team shows humility over their loss, which is the first time one of those scumbags from Stone Canyon has ever shown a behavior other than pithy arrogance. Jason gives the team leader a handshake and says maybe they'll win next year. Or maybe they'll all die in the bus crash on the way home and never be heard from again. It's a coin toss.
As soon as the Ranger Teens are alone, Tommy brings the whole fucking house down to remind everyone that his powers aren't long for this world no matter how good he is at broomball. Jason promises they'll find a way to re-energize Tommy's powers and he'll be at full strength in no time. Yeah Tommy your powers will be great in one of the next few episodes, like this one coming up called "Green No More"…oh
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Broomball
Personal Thoughts
Not one of the best. I used to enjoy this one, but after watching last week's episode this pales in comparison. Last week the Rangers fought as a team to help Tommy. This week feels like the team are just praying Tommy can come to save them as Stag Beetle attacks. Not to mention the broomball subplot is really fucking boring, and ends exactly how you expect it to. The Ranger Teens win a tie game by scoring a goal at the last second. Stunning.
This episode isn't what I would call bad, not by a long shot compared to some of the stuff we have coming, but it also feels like a weaker retread of last week's episode. Maybe if you don't put "The Power Stealer" right before this episode it won't feel so lukewarm. I'm not against having a plot thread continue throughout episodes, but it helps to not feel like that plot is being explored in such a similar fashion two weeks in a row. A monster steals Tommy's energy in some fashion and the other Rangers have to get it back. The episode ends as Tommy reminds us his powers are fading. Cut, Copy, Repeat.
The Stag Beetle is a nice enough looking monster. I appreciate how she doesn't have any weapons so she resorts to slashing people with her massive claws instead. She's also voice acted by Wendee Lee who did work for Scorpina until that character was thrown straight into the garbage. She does a really good job making what could otherwise be a forgettable monster into a more threatening creature.
On the subject of Stag Beetle, she was one of 12 monsters who had action figures released in a 5.5 inch toyline. They were really rad looking and highlighted some of the most fun monsters in Season 1. Weirdly, Stag Beetle is the only Season 2 monster in this set and I'm not entirely sure why. I only mention these toys in particular because I remember begging my parents to buy me a set of these figures when Ebay first came around, and as soon as I got them the Snizard figure broke. Way to go childhood me.
Pudgy Pig, Minotaur, Snizard, Eye Guy, Spidertron, Grumble Bee, Stag Beetle, Slippery Shark, Two Headed Parrot, Nasty Knight, Dramole, Peckster No Mr. Ticklesneezer toy? Bullshit.
Onto the Zyu2 footage for this week as we discuss the Stag Beetle monster. You can watch her block of footage at the following link. I would link to Pruitt's video, but it looks like a Japanese company flagged it due to it containing some Dairanger footage. Thanks a million Youtube.
The raw footage has people lifting her claws with strings. It's one of the best looking effects Toei has ever made.
Right away the Zyu2 footage has something we didn't get in Power Rangers: a Putty fight! This is pretty interesting because not once did any Zyu2 monster footage start with the Putties (that we know of). They would usually start with the monster showing up and fighting the Rangers, and typically summon some Putties as the fight neared its climax. We lost this scene obviously because the Rita era Putties were no longer being used in Season 2. Instead they were improved by slapping giant kill switches on their chests.
Stag Beetle jumps in after the Putty fight and then things go pretty much as they do in the episode. Aside from one shot that was cut from the US version. See if you can guess why!
Shawty ass so swole got your boy like whoa
I am a bit confused why this shot wasn't okay to use but we got this moment in a previous episode.
The Mammal Ass Exposure Council strikes again
After this, the Stag Beetle blasts the Rangers and summons another group of Putties to help her chase after our heroes. This explains why the Z-Putties suddenly appear in U.S. footage in the Power Rangers episode for no real reason. The scenes of Stag chasing the Rangers through the cliffs had her surrounded by Season 1 Putties the whole time.
Conveniently these shots worked out pretty okay because the Stag Beetle is always off screen away from the Rangers as she's firing, so replacing her footage worked out quite respectably. It didn't feel like the lousy spliced Zord fights since it was already filmed in such a way that you only saw either the Rangers or the monster at one time. This block of footage fits snug as a bug in Season 2.
Then comes what I take issue with, the scene of her firing at the Rangers on the cliffside. All that stuff with Tommy catching her energy to restore his powers was a U.S. invention. Green Ranger didn't appear at all in the Stag Beetle Zyu2 block, just like with Octophantom last week. So all us Zyu2 observers were baffled as to what really happened before the monster got hit by the Power Blaster. Well let me show you exactly what happened…kind of.
Ah, that explains everything.
Um…well you see…uh…yeah. That's how they won. By taking her so high up into the mountains that her electricity would circle around and hit her. I guess? This scene is followed up with the Putties no longer being present, and the Stag Beetle hopping around as fire burns at her feet and she waggles around in a daze. Red Ranger explains what he did which is little help to us since there's no dialogue, and then they attack with the Power Blaster as shown above. A moment which makes more sense here as she has been distracted by the electrical storm attack hitting her before she was hit by the Power Blaster.
At least all that electricity circling is what's speculated to be the case. That black transition box is where the editors would place stock footage, and there's definitely a scene of clouds spewing lightning in Zyuranger for them to use. Occam's Razor would dictate this is the most likely outcome, but looking at this scene now it still feels a bit jarring. It makes the most sense, but it still looks rather confusing.
The "plot" in this block seems to be about the other Rangers, Black in particular, getting frustrated as Jason makes decisions by the seat of his pants that put them into danger. Then he's redeemed when he reveals he was planning this energy redirecting scheme all along. It sounds really convoluted, but at the same time I'm just assuming what's happening since we don't really know what the characters are supposed to be saying.
The problem is that Power Rangers removes this plot element entirely and leaves the Rangers' fate in Tommy's hands. It makes Jason leading his team through the mountains onto a dead end look completely irresponsible and crazy. Instead of teleporting the team away when the monster fires energy at them that would likely cause them to plummet to their deaths, they wait for Tommy to show up and save their asses because he's the only character that matters. I'm not saying they can't include Tommy in these plots, it's just that this doesn't seem like the right one to shoehorn him into.
What's also interesting about that scene of Stag Beetle and the Putties getting electrocuted is that it's included in the Season 2 opening credits sequence. Even though anyone paying attention could tell the Putties were the Season 1 variety. Any of us Zyu2 nerds would see that scene and know something was cut, but be left wondering what. Was it a Power Blaster shot on the Beetle and the Putties? If so why was it causing lightning to spew? Was it the rarely mentioned Thunder Slingers literally slinging thunder? Maybe it was a black box that barely answers this question but it's all you're getting so deal with it loser.
Enjoy that 20 year wait kids!
And with another Season 2 Zyu2 monster, we get another lost Zord battle against the Dino Megazord. As per usual I'll leave a link to my friend Zyuranger's remade version of the fight as though it were used in Season 1. The highest possible note to end on. Have a good week everyone!
|
|
|
Post by sbtbfanatic on Dec 28, 2015 2:52:45 GMT
MMPR Season 2 Episode 10: Welcome to Venus Island
Magical Island Located By Observing Weather Patterns Innocent Bystander Shot At, Was Rare in 1994
What's this? Are my eyes deceiving me? An episode with Trini in the central role? Okay Power Rangers you've burned me too many times before, what's the catch? Is there some annoying little kid hanging around the whole time? Is Tommy going to bust in and take the lion's share of this episode's focus? Is the episode going to waffle around for the first 10 minutes and essentially ignore Trini until the morphed fight starts?
Worry not everyone, this week Power Rangers is going for the hat trick.
Trini, Tommy, and Kimberly enjoy some nice R and R on the beach with Trini's neighbor Hallie, a character who exists only to be a MacGuffin in this episode. The four beach bums build a sand castle while Hallie tells the teens she'll be a sleeping princess and can wait for a handsome prince to come rescue her. Which is exactly what I want the first line of an episode to be. A nice healthy dose of female character dialogue right out of the 90's.
Trini tells her to make some nice tall castle walls so she can give the prince a challenge when he comes to save her. You see, not only do all women want a man to save them, they also want the man to bust his ass to come save them in the process, or else he wasn't worth their time. Beep Boop. Human Female Interaction Portrayed Successfully.
I'm not even a minute in and I already feel like turning this off.
Trini spots her episode-long flame Richie walking on the beach and starts visibly becoming moist over how handsome he is. The two exchange some PG rated fuck eyes while Kimberly brings the room down and starts talking about Hallie. Yeah Kim, she's Trini's neighbor whose parents let her hang out with strangers, can you please just let Trini enjoy the one piece of ass in this town who notices her?
But Richie isn't the only hunk on the beach. In fact there are two more hanging around ready to make their mark on history. Bulk and Skull have another plan guaranteed to fail in their attempt to discover the Rangers' identities. The two have dressed up as Putties in order to get the Rangers to show up. They proceed to dance around the beach while warbling like idiots, and for some reason the teens aren't convinced. I can't imagine why, their disguises are flawless.
The pie tin Z's are an inspired touch.
Lord Zedd is infuriated that someone is mocking his mentally handicapped death squad and sends the Z-Putties down to Earth to teach them a lesson. No that's actually his reasoning for dispatching the Putties today. Because Bulk and Skull pissed him off. I kind of love that to be honest with you.
This is where things get really convoluted. Goldar begs to be involved in this plan because he's yet to do anything that matters this season. Zedd allows him to accompany the Putties to Earth, but only if he brings a bottle containing secret instructions with him. Because much like a genie in a bottle, you need to rub Zedd the right way. So instead of telling Goldar what he wants done, Zedd wrote down his directions and put them inside of a bottle that he has to take with him to Earth. Literally none of this plan makes sense, and only gets stupider the more you think about it.
Goldar just heard Zedd tell the Putties to kidnap Hallie (of course), so what more instruction does Goldar need? Make sure not to eat her while you're there? Bring back some sand in a bottle for Squatt? Who the fuck does Zedd need to keep his instructions secret from? You guys are on the goddamned Moon. Of course there's a perfectly dumb reason for this nonsense, so I'll just chalk this secret bottle garbage up to lazy writing so we can all move on with our lives.
Goldar appears somewhere on the edge of the beach with the Putties already in possession of Hallie. The evil aliens vanish just as Trini, Kimberly, and Tommy show up, and leave them terrified of what Zedd could have planned. Kimberly then picks up a bottle out of the sand and tries to inform her friends that Goldar dropped it. Unfortunately she has trouble telling them because Jason David Frank steps all over her line with one he had forgotten to say earlier. You would think it wouldn't take that much time to have your actors read three lines again, but when you have another 40 scripts to shoot in the day, you have to cut corners somewhere.
Kimberly opens the bottle before Tommy can interrupt her again, and a cheap looking energy swirl takes the form of Lord Zedd's face before burning a message into the sand. Power Rangers scholars among you may now add some more canon into your series grimoire, because judging from Lord Zedd's message, the evil emperor has the same grasp of reading and writing as Charlie Kelly.
Goldar would make a killer Nightman.
When Goldar returns to the palace, he boasts to Lord Zedd that he was able to kidnap a small child with relatively few difficulties. Zedd asks Goldar what he did with the instructions, and Goldar completely bullshits Zedd and says he lost them "in the battle." By battle he of course means when he told the Putties to kidnap an 8 year old while he stood around and laughed. Certainly a harrowing experience, believe you me.
Thankfully Lord Zedd immediately calls him out on how goddamned stupid he is and responds to this claim with "A BATTLE?! With a little girl? Poor Goldar…it must have been fierce." Jesus Christ I love Lord Zedd so much. All of that stupidly convenient shit with Goldar dropping the secret bottle is almost made worthwhile just because of how bad Zedd takes him to task for losing it after the zero struggle Goldar encountered on the beach. In fact, Goldar's excuse is so pathetic it almost makes you think the episode is showing self-awareness. Then you remember what show you're watching.
Lord Zedd realizes if the Rangers know where he's keeping Hallie, he can use her as a bargaining chip to force them to surrender the rest of Tommy's power. Couldn't go one week without bringing up that old chestnut could we?
Inside of the Command Center, Billy scans a copy of Lord Zedd's illiterate message to Goldar. He soon decodes it, and finds that it contains orders for Goldar to bring Hallie to Venus Island where she will join them forever. Lord Zedd must be getting desperate to find new recruits if he's kidnapping little kids to become his army of War Boys. That or he's portrayed by Jeffrey Jones this week.
The Ranger Teens ask what this Venus Island place is all about, and Zordon starts making up a bunch of shit about how it only exists when Zedd calls it forth. An explanation which is meant to tell the viewers, "He could do this any time he wants to, but he's only going to do it this week and we'll never bring it up again."
I liked Venus Island better when it was the Island of Illusion.
Jason asks how they can possibly get to Venus Island, and if their magical teleporting skills may be of some use in accessing this locale. Unfortunately only Zedd knows where it's located and he isn't the kind of guy to rent condos out to tourists on his private island.
So for those of you keeping score, Zedd's plan is to lure the Rangers to Venus Island so he can rob Tommy of his powers. Unfortunately nobody actually knows how to get to Venus Island, so Zedd's attempt to salvage his original plan doesn't make any sense whatsoever. I'd be a lot more willing to overlook all these little details if I didn't know what was coming up next.
Because the writers arbitrarily decided the Ranger Teens can't just morph and show up on Venus Island, Zordon tells Billy he will need to figure out a way to follow the sunset trade winds to locate Zedd's compound. Yeah that's precisely what I wanted to happen in this episode. Billy analyzing the barometric pressure to figure out if Venus Island is due south or southwest of Gambia. Just the sort of pulse pounding action kids are tuning in for.
Don't worry though, this episode spares no expense in detailing all of the nonsense Billy goes through to make sure the weather balloon he created will work. It's almost appalling how tedious this segment is. It only lasts for a few minutes, but Power Rangers usually keeps things moving at a pretty steady pace. Why are we spending any time at all with Billy detailing this shit? What the fuck am I watching?
Someone pass me the remote I didn't realize we were watching National Geographic.
After Billy finishes his weather balloon, Jason and Trini accompany him out to the mountains where he gets ready to let it float as soon as sunset hits. Billy asks Zordon if his transmi-You know what? Billy's stupid thing works. Who cares?
The Ranger Teens regroup and plan to land on Venus Island as soon as Billy's fascinating garbage pile indicates its location. The primary five Rangers tell Tommy that he's got, at best, four fights left in him. Maybe it would beneficial to sit this week out. Tommy says not a chance, he'll come with them to Venus Island in case there's a problem, and if Zedd sends down a particularly deadly monster he can hightail it out of there. So then why is Tommy even going with them? Do you guys think Zedd isn't planning on sending some werewolf with four dicks after you guys the second you Dumbo Drop yourselves in there?
Billy's incredibly tedious weather balloon lands, and the Rangers teleport to Angel Grove Park with some shitty prop Venus Flytraps littered everywhere Venus Island. Zordon informs them that Hallie is unconscious somewhere on the island and will be overtaken by Zedd's evil magic if they don't find her soon. Does Zedd routinely hire 8 year old girls to work for him? It was weird enough when he was kidnapping her. I don't want to deal with Lord Zedd's views on child brides.
As the Ranger Teens wander around the island, Lord Zedd springs his trap. He spews a bolt of energy from his staff to create the Invenusable Flytrap. Credit where credit is due, that's a pretty good name.
That monster looks more realistic than those props.
Invenusable Flytrap appears in front of the Ranger Teens, prompting them to morph. The monster introduces itself as the master of Venus Island, in case someone out there didn't make the correlation. She actually has a really intimidating presence about her for a creature made out of novelty plants. It's mostly in her shrill screeching delivery and how she sounds like a legit monster. Not just some buff rhino who plays football in his off-time.
Flytrap engages the Rangers in battle and bashes all six of them with her spiky appendages. Trini and Tommy try busting out their respective dagger weapons, but Invenusable deflects them without breaking a sweat. With her foes on the ropes, Flytrap opens up two panels on her chest and absorbs all of the Rangers besides Trini and Tommy into her stomach. She rubs her tummy and says how delicious her new treats are, because this show is fucking weird. Better watch out Terror Toad, someone's looking to steal your spot among vore fetishists.
With 2/3rds of their team resting inside a plant creature's stomach, Trini and Tommy decide it might be time to rethink their strategy. Before they escape completely, Flytrap promises that she'll let the other Rangers out as soon as Tommy joins the forces of Lord Zedd. Zordon tells Tommy to get his happy green ass back to the Command Center this instant, and also he can bring his friend in yellow if he so obliges.
As Trini and Tommy teleport into the Command Center, Tommy nearly keels over as his powers fail him yet again. Zordon reminds everyone who hasn't been paying attention that Hallie will soon be in Zedd's clutches if they can't rescue her before the island sinks. Tommy then offers to make the ultimate sacrifice. He will give himself up to Lord Zedd in place of Hallie. If only all of us could be as perfect and flawless as Tommy "Jesus" Oliver.
Trini says she can't let that happen, and tells Tommy that she'll fight the monster alone. Tommy refuses this proposal because he's a glory hog and if he ain't going down swinging then he ain't going down at all. Tommy rebuffs Trini's attempt at having a defining moment and then reasserts his dominance by saying he'll go sacrifice himself. He offers Trini a lukewarm hug while presumably whispering in her ear "Sorry sweetheart, this show's mine now."
Tommy tells his only remaining friends that he'll try to resist Zedd but if he ever tries to attack them, he wants the others to know he's sorry. Honestly even if this moment robs Trini of her little remaining credibility, it's a pretty heavy scene. Tommy is about to submit the little strength he has left to service Zedd because he feels like there's no other option. Jason David Frank's not an amazing actor, but he does sell this scene as though it were a friend's final farewell. Shame this feels like the only communication he's had with Trini before. Oh wait no scratch that I think Tommy and Trini interacted once previously.
I'll miss your abusive beatings most of all Tommy.
Just as Tommy prepares to teleport into Zedd's clutches, Alpha tells him to slow his roll because the computer has discovered something. The Invenusable Flytrap may look unstoppable, but she has a glaring weakness. Her body is unable to handle extreme heat. Which explains why she resides on a tropical island somewhere near Africa, an area known for its brisk chilly temperatures. Trini says Tommy can stop whining about how his suicide is a necessary tactical advantage now that they can give this monster some hot flashes.
Green and Yellow morph back to the battle and start threatening the monster with heat related puns. Then out of goddamned nowhere, we cut to inside the Invenusable Flytrap's stomach where the other four Rangers sit in yoga poses while apparently hearing Tommy and Trini's advice. The Red Ranger bobs his head while…he says nothing. It looks incredibly stilted and awkward, but there's a bit of a story about all that I can get into later.
As the Red Ranger jilts around without saying anything, Billy speaks the lion's share of the dialogue and says "It appears that Tommy is trying to inform us that heat is what we will need to beat the monster. We should combine our Power Coins." Then Jason silently nods in response. Glad I tuned into this riveting episode of Speed Racer.
The four Rangers put their fists together, which causes a rainbow colored energy wisp to emerge around their hands. Each of the Rangers punch at the insides of Flytrap's stomach lining. The monster stops charging at Trini and Tommy and begins to clutch her abdomen in agony. Yellow and Green produce the same rainbow colored energy from their fists, which they say is a little heat of their own. Just in case any of you scientists out there are watching and wanted to know that all your research is bullshit. Heat is actually just rainbows that live inside people.
After Jason gives another vacant head-bob, the attacks inside Invenusable Flytrap launch the four trapped Rangers out of her guts and back onto Venus Island. The monster angrily charges with what is the most pathetic attempt at defense I've seen from one of Zedd's creatures.
Venus why are you doing the Monster Mash?
The Rangers collectively slash at the monster using their Power Weapons and leave her critically wounded. With Flytrap on the ropes, our rainbow colored heroes bring their weapons together to Power Blast the monster. Then Zedd uses his Growth Bomb to revive the monster just like he did last week and…what's that? The Flytrap is actually dead and won't be coming back? All that stuff about the Growth Bomb being a potion was nothing but bullshit? Oh right on, nevermind. Don't get excited to see those new toys we're selling you kids, we didn't feel like including them this week.
Zedd becomes testy that another one of the monsters he bought from Japan failed and decides to go for broke by sinking Venus Island into the sea. The Rangers are left unable to celebrate their abrupt victory against the monster as the cameraman gently shakes the camera to indicate that Venus Island is in structural danger. Maybe you should have built us a balloon that would have gotten us out of this one too Billy.
Using some other stupid gadget nobody cares about, Billy locates Hallie deep inside of a cave on Venus Island. They find the young girl coated in a red energy forcefield, but none of them are able to get close enough to rescue her. Thankfully Zack appears to have a solution; he grabs Billy by the shoulder and nods his head up and down without saying anything. He must have been getting jealous of Jason's ventriloquism skills and decided to show off some of his own. Having run out of time and options, Trini knows the safest and most trustworthy way to save a child's life.
The 2nd Amendment.gif
After wildly firing a gun near an unconscious child, Trini manages to save Hallie from Zedd's evil clutches. Oh my mistake, it's Tommy who rescues her once she wakes up. Shocker. Hallie sees Green and dully calls him, "A prince." Yeah, great read Hallie, that sounded natural. Let's finish this up and go find the monster that stole Zack and Jason's voices.
Later at the Youth Center, Hallie gets needled by Bulk and Skull for information about those mysterious Rangers that rescued her. Hallie, either intentionally deceiving them or having the memory of a goldfish, informs Bulk and Skull that there were ten Rangers. Psh. 10 Rangers? How bad do you think we need to sell toys? What's next? One of em was a bird and another was Bruce Lee? Fuck outta here.
While most of this episode has been total trash, Bulk and Skull interrogating a little girl for information as though she were a hardened criminal is at least worth some chuckles. Bulk demands to know what the Rangers looked like and Hallie gives an authentic description of Tommy's physical appearance. Did those dumbass Rangers actually take off their costumes in front of her? If not then where is she pulling this from?
Bulk tells some French stereotype to draw out the details Hallie is describing. What the piss is this yahoo doing here? Probably because the writers had two "Bulk and Skull looking for the Rangers' identities" gags and they couldn't decide between one or the other. Hallie gives the idiots some more clues to the Ranger Teens identities while the Frenchman Pierre (of course) finishes his artist's rendering. The Ranger Teens look at each other nervously, is it possible that this could be the moment their secret is revealed? Pierre shows off what he's drawn to the crowd of onlookers.
….Only it turns out he's drawn a renaissance looking portrait that has nothing Power Ranger related in it. Haha how silly! Now all Bulk and Skull have to go off of are incredibly accurate descriptions of two of the six Ranger Teens that a little girl could inexplicably provide them. Instead of utilizing that information in a way that makes the tiniest goddamn lick of sense, they get comically angry and give up on the closest thing to a lead they've ever gotten.
Maybe I should have just turned this one off.
Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Rainbow Colored Heat
Personal Thoughts
Man oh man oh man. I honestly remembered liking this episode. Well maybe my tastes have changed a bit with age because this episode fucking blows. I get baited into an episode about Trini and then realize she's only there to fill out Sentai footage. Goldar dropping a bottle of instructions is some of the dumbest most convoluted shit there is. Instead of wasting my time with Billy consulting weather charts, why don't you have Goldar drop a map to Venus Island? Something he would actually need to carry with him and not some instructions Zedd decided to write out for Goldar like it was a homework assignment.
Then we get some decent-ish fighting with Flytrap. Unfortunately so much of her footage is cut we don't get much of a view of what she's capable of. She feels incredibly secondary to all of the other plot happening around her and ends up seeming like a massive waste of potential. Then she gets unceremoniously Power Blasted before we end on a gag which only works if you assume the Ranger Teens are cosmically ignorant.
This episode is the first to be written by a fella by the name of Judd Lynn. For as much as I really didn't like his initial foray into the series, Lynn has gone on to do excellent things for this franchise. He's currently executive producer and one of the writers on Power Rangers Dino Charge and doing a damn fine job at that in my humble opinion. Essentially what I'm getting at is I hope Judd Lynn isn't mad at me if he ever reads this. Also please cast me as Bulk's son in whatever Power Rangers series comes next. Thanks in advance.
So all that stuff with Jason and Zack bobbing their heads and not saying anything? That's only an issue for us folks watching the episodes on DVD. When "Welcome to Venus Island" originally aired, Red Ranger and Black Ranger both had lines at the points where they're dead quiet on the DVD. Why is that? Possibly because Jason and Zack's lines were either recycled lines from earlier in the series, or new lines done by really terrible sounding stand-ins.
So why did that happen? Well that's going to get interesting, but just know this certainly won't be the only time it happens. If you want to see a quick comparison for how these scenes differ then please refer to this handy video a kind Youtuber has compiled.
That brings us to the Invenusable Flytrap. A monster that has quite a lot to discuss. Not that you would know that by watching the episode considering how much of a non-entity she was. Let's take a look at the Zyu2 block containing her footage and see what else she had going on. Thanks again to Jeff Pruitt for releasing the footage that had eluded fans for so long. You can take a look at it here.
When did Invenusable Flytrap put on 80 pounds?
The first thing we lose is a really strange inclusion by the Zyu2 producers. We see one shot of the Power Rangers flipping onto the scene, and it's followed up by another scene of them flipping in shot from a different angle. Of all the Zyu2 footage that's been released, no other blocks have this weird duplicate scene thing going on. Maybe whoever was filming wanted to try shooting this flip twice just to see how it looked and ended up sending both for the US editors to decide which they preferred.
We also lost a scene of the Rangers landing in front of Flytrap and posing. Not because of anything objectionable in the footage, but because the Rangers are very obviously standing in front of a park bench and a street lamp. Since this episode is supposed to take place on a mystical otherworldly island, the editors didn't want to include shots that clearly indicated the Rangers weren't anywhere special. Granted if you're watching carefully there are plenty of scenes where you can see the buildings and benches and shit in the background.
We would also lose a bit of the fight with Flytrap and all six Rangers because of the visibility of civilization in the background. While this usually wouldn't matter much, it did mean we had to cut one of the best utilizations of a monster's body in quite some time.
Heads up
After devouring the four Rangers, we lose a pretty lengthy scene of the captured Rangers reacting as they find themselves inside Invenusable's stomach. By cutting this it makes the later scene of the four Rangers chilling inside Flytrap's stomach baffling. We also see the four trapped Rangers get into the yoga poses to channel their energy here after a brief discussion which explains why they were sitting like that when we saw them in the episode proper.
So why was this scene cut? I'd say the most likely reason was because they didn't have Jason or Zack's actors to voice over these lines. It's easy to recycle dialogue for situations like "punch an enemy and grunt while expressing confidence." It isn't quite as easy to recycle dialogue for a situation like "I am trapped inside a Venus Flytrap's stomach and am being digested. I need to channel my aura into energy to help escape this creature." I'd also imagine even the producers knew how awful the stand-ins for Zack and Jason sounded, so they made an effort to reduce their presence as much as possible.
Speaking of that rainbow aura stuff, I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of that was. It certainly didn't seem like heat, and more resembled the energy that characters would use in Dairanger. Was this trying to bridge the gaps between Zyu2 and Dairanger? Or was it simply a reuse of preexisting special effects? Knowing Toei, I'd say the latter is significantly more likely.
Then we lose a really goofy moment with Flytrap laying around in the park as she mimes contentment over her recent meal. She pats her stomach, kicks her legs around, and then gets up and stretches in a comically exaggerated way. She looks like she just gorged herself on Thanksgiving dinner and had to unbutton her pants. I wouldn't say it fits the character that Power Rangers is trying to portray Flytrap as, so I can understand their reasoning behind trimming it. Doesn't make it any less funny though.
Jeez Venus would you shut your trap?
Then Yellow and Green show up to antagonize the monster. Right after she finished a meal? Low blow guys. As soon as they show up, Flytrap summons a batch of Putties to attack the two Rangers. This was cut of course because Season 1 Putties were no longer being used, but I'm curious why this wasn't replaced with a Z-Putty battle. Maybe because we wasted so much time on that weather balloon bullshit.
As it turns out, there is a promotional image of Flytrap alongside a pair of Z-Putties that was used for a Viewmaster toy. I certainly can't cite this as proof that Invenusable was supposed to have a Z-Putty fight filmed with Tommy and Trini, but it certainly seems likely. Why would they drag out a monster costume and photograph it with stuntmen in Putty suits for a unique shot as opposed to using one of the several scenes of monsters surrounded by Z-Putties you already have available?
Image captured in 1080p
After the Putties are defeated and the Rangers are freed, Flytrap is finished off by the Power Blaster as usual. However it turns out we lost one last important bit of footage with the Invenusable Flytrap.
That is one upsetting flytrap vagina.
Yep! It's another lost Zord fight. I wouldn't say it's as good as the Bloom of Doom's Zord battle, but it's still wonderful to see footage that was hidden away for two decades finally come to light. No matter how mundane the scene may be, it's really interesting to watch just to see a missing piece of the puzzle from so long ago. That's what makes Zyu2 so intriguing to me anyway.
This Zord battle was also hinted at by a Viewmaster slide. There's an unused image of the Invenusable Flytrap holding up a Growth Bomb that I remembered seeing once when I was a kid looking through Power Rangers slides on my toy. At some point I thought I had just imagined it or dreamed it, but lo and behold this image does exist, indicating that perhaps Invenusable Fly Trap was going to have a Thunderzord splice fight after all.
Pictured: 93% of my childhood memories
After Flytrap grows, she suddenly busts out a sword from absolutely fucking nowhere. She never had one during her ground fight, so I don't know why they decided to give her a weapon after she grew. The sword is actually pretty generic looking and doesn't seem like it fits her design at all. The reason for that would be that it's a recycled prop from Dairanger. It was used by one of the main villains, Shadam, during the latter half of the season.
You may also notice that the Invenusable Flytrap had quite a weakness for whenever its gut was being pounded on. This led me to believe that if Flytrap had a Zord fight, maybe she was defeated by the Dragonzord in Battle Mode's drill staff. After all, it was an attack that drilled through enemies midsections. While Zyu2 never gave us any scenes with the Megadragonzord or the Dragonzord in Battle Mode, maybe those scenes were only in the Season 2 Zord fights we didn't get to see!
I justified this theory by assuming if the monster got drilled in the gut, there would be no way that this could be edited into a Thunder Megazord fight. Thus explaining why the Zord battle had been cut. I certainly don't think I'm the only person who theorized the Dragonzord in Battle Mode would be included, but I know I personally held onto that theory for quite a while.
During all my Zyu2 speculation I would argue that Dragonzord in Battle Mode would totally be used to finish off the Flytrap. It's just so perfect! This monster looked like it was built solely to be finished off by a drill in the stomach. I eventually became convinced that's what was going to happen because I imagined it, so that meant it had to be true right?
Of course not.
My depressing childhood waste of time aside, go ahead and watch the Zord battle for yourself to see what you might have missed. Reimagined by Zyuranger as per usual.
One final note on Zyu2 I wanted to make was that, unless my math is wrong, Invenusable Flytrap has the least amount of her footage used out of any of the Zyu2 monsters. Flytrap had a grand total of 2 minutes and 47 seconds used out of the 6 minutes and 41 seconds of footage they had available. The only way any monster will have less footage than that is if Saliguana gets released and has a bunch of material we never saw.
I only bring those numbers up because 1) Zyuranger already did the math for me, and 2) It helps to explain why Invenusable Flytrap felt like such a total dud of a monster. Let me know what you guys think though. Maybe this episode is one of your favorites and you now have a blood oath against me. That's okay too! Just please end my life quickly, I can't handle being eaten alive by a flytrap monster.
|
|